Please stop asking for “experiences” over gifts for your kids!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or you could be like me and just return all gifts your kids don't like. They just don't need more. And goodwill didn't even want the new gifts. It's better for all that I return and they get something they like more. Or even new socks. My DS is obsessed with socks and characters/animals on his socks.

That's what I have started doing too. My mother in law always buys overly involved tech toys for my kid who has no interest in them. We return them and buy art supplies

[Anonymous]

I do believe there is such a thing as gift abuse. Giver (i.e., MIL) gets to feel generous, unloads huge amounts of gifts into recipient's house that is not as large as MIL thinks it is. Already overwhelmed mom with small children is stuck opening, recycling, finding room for, cleaning, putting away, trying to repair, sorting, lifting, and driving retired toys to Goodwill. DH of course doesn't lift a finger and doesn't tell MIL to stop.

I propose that every year, the old unwanted gifts get returned to MIL to donate. She knocks, you open the door, an avalanche of toys falls on MIL. You kindly give directions to the nearest donation site, and shut and lock the door again. If most of the plastic waste in the ocean is from Pepsi and Coca Cola, then those companies should be responsible for reducing their waste. Just like if most of the clutter in your house is from MIL, you have to cut the waste off at the source. Sure, call me a scrooge, but there are consequences to being overly "generous". This thread would not be pages long if gift giving is so joyous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Experience gifts don’t make sense in UMC circles. It’s not like the kids would be paying for their ice cream/museum/movie entry anyway. The parents would. My kids don’t care if you pay or I do - it’s free to them either way.

This, to an extent. One year, my parents told my kids (age 9 and 11 at the time) that they would take them out to lunch as part of their present. My kids don’t love “lunch” food. Eating out for lunch is not a treat. It is a chore for when we are traveling or shopping/running errands all day.

It never even happened. My parents offered once or twice on days we had other commitments. Kids didn’t miss it.

I don't know, my UMC kids love going out to lunch at Panera and consider it a treat (ages 5 and 7). They'd think lunch out with Grandma was an awesome gift.

Agree PP. The above post made me very sad. The money spent on lunch is not necessarily the experience; it's the special time with grandparents.

I’m the poster whose kids weren’t interested in lunch. It made me sad, too. But my parents used to do much more active things with the kids. Now that they are older, my parents aren’t really sure what to do with them. They have an even harder time talking with them. My dad, in particular, tends to launch into dense monologues on topics he thinks will interest the kids. He never asks them about their interests, their activities, their friends... his little talks might be interesting to a 17 year old super intellectual, but for tween girls, it’s deadly (frankly, I struggle with it at times).

So lunch out with the grandparents = food you might not like + a few random lectures. My parents were great with little kids (and PP, at 5 and 7 my kids would have loved it too), but my tweens (now teens) need more structure/stimulation.

[Anonymous]

I live in a small house. Experiences means I don't have to organize and manage MORE stuff. I'm fine with getting a toy or something they'd love to open. But it's the idea that BIGGER and flashier and more expensive is BETTER that drives me nuts. My DD would love some toy or game or activity to open and play with right then. But she'd also love love a promise to take her to the movies or out for pizza.

We say thank you to the big obnoxious toys, we play with them for a bit, and then I tuck them away. If no one asks about them, I donate them pretty quickly. I just don't have room for the amount of stuff that comes into our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DD begs grandpa to take her to the car wash (she's 3). She'd die if she got a gift card to the car wash. On Saturdays grandpa takes her to the car wash, then library story time and then out to lunch. Pretty sure that's the kind of experiences people are asking for.

I love this. My grandpa used to the do the same thing. Car wash and then breakfast at the local "greasy spoon" as he would call it. I always thought that was the name of the restaurant!

[Anonymous]

My MIL gives all her grandchildren $50 in cash. She has a lot of grandchildren so it's pretty expensive but that's what she's committed herself to do. All the kids love it and they get plenty of other presents to unwrap by the rest of the family. The rest of the family always ask what the kids want. It's hard to come up with things sometimes but we try. This year, on behalf of my kids (8&10), we told relatives that they want juggling balls, a gross "would you rather" book, cheap headphones with mic for when they rage quit the xbox and accidentally break the mic, a certain xbox game NTE $20, a certain type of poster, a certain boardgame, art supplies, etc. This kinda means that us as parents are left with fewer ideas. We've handed them all out! But, honestly, I'd rather the extended family have the fun giving the presents than me and then DH and I can get one "big" gift for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD begs grandpa to take her to the car wash (she's 3). She'd die if she got a gift card to the car wash. On Saturdays grandpa takes her to the car wash, then library story time and then out to lunch. Pretty sure that's the kind of experiences people are asking for.

I love this. My grandpa used to the do the same thing. Car wash and then breakfast at the local "greasy spoon" as he would call it. I always thought that was the name of the restaurant!

+1

PP gets it.

[Anonymous]

I don’t mind giving “experiences” if the parents don’t come along.

And side note: it is rude and low-class to ever dictate what you want as a gift.

[Anonymous]

My grandparents led a simple, quiet life. I believe they only ever gave stocking stuffers to each of their 12 grandchildren. Still taking walks together, going window shopping, eating in a restaurant, visiting their neighbors, sitting at my grandmother's feet while she'd brush and braid my hair while we watched tv...vivid and priceless memories.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
My grandparents led a simple, quiet life. I believe they only ever gave stocking stuffers to each of their 12 grandchildren. Still taking walks together, going window shopping, eating in a restaurant, visiting their neighbors, sitting at my grandmother's feet while she'd brush and braid my hair while we watched tv...vivid and priceless memories.

No wonder!

[Anonymous]

I find it ironic that the website that is so panicked over feeding goldfish crackers to toddlers at the park would suggest that an “experience” gift could include ice cream, Panera, or McDonalds. I trust most DCUM folks would get the vapours if their children received these as an experience.

[Anonymous]

Audible dot com memberships or gift cards, seriously the best experience gift ever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I was a kid, there were some friends of my parents who always gave us $10 worth of McDonald's gift certificates (I think they came in a notepad style, $1 each). I still remember that with such joy, even though I can't remember who gave them to me!

I also loved McDonald’s gift certificates as a kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do believe there is such a thing as gift abuse. Giver (i.e., MIL) gets to feel generous, unloads huge amounts of gifts into recipient's house that is not as large as MIL thinks it is. Already overwhelmed mom with small children is stuck opening, recycling, finding room for, cleaning, putting away, trying to repair, sorting, lifting, and driving retired toys to Goodwill. DH of course doesn't lift a finger and doesn't tell MIL to stop.

I propose that every year, the old unwanted gifts get returned to MIL to donate. She knocks, you open the door, an avalanche of toys falls on MIL. You kindly give directions to the nearest donation site, and shut and lock the door again. If most of the plastic waste in the ocean is from Pepsi and Coca Cola, then those companies should be responsible for reducing their waste. Just like if most of the clutter in your house is from MIL, you have to cut the waste off at the source. Sure, call me a scrooge, but there are consequences to being overly "generous". This thread would not be pages long if gift giving is so joyous.

I did this. I brought a ton of toys and said "She loves playing with them so much, and you've already been so generous in the past, that we're going to leave them at your house so she can have special toys to play with when she comes to visit you!"

[Anonymous]

My children would love a $5 or even a $10 GC to 7-11. They could buy so many slushees. That would be an awesome present. But no, more junk from Amazon is coming that they will never look at. It doesn’t have to be an expensive experience. We never go to 7-11 and they think it’s the best place ever with that slushee machine.