Why do children get MORE expensive as they get older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

We don't do the above things to get our kids into an Ivy League school, although that would be a nice side benefit. We do them because we want them to be happy people with genuine interests who are engaged in the world around them. Another, though less important reason, is to help them fit in with their peers. Teenagers do care about things like the "right" brand of clothing and shoes, don't kid yourselves about that. Fitting in and feeling comfortable within one's peer group is very important to the teenage mind.

I'm happy to give my children opportunities to take horseback riding and tennis lessons, learn to play the piano, learn to ski, take them to Iceland and Costa Rica, etc. etc. Don't get me wrong. But I also don't kid myself that it's not expensive. They're the most expensive things in our lives. Raising a child and all that entails has become a luxury.

Well, we just have extremely different values. I grew up to become a successful, engaged person, and I never went on one international trip. Our trips were 1) a cross-country car trip to move across country and 2) two skiing trips with the church (staying in a cabin dorm with 20 other people). The only lessons I had were piano lessons once a week for a few years. Everything else was free (school sports, school debate team). On weekends we went to church, went on hikes, went to free swimming spots. My parents taught me to be independent and self-directed, not to fit in with my peers. I also think it's odd to believe that adult-programmed and controlled activities are the way to make kids with "genuine interests." I plan to let my child decide for himself what his interests are, not send him to golf lessons because I think he needs to learn how to golf in order to have business golf lunches.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 7 and 10 year old boys who play outside literally every day before sports. They are playing street hockey , riding bikes, scooters etc. sometimes they simply go through a growth spurt and outgrow a pair. I'd rather have active kids who trash their sneakers through play than kids trapped in before or after care all day, or pristine sneakers because they play video games all afternoon.

in five weeks?

i was a child, too. i've never had a video-game. i still didn't trash my shoes in 5 weeks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

We don't do the above things to get our kids into an Ivy League school, although that would be a nice side benefit. We do them because we want them to be happy people with genuine interests who are engaged in the world around them. Another, though less important reason, is to help them fit in with their peers. Teenagers do care about things like the "right" brand of clothing and shoes, don't kid yourselves about that. Fitting in and feeling comfortable within one's peer group is very important to the teenage mind.

I'm happy to give my children opportunities to take horseback riding and tennis lessons, learn to play the piano, learn to ski, take them to Iceland and Costa Rica, etc. etc. Don't get me wrong. But I also don't kid myself that it's not expensive. They're the most expensive things in our lives. Raising a child and all that entails has become a luxury.

Well, we just have extremely different values. I grew up to become a successful, engaged person, and I never went on one international trip. Our trips were 1) a cross-country car trip to move across country and 2) two skiing trips with the church (staying in a cabin dorm with 20 other people). The only lessons I had were piano lessons once a week for a few years. Everything else was free (school sports, school debate team). On weekends we went to church, went on hikes, went to free swimming spots. My parents taught me to be independent and self-directed, not to fit in with my peers. I also think it's odd to believe that adult-programmed and controlled activities are the way to make kids with "genuine interests." I plan to let my child decide for himself what his interests are, not send him to golf lessons because I think he needs to learn how to golf in order to have business golf lunches.

PP has a kid in private and is trying desperately to fit in with the rich crowd. sad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

We don't do the above things to get our kids into an Ivy League school, although that would be a nice side benefit. We do them because we want them to be happy people with genuine interests who are engaged in the world around them. Another, though less important reason, is to help them fit in with their peers. Teenagers do care about things like the "right" brand of clothing and shoes, don't kid yourselves about that. Fitting in and feeling comfortable within one's peer group is very important to the teenage mind.

I'm happy to give my children opportunities to take horseback riding and tennis lessons, learn to play the piano, learn to ski, take them to Iceland and Costa Rica, etc. etc. Don't get me wrong. But I also don't kid myself that it's not expensive. They're the most expensive things in our lives. Raising a child and all that entails has become a luxury.

Well, we just have extremely different values. I grew up to become a successful, engaged person, and I never went on one international trip. Our trips were 1) a cross-country car trip to move across country and 2) two skiing trips with the church (staying in a cabin dorm with 20 other people). The only lessons I had were piano lessons once a week for a few years. Everything else was free (school sports, school debate team). On weekends we went to church, went on hikes, went to free swimming spots. My parents taught me to be independent and self-directed, not to fit in with my peers. I also think it's odd to believe that adult-programmed and controlled activities are the way to make kids with "genuine interests." I plan to let my child decide for himself what his interests are, not send him to golf lessons because I think he needs to learn how to golf in order to have business golf lunches.

(And I should add we were not poor or lower class. Just a normal, large family with a normal life, going to normal public schools and using normal public facilities.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

[Anonymous]

We are in the sweet spot right now with our 8-year-old; we pay $450/month for aftercare and $100/month for one sport, which is a far cry from the $1400/month we paid for daycare. We spend about $3500/summer on camps for 8 weeks, including aftercare and transportation. He attends public school, we shop at Target for his clothes, and our friends are very non-fancy.

BUT, there are a zillion "small" expenses that add up so fast! Uniforms, sporting gear, field trips, teacher appreciation gifts, snack rotation, birthday party gifts, class pictures (individual, class, team), team pizza party, 24 days out of school during the year that need to be covered either with leave or a day-off camp (usually $75/day), the FUNDRAISERS, etc etc. It just is a constant dripping of cash. Yes, you can say no to a lot of things, but not everything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My elementary boys go through sneakers in about 5 weeks. Grocery bill over $300/week. Spring sports enrollment cost over a thousand dollars (plus cost of equipment). New golf clubs last week for one kid, orthodontia coming up for two kids, one week of full day camp for the summer for all three was over a thousand dollars. We aren't even into cell phones yet. Plane rides to visit grandparents, every time we vacation it's 5 flights and a suite or two hotel rooms. 5 lift tickets. I mean- you really can't imagine how expensive life with kids is if you continue to be active.

Duh.

who are these children who trash their shoes in a matter of weeks and why? this is ridiculous.

I am desperate to find shoes that last more than a month. My 8 year old's last pair was from Stride Right, so not particularly cheap, and within weeks, they have holes in the toes and are coming apart. I'm sure people think I'm super cheap and/or super poor since he is always running around with shoes that are falling apart -- neither of which is true. But shoes are made like crap nowadays, and I can't find decent ones. The ones he had before this pair were from "Shoe Train" which everyone raves about, and they were also crap. He plays soccer every day at recess on our elementary's school's crappy dirt field -- other than that, I don't think he's doing anything particularly unusual with them. There have been an number of posts on the elementary school forum about where to find shoes that don't fall apart immediately, and no one seems to have great suggestions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 7 and 10 year old boys who play outside literally every day before sports. They are playing street hockey , riding bikes, scooters etc. sometimes they simply go through a growth spurt and outgrow a pair. I'd rather have active kids who trash their sneakers through play than kids trapped in before or after care all day, or pristine sneakers because they play video games all afternoon.

in five weeks?

i was a child, too. i've never had a video-game. i still didn't trash my shoes in 5 weeks.

Well obviously you are far superior to my kids. Kudos!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd say they average 10k per year after taxes until 23

As someone who just wrote a check for $2700 for 1 month of daycare, for 2 kids, this sounds LIKE A HUGE BARGAIN!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

There are always things to spend your money on. I don't believe that spending money is what makes my kids successful. Quite the opposite. I wonder how a young adult who has been coddled with material goods and international trips will fare when they graduate from college and are on their own ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

There are always things to spend your money on. I don't believe that spending money is what makes my kids successful. Quite the opposite. I wonder how a young adult who has been coddled with material goods and international trips will fare when they graduate from college and are on their own ...

Are you the one who never took vacations? I bet you didn't have a home computer, either, but guess what? Every home has one now, including yours. We are raising children in an entirely different world than we grew up in. There is a big space between throwing away money to keep up with the Joneses and making sure that our kids are developing socially and academically. And yes, that includes fostering independence, resourcefulness, perseverance, and resilience. It is possible to do this AND take children on vacation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

speak for yourself. i was extremely competitive as a child, went to harvard and have a phd. there are many ways to compete and even more to be happy, successful and productive.

my 5 yo is extremely ambitious and competitive and i am looking for ways to diffuse that rather than add pressure.

btw, my children have travelled overseas multiple times. and i don't count that as "child cost". i do it because i enjoy it, not because it's a way for my children to "fit in" or be competitive and successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

There are always things to spend your money on. I don't believe that spending money is what makes my kids successful. Quite the opposite. I wonder how a young adult who has been coddled with material goods and international trips will fare when they graduate from college and are on their own ...

Are you the one who never took vacations? I bet you didn't have a home computer, either, but guess what? Every home has one now, including yours. We are raising children in an entirely different world than we grew up in. There is a big space between throwing away money to keep up with the Joneses and making sure that our kids are developing socially and academically. And yes, that includes fostering independence, resourcefulness, perseverance, and resilience. It is possible to do this AND take children on vacation.

are you the PP who pays for horse riding lessons so that your child (i bet you only had one because that's all you think you could afford) fits in with the private school crowd?