After seeing red flags in someone you’re dating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Let’s say you’re dating someone 6 months and he shows some massive red flags. You have a conversation to clarify, and yep, still there. Is that it? Do you break it off in person and explain why? Slowly fade away? Let them ask you why you don’t contact them anymore? I am older (40) and don’t tolerate crap I would’ve when younger, & this is my first post-divorce relationship.

Break it off and explain why if he is a good guy or "wasting each other's time as it is not a fit. I'm here if you want to hear details."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

- He doesn't express interest when you have a problem or need help

- He doesn't think of you when making plans

- He doesn't talk about his future like you are part of it

- He will grab food or beverages and bring home for himself only and not even see if you'd like something first

- He criticizes you, or women, or your race or ethnicity

- He criticizes other women a lot

- He talks about "his needs" a lot

- He doesn't respond to texts or calls when you know he isn't busy

- He talks a lot about his ex

- He is a known prior cheater

- He drinks too much or has a history of drug abuse

- He has difficulty maintaining employment

- He is a financial mess

- Has childhood sexual trauma or abandonment - might be an issue later, might not

That’s quite a laundry list you have there. My question to you is how did you let it get this long? You should have been gone long before it grew to this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

- He doesn't express interest when you have a problem or need help

- He doesn't think of you when making plans

- He doesn't talk about his future like you are part of it

- He will grab food or beverages and bring home for himself only and not even see if you'd like something first

- He criticizes you, or women, or your race or ethnicity

- He criticizes other women a lot

- He talks about "his needs" a lot

- He doesn't respond to texts or calls when you know he isn't busy

- He talks a lot about his ex

- He is a known prior cheater

- He drinks too much or has a history of drug abuse

- He has difficulty maintaining employment

- He is a financial mess

- Has childhood sexual trauma or abandonment - might be an issue later, might not

It's a red flag if a man behaves exactly like most women in 2020. Duly noted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - the red flags are poor communication skills, lack of planning/commitment.

Sounds like you could honestly say that you don’t see a future for your relationship. So tell him that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

- He doesn't express interest when you have a problem or need help

- He doesn't think of you when making plans

- He doesn't talk about his future like you are part of it

- He will grab food or beverages and bring home for himself only and not even see if you'd like something first

- He criticizes you, or women, or your race or ethnicity

- He criticizes other women a lot

- He talks about "his needs" a lot

- He doesn't respond to texts or calls when you know he isn't busy

- He talks a lot about his ex

- He is a known prior cheater

- He drinks too much or has a history of drug abuse

- He has difficulty maintaining employment

- He is a financial mess

- Has childhood sexual trauma or abandonment - might be an issue later, might not

Not showering adoption on your regularly is not a red flag. His childhood trauma is also not a red flag as it was not his fault. He should deal with it but it happens to a lot of people.

PP, you sound very demanding and mean person. Develop some compassion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

🤣

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

🤣

That caught my eye, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

🤣

Actually, professing adoration for you regularly would be a red flag to me. Have you ever been love bombed? Some people like all of that invasive attention, but for regular folks it rubs us the wrong way.

For those interested in examples, some other red flags include actions not matching his/her words, lying and half-truths, hiding you from his friends, not being reliable, running hot and cold, trying to control you or make you jealous. Also someone being a slacker or a stress puppy is a red flag. Balance is good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What are red flags? Sadly, I feel like most women miss the real red flags, and instead perceive having different interests or opinions as red flags.

Examples of red flags:

- He doesn't profess adoration for you regularly

🤣

Actually, professing adoration for you regularly would be a red flag to me. Have you ever been love bombed? Some people like all of that invasive attention, but for regular folks it rubs us the wrong way.

For those interested in examples, some other red flags include actions not matching his/her words, lying and half-truths, hiding you from his friends, not being reliable, running hot and cold, trying to control you or make you jealous. Also someone being a slacker or a stress puppy is a red flag. Balance is good.

Great list PP!

[Anonymous]

The first relationship I was in post divorce lasted 3 years and included the last 4 of the list of red flags. Why did I stay? Because he did adore me. Plain and simple. I don’t live with regret but if someone was in a similar situation and asked me for advice, I’d certainly tell them to cut their losses. Good luck, OP!