Sensitive topic: dating someone intersex

[Anonymous]

Has anyone experienced this and could maybe point me in direction of resources?

I'm seeing a guy now who I like a lot, we're at the point of likely becoming more physically intimate and he told me he is intersex

I know we can't be too explicit in this forum, but I want to know what is same or different with sex

I also have a lot of questions for him but don't want to be insensitive.

Advice would be appreciated.

[Anonymous]

I think the exact situation differs person to person. Did he tell you specifically?

[Anonymous]

Are you open to being accepting of this?

If so ask questions. Ask what types of things he gains pleasure from. Ask him his preference for pleasing his partner. I think of his response will allow you to make an educated judgment of if you want to move forward with sex. It would eliminate a lot of surprises and potential embarrassment “in the moment”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the exact situation differs person to person. Did he tell you specifically?

He told me directly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you open to being accepting of this?

If so ask questions. Ask what types of things he gains pleasure from. Ask him his preference for pleasing his partner. I think of his response will allow you to make an educated judgment of if you want to move forward with sex. It would eliminate a lot of surprises and potential embarrassment “in the moment”.

Thanks for your kind response.
I think I am. I mean I really like him as a person. But I admit I'm nervous about it not something I ever really thought about before.

I get the impression that he's had some unpleasant experiences surrounding this.

I'd like to give us a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the exact situation differs person to person. Did he tell you specifically?

He told me directly.

He told you what it means for his body (what it looks like) or just that he’s intersex?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you open to being accepting of this?

If so ask questions. Ask what types of things he gains pleasure from. Ask him his preference for pleasing his partner. I think of his response will allow you to make an educated judgment of if you want to move forward with sex. It would eliminate a lot of surprises and potential embarrassment “in the moment”.

Thanks for your kind response.
I think I am. I mean I really like him as a person. But I admit I'm nervous about it not something I ever really thought about before.

I get the impression that he's had some unpleasant experiences surrounding this.

I'd like to give us a chance.

I agree. Ask him what brings him pleasure. If you feel comfortable you can ask if he’d be ok sharing what happened before, high level, so you can help avoid that.

[Anonymous]

There are several different conditions that fall under the category of “intersex”. It’s not really clear how this would impact your relationship without knowing the more than the general term. At a minimum, presumably it would mean he is infertile, yes? So that could be an issue in a long-term relationship if you intend to have children with your partner.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you open to being accepting of this?

If so ask questions. Ask what types of things he gains pleasure from. Ask him his preference for pleasing his partner. I think of his response will allow you to make an educated judgment of if you want to move forward with sex. It would eliminate a lot of surprises and potential embarrassment “in the moment”.

Thanks for your kind response.
I think I am. I mean I really like him as a person. But I admit I'm nervous about it not something I ever really thought about before.

I get the impression that he's had some unpleasant experiences surrounding this.

I'd like to give us a chance.

I agree. Ask him what brings him pleasure. If you feel comfortable you can ask if he’d be ok sharing what happened before, high level, so you can help avoid that.

I think before you get into this, you need to understand what “intersex” means for his body. The term is used to cover a lot of different things that may have an impact on your sex life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the exact situation differs person to person. Did he tell you specifically?

He told me directly.

He told you what it means for his body (what it looks like) or just that he’s intersex?

Just that he's intersx

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you open to being accepting of this?

If so ask questions. Ask what types of things he gains pleasure from. Ask him his preference for pleasing his partner. I think of his response will allow you to make an educated judgment of if you want to move forward with sex. It would eliminate a lot of surprises and potential embarrassment “in the moment”.

Thanks for your kind response.
I think I am. I mean I really like him as a person. But I admit I'm nervous about it not something I ever really thought about before.

I get the impression that he's had some unpleasant experiences surrounding this.

I'd like to give us a chance.

I agree. Ask him what brings him pleasure. If you feel comfortable you can ask if he’d be ok sharing what happened before, high level, so you can help avoid that.

I think before you get into this, you need to understand what “intersex” means for his body. The term is used to cover a lot of different things that may have an impact on your sex life.

I think you're both right, just not sure how to go about that. Though I suppose him telling me was opening the conversation

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are you open to being accepting of this?

If so ask questions. Ask what types of things he gains pleasure from. Ask him his preference for pleasing his partner. I think of his response will allow you to make an educated judgment of if you want to move forward with sex. It would eliminate a lot of surprises and potential embarrassment “in the moment”.

Thanks for your kind response.
I think I am. I mean I really like him as a person. But I admit I'm nervous about it not something I ever really thought about before.

I get the impression that he's had some unpleasant experiences surrounding this.

I'd like to give us a chance.

I agree. Ask him what brings him pleasure. If you feel comfortable you can ask if he’d be ok sharing what happened before, high level, so you can help avoid that.

I think before you get into this, you need to understand what “intersex” means for his body. The term is used to cover a lot of different things that may have an impact on your sex life.

I think you're both right, just not sure how to go about that. Though I suppose him telling me was opening the conversation

You just need to ask. “Can you tell me what that means for you?” Unless you’re a doctor, most people really don’t know what that means. And unless you’re his doctor, you wouldn’t know what it means for him.

[Anonymous]

Can you guys do something like shower together first? Or sexily ask for a nude? I'd want to see what's up first to prevent any accidental reactions or perceived reactions in the moment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you guys do something like shower together first? Or sexily ask for a nude? I'd want to see what's up first to prevent any accidental reactions or perceived reactions in the moment.

How would showering help with an accidental reaction? You’re still naked and depending on the issue, it still could be shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Can you guys do something like shower together first? Or sexily ask for a nude? I'd want to see what's up first to prevent any accidental reactions or perceived reactions in the moment.

. not sure if I'd want to ask for a picture. I kind of think that might make him feel weird