Are you offended when someone says they “didnt want someone else to raise my kids”?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

There are 168 hours in a week.
Infants are awake for 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 48 of those hours, you see your kid 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 28% of the time, you see your kids 37% of the time.
It's 23% of their waking time... 15 hours.

Thanks for pointing out how little actual time is spent "raising" your kids.... lol 37% of your time.

Well, first, like I said, I'm a FT working mom. My kids are in ES now, but when my oldest was an infant we had a nanny. I was gone from 8 to 4. This DD actually was a "unicorn" napper who took an am nap from 9-11 and a pm nap from 1:30 to 3:30. So I missed out on 3.5 waking hours of time with my DD M-F. A lot of PPs (you included) think that is a small amount, but I don't think it is percentage wise. It was like a full third to almost 40% of her 9 waking hours each weekday! No one is raising their kids during their sleeping hours -- those 9 hours are all we have to work with and all that matter for this dicussion. I missed out on a bit more than a third to 40% of them each day. It's a lot to me. (With my second I had a WFH job which meant my younger DD was with a nanny or later daycare more like 9 to 3:30, and I felt much better about that percentage of time away.) But I guess it's all personal...

What you are missing are the waking hours SAHM's are not watching their kids. That isn't even taken into account. How often did you get home from work and say to your H - tag you are it I need a break and how many SAHM's don't take any break when their H gets home.

The reality is they are spending less time in the evening because they have help - that's a good thing. They've been with their child all day and they will give the care over to their H.

and

You are not using that time to not be with your child because you were away during the day.

So if you took actual hour.. it's equal.

Please stop embarrassing yourself. It's not equal, and that's not what routinely happens in most SAHM households. But even if it were...I though this thread was about having paid caregivers raise/partially raise your kids. A father, OTOH, spending evenings with his children sounds wonderful; who in the world thinks otherwise?

DP here. When kids are school age, I do think the difference in time spent with kids is nominal. For kids ages 5 and under, this accounting that working parents spend as much time with kids than SAHMs is just wrong no matter how much you slice and dice the hours.

There are many different types of families and everyone does what is best for their own family. A kind patient happy working mom or a nurturing SAHM sounds good to me. When I was working, I often felt tired after work and did not have all this super quality time with my kids like many women on here are saying after work. It was mostly surviving during those years. Then you blink and your kids are not little anymore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

Me again - also what is this talk about 3 year olds going to preschool 5 days a week from 9-1? The majority of the SAHMs in my area send their 3 yr olds to preschool for 3 mornings a week (pick up at lunch). Haven't you heard of the "3 days 3's"? It's very silly to make up all these numbers and schedules. Certainly pre-ES, of course SAHMs spend an appreciably larger percentage of their kids' waking hours with them than do most WOHM (at least those with fairly typical schedules). How silly to pretend otherwise!

Yes it is true most SAHM's that are wealthy and poor send their kids to 5 days of preschool because of the value it adds. For the poor it's free and for the wealthy it's not a big deal.

But if you give up an income and have to skrimp I understand you can't send your kids 5 days a week and that's fine, they will be fine.

I live in a UMC suburb. The wealthy SAHMs here do "3 day 3's" -- preschool 3 mornings a week. They don't see a value beyond that amount of preschool time for a 3 yr old.

Our SAHM do preschool 5 days and aftercare 2-3 days a week (easier than playdates which have to be planned). Aftercare just ended up being easier than trying to figure out playdate in the middle of dinner.

I find this very hard to believe! Here (again, wealthy area with lots of SAHMs) the typical schedule is:

3yr olds - preschool 3 mornings a week (typically 9 to noon)
4 yr olds (i.e. "pre-k" year) - 5 days a week (typically 9-1)...some families do "enrichment" add-ons until 3ish one or two days a week
Then no aftercare once in ES, but some after-school ECs, playground meet-ups, etc.

+1
Our preschool was around 3 hrs / 3 days for pre-3, and 4 hours / 4 days for pre-K. Anything beyond those hours typically falls under the daycare umbrella.

+1

This is why we had a full time nanny.

OP to get back to topic. No, I don’t get offended that someone is so myopic as to believe their singular view is correct. I pity their ignorance and judge them accordingly. Lots of great SAHMs, WOHMs, nannies, SAHDs, WOHDs, grandparents, etc. As long as all the kids’ needs get met physically and emotionally - it’s all good.

Can you provide a link to preschools with 3x a week for 3 hours.

We also have a full time nanny for the infant but our 3 year old does 5 days a week preschool, because I can't find one that does 3 days a week. NW ish area or Bethesda would work.

Any church or temple based preschool is like this if they are not also trying to be a daycare. Methodist, Presbyterian or Episcopal are the most likely to offer preschool and typically very affordable because you aren't having to pay a lot extra for overhead - the church already has the space. Standard schedule is often 9am-12pm, some offer a "lunch bunch" from 12-1 or 1:30 or something like that and some just include it for everyone. They often still use the classroom 5 days a week but its shared between two classes. Ie: 3 day 3's use the classroom on MWF and 2 day 2's use the same room on TTH.

I was the PP right before you who said almost the exact same thing, almost identical experience. We were at 4 schools: 2 Methodist, 1 Episcopalian, and 1 Catholic. They were mostly the same but the Catholic was the worst. We are Catholic so it wasn’t church related just an incompetent director which can happen anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all arguing about schedules and hours? You don't need to prove something how your schedule is superior to someone else. People have different lives, so what

Well this whole thread is about how many hours you spend with your kids so....

And of course SAHM’s spend more, so the whole argument is stupid.

The difference is nominal.

It really depends on both the type of work the working parent is doing and how demanding it is (ie: cushy WFH office gig vs. Big Law or busy medical practice or long commute) and also how much the SAHM is farming out her kids either through nearly full day preschool (ie: 9-2pm 5 days a week) or a "part-time nanny" or whatever. We all know different families on all ends of these spectrums.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

There are 168 hours in a week.
Infants are awake for 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 48 of those hours, you see your kid 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 28% of the time, you see your kids 37% of the time.
It's 23% of their waking time... 15 hours.

Thanks for pointing out how little actual time is spent "raising" your kids.... lol 37% of your time.

Well, first, like I said, I'm a FT working mom. My kids are in ES now, but when my oldest was an infant we had a nanny. I was gone from 8 to 4. This DD actually was a "unicorn" napper who took an am nap from 9-11 and a pm nap from 1:30 to 3:30. So I missed out on 3.5 waking hours of time with my DD M-F. A lot of PPs (you included) think that is a small amount, but I don't think it is percentage wise. It was like a full third to almost 40% of her 9 waking hours each weekday! No one is raising their kids during their sleeping hours -- those 9 hours are all we have to work with and all that matter for this dicussion. I missed out on a bit more than a third to 40% of them each day. It's a lot to me. (With my second I had a WFH job which meant my younger DD was with a nanny or later daycare more like 9 to 3:30, and I felt much better about that percentage of time away.) But I guess it's all personal...

What you are missing are the waking hours SAHM's are not watching their kids. That isn't even taken into account. How often did you get home from work and say to your H - tag you are it I need a break and how many SAHM's don't take any break when their H gets home.

The reality is they are spending less time in the evening because they have help - that's a good thing. They've been with their child all day and they will give the care over to their H.

and

You are not using that time to not be with your child because you were away during the day.

So if you took actual hour.. it's equal.

Please stop embarrassing yourself. It's not equal, and that's not what routinely happens in most SAHM households. But even if it were...I though this thread was about having paid caregivers raise/partially raise your kids. A father, OTOH, spending evenings with his children sounds wonderful; who in the world thinks otherwise?

DP here. When kids are school age, I do think the difference in time spent with kids is nominal. For kids ages 5 and under, this accounting that working parents spend as much time with kids than SAHMs is just wrong no matter how much you slice and dice the hours.

There are many different types of families and everyone does what is best for their own family. A kind patient happy working mom or a nurturing SAHM sounds good to me. When I was working, I often felt tired after work and did not have all this super quality time with my kids like many women on here are saying after work. It was mostly surviving during those years. Then you blink and your kids are not little anymore.

Most moms are in workforce when their kids are back at school. That’s why these debates are always so dumb! The moms who stay home when their kids are in full time school are a minority and it’s not reflective of the average SAH experience. 78 percent of women with kids ages 6-17 are working compared with 66 percent (ages six and under) according to BLS.

And frankly if a SAHM makes a comment like this to OP, she is realizing saying that she doesn’t want others raising her kids “at this point in time”.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all arguing about schedules and hours? You don't need to prove something how your schedule is superior to someone else. People have different lives, so what

Well this whole thread is about how many hours you spend with your kids so....

And of course SAHM’s spend more, so the whole argument is stupid.

The difference is nominal.

It really depends on both the type of work the working parent is doing and how demanding it is (ie: cushy WFH office gig vs. Big Law or busy medical practice or long commute) and also how much the SAHM is farming out her kids either through nearly full day preschool (ie: 9-2pm 5 days a week) or a "part-time nanny" or whatever. We all know different families on all ends of these spectrums.

+1 and for SAHMs of school age children there is a wide variety of involvement. Some use their time to volunteer at the school and spend the whole summer with kids. Some are picking kids up right ght after school and spending the entire afternoon engaging with them. Others aren't doing any of those things. I know plenty of SAHMs who are spending A LOT of time with their school age kids, or directly engaged with their schools or activities, and not only do working parents not do all that but they often benefit from it.

And before you yell at me yes I also know working parents who run PTAs and volunteer a lot. But you need a specific kind of personality and job for that. Most working parents cannot do all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

There are 168 hours in a week.
Infants are awake for 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 48 of those hours, you see your kid 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 28% of the time, you see your kids 37% of the time.
It's 23% of their waking time... 15 hours.

Thanks for pointing out how little actual time is spent "raising" your kids.... lol 37% of your time.

Well, first, like I said, I'm a FT working mom. My kids are in ES now, but when my oldest was an infant we had a nanny. I was gone from 8 to 4. This DD actually was a "unicorn" napper who took an am nap from 9-11 and a pm nap from 1:30 to 3:30. So I missed out on 3.5 waking hours of time with my DD M-F. A lot of PPs (you included) think that is a small amount, but I don't think it is percentage wise. It was like a full third to almost 40% of her 9 waking hours each weekday! No one is raising their kids during their sleeping hours -- those 9 hours are all we have to work with and all that matter for this dicussion. I missed out on a bit more than a third to 40% of them each day. It's a lot to me. (With my second I had a WFH job which meant my younger DD was with a nanny or later daycare more like 9 to 3:30, and I felt much better about that percentage of time away.) But I guess it's all personal...

What you are missing are the waking hours SAHM's are not watching their kids. That isn't even taken into account. How often did you get home from work and say to your H - tag you are it I need a break and how many SAHM's don't take any break when their H gets home.

The reality is they are spending less time in the evening because they have help - that's a good thing. They've been with their child all day and they will give the care over to their H.

and

You are not using that time to not be with your child because you were away during the day.

So if you took actual hour.. it's equal.

Please stop embarrassing yourself. It's not equal, and that's not what routinely happens in most SAHM households. But even if it were...I though this thread was about having paid caregivers raise/partially raise your kids. A father, OTOH, spending evenings with his children sounds wonderful; who in the world thinks otherwise?

It’s about SAHMs claiming they are with their kids ever moment of the day (they aren’t).
Go to your local gym 8a-2p and check out the daycare.

One SAHM said sleeping hours counted as parenting because she co slept. 😂😱

It’s equal for me and if it’s not for you that is fine. You don’t have to try to discredit my experience to justify yours.

I was made guardian for my neighbors children, her SAHM friend was not happy I was chosen. We did the math on how much time I was caring for kids vs her and I was with my kids just as many hours . So sure there are other situations I was lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all arguing about schedules and hours? You don't need to prove something how your schedule is superior to someone else. People have different lives, so what

Well this whole thread is about how many hours you spend with your kids so....

And of course SAHM’s spend more, so the whole argument is stupid.

The difference is nominal.

It really depends on both the type of work the working parent is doing and how demanding it is (ie: cushy WFH office gig vs. Big Law or busy medical practice or long commute) and also how much the SAHM is farming out her kids either through nearly full day preschool (ie: 9-2pm 5 days a week) or a "part-time nanny" or whatever. We all know different families on all ends of these spectrums.

+1 and for SAHMs of school age children there is a wide variety of involvement. Some use their time to volunteer at the school and spend the whole summer with kids. Some are picking kids up right ght after school and spending the entire afternoon engaging with them. Others aren't doing any of those things. I know plenty of SAHMs who are spending A LOT of time with their school age kids, or directly engaged with their schools or activities, and not only do working parents not do all that but they often benefit from it.

And before you yell at me yes I also know working parents who run PTAs and volunteer a lot. But you need a specific kind of personality and job for that. Most working parents cannot do all that.

Most SAHM's do not volunteer at school or run the PTA.

I don't think what happens after school is SAHM/WOHM related. Enganged moms are engaged and it has nothing to do with the working status.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all arguing about schedules and hours? You don't need to prove something how your schedule is superior to someone else. People have different lives, so what

Well this whole thread is about how many hours you spend with your kids so....

And of course SAHM’s spend more, so the whole argument is stupid.

The difference is nominal.

It really depends on both the type of work the working parent is doing and how demanding it is (ie: cushy WFH office gig vs. Big Law or busy medical practice or long commute) and also how much the SAHM is farming out her kids either through nearly full day preschool (ie: 9-2pm 5 days a week) or a "part-time nanny" or whatever. We all know different families on all ends of these spectrums.

+1 and for SAHMs of school age children there is a wide variety of involvement. Some use their time to volunteer at the school and spend the whole summer with kids. Some are picking kids up right ght after school and spending the entire afternoon engaging with them. Others aren't doing any of those things. I know plenty of SAHMs who are spending A LOT of time with their school age kids, or directly engaged with their schools or activities, and not only do working parents not do all that but they often benefit from it.

And before you yell at me yes I also know working parents who run PTAs and volunteer a lot. But you need a specific kind of personality and job for that. Most working parents cannot do all that.

Most SAHM's do not volunteer at school or run the PTA.

I don't think what happens after school is SAHM/WOHM related. Enganged moms are engaged and it has nothing to do with the working status.

My kids are in private and pretty much every parent with a position in our parents association until like 2nd is a SAHM. The heads of the auction are SAH. I volunteer about 20 hours total throughout the year (I WOH) but I can’t commit to the level of involvement required and I don’t want to drop the ball have a bunch of parents hate me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

There are 168 hours in a week.
Infants are awake for 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 48 of those hours, you see your kid 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 28% of the time, you see your kids 37% of the time.
It's 23% of their waking time... 15 hours.

Thanks for pointing out how little actual time is spent "raising" your kids.... lol 37% of your time.

Well, first, like I said, I'm a FT working mom. My kids are in ES now, but when my oldest was an infant we had a nanny. I was gone from 8 to 4. This DD actually was a "unicorn" napper who took an am nap from 9-11 and a pm nap from 1:30 to 3:30. So I missed out on 3.5 waking hours of time with my DD M-F. A lot of PPs (you included) think that is a small amount, but I don't think it is percentage wise. It was like a full third to almost 40% of her 9 waking hours each weekday! No one is raising their kids during their sleeping hours -- those 9 hours are all we have to work with and all that matter for this dicussion. I missed out on a bit more than a third to 40% of them each day. It's a lot to me. (With my second I had a WFH job which meant my younger DD was with a nanny or later daycare more like 9 to 3:30, and I felt much better about that percentage of time away.) But I guess it's all personal...

What you are missing are the waking hours SAHM's are not watching their kids. That isn't even taken into account. How often did you get home from work and say to your H - tag you are it I need a break and how many SAHM's don't take any break when their H gets home.

The reality is they are spending less time in the evening because they have help - that's a good thing. They've been with their child all day and they will give the care over to their H.

and

You are not using that time to not be with your child because you were away during the day.

So if you took actual hour.. it's equal.

Please stop embarrassing yourself. It's not equal, and that's not what routinely happens in most SAHM households. But even if it were...I though this thread was about having paid caregivers raise/partially raise your kids. A father, OTOH, spending evenings with his children sounds wonderful; who in the world thinks otherwise?

It’s about SAHMs claiming they are with their kids ever moment of the day (they aren’t).
Go to your local gym 8a-2p and check out the daycare.

One SAHM said sleeping hours counted as parenting because she co slept. 😂😱

It’s equal for me and if it’s not for you that is fine. You don’t have to try to discredit my experience to justify yours.

I was made guardian for my neighbors children, her SAHM friend was not happy I was chosen. We did the math on how much time I was caring for kids vs her and I was with my kids just as many hours . So sure there are other situations I was lucky.

How many times have you told this story?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

There are 168 hours in a week.
Infants are awake for 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 48 of those hours, you see your kid 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 28% of the time, you see your kids 37% of the time.
It's 23% of their waking time... 15 hours.

Thanks for pointing out how little actual time is spent "raising" your kids.... lol 37% of your time.

Well, first, like I said, I'm a FT working mom. My kids are in ES now, but when my oldest was an infant we had a nanny. I was gone from 8 to 4. This DD actually was a "unicorn" napper who took an am nap from 9-11 and a pm nap from 1:30 to 3:30. So I missed out on 3.5 waking hours of time with my DD M-F. A lot of PPs (you included) think that is a small amount, but I don't think it is percentage wise. It was like a full third to almost 40% of her 9 waking hours each weekday! No one is raising their kids during their sleeping hours -- those 9 hours are all we have to work with and all that matter for this dicussion. I missed out on a bit more than a third to 40% of them each day. It's a lot to me. (With my second I had a WFH job which meant my younger DD was with a nanny or later daycare more like 9 to 3:30, and I felt much better about that percentage of time away.) But I guess it's all personal...

What you are missing are the waking hours SAHM's are not watching their kids. That isn't even taken into account. How often did you get home from work and say to your H - tag you are it I need a break and how many SAHM's don't take any break when their H gets home.

The reality is they are spending less time in the evening because they have help - that's a good thing. They've been with their child all day and they will give the care over to their H.

and

You are not using that time to not be with your child because you were away during the day.

So if you took actual hour.. it's equal.

Please stop embarrassing yourself. It's not equal, and that's not what routinely happens in most SAHM households. But even if it were...I though this thread was about having paid caregivers raise/partially raise your kids. A father, OTOH, spending evenings with his children sounds wonderful; who in the world thinks otherwise?

It’s about SAHMs claiming they are with their kids ever moment of the day (they aren’t).
Go to your local gym 8a-2p and check out the daycare.

One SAHM said sleeping hours counted as parenting because she co slept. 😂😱

It’s equal for me and if it’s not for you that is fine. You don’t have to try to discredit my experience to justify yours.

I was made guardian for my neighbors children, her SAHM friend was not happy I was chosen. We did the math on how much time I was caring for kids vs her and I was with my kids just as many hours . So sure there are other situations I was lucky.

How many times have you told this story?

+1. What a weird post. If you are working FT, especially if you have young kids, you are not spending as much time with your kids. Suddenly no one uses before care, aftercare, works a standard 8-9 hour workday. Everyone and their spouse stays at home and is the most attentive parent ever who does not do laundry, clean, or have any personal commitments outside of work. Really?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you all arguing about schedules and hours? You don't need to prove something how your schedule is superior to someone else. People have different lives, so what

Well this whole thread is about how many hours you spend with your kids so....

And of course SAHM’s spend more, so the whole argument is stupid.

The difference is nominal.

It really depends on both the type of work the working parent is doing and how demanding it is (ie: cushy WFH office gig vs. Big Law or busy medical practice or long commute) and also how much the SAHM is farming out her kids either through nearly full day preschool (ie: 9-2pm 5 days a week) or a "part-time nanny" or whatever. We all know different families on all ends of these spectrums.

+1 and for SAHMs of school age children there is a wide variety of involvement. Some use their time to volunteer at the school and spend the whole summer with kids. Some are picking kids up right ght after school and spending the entire afternoon engaging with them. Others aren't doing any of those things. I know plenty of SAHMs who are spending A LOT of time with their school age kids, or directly engaged with their schools or activities, and not only do working parents not do all that but they often benefit from it.

And before you yell at me yes I also know working parents who run PTAs and volunteer a lot. But you need a specific kind of personality and job for that. Most working parents cannot do all that.

Most SAHM's do not volunteer at school or run the PTA.

I don't think what happens after school is SAHM/WOHM related. Enganged moms are engaged and it has nothing to do with the working status.

My kids are in private and pretty much every parent with a position in our parents association until like 2nd is a SAHM. The heads of the auction are SAH. I volunteer about 20 hours total throughout the year (I WOH) but I can’t commit to the level of involvement required and I don’t want to drop the ball have a bunch of parents hate me.

Well I can commit at that level so I’m there and no the majority are not SAHM. Especially the things that don’t require M-F meetings like PTA, treasurer, sports committee (almost all working dads), holiday party planning, pancakes fundraiser, the auction (needs working parents with connections to get stuff to auction), sports coaches, teacher appreciation day. All mostly working parents or at least 50/50. Especially since SAHMs have no childcare day or evening.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

There are 168 hours in a week.
Infants are awake for 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 48 of those hours, you see your kid 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 28% of the time, you see your kids 37% of the time.
It's 23% of their waking time... 15 hours.

Thanks for pointing out how little actual time is spent "raising" your kids.... lol 37% of your time.

Well, first, like I said, I'm a FT working mom. My kids are in ES now, but when my oldest was an infant we had a nanny. I was gone from 8 to 4. This DD actually was a "unicorn" napper who took an am nap from 9-11 and a pm nap from 1:30 to 3:30. So I missed out on 3.5 waking hours of time with my DD M-F. A lot of PPs (you included) think that is a small amount, but I don't think it is percentage wise. It was like a full third to almost 40% of her 9 waking hours each weekday! No one is raising their kids during their sleeping hours -- those 9 hours are all we have to work with and all that matter for this dicussion. I missed out on a bit more than a third to 40% of them each day. It's a lot to me. (With my second I had a WFH job which meant my younger DD was with a nanny or later daycare more like 9 to 3:30, and I felt much better about that percentage of time away.) But I guess it's all personal...

What you are missing are the waking hours SAHM's are not watching their kids. That isn't even taken into account. How often did you get home from work and say to your H - tag you are it I need a break and how many SAHM's don't take any break when their H gets home.

The reality is they are spending less time in the evening because they have help - that's a good thing. They've been with their child all day and they will give the care over to their H.

and

You are not using that time to not be with your child because you were away during the day.

So if you took actual hour.. it's equal.

Please stop embarrassing yourself. It's not equal, and that's not what routinely happens in most SAHM households. But even if it were...I though this thread was about having paid caregivers raise/partially raise your kids. A father, OTOH, spending evenings with his children sounds wonderful; who in the world thinks otherwise?

It’s about SAHMs claiming they are with their kids ever moment of the day (they aren’t).
Go to your local gym 8a-2p and check out the daycare.

One SAHM said sleeping hours counted as parenting because she co slept. 😂😱

It’s equal for me and if it’s not for you that is fine. You don’t have to try to discredit my experience to justify yours.

I was made guardian for my neighbors children, her SAHM friend was not happy I was chosen. We did the math on how much time I was caring for kids vs her and I was with my kids just as many hours . So sure there are other situations I was lucky.

How many times have you told this story?

+1. What a weird post. If you are working FT, especially if you have young kids, you are not spending as much time with your kids. Suddenly no one uses before care, aftercare, works a standard 8-9 hour workday. Everyone and their spouse stays at home and is the most attentive parent ever who does not do laundry, clean, or have any personal commitments outside of work. Really?

lol you just posted all the things keeping SaHMs from actually spending time with their kids… too many commitments. Thanks for making my point for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I only say that in response to people who constantly think they’re the only ones who are busy and imply my life is so relaxing compared to theirs because they work.

But also, it’s the truth. I don’t work because I wanted to raise my kids. PhD scientist here so don’t worry about my brain, it’s doing just fine.

+2 I say it when rude people look down on me. Attorney that opted to stay home and raise my kids because a nanny would have been with them 12 hours a day. That wasn’t okay with me.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Why are you all arguing about schedules and hours? You don't need to prove something how your schedule is superior to someone else. People have different lives, so what

Well this whole thread is about how many hours you spend with your kids so....

And of course SAHM’s spend more, so the whole argument is stupid.

The difference is nominal.

It really depends on both the type of work the working parent is doing and how demanding it is (ie: cushy WFH office gig vs. Big Law or busy medical practice or long commute) and also how much the SAHM is farming out her kids either through nearly full day preschool (ie: 9-2pm 5 days a week) or a "part-time nanny" or whatever. We all know different families on all ends of these spectrums.

+1 and for SAHMs of school age children there is a wide variety of involvement. Some use their time to volunteer at the school and spend the whole summer with kids. Some are picking kids up right ght after school and spending the entire afternoon engaging with them. Others aren't doing any of those things. I know plenty of SAHMs who are spending A LOT of time with their school age kids, or directly engaged with their schools or activities, and not only do working parents not do all that but they often benefit from it.

And before you yell at me yes I also know working parents who run PTAs and volunteer a lot. But you need a specific kind of personality and job for that. Most working parents cannot do all that.

Most SAHM's do not volunteer at school or run the PTA.

I don't think what happens after school is SAHM/WOHM related. Enganged moms are engaged and it has nothing to do with the working status.

My kids are in private and pretty much every parent with a position in our parents association until like 2nd is a SAHM. The heads of the auction are SAH. I volunteer about 20 hours total throughout the year (I WOH) but I can’t commit to the level of involvement required and I don’t want to drop the ball have a bunch of parents hate me.

Well I can commit at that level so I’m there and no the majority are not SAHM. Especially the things that don’t require M-F meetings like PTA, treasurer, sports committee (almost all working dads), holiday party planning, pancakes fundraiser, the auction (needs working parents with connections to get stuff to auction), sports coaches, teacher appreciation day. All mostly working parents or at least 50/50. Especially since SAHMs have no childcare day or evening.

I live in NYC and at my kids’ private if you’re working you have a high powered job. Maybe you live a LCOL area or an area where many people have low key jobs. I can’t attend meetings from 9-10 am and 1-3 pm regularly. Nor can I commit to fiddling with signup genius for hours or responding to other parents questions, etc.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:If your infant takes a 2-hr am nap and a 2-hr pm nap, and sleeps like 11-12 hours a night, then your infant is only awake 9 hours a day. All these folks saying, well my nanny only spent 3-4 waking hours with my kid...I mean, I get that "3" and "4" sound like small numbers, but it is a full 30-40% of your child's waking hours. That's of course a meaningful difference in what you could be spending if you stayed home (and again, that's assuming you have a very good napper).

I'm a FT working mom, btw.

There are 168 hours in a week.
Infants are awake for 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 48 of those hours, you see your kid 63 of those hours.
I see my kids 28% of the time, you see your kids 37% of the time.
It's 23% of their waking time... 15 hours.

Thanks for pointing out how little actual time is spent "raising" your kids.... lol 37% of your time.

Well, first, like I said, I'm a FT working mom. My kids are in ES now, but when my oldest was an infant we had a nanny. I was gone from 8 to 4. This DD actually was a "unicorn" napper who took an am nap from 9-11 and a pm nap from 1:30 to 3:30. So I missed out on 3.5 waking hours of time with my DD M-F. A lot of PPs (you included) think that is a small amount, but I don't think it is percentage wise. It was like a full third to almost 40% of her 9 waking hours each weekday! No one is raising their kids during their sleeping hours -- those 9 hours are all we have to work with and all that matter for this dicussion. I missed out on a bit more than a third to 40% of them each day. It's a lot to me. (With my second I had a WFH job which meant my younger DD was with a nanny or later daycare more like 9 to 3:30, and I felt much better about that percentage of time away.) But I guess it's all personal...

What you are missing are the waking hours SAHM's are not watching their kids. That isn't even taken into account. How often did you get home from work and say to your H - tag you are it I need a break and how many SAHM's don't take any break when their H gets home.

The reality is they are spending less time in the evening because they have help - that's a good thing. They've been with their child all day and they will give the care over to their H.

and

You are not using that time to not be with your child because you were away during the day.

So if you took actual hour.. it's equal.

Please stop embarrassing yourself. It's not equal, and that's not what routinely happens in most SAHM households. But even if it were...I though this thread was about having paid caregivers raise/partially raise your kids. A father, OTOH, spending evenings with his children sounds wonderful; who in the world thinks otherwise?

It’s about SAHMs claiming they are with their kids ever moment of the day (they aren’t).
Go to your local gym 8a-2p and check out the daycare.

One SAHM said sleeping hours counted as parenting because she co slept. 😂😱

It’s equal for me and if it’s not for you that is fine. You don’t have to try to discredit my experience to justify yours.

I was made guardian for my neighbors children, her SAHM friend was not happy I was chosen. We did the math on how much time I was caring for kids vs her and I was with my kids just as many hours . So sure there are other situations I was lucky.

How many times have you told this story?

I think (hope!) the only person claiming that WOHMs and SAHMs spend the same amount of quality time with their infant through age 5 kids is this "I did the math" lunatic and maaybe one or two other PPs. Because it is obviously just not true and such a painfully insecure and straight-up delusional claim. I'm cringing for these folks -- it can't be many. (And I work full time!)

What WOHM outsources all chores and gets off work and then comes home and regularly does playdates, outings, art projects, etc. in the late afternoon/evening??...all the things that SAHMs are doing with their kids regularly during the day even if they also use some time to work out or clean.