42-43 too old for a baby?

[Anonymous]

I had my first (and only at 42, conceived very easily at 41), I was pregnant again at 43 very easily and miscarried, so we're done. Fertility doesn't always stop at just getting pregnant. I'm 47 now, I'm pretty sure I could still get pregnant as I ovulate regularly, I do not think i could carry a baby to term.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Too old. Enjoy the kids you have. I say this as a 44 year old with two tweens.i feel like I’ve aged ten years in the past year.

I’m 41 with 2 tweens and I agree. They take A LOT of energy right now. I can’t imagine also having a baby/toddler too. Someone would get short changed for sure.

But you have no idea what that would mean. I would’ve loved less of my moms attention at that age. Also, there is a long life ahead of these kids. My sisters and I and my parents are all still really close at 40-plus. I love having a big family and having them. Sometimes more kids means more love and more fun and the right kind of attention. It’s so individual, personal experiences really have no bearing on it. Is 20 too young to have a baby? For some people, yes indeed. Is 5 too many kids? Not for some people. I mean, these are not rules. In prior generations it was super common to have a right before menopause late baby. Not weird, not strange just a thing. If you want one, have one. We are trying right now for a 3rd at 41 and we have the means, the help, etc. I’m not asking random internet strangers what they think because at the end of the day - who cares?

But OP IS asking random internet strangers.

I know. I get that. So, when I read things like this, and think I care what these people think, I try to think about what its like to talk to a bunch of random parents at the park for my kids's school pick up. It is pretty apparent pretty quickly even if you really like everyone that you have little to nothing in common with them and could care less what their views are on most things. This is SO much easier in person. For e.g., I was chatting aimlessly about restaurants with such a group the other day. Several loved Ruth's Chris, which, cool, but not for me. Someone suggested a random hole in the wall I have been to and think sucks. They adamantly disagreed, Another one said they weren't "cool" enough to have gone to Le Diplomat. These are all nice people but I work for an industry where I have to eat out a ton and know where to suggest, and so our views and experiences had almost nothing in common. My point is that it is easy in these situations to think that other people's experiences and views have some bearing on your life. They don't. Try a real world experiment.

WOW. The only thing this post demonstrated is that you are a tremendous snob.

Lol but that’s my point. I know I am about restaurants. Not often things. So my point is, we are all snobs or have distinct views about certain things. Crowd sourcing is not relevant to so many things. It’s a tempting but rather useless exercise.

[Anonymous]

Don't do it. Do you really want to be in your mid-40s with a toddler? you will be SO tired, and have less of yourself to give to your older kids during years when it matters a lot. Prioritize the family you have, not the family in your imagination.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don't do it. Do you really want to be in your mid-40s with a toddler? you will be SO tired, and have less of yourself to give to your older kids during years when it matters a lot. Prioritize the family you have, not the family in your imagination.

I am in mid-40s with a toddler and it's OK. The difference is that I don't have any other kids, I am in good shape physically and I have resources to outsource things like yardwork, housecleaning, etc. So it's doable without dying from exhaustion. However, I wouldn't do it if I had other kids - there is less of parents' attention to go to them, and unless you're swimming in money, less resources. We all have different idea what we want to give them, so maybe money is not the main decision factor with OP, but unless one of the kids is out of the house (off to college), I'd stick to the existing number of children.