Lack of desire to date post divorce

[Anonymous]

Been divorced for a few years now and consider myself emotionally healed from that (or at least as healed as one can be). I’ve gotten into a pattern of joining Bumble, matching with a couple people and then losing all interest after a day or 2. I really have zero desire to get into a relationship or even give up my free time to date.
I’m very picky, I definitely have some trust issues (who doesn’t) and I am fully aware of the fact that a deserve to be happy. Dating just seems like a lot of effort for not a huge payoff. I am trying because of societal pressure/expectations? Am I just super damaged?? What is my deal?
To be clear, if a friend set me up with someone, I would go. If I organically met someone of interest, I’d give it a try. There’s something about the online thing that is a huge turn off to me.

[Anonymous]

I think that sounds perfectly normal and healthy. Not that it would be wrong if you felt otherwise but you don’t so you should go with it.

[Anonymous]

Why are you pressuring yourself to do this if you don’t want to? Do you not have kids and you want to have kids? Otherwise, just don’t date unless someone falls in your lap. Don’t worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Been divorced for a few years now and consider myself emotionally healed from that (or at least as healed as one can be). I’ve gotten into a pattern of joining Bumble, matching with a couple people and then losing all interest after a day or 2. I really have zero desire to get into a relationship or even give up my free time to date.
I’m very picky, I definitely have some trust issues (who doesn’t) and I am fully aware of the fact that a deserve to be happy. Dating just seems like a lot of effort for not a huge payoff. I am trying because of societal pressure/expectations? Am I just super damaged?? What is my deal?
To be clear, if a friend set me up with someone, I would go. If I organically met someone of interest, I’d give it a try. There’s something about the online thing that is a huge turn off to me.

I'm right there with you! Similar timeline. I'm really just fully stepping into the enjoyment/secure/fun stage of being single, and the truth is I love sex. So I keep a profile up and figure that if love somehow fell into my lap that would be great, but if great sex does that's even better. Better yet to meet in person vs online, I travel a lot and play golf so I meet men that way. I don't ever "give it a second shot" or try to talk myself into being attracted if I don't feel chemistry strongly. I like hot, successful men and wont really compromise too much for even them. So, I keep it light but keep a toe in that world to keep my game on point and meet my needs ~ while always being upfront with people about my availability (emotionally) and wants. Its fun! I don't think that there is anything wrong with you, I think that you sound strong and healthy and like you are in a really good space!

[Anonymous]

OP here…Ok, very reassuring!! I already have kids and a solid co-parenting relationship. Definitely wouldn’t want to blend a family or have more kids with someone else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Been divorced for a few years now and consider myself emotionally healed from that (or at least as healed as one can be). I’ve gotten into a pattern of joining Bumble, matching with a couple people and then losing all interest after a day or 2. I really have zero desire to get into a relationship or even give up my free time to date.
I’m very picky, I definitely have some trust issues (who doesn’t) and I am fully aware of the fact that a deserve to be happy. Dating just seems like a lot of effort for not a huge payoff. I am trying because of societal pressure/expectations? Am I just super damaged?? What is my deal?
To be clear, if a friend set me up with someone, I would go. If I organically met someone of interest, I’d give it a try. There’s something about the online thing that is a huge turn off to me.

I'm right there with you! Similar timeline. I'm really just fully stepping into the enjoyment/secure/fun stage of being single, and the truth is I love sex. So I keep a profile up and figure that if love somehow fell into my lap that would be great, but if great sex does that's even better. Better yet to meet in person vs online, I travel a lot and play golf so I meet men that way. I don't ever "give it a second shot" or try to talk myself into being attracted if I don't feel chemistry strongly. I like hot, successful men and wont really compromise too much for even them. So, I keep it light but keep a toe in that world to keep my game on point and meet my needs ~ while always being upfront with people about my availability (emotionally) and wants. Its fun! I don't think that there is anything wrong with you, I think that you sound strong and healthy and like you are in a really good space!

Likes to travel, loves sex AND plays golf? You sound like a blast!

[Anonymous]

This cracks me up. I know two women that have each been divorced twice. They are smart, independent, and have active social lives. Both have grown children and grandchildren.

One dated for a while and just had no interest. Hasn’t dated in five years and never looked back. The other never really had interest in dating, but made a promise with her best friend that she would go on at least one date a year, just in case she meant the man of her dreams. Every year she goes on exactly one date. It’s become a joke.

[Anonymous]

Same here. I have not interest in having a relationship. It is just not worth the effort and I do not want to ever cohabitate or remarry. I have kids. I am not doing the blending thing. I do not want to spend precious time on dates. I have someone I can sleep with a couple of times a month. That suits me fine.

I think this is much healthier than people who divorce and want to remarry and have the drama of blending families. I just would not consider it.

I got divorced because I had a bad marriage and did not want to be married to that person anymore. It seems like a lot of women divorce to find another spouse, but that does not make sense to me.

[Anonymous]

I love all these responses. I’ve been separated about 10 months. As of yet dating hasn’t crossed my mind. I’m 47 so no more kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here…Ok, very reassuring!! I already have kids and a solid co-parenting relationship. Definitely wouldn’t want to blend a family or have more kids with someone else.

Same here! Not interested in dating at all. My life is full and busy.

[Anonymous]

I’m a guy and I feel exactly the same way.

Maybe we should get together! (j/k)

[Anonymous]

Widowed 7 years and feel the exact same way.

[Anonymous]

My mother divorced in her 30s and never wanted to date again. I think this was an ok choice, and the right choice for her. Plus I never had to deal with her having boyfriends as a kid, which is always better I think.

[Anonymous]

same same same. sometimes I don’t go out for a few months and even a year. Then I try to date again and remember why I stopped. If I meet someone organically that would be great but I’m not trying to make finding a husband my full time job. I also realized - I guess during COVID - that I am lonely, but not enough to want to make the effort after what I’ve seen out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mother divorced in her 30s and never wanted to date again. I think this was an ok choice, and the right choice for her. Plus I never had to deal with her having boyfriends as a kid, which is always better I think.

Yes, this is part of my reasoning too. My mom was a young mom and spent my childhood (and adolescence) dating. And she had terrible taste in men. I’d rather spend the time with my kids than some guy who would always be a distant 4th at best.