s/o kitchen is closed

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, maybe I’m wrong, but I interpreted the post about the closed kitchen to mean that the MIL was in there preparing the food for the big dinner and didn’t want other people in the kitchen while she was trying to work. I assumed she had a small kitchen and didn’t have space for other people in there while she was cooking.

This is the only way I’ve heard that expression used- just that the cook needed to use the space and there was no room for other activities in the kitchen during the prep for the big meal.

Yeah, I say that to my small kids when I’m cooking dinner in the galley kitchen and want them to stay out. I may give them a vegetable or cheese as I’m preparing it though - they are more likely to taste it that way! We also say it about other rooms. Dining room is closed because daddy is cleaning up; living room is closed because the cat barfed and we have to clean it up, etc.

Never have I denied a visitor food. I have learned to keep a store of extra dried apricots and pistachios for my in laws who love to snack on them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t understand why everyone is criticizing. I also close my kitchen after meals. I make hearty meals - there’s no need to go into the kitchen every couple of hours. I agree with the previous poster who said this is why there’s an obesity problem in this country.

Well, I trust I est less at your “hearty” meals, because, under the idea of Everyone Is Different, I simply don’t have the crocodilian ability to gorge myself like you do. I will eat a few bites of your meal, feel full, and need a snack or similar later.

I’ll guess you’ll hate being in our house, where we feed meals and snacks freely.

Aside from that, why do you welcome people into your home? Are you hoping to starve them into submission?

I’m not even going to get into how your own opinion of food fuels obesity.

I don’t gorge during meals and neither do any of my guests, who all love coming to my lovely home. We are able to function quite nicely without eating constantly and getting fat as a result. Good day to you.

Oh, she DEFINITELY has food/control issues.

I imagine if we asked the same question to those who'd been to this "lovely home" (that's a riot in itself) they'd report otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, maybe I’m wrong, but I interpreted the post about the closed kitchen to mean that the MIL was in there preparing the food for the big dinner and didn’t want other people in the kitchen while she was trying to work. I assumed she had a small kitchen and didn’t have space for other people in there while she was cooking.

This is the only way I’ve heard that expression used- just that the cook needed to use the space and there was no room for other activities in the kitchen during the prep for the big meal.

Yeah, I say that to my small kids when I’m cooking dinner in the galley kitchen and want them to stay out. I may give them a vegetable or cheese as I’m preparing it though - they are more likely to taste it that way! We also say it about other rooms. Dining room is closed because daddy is cleaning up; living room is closed because the cat barfed and we have to clean it up, etc.

Never have I denied a visitor food. I have learned to keep a store of extra dried apricots and pistachios for my in laws who love to snack on them.

So guests are supposed to eat dried apricots in lieu of lunch at your. House? Crazy!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, maybe I’m wrong, but I interpreted the post about the closed kitchen to mean that the MIL was in there preparing the food for the big dinner and didn’t want other people in the kitchen while she was trying to work. I assumed she had a small kitchen and didn’t have space for other people in there while she was cooking.

This is the only way I’ve heard that expression used- just that the cook needed to use the space and there was no room for other activities in the kitchen during the prep for the big meal.

Yeah, I say that to my small kids when I’m cooking dinner in the galley kitchen and want them to stay out. I may give them a vegetable or cheese as I’m preparing it though - they are more likely to taste it that way! We also say it about other rooms. Dining room is closed because daddy is cleaning up; living room is closed because the cat barfed and we have to clean it up, etc.

Never have I denied a visitor food. I have learned to keep a store of extra dried apricots and pistachios for my in laws who love to snack on them.

So guests are supposed to eat dried apricots in lieu of lunch at your. House? Crazy!!!

What? Of course not. We serve 3 meals a day pus morning snack for the small kids. If visitors want more food they can help themselves outside of meal times. But we don’t tend to have a lot of snack stuff on hand other than the stuff I know our frequent visitors want, like apricots and pistachios. My in laws can inhale bags of them. I usually shop once for the week and buy only what we need. We have a tiny kitchen, no pantry - I wouldn’t have room to store much. So I’m selective when it comes to keeping snacks or other non perishables.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Snacking all day??! Do you have young kids or kids at all? That’s not a good idea and wtf do they do when they’re in school 7+ hours a day?

Do you get that there’s a difference between holiday/vacation mode and real life? As long as you clean up after yourself, do whatever in my kitchen.

I am unfamiliar with this notion. So you’re supposed to double your caloric intake each day on vacation and eat tons of sweets and desserts? And make sure your kids do the same?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We aren’t fat at all but we are not thin enough for MIL. I think she is trying to get us to lose a few pounds while we visit them, as well as demonstrate her own bizarre “discipline”. She does not serve lunch and has wine for dinner mostly.

better than our situation. We go visit for a week and all they eat or serve is breakfast and an small early dinner. They come stay with us and eat 3-4 meals a day, snack constantly, and want dessert immediately after each dinner. Sweet tooth.

[Anonymous]

My kitchen is never closed and everything is available to guests at any time.

Any other way makes you a sociopath.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My kitchen is never closed and everything is available to guests at any time.

Any other way makes you a sociopath.

Yeah, this really is all anyone needs to know. If you disagree with this, you should not be hosting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My kitchen is never closed and everything is available to guests at any time.

Any other way makes you a sociopath.

Yeah, this really is all anyone needs to know. If you disagree with this, you should not be hosting.

+1

[Anonymous]

Length of time matters to us.

Long weekend, we’ll “host” family.

1 week or 2 weeks or 3 weeks whilst we go to work or school, you pitch in for food, chores, tidying up, cooking for yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, maybe I’m wrong, but I interpreted the post about the closed kitchen to mean that the MIL was in there preparing the food for the big dinner and didn’t want other people in the kitchen while she was trying to work. I assumed she had a small kitchen and didn’t have space for other people in there while she was cooking.

This is the only way I’ve heard that expression used- just that the cook needed to use the space and there was no room for other activities in the kitchen during the prep for the big meal.

Yeah, I say that to my small kids when I’m cooking dinner in the galley kitchen and want them to stay out. I may give them a vegetable or cheese as I’m preparing it though - they are more likely to taste it that way! We also say it about other rooms. Dining room is closed because daddy is cleaning up; living room is closed because the cat barfed and we have to clean it up, etc.

Never have I denied a visitor food. I have learned to keep a store of extra dried apricots and pistachios for my in laws who love to snack on them.

So guests are supposed to eat dried apricots in lieu of lunch at your. House? Crazy!!!

What? Of course not. We serve 3 meals a day pus morning snack for the small kids. If visitors want more food they can help themselves outside of meal times. But we don’t tend to have a lot of snack stuff on hand other than the stuff I know our frequent visitors want, like apricots and pistachios. My in laws can inhale bags of them. I usually shop once for the week and buy only what we need. We have a tiny kitchen, no pantry - I wouldn’t have room to store much. So I’m selective when it comes to keeping snacks or other non perishables.

Your writing style is really tedious and annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So, maybe I’m wrong, but I interpreted the post about the closed kitchen to mean that the MIL was in there preparing the food for the big dinner and didn’t want other people in the kitchen while she was trying to work. I assumed she had a small kitchen and didn’t have space for other people in there while she was cooking.

This is the only way I’ve heard that expression used- just that the cook needed to use the space and there was no room for other activities in the kitchen during the prep for the big meal.

Yeah, I say that to my small kids when I’m cooking dinner in the galley kitchen and want them to stay out. I may give them a vegetable or cheese as I’m preparing it though - they are more likely to taste it that way! We also say it about other rooms. Dining room is closed because daddy is cleaning up; living room is closed because the cat barfed and we have to clean it up, etc.

Never have I denied a visitor food. I have learned to keep a store of extra dried apricots and pistachios for my in laws who love to snack on them.

So guests are supposed to eat dried apricots in lieu of lunch at your. House? Crazy!!!

What? Of course not. We serve 3 meals a day pus morning snack for the small kids. If visitors want more food they can help themselves outside of meal times. But we don’t tend to have a lot of snack stuff on hand other than the stuff I know our frequent visitors want, like apricots and pistachios. My in laws can inhale bags of them. I usually shop once for the week and buy only what we need. We have a tiny kitchen, no pantry - I wouldn’t have room to store much. So I’m selective when it comes to keeping snacks or other non perishables.

Your writing style is really tedious and annoying.

Far less annoying than your non-stop whining over potentially not having enough snack food available to you 24/7. Just the thought alone sets you off! Incredible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am interested in knowing whether this is a cultural thing among some white people. We are not white and our families keep feeding and feeding and feeding us and their guests. It would be devestatingly rude for someone to be hungry in their homes.

However, I do tell my own young kids “last call” at dinner time only, because otherwise they suddenly decide they are hungry at bedtime as a stalling technique.

Some white people maybe. My mom will make ten times the amount of food needed for any type of guest. The biggest problem with being her guest is trying to leave without being overfull.

Should we start discussing some other issues as "cultural" things, like that would make it OK? You may be interested to know the demographics of the vast majority of people I've met who are on time, drive well, speak English properly, and "trust banks."

DP -- I get your point, and I don't think it is a race issue, but food is an area around which there are a lot of cultural "norms." I agree that strict policies around food are the result of personal issues (OCD, disordered eating, etc), but I do think there are some cultures that highly value hospitality and strongly associate food with that, and for which it would be unacceptable to not provide abundant and frequent refreshments. In other words, all kinds of people can have these tendencies, but there are some cultures that so strongly frown upon it that it's repressed, and others for which other cultural norms (privacy, frugality) may encourage, or at least no inhibit, such behavior.

Again, I'm waiting to hear what CULTURES you are referring to. "White" is not a culture, or so was claimed earlier.

I was not the previous poster, and I didn't say any race was a "culture." I avoided specifying a culture, because I knew that, as soon as I did, someone would come up with a anecdote that "disproves" it. I'm sure such anecdote will be true. As I said, there are individuals with these tendencies everywhere. However, there are places where social pressure inhibits, even if it doesn't completely prevent, such behavior.

However, since you're so determined, I say that it seems to me that "southern" cultures, whether in the US or Europe, for example, tend to put more focus on an over abundance of food as part of hospitality (not just food itself, which I think all cultures see as an essential part of hospitality). I wonder if its some remnant of times when being in a warmer climate made access to food easier and more consistent? It makes sense that if you're living on the frontier in Minnesota or a Nordic country with a very short growing season, that there would be a premium placed on avoiding food waste.

I also think there is a socioeconomic element. This made me think of Tom Wolfe and his "social x-rays." He says something along the line of "The only people who can be that thin are people who have absolutely no doubt about where their next meal is coming from." There can be a snobbery around not eating. Someone said the other day that "You should never trust someone who eats at cocktail parties." It is a thing among certain classes. (On the other hand, I find that these people tend to drink a lot of alcohol instead).

+1 And also to the not eating (and drinking lots of booze instead, like that's a big improvement). It's absolutely a thing in certain classes of people, particularly women (including Southern women--they might lay out a huge spread for guests, but they aren't eating it). It's a way of demonstrating lots of things--self-control, wealth (again, people who have actually known hunger rarely skip meals intentionally), lack of sensuality/appropriate femininity, etc. I was not raised that way--there's always lots of food at a party, and people are openly enjoying it together.

[Anonymous]

If I woke up at 6am, walked out to my clean kitchen to start the coffee and was greeted with crumbs, sticky spills, dishes in the sink and other signs that my house guests had consumed a gluttonous feast overnight while I innocently slept....

I just can't imagine how some of you are ever invited back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We aren’t fat at all but we are not thin enough for MIL. I think she is trying to get us to lose a few pounds while we visit them, as well as demonstrate her own bizarre “discipline”. She does not serve lunch and has wine for dinner mostly.

better than our situation. We go visit for a week and all they eat or serve is breakfast and an small early dinner. They come stay with us and eat 3-4 meals a day, snack constantly, and want dessert immediately after each dinner. Sweet tooth.

Haha! I relate to this too!