Smart, underachieving kid, need merit aid, so frustrated!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter sounds like mine. I know what you’re talking about OP. She isn’t underachieving compared to a full class of peers per se. Many parents commended my daughters grades in high school. But I knew she was underachieving her potential. Her work ethic is about 50-70% of what mine was. She could really be at the top if she applied herself - in everything -school, sports teams ECs. But alas she relies on her smarts do to ‘well enough’ in her mind and that’s just how she is wired. She had similar stats slightly higher ACT and got 20-25k from LMU GW and Santa Clara.

So for you parents who expect your kids to be extraordinary and 100 percent max out their potential, are you yourself extraordinary? Have you maxed out your potential? What have you achieved (and if you are so great why can’t you afford full pay?)

I am not extraordinary. I came from an immigrant family, US cultural norms were completely foreign to my foreign born parents, and English was not my first language, I would say that I took advantage of every opportunity given to me, said yes to two assignments to live in Europe during my career, and now I’m at the top of my field. I would say that yes I have fully maxed my potential. My DC is far far more intelligent, has many more natural gifts, I wish I had her brain. She could apply herself more. This is different than Grinding It Out (as another PP asserted) - there is a difference between applying yourself and striving. But that isn’t who she is and it isn’t her path. She’s at a T25 school and this is fine. She received merit, in helpful response Op, but we didn’t need it, we are full pay.

Mmm, sounds like you underachieved in parenting. You should have applied yourself harder to instill a stronger work ethic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter sounds like mine. I know what you’re talking about OP. She isn’t underachieving compared to a full class of peers per se. Many parents commended my daughters grades in high school. But I knew she was underachieving her potential. Her work ethic is about 50-70% of what mine was. She could really be at the top if she applied herself - in everything -school, sports teams ECs. But alas she relies on her smarts do to ‘well enough’ in her mind and that’s just how she is wired. She had similar stats slightly higher ACT and got 20-25k from LMU GW and Santa Clara.

So for you parents who expect your kids to be extraordinary and 100 percent max out their potential, are you yourself extraordinary? Have you maxed out your potential? What have you achieved (and if you are so great why can’t you afford full pay?)

I am not extraordinary. I came from an immigrant family, US cultural norms were completely foreign to my foreign born parents, and English was not my first language, I would say that I took advantage of every opportunity given to me, said yes to two assignments to live in Europe during my career, and now I’m at the top of my field. I would say that yes I have fully maxed my potential. My DC is far far more intelligent, has many more natural gifts, I wish I had her brain. She could apply herself more. This is different than Grinding It Out (as another PP asserted) - there is a difference between applying yourself and striving. But that isn’t who she is and it isn’t her path. She’s at a T25 school and this is fine. She received merit, in helpful response Op, but we didn’t need it, we are full pay.

Mmm, sounds like you underachieved in parenting. You should have applied yourself harder to instill a stronger work ethic.

Ugh, PP. Are you a Tiger Mom?

The previous PP sounds like a great parent! She acknowledges her child for who she is, and lets her be what she wants to be. That's freedom, and so important to living a happy life.

I cringe at all the parents who post on DCUM saying their kid is majoring in a "worthless" major like art history or philosophy, or worse, the parents who REFUSE to pay for their kids college if they don't major in something "practical" like CS or business.

Kids who do what their parents want them to do end up profoundly unhappy because they don't know themselves and aren't following their "passion," whatever that may be.

I have an underachieving kid who is exceptionally smart, but works only hard enough to get by (and by "getting by" I mean B+/A- in most classes). I wish I had my kid's brain too. I have to work twice as hard as she does to arrive at the same place. But my kid does not want to be a top anything. She's happy being who she is, and I have to accept her the way she is. If I had her brain, I'd go as far as I could, but she doesn't want to work that hard. I have to accept her choice to do what she wants. It's her life, not mine.

[Anonymous]

It is all relative. To the average American, having a PhD might sound impressive. Around here, if you have a PhD but don't work for an elite university or prestigious think tank...you are...blah.

That is why, it is most healthy to be driven by internal motivators. So that your sense of self-worth is not constantly shifting based upon who you stand next to.

It is important to understand what you prioritized in landing where you are (for me, for example, I prioritized being a good parent). Such self understanding can go a long way to helping you find peace.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm looking for smallish colleges that will offer enough merit aid to equal in-state tuition, which is all we can afford. We're not eligible for enough FA to equal in-state costs.
My kid has a 1500 on the SAT (took it once), a 3.87 unweighted, two 5s on the APs she took last year, and is taking 5 APs this year.
She's extremely well-read, well-versed in politics, thoughtful, wise beyond her years, and cynical.
She loves to talk about politics and movies with her friends, cooks a little and plays one sport fairly well.
She's 16 and a junior at a good public she doesn't appreciate. She wants to study math and political science at a smallish college.
Here's my list of colleges for her to apply to (she has no list!!): Pitt, U Richmond, Ursinus, Davidson, U of Mary Washington, Gettysburg, Lafayette, Tulane.
Can anyone suggest other similar schools that might offer substantial merit to a kid with her stats and basically no ECs?

Please, no snark. My kid is delightful and fun to be around, not entitled, but she doesn't push herself at all. Drives me crazy, but I can't say this to her. So I'm saying it here.

You are frustrated at your non-problem?

Look there are plenty of stat schools in VA that your child can attend. Mary Washington is one of them. Pick a few others and let it go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter sounds like mine. I know what you’re talking about OP. She isn’t underachieving compared to a full class of peers per se. Many parents commended my daughters grades in high school. But I knew she was underachieving her potential. Her work ethic is about 50-70% of what mine was. She could really be at the top if she applied herself - in everything -school, sports teams ECs. But alas she relies on her smarts do to ‘well enough’ in her mind and that’s just how she is wired. She had similar stats slightly higher ACT and got 20-25k from LMU GW and Santa Clara.

So for you parents who expect your kids to be extraordinary and 100 percent max out their potential, are you yourself extraordinary? Have you maxed out your potential? What have you achieved (and if you are so great why can’t you afford full pay?)

I am not extraordinary. I came from an immigrant family, US cultural norms were completely foreign to my foreign born parents, and English was not my first language, I would say that I took advantage of every opportunity given to me, said yes to two assignments to live in Europe during my career, and now I’m at the top of my field. I would say that yes I have fully maxed my potential. My DC is far far more intelligent, has many more natural gifts, I wish I had her brain. She could apply herself more. This is different than Grinding It Out (as another PP asserted) - there is a difference between applying yourself and striving. But that isn’t who she is and it isn’t her path. She’s at a T25 school and this is fine. She received merit, in helpful response Op, but we didn’t need it, we are full pay.

Mmm, sounds like you underachieved in parenting. You should have applied yourself harder to instill a stronger work ethic.

Ugh, PP. Are you a Tiger Mom?

The previous PP sounds like a great parent! She acknowledges her child for who she is, and lets her be what she wants to be. That's freedom, and so important to living a happy life.

I cringe at all the parents who post on DCUM saying their kid is majoring in a "worthless" major like art history or philosophy, or worse, the parents who REFUSE to pay for their kids college if they don't major in something "practical" like CS or business.

Kids who do what their parents want them to do end up profoundly unhappy because they don't know themselves and aren't following their "passion," whatever that may be.

I have an underachieving kid who is exceptionally smart, but works only hard enough to get by (and by "getting by" I mean B+/A- in most classes). I wish I had my kid's brain too. I have to work twice as hard as she does to arrive at the same place. But my kid does not want to be a top anything. She's happy being who she is, and I have to accept her the way she is. If I had her brain, I'd go as far as I could, but she doesn't want to work that hard. I have to accept her choice to do what she wants. It's her life, not mine.

I think the point just flew over your head there.

[Anonymous]

Look at privates listed on the Virginia VTAG grant form, like Lynchburg. Run their net cost calculators on each schools financial aid website. You will be surprised what different schools give from their own aid programs. VTAG alone is 3500 to 4000 I think.

[Anonymous]

Grinnell seems like a very obvious choice.

Also check Carleton and Macalester? I'm not sure whether they offer merit aid to the same extent.

Many of the CTCL colleges offer a ton of merit aid and also will be good cultural and intellectual first. Some have been mentioned.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:St Joe's
Dayton
St. Mary's College

Dayton is a hardcore party school, I don’t picture OPs kid there

OMG! I don’t think you understand “hardcore party” if you think Dayton is one.

+1000 that is most certainly not Dayton. So strange that anyone could think that.

Oh yes, catholic school kids would never join frats and party all week long in “the ghetto.” They most certainly spend all of their time attending mass, studying, and helping their fellow man.

It isn’t about that. Boston College is a party, Villanova is not. Dartmouth is a party, Brown is not. Wake Forest is a party, Davidson is not. Middlebury is a party Amherst is not. Of course the kids at the party side schools obviously study and are equally smart. But schools have vibe. Yes there are outliers on both sides but general school feel. Including Dayton as hardcore party school is not accurate. I know the school well. And not judging either way. Nothing wrong with having fun in the way that suits you.

[Anonymous]

SUNY Geneseo could be very good for her. Also, the College of New Jersey.

[Anonymous]

Why does she want to study math? (Not being critical, just wondering what that means to her.) And what subfield(s) of political science interest(s) her (political theory, American politics, comparative, law, international relations, public policy, political economy).

The reason I ask is that small colleges have small faculties and you may be dependent on a couple of individuals who work in or near your field. And those folks may not even exist if you don’t choose the school wisely. Yes, there will be someone who can cover the intro course (maybe not well, maybe a visitor) in each subfield in poli sci, but that’s not much help. Wrt math, faculty in adjacent fields (stats, CS) might matter and there may be a difference between schools where the math departments function is to help produce K-12 educators vs PhD Students vs finance quants vs produce sufficient math literacy to enable STEM and/or soc sci students to do/understand quantitative work in their own disciplines.

[Anonymous]

Why do you think she’s an underachiever? What would she need to do to achieve?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Grinnell seems like a very obvious choice.

Also check Carleton and Macalester? I'm not sure whether they offer merit aid to the same extent.

Many of the CTCL colleges offer a ton of merit aid and also will be good cultural and intellectual first. Some have been mentioned.

Carleton does not give merit aid. Mac does but won’t get you to in state cost. Close but there will still be a gap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter sounds like mine. I know what you’re talking about OP. She isn’t underachieving compared to a full class of peers per se. Many parents commended my daughters grades in high school. But I knew she was underachieving her potential. Her work ethic is about 50-70% of what mine was. She could really be at the top if she applied herself - in everything -school, sports teams ECs. But alas she relies on her smarts do to ‘well enough’ in her mind and that’s just how she is wired. She had similar stats slightly higher ACT and got 20-25k from LMU GW and Santa Clara.

So for you parents who expect your kids to be extraordinary and 100 percent max out their potential, are you yourself extraordinary? Have you maxed out your potential? What have you achieved (and if you are so great why can’t you afford full pay?)

I am not extraordinary. I came from an immigrant family, US cultural norms were completely foreign to my foreign born parents, and English was not my first language, I would say that I took advantage of every opportunity given to me, said yes to two assignments to live in Europe during my career, and now I’m at the top of my field. I would say that yes I have fully maxed my potential. My DC is far far more intelligent, has many more natural gifts, I wish I had her brain. She could apply herself more. This is different than Grinding It Out (as another PP asserted) - there is a difference between applying yourself and striving. But that isn’t who she is and it isn’t her path. She’s at a T25 school and this is fine. She received merit, in helpful response Op, but we didn’t need it, we are full pay.

Mmm, sounds like you underachieved in parenting. You should have applied yourself harder to instill a stronger work ethic.

Ugh, PP. Are you a Tiger Mom?

The previous PP sounds like a great parent! She acknowledges her child for who she is, and lets her be what she wants to be. That's freedom, and so important to living a happy life.

I cringe at all the parents who post on DCUM saying their kid is majoring in a "worthless" major like art history or philosophy, or worse, the parents who REFUSE to pay for their kids college if they don't major in something "practical" like CS or business.

Kids who do what their parents want them to do end up profoundly unhappy because they don't know themselves and aren't following their "passion," whatever that may be.

I have an underachieving kid who is exceptionally smart, but works only hard enough to get by (and by "getting by" I mean B+/A- in most classes). I wish I had my kid's brain too. I have to work twice as hard as she does to arrive at the same place. But my kid does not want to be a top anything. She's happy being who she is, and I have to accept her the way she is. If I had her brain, I'd go as far as I could, but she doesn't want to work that hard. I have to accept her choice to do what she wants. It's her life, not mine.

I think the point just flew over your head there.

Thanks. Please enlighten me. I'm dum.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter sounds like mine. I know what you’re talking about OP. She isn’t underachieving compared to a full class of peers per se. Many parents commended my daughters grades in high school. But I knew she was underachieving her potential. Her work ethic is about 50-70% of what mine was. She could really be at the top if she applied herself - in everything -school, sports teams ECs. But alas she relies on her smarts do to ‘well enough’ in her mind and that’s just how she is wired. She had similar stats slightly higher ACT and got 20-25k from LMU GW and Santa Clara.

So for you parents who expect your kids to be extraordinary and 100 percent max out their potential, are you yourself extraordinary? Have you maxed out your potential? What have you achieved (and if you are so great why can’t you afford full pay?)

I am not extraordinary. I came from an immigrant family, US cultural norms were completely foreign to my foreign born parents, and English was not my first language, I would say that I took advantage of every opportunity given to me, said yes to two assignments to live in Europe during my career, and now I’m at the top of my field. I would say that yes I have fully maxed my potential. My DC is far far more intelligent, has many more natural gifts, I wish I had her brain. She could apply herself more. This is different than Grinding It Out (as another PP asserted) - there is a difference between applying yourself and striving. But that isn’t who she is and it isn’t her path. She’s at a T25 school and this is fine. She received merit, in helpful response Op, but we didn’t need it, we are full pay.

Mmm, sounds like you underachieved in parenting. You should have applied yourself harder to instill a stronger work ethic.

Ugh, PP. Are you a Tiger Mom?

The previous PP sounds like a great parent! She acknowledges her child for who she is, and lets her be what she wants to be. That's freedom, and so important to living a happy life.

I cringe at all the parents who post on DCUM saying their kid is majoring in a "worthless" major like art history or philosophy, or worse, the parents who REFUSE to pay for their kids college if they don't major in something "practical" like CS or business.

Kids who do what their parents want them to do end up profoundly unhappy because they don't know themselves and aren't following their "passion," whatever that may be.

I have an underachieving kid who is exceptionally smart, but works only hard enough to get by (and by "getting by" I mean B+/A- in most classes). I wish I had my kid's brain too. I have to work twice as hard as she does to arrive at the same place. But my kid does not want to be a top anything. She's happy being who she is, and I have to accept her the way she is. If I had her brain, I'd go as far as I could, but she doesn't want to work that hard. I have to accept her choice to do what she wants. It's her life, not mine.

I think the point just flew over your head there.

DP. Actually I think the PP nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you think she’s an underachiever? What would she need to do to achieve?

This is OP.

I'm worried DD won't be challenged in college. She rises to the level of the people around her.

She never works hard. I'm sorry if that sounds like a humble brag. I'm trying to do the best I can for my kid.

I worry she won't be challenged at second tier colleges that will offer her merit aid, but we can't afford the HYPSM or NESCAC colleges she'd be likely to get into.

She has a few ECs I didn't mention, academic classes she's done outside of school where she's really excelled, again, without trying very hard. It's her MO not to push herself because she's never had to.

DD's college list has been whittled down to Pitt, URichmond, Muhlenberg and Mary Washington, plus in-state schools.

I'm wondering about applying to colleges like Vandy and Emory that offer full-ride scholarships.

Is there any hope DD might win a full ride? She has no leadership, no clubs, no varsity sports. Just her intellect and she's a nice person. Does that count for anything?