Do you ever get tired of being good? Good parent, good citizen, good neighbor….

[Anonymous]

Anyone ever get tired of being a good example for your kids? Always following the rules, watching family friendly movies with a good positive message that you want your kids to learn, eating healthy balanced meals.

Prior to kids, I watched bad movies, wasted a lot of money on just going out to bars and clubs, just hung out with my friends doing absolutely nothing productive except eating, drinking, and laughing, with messy apartments and zero obligations apart from a job that paid for food, going out, an apt, clothes, and a car.

My life now… I’m such a model citizen, volunteering, keeping our house ordered and tidy, budgeting for the family, preparing 3 meals a day. I feel like I’m a completely different person. I know intellectually that I don’t want to be the person that I was before and it was a bit of a shallow existence. However I still feel this very strong sense of nostalgia for who I was, how carefree I was, how much of my days and nights were just about having fun, and how fun it was to be “bad”.

Is it possible to have some of that back into my life- my former self? And still have the kids turn out alright? And as a parent, I just feel so constantly judged, and I feel like the stakes are higher. Also my husband gets to be more of the carefree type where he lets the kids do risky and dangerous things, encourages them to break the rules, and doesn’t give a hoot about what neighbors think, so I feel like I have to compensate and work harder to get our kids to be more well mannered and helpful and not disruptive or destructive or always trying to test which rules they can break without getting in trouble.

Sometimes I feel the weight of responsibility and sometimes feel like my natural personality was never quite suited to be a parent. Just wondering if there’s anyone else out there that can relate.

[Anonymous]

No, it doesn’t go back until your kids are grown and out of the house and you can be a fun, crazy old lady.

-signed, A Fun, Crazy Old Lady.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it doesn’t go back until your kids are grown and out of the house and you can be a fun, crazy old lady.

-signed, A Fun, Crazy Old Lady.

+1. My mother says she’s living her best life at 67.

[Anonymous]

It's not realistic to be perfect and I think it will actually be detrimental to your child if you try to model good/perfection. Maybe model acceptance and authenticity. And when you slip up, model forgiveness

[Anonymous]

I focus on being a good parent. I only have two good friends. And I'm a "good" neighbor only in the sense that I keep to myself and don't make trouble. That's all I have bandwidth for, people. I like everyone! People are nice to me. I just don't have the energy for more.

[Anonymous]

I was thinking about this the other day. How exhausting it is sometimes to try to do it "right". I'm hoping the work I do now will pay off and make my life easier down the road.

Like, that teaching my kids about healthy food and letting them choose what they eat will result in not dealing with body/weight issues down the road.
Or getting my little kids to do chores so that it's not as hard of a battle for them to do them when they're bigger kids.

But it may not pay off at all, and parents that didn't give a shit at all will end up with perfect kids and mine will be all effed up.

I have no idea but I keep trying anyway.

[Anonymous]

Easier said than done, I know, but maybe stop worrying about it. Love your kids. Model kindness. Take reasonable care of yourself and try to find some balance. I think that’s the most important stuff we can pass along.

- someone who’s parents focused more on the stuff you list

[Anonymous]

No, but I made my peace with being "good enough" a long time ago.

[Anonymous]

All I can be is me. I hope thats a good person and in areas where I'm not "good", I can try to get better. But there is a baseline. Sometimes I'm going to sound dumb or make an inappropriate statement. Sometimes I'll be too lazy to get up in the morning. Sometimes I may let out a stinky bit of gas. Its a part of being human.

But I think that showing others respect, trying to smile and be happy, looking for reasons to be happy, and helping to brighten others day is also a part of being human. Its not always easy and there's no instruction manual on how to do it correctly, but its not necessarily done for the rewards and thank you's. At least I don't. It just feels good to speak to the person bagging my groceries or the other parents at the playground or the crossing guard.

[Anonymous]

I find now that my kids are college age, it's way more fun. We can cuss, have a glass of wine together, tell a dirty joke and I don't have to nag them to do the right thing/clean up/etc all the time. Of course I'm still making sure I have good, solid advice for them when asked, but in general, I've let go of a lot. And it feels good! They like this version of me too.

[Anonymous]

This is a little different, but sometimes I am frustrated because I've always played by the rules and tried to do the right thing. I have a job that helps people so I make less money. I'm honest in my dealings. Meanwhile I often see people who cut corners in life, focus only on themselves, are dishonest, and they get ahead. I don't want to change, or think I could even change because of how I was raised, but sometimes it feels so unfair.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, but I made my peace with being "good enough" a long time ago.

This. Modeling perfection for your kids isn't healthy for them, and it's unattainable for you (or anyone). Not worth it.

[Anonymous]

No, I was the goody goody who was in church, married very young, never got to be “bad.” I don’t know if I am particularly “good” now but I’m not trying too hard. That “try-hard” period of my life is over. I am not modeling some exhausting attempt at perfection for my kids, because it seems like a lot of what we define as “good” behavior is more about suppressing our own needs and feelings for other people. I am a very generous person but I am not into martyrdom. I am giving to other people because I love them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not realistic to be perfect and I think it will actually be detrimental to your child if you try to model good/perfection. Maybe model acceptance and authenticity. And when you slip up, model forgiveness

Agree.

[Anonymous]

Yep. After wrangling our kids to use napkins, use silverware, sit nicely, eat their vegetables and tell us about their days... dh and I looked at each other. I said- remember when we used to sit on the couch and watch TV while eating? Sigh.