Female breadwinners

[Anonymous]

If you’re the breadwinner, what does it feel like? Are you happy in the role? How does your DH contribute to the household?

[Anonymous]

Slog

[Anonymous]

For two years I was, and we didn't know it would end after two years. On one hand I was proud that I could do this, and proud of how organized I was in order to do it. Everywhere I went and everything I did was very purposeful. On the other hand, I felt a lot of pressure to not get fired, to not lose our health insurance. And I got a bit bent out of shape when the time I'd designated for say, bonding with our daughter, wasn't time she wanted to bond with me.

DH was a SAHD (though we also had a nanny and cleaning lady once a week) who was kind of ... finding himself. He did all the cooking for us and took care of the bills/mail/our laundry, etc. I don't know exactly how he split responsibilities with the nanny, but I always came home to a clean house, a clean baby and dinner almost ready or ready.

[Anonymous]

I did it for years because he was “running a business”. So on top of the job that supported me and my kids I also did all his books for a business that made us zero dollars. I honestly wouldn’t have cared if he helped with the kids and the house but he never did anything.

[Anonymous]

DH works for himself and the first few years when he was starting out my income was considerably higher. Now it's about the same. When we first married, he had a corporate job and his salary was higher than mine (I was working while in grad school). None of this has ever made any difference. We're a team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you’re the breadwinner, what does it feel like? Are you happy in the role? How does your DH contribute to the household?

Very natural, yes immensely, full homemaking. Less stress for him (I do taxes, conflicts), less physical aches for me = better intimate time. Sexy Men are built for physical labor and some svelte women are naturally brainy in every culture except USA's Deep South/Midwest where they "act" dumb.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

DH was a SAHD (though we also had a nanny and cleaning lady once a week) who was kind of ... finding himself. He did all the cooking for us and took care of the bills/mail/our laundry, etc. I don't know exactly how he split responsibilities with the nanny, but I always came home to a clean house, a clean baby and dinner almost ready or ready.

We didn't have a nanny so mine had the nanny job too for ES kids. But this, what you mention here, was by far the best part and made me feel amazing! Like I won the 1950s dad lottery! Alas, he got a job and now I'm going to have to hire b/c my job is too demanding and I'm too old to have two jobs and I earn 2x as much...but his job is cooler. I'll give him that.

[Anonymous]

It’s actually better than when we had roughly equal salaries. I was working and doing the lion’s share of household work and feeling bitter. Now DH pulls his weight around the house and I’d say he does 60% of the home stuff.

[Anonymous]

We have bounced around a lot during our marriage. But he sold one business and is starting a new business. I make ten times what he makes right now. It is fine. I’m a high income earner. I can pay every single bill we owe if I need to.

I would not have gotten to the C suite without his support. I completely acknowledge this.

I also completely and totally believe his business will be very successful. I don’t know if that means he will out earn me, but he could.

He would say he does more around the house than me, and he would be right. I would say that I am the great administrator of the vast majority of things, and I would be right. We are both fine with this with the occasional moment of irritation.

We are 100% a team. It is all our money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For two years I was, and we didn't know it would end after two years. On one hand I was proud that I could do this, and proud of how organized I was in order to do it. Everywhere I went and everything I did was very purposeful. On the other hand, I felt a lot of pressure to not get fired, to not lose our health insurance. And I got a bit bent out of shape when the time I'd designated for say, bonding with our daughter, wasn't time she wanted to bond with me.

DH was a SAHD (though we also had a nanny and cleaning lady once a week) who was kind of ... finding himself. He did all the cooking for us and took care of the bills/mail/our laundry, etc. I don't know exactly how he split responsibilities with the nanny, but I always came home to a clean house, a clean baby and dinner almost ready or ready.

This sounds amazing.

[Anonymous]

My husband loves it, he is really proud of me. He told his parents I make more money than him (I wasn't there for that) but I was happy to hear it. I am really proud of myself so I am very happy myself. We have a great relationship. He took a big leap of faith with me, a few months after we started dating I was fired from my job, switched careers, I was jobless for months and living off savings. Now we make 350-400k together.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you’re the breadwinner, what does it feel like? Are you happy in the role? How does your DH contribute to the household?

Very natural, yes immensely, full homemaking. Less stress for him (I do taxes, conflicts), less physical aches for me = better intimate time. Sexy Men are built for physical labor and some svelte women are naturally brainy in every culture except USA's Deep South/Midwest where they "act" dumb.

Wtf!? You need to get out more.

[Anonymous]

Do you mean breadwinner as a sole wage earner or in a spouse that earns significantly more?

If the latter, yes. I make more than 2x DH's salary, and could be potentially 3x this year. He is employed, has W2 salary and employment benefits. He's great. Helps a lot with the kids. I just pay for most everything extra in the house.

He loves it because he has less financial stress on him and he has more spending $ to do what he wants. I don't mind at all because t it was my DH's support that allowed me to start my own business in the first place.

[Anonymous]

We’ve swapped places after I stayed home with the kids for many years. Now I make all the income while he tries to get a business off the ground. It’s empowering to be able to support our family. We make a good team and I feel very supported by him. Although I will say that I did more around the house when I was home with the kids - but that makes sense because he is working, he just isn’t bringing in income. I feel really great about our work/ home load split right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous[b wrote:]Do you mean breadwinner as a sole wage earner or in a spouse that earns significantly more?[/b]

If the latter, yes. I make more than 2x DH's salary, and could be potentially 3x this year. He is employed, has W2 salary and employment benefits. He's great. Helps a lot with the kids. I just pay for most everything extra in the house.

He loves it because he has less financial stress on him and he has more spending $ to do what he wants. I don't mind at all because t it was my DH's support that allowed me to start my own business in the first place.

Same question. I make 3x DH income, but he makes six figures and has terrific benefits and is a great, hands on parent. I think it bothered him at first but we're a one-pot family and it all goes to shared goals. I do feel stress at my job but I'd feel it if I were single too and I'm planning to step down to something less stressful/less remunerative.

However, if I was the only source of income, I would be an emotional wreck. I come from a financially insecure background and worry about money a lot, even with us making a very high HHI. If it was all one layoff away from disaster my hair would be falling out.