Whitman HS Suicide

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is great irony in the fact that many people on this thread (which itself is based on shameful and irresponsible assumptions about what happened to this poor girl) feel the need to preface their comments by pointing out that their kid is gifted/gets great grades/tested into a special program/etc. People (kids and adults) can struggle regardless of whether they generally succeed and occasionally struggle, or struggle all of the time. Having a kid who generally does well doesn't make anyone more knowledgeable or insightful. It simply manifests one source of the pressure that can overwhelm anyone, which is that too many parents derive their self worth from subjective indicators of success achieved by their children. In private, many parents claim that effort, not grades, is what really matters, but then can't wait to get on social media, etc., to brag about deans' lists and straight A's and acceptance letters, without taking a minute to think about the mounting expectations, and accompanying pressures, that creates.

A lot of those kids are the ones with the issues...

[Anonymous]

Be extremely careful in choosing a professional to treat your child. They can be more unstable than the kids. Request a session with them At the end of their sessions and requests confidential and session notes, especially if they are minors. Don’t let them pull the HIPPA BS

[Anonymous]

[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]My son goes to a private school but he tells me about kids who literally are shaking (9th grade) if they get an A- or B+. They talk about getting punished, privileges taken away etc. These are all perfectly smart kids and the parents are just plain wacko. My son is an A/B student, occasional C (language not his thing) and we are proud of him. He has some learning issues and to do that well in his school is an accomplishment. But he doesn't feel like it is and thinks he is "dumb" because of the SCHOOL not us. I don't think it would change if it were Whitman or similar. It is just this area. I say this as an A/B student in a Midwest public, who went to a great SLAS on full scholarship and did well in my career. People around here are totally nuts. The kids are really suffering and we refuse to change anything [/quote]

Couldn’t agree more. [/quote]

I am a student with Jojo in the same year and we have talked a couple times, I totally agree but in this circumstance it was not very much the academic pressure she was a great student. It was mostly bullying from her peers and family trouble.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I've been looking for a therapist for my son and for myself (different issues) but it is, actually, damn hard to find a good therapist, one who works on our specific issues, and who we can communicate well with, who takes our insurance. I've been looking over a year. So it's not that there aren't good therapists around here, but it can be damn hard to find them if you can't afford to pay out of pocket. I know there are very good therapists who do take insurance, and I'm overflowing with gratitude to them for doing so, but it's still very hard to find the right match.

My impression is that psychiatrists and therapists will take insurance when just starting out, but will quickly stop accepting insurance once they have a sufficient patient population.
My insurance companies (Aetna then Carefirst) provide a list of adolescent psychiatrists who supposedly accept the insurance. But then you call down the list, and you find that the vast majority may have once accepted the insurance but no longer do. Add to this the shortage of adolescent psychiatrists (mainly due to an increase in adolescent psychiatric problems) and I agree that it is very difficult to find someone good and inexpensive.

In our case, we spent $3000 out of pocket last year, but finally found someone good who accepts Carefirst and have not paid a cent this year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whitman parent here.

My daughter is devastated and so sad about this -- as is the entire community. My child sat with me last night and opened up and the things that came out were so moving - and eye opening to me.

I'm left with the feeling that the school has to stop reinforcing the stress, stress, stress. They need to do something to tone down the stress levels for these kids.

Yes, undoubtedly there were many reasons that led to this tragedy. But, also, no doubt, this school is a pressure cooker and that is something the entire community has to deal with.

We chose Whitman because of its excellence and it is a great school in many ways. That said, my child was sick a couple of weeks ago and was worried about missing one day (one day!) of school b/c she'd "get behind." That's crazy.

We as parents and teachers must do something. Our kids are too precious and far more than the sum of their achievements, awards and grades.

Sad day.

Also a Whitman parent--of many years--and I agree with others who have posted that the school itself bears little responsibility for the stress; in fact, they are very aware of how tightly strung many of their students are and have a lot of programs and initiatives in place to reduce stress. The principal and many of the other staff are extremely compassionate and focused on the well-being of students. The "pressure cooker" aspect (which doesn't affect all kids in the school) comes from hard charging parents who push their kids, and the peer group that makes really academic kids feel like they need to step things up.

One of my kids has missed a fair amount of school for an extracurricular activity, and it is indeed stressful trying to catch up on the work. But the teachers will definitely work with your child in the event they miss school for an excused absence, and if for any reason your child has an issue with getting caught up, the counselors will help.

My only takeaway on this tragedy is that depression and adolescence can be an incredibly dangerous combination, even with the most loving and involved family, even if you have a lot of good friends and are involved in activities that you enjoy.

It's the parents who create this insanity.

Every other day on DCUM there is a post:

"Is my 2 year old gifted?"
"What type of preschool for my prodigy 3 year old?"
"How advanced is knowing the alphabet at 10 months?"
"what colleges should we have in mind for our gifted 9 year old?"

These kids are DOOMED from a young age to lives of stress.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here is a huge psych practice filled with competent professionals with good communication skills

http://www.alvordbaker.com/about/clinicians/

And if you call them for an appointment for non-school hours, they will tell you their waiting list is 3-6 months.

It didn’t take me that long to get a regular after school appointment for my DD. I think I waited about a month.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a crisis in teenage mental health that has reached epidemic proportions. So many girls, especially, trying to show how popular they are do not realize the impact on others.

It’s not just popularity/bullying.

The academic pressure from parents is immense and is the cause of guilt, anxiety, and low self-esteem at anything less than perfection.

Please stop blaming parents. School pressure is one of many possible reasons a child commits suicide.

This was a real person with local family. Stop speculating on something you know nothing about.

Dude um I don’t think you realize how big of an impact parents have on their children especially about grades. You probably don’t know how tough and hard a parent will be on their kid sometimes. Parents do want the best for you and they love and care for you but I don’t think they realize the stress it causes to the kids

[Anonymous]

School counselor here. The irony (and this is for the PP) is that school counselors aren’t trained to do college counseling. High school counselors have to spend a lot of time on recommendations though and on helping kids with that. Counselors’ caseloads are absurd and they also are not all licensed professionals. Some are, and many have good instincts, but I personally believe that even though school counselors don’t do therapy in schools, they should be required to get some sort of mental health license. The training is more rigorous and would help them have a better sense of when to refer to outside professionals for more intense therapy. In the school setting, we can do groups and brief solution focused therapy and check ins, and we play an important role, but there aren’t nearly enough of us. We want to do right by kids but we don’t always even know all our kids. It’s so easy for someone to fall through the cracks. Support more counselors in schools. That kid is on the right path with his petition. And take the time to get to know your kid’s counselor. Make sure your child is on their radar, even if it’s just a periodic check in.

[Anonymous]

We don't know why and there could be many reasons. Why speculate and cause her more harm by guessing and slamming her life. If it was bullying like another person said, how sad. It frusterates me when kids/adults do that kind of stuff and its the same people who are doing the memorials when it was their behavior or lack of intervention that caused this. It was probably a combination of things, not any one thing that put her over the edge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Whitman parent here.

My daughter is devastated and so sad about this -- as is the entire community. My child sat with me last night and opened up and the things that came out were so moving - and eye opening to me.

I'm left with the feeling that the school has to stop reinforcing the stress, stress, stress. They need to do something to tone down the stress levels for these kids.

Yes, undoubtedly there were many reasons that led to this tragedy. But, also, no doubt, this school is a pressure cooker and that is something the entire community has to deal with.

We chose Whitman because of its excellence and it is a great school in many ways. That said, my child was sick a couple of weeks ago and was worried about missing one day (one day!) of school b/c she'd "get behind." That's crazy.

We as parents and teachers must do something. Our kids are too precious and far more than the sum of their achievements, awards and grades.

Sad day.

Also a Whitman parent--of many years--and I agree with others who have posted that the school itself bears little responsibility for the stress; in fact, they are very aware of how tightly strung many of their students are and have a lot of programs and initiatives in place to reduce stress. The principal and many of the other staff are extremely compassionate and focused on the well-being of students. The "pressure cooker" aspect (which doesn't affect all kids in the school) comes from hard charging parents who push their kids, and the peer group that makes really academic kids feel like they need to step things up.

One of my kids has missed a fair amount of school for an extracurricular activity, and it is indeed stressful trying to catch up on the work. But the teachers will definitely work with your child in the event they miss school for an excused absence, and if for any reason your child has an issue with getting caught up, the counselors will help.

My only takeaway on this tragedy is that depression and adolescence can be an incredibly dangerous combination, even with the most loving and involved family, even if you have a lot of good friends and are involved in activities that you enjoy.

It's the parents who create this insanity.

Every other day on DCUM there is a post:

"Is my 2 year old gifted?"
"What type of preschool for my prodigy 3 year old?"
"How advanced is knowing the alphabet at 10 months?"
"what colleges should we have in mind for our gifted 9 year old?"

These kids are DOOMED from a young age to lives of stress.

I am sorry but this is an ignorant post.
There are many parents who put pressure on their children to succeed in school, on the athletic field, on stage etc. I am sure there is more pressure to succeed in a place like Montgomery County with its larger than average population of highly successful adults. Please don't conflate that with parents who are trying to figure out how best to educate their gifted children. Since the numbers are small (3% of the general population), it is difficult to ask other parents at the playground etc. which is why there are so many parents who end up relying on an anonymous forum. I am able to ask questions I cannot ask the parents of my child's classmates because it sounds like bragging. Many of us are just trying to ensure our children get an education that is appropriate for their needs, abilities and learning styles.

There are parents who care a lot about grades in the magnet programs (especially at the high school level) but I am not sure if there are far more of them than you would find in a school like Whitman for instance which also has a lot of highly educated, professionally successful parents. My child had trouble adjusting to the workload and expectations in his magnet high school. We told him we did not want him to worry about his grades and asked him if he wanted to go to his home high school where the work load would be easier and life would presumably be less stressful. His response was that despite the academic stress, he enjoyed his classes and loved his classmates and his teachers. He thought that going to his home high school would be academically easier but more stressful in other ways (socially). We allowed him to stay in the magnet program and after a period of adjustment, he is thriving. He also knows he can go to his home high school anytime he wants. I have also noticed that most of the pressure he puts himself under is internal. We are fine with As and Bs. Cs would definitely spark a discussion about tutors or repeating a class but that has not happened so far. I think this is true for many of his friends. Some are under pressure from their parents but in many cases these kids are high achievers who want to do well. I have also not found the teachers putting pressure on the kids
https://www.nagc.org/blog/management-anxiety-begins-home

[Anonymous]

Terrible for all.

That’s the only thing that matters. Let’s leave specifics and details to the authorities. A young life was lost. Everyone near her is devastated.

Please, please, please stop asking for specifics.

[Anonymous]

I think all this speculation about her family and school life is deeply disrespectful. I knew JoJo and she was a bright and caring girl, but at the same time struggled with mental illness.
This was not brought on by school stress or her parents, but by far deeper chemical issues like not suicides.
If anything we should be talking more about mental illness and the stigma, not criticizing schools or parents you know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think all this speculation about her family and school life is deeply disrespectful. I knew JoJo and she was a bright and caring girl, but at the same time struggled with mental illness.
This was not brought on by school stress or her parents, but by far deeper chemical issues like not suicides.
If anything we should be talking more about mental illness and the stigma, not criticizing schools or parents you know nothing about.

Yes, but parents and schools are a huge factor in causing or at least exacerbating these chemical imbalances. I'm a student and last year, I went through an absolutely awful period of depression that was completely connected to my schoolwork and the pressure that I, my parents, and my peers have placed onto me. In 8th grade, my mental health was terrible because of the incredible stress my parents had placed on me to get straight A's.any
Now that my parents have realized that I have depression, they've eased up significantly on their expectations from me and are accepting and kind about any kinds of grades I get in school. This has helped my mental and emotional health immensely and actually helped me do better in school.

So yeah, I'd say that parents and schools have a pretty big impact on somebody's mental health.

[Anonymous]

here is the link to the petition https://www.change.org/p/donald-trump-increase-resources-for-depressed-and-suicidal-students-in-all-schools-forjojo

[Anonymous]

Link to article which states the death is being investigated as a suicide.
http://www.bethesdamagazine.com/Bethesda-Beat/2017/Walt-Whitman-Sophomore-Remembered-for-Treating-Everyone-as-a-Friend/