After seeing red flags in someone you’re dating

[Anonymous]

Let’s say you’re dating someone 6 months and he shows some massive red flags. You have a conversation to clarify, and yep, still there. Is that it? Do you break it off in person and explain why? Slowly fade away? Let them ask you why you don’t contact them anymore? I am older (40) and don’t tolerate crap I would’ve when younger, & this is my first post-divorce relationship.

[Anonymous]

After 6 months I’d break it off in-person. You don’t have to give them the exact reason, just say you have different values or your looking for something different or whatever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:After 6 months I’d break it off in-person. You don’t have to give them the exact reason, just say you have different values or your looking for something different or whatever.

This. And yes, you definitely break up as soon as you realize these things.

[Anonymous]

What are the red flags?

[Anonymous]

Need to know what the flags are.

[Anonymous]

I break it off in person but in public, and go vague. Like, this isn’t working for me.

[Anonymous]

Break up in person and in public. Then block the person so they cannot contact you.

[Anonymous]

Six months of casually dating, or being exclusive?

[Anonymous]

What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

- He doesn't express interest when you have a problem or need help

- He doesn't think of you when making plans

- He doesn't talk about his future like you are part of it

- He will grab food or beverages and bring home for himself only and not even see if you'd like something first

- He criticizes you, or women, or your race or ethnicity

- He criticizes other women a lot

- He talks about "his needs" a lot

- He doesn't respond to texts or calls when you know he isn't busy

- He talks a lot about his ex

- He is a known prior cheater

- He drinks too much or has a history of drug abuse

- He has difficulty maintaining employment

- He is a financial mess

- Has childhood sexual trauma or abandonment - might be an issue later, might not

[Anonymous]

NP - why in person?

Honestly - I don't need to be dragged in public or drag someone else just to say "this ain't it" lol.

I'd call them / not text but I wouldn't entertain the long drawn out conversation of they whys and wherefores. Much like you, I'm a bit older and I don't have the patience. Good for you for recognizing the red flags.

Most of these in-person conversations are just an opportunity to "hash it out" and justify the red flags or worse, gaslight you - and I wouldn't want to go through that. I'd make it pretty simple. Call, say you've mulled over issues you've had and want him to know that you're no longer interested in seeing him and wish him the best. If he asks all the whys, you can choose to share or say that you're certain that you're not a fit and don't want to see him anymore. I'm sure he already knows what his own red flags are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

- He doesn't express interest when you have a problem or need help

- He doesn't think of you when making plans

- He doesn't talk about his future like you are part of it

- He will grab food or beverages and bring home for himself only and not even see if you'd like something first

- He criticizes you, or women, or your race or ethnicity

- He criticizes other women a lot

- He talks about "his needs" a lot

- He doesn't respond to texts or calls when you know he isn't busy

- He talks a lot about his ex

- He is a known prior cheater

- He drinks too much or has a history of drug abuse

- He has difficulty maintaining employment

- He is a financial mess

- Has childhood sexual trauma or abandonment - might be an issue later, might not

On this very same board, they implied I was looking for Brad Pitt for a mere "no porn". Personally, if he kept secret about his ex, I'd be more worried.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

- He doesn't express interest when you have a problem or need help

- He doesn't think of you when making plans

- He doesn't talk about his future like you are part of it

- He will grab food or beverages and bring home for himself only and not even see if you'd like something first

- He criticizes you, or women, or your race or ethnicity

- He criticizes other women a lot

- He talks about "his needs" a lot

- He doesn't respond to texts or calls when you know he isn't busy

- He talks a lot about his ex

- He is a known prior cheater

- He drinks too much or has a history of drug abuse

- He has difficulty maintaining employment

- He is a financial mess

- Has childhood sexual trauma or abandonment - might be an issue later, might not

On this very same board, they implied I was looking for Brad Pitt for a mere "no porn". Personally, if he kept secret about his ex, I'd be more worried.

Men who tell you they don’t look at porn are lying or they’re in an extreme religion and still lying.

[Anonymous]

OP - the red flags are poor communication skills, lack of planning/commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - the red flags are poor communication skills, lack of planning/commitment.

Poor communication can be worked on, if someone wants to be better/meet your needs. Lack of planning/commitment says how he feels about you/your relationship. I agree that you should move on. I'm almost 40 and dating at this age is brutal. But we all have baggage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

- He doesn't express interest when you have a problem or need help

- He doesn't think of you when making plans

- He doesn't talk about his future like you are part of it

- He will grab food or beverages and bring home for himself only and not even see if you'd like something first

- He criticizes you, or women, or your race or ethnicity

- He criticizes other women a lot

- He talks about "his needs" a lot

- He doesn't respond to texts or calls when you know he isn't busy

- He talks a lot about his ex

- He is a known prior cheater

- He drinks too much or has a history of drug abuse

- He has difficulty maintaining employment

- He is a financial mess

- Has childhood sexual trauma or abandonment - might be an issue later, might not

OP didn’t ask for examples and you’re projecting. This post is not relevant