Why do children get MORE expensive as they get older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

There are always things to spend your money on. I don't believe that spending money is what makes my kids successful. Quite the opposite. I wonder how a young adult who has been coddled with material goods and international trips will fare when they graduate from college and are on their own ...

I went to school with kids like this. Many of them went to the crappy colleges, assuming they went to college, and live in the same dinky little town where we grew up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe the people who say that didn't have kids in daycare? My kids weren't ever in daycare (I was a SAHM during their younger years) so I'd say that statement is true for us.

++1

And again SAH is by far the bigger expense.

Absolutely. The long-term financial implications are compelling. If I had a healthy trust fund I would totally stay home for a couple years while the kids are little. But my family's overall well-being depends in part on the money I earn, so DH and I stay in the salt mines. Having a SAHP is a true luxury.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

speak for yourself. i was extremely competitive as a child, went to harvard and have a phd. there are many ways to compete and even more to be happy, successful and productive.

my 5 yo is extremely ambitious and competitive and i am looking for ways to diffuse that rather than add pressure.

btw, my children have travelled overseas multiple times. and i don't count that as "child cost". i do it because i enjoy it, not because it's a way for my children to "fit in" or be competitive and successful.

You seem to know quite a lot about raising older children and the associated costs for having a 5 year old. Thanks for the advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

There are always things to spend your money on. I don't believe that spending money is what makes my kids successful. Quite the opposite. I wonder how a young adult who has been coddled with material goods and international trips will fare when they graduate from college and are on their own ...

Are you the one who never took vacations? I bet you didn't have a home computer, either, but guess what? Every home has one now, including yours. We are raising children in an entirely different world than we grew up in. There is a big space between throwing away money to keep up with the Joneses and making sure that our kids are developing socially and academically. And yes, that includes fostering independence, resourcefulness, perseverance, and resilience. It is possible to do this AND take children on vacation.

are you the PP who pays for horse riding lessons so that your child (i bet you only had one because that's all you think you could afford) fits in with the private school crowd?

Ha, ha, ha. No way. Our kids do Cub Scouts and rec league baseball. We do a beach vacation every summer and an international trip to visit cousins every other year. We have an xbox. We will pay for orthodontia, tutoring if needed, and college. I'm sure you think our spending is grotesque.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are in the sweet spot right now with our 8-year-old; we pay $450/month for aftercare and $100/month for one sport, which is a far cry from the $1400/month we paid for daycare. We spend about $3500/summer on camps for 8 weeks, including aftercare and transportation. He attends public school, we shop at Target for his clothes, and our friends are very non-fancy.

BUT, there are a zillion "small" expenses that add up so fast! Uniforms, sporting gear, field trips, teacher appreciation gifts, snack rotation, birthday party gifts, class pictures (individual, class, team), team pizza party, 24 days out of school during the year that need to be covered either with leave or a day-off camp (usually $75/day), the FUNDRAISERS, etc etc. It just is a constant dripping of cash. Yes, you can say no to a lot of things, but not everything.

+1 I forgot about those little extras.

[Anonymous]

This area is extremely expensive and competitive. We have HS seniors. $1600 total for sat prep. $1500 for college applications ( including test scores) College trips. We did it cheap about $200 each one x 8 colleges. Kids cars. They have fender benders ( find a kid who hasn't ) wisdom teeth. Clothes and shoes. Health care. Counseling. Tutors. I guess it paid off in merit grant. But what if it hadn't?

[Anonymous]

Isn't sleep away summer camp like $20k?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

There are always things to spend your money on. I don't believe that spending money is what makes my kids successful. Quite the opposite. I wonder how a young adult who has been coddled with material goods and international trips will fare when they graduate from college and are on their own ...

Are you the one who never took vacations? I bet you didn't have a home computer, either, but guess what? Every home has one now, including yours. We are raising children in an entirely different world than we grew up in. There is a big space between throwing away money to keep up with the Joneses and making sure that our kids are developing socially and academically. And yes, that includes fostering independence, resourcefulness, perseverance, and resilience. It is possible to do this AND take children on vacation.

Look, some families (even well-educated, solid families) simply don't have the amount of disposible income you're claiming is "required" to raise kids these days. It's not like we didn't take vacations to Iceland because my parents didn't believe in travel; it's that we didn't have the money for luxury trips. We all turned out fine. And yes, we did have one computer, and yes I realize that my kid will need his own computer eventually. Likely, that computer will cost less (inflation adjusted) than the BOB stroller he had as an infant. It's kind of sad that you think only money can purchase your child's social and academic development.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This area is extremely expensive and competitive. We have HS seniors. $1600 total for sat prep. $1500 for college applications ( including test scores) College trips. We did it cheap about $200 each one x 8 colleges. Kids cars. They have fender benders ( find a kid who hasn't ) wisdom teeth. Clothes and shoes. Health care. Counseling. Tutors. I guess it paid off in merit grant. But what if it hadn't?

- I never had a car
- I never visited any colleges
- I prepped myself for the SAT with books
- Wisdom teeth removal is a racket for dentists

This is all discretionary spending.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

There are always things to spend your money on. I don't believe that spending money is what makes my kids successful. Quite the opposite. I wonder how a young adult who has been coddled with material goods and international trips will fare when they graduate from college and are on their own ...

Are you the one who never took vacations? I bet you didn't have a home computer, either, but guess what? Every home has one now, including yours. We are raising children in an entirely different world than we grew up in. There is a big space between throwing away money to keep up with the Joneses and making sure that our kids are developing socially and academically. And yes, that includes fostering independence, resourcefulness, perseverance, and resilience. It is possible to do this AND take children on vacation.

Look, some families (even well-educated, solid families) simply don't have the amount of disposible income you're claiming is "required" to raise kids these days. It's not like we didn't take vacations to Iceland because my parents didn't believe in travel; it's that we didn't have the money for luxury trips. We all turned out fine. And yes, we did have one computer, and yes I realize that my kid will need his own computer eventually. Likely, that computer will cost less (inflation adjusted) than the BOB stroller he had as an infant. It's kind of sad that you think only money can purchase your child's social and academic development.

I never said that only money can purchase those things. But it's ridiculous to think that children who take vacations will be stunted in some way. There is a shitload of work that goes into raising children into competent and successful adults, and it's just as easy to screw them up on the cheap as it is by spending money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This area is extremely expensive and competitive. We have HS seniors. $1600 total for sat prep. $1500 for college applications ( including test scores) College trips. We did it cheap about $200 each one x 8 colleges. Kids cars. They have fender benders ( find a kid who hasn't ) wisdom teeth. Clothes and shoes. Health care. Counseling. Tutors. I guess it paid off in merit grant. But what if it hadn't?

- I never had a car
- I never visited any colleges
- I prepped myself for the SAT with books
- Wisdom teeth removal is a racket for dentists

This is all discretionary spending.

New poster. How old are your children? What school system or pyramid are you in?

[Anonymous]

The things that some people think are "required" are hilarious.

You don't need thousands of dollars of test prep. You can buy a $40 study guide and work through it with your kid. You don't need to play travel hockey--rec baseball is fine. My parents gave my sister and I xxx amount of money for activities. If that meant we wanted to play one expensive sport, or do 3 cheaper things, or get a job to pay the difference, so be it. By the time the kid is in high school, that's a good lesson in budgeting to have.

The only thing that I think is a necessity for older kids (barring a learning disability that requires special academic support) is braces. Everything else is a "nice to have", and we'll pay for what we can easily afford. No way are we going to skimp on retirement or college savings so that Larla can go to horseback riding lessons each week or spend the summer at a $10k sleepaway camp.

[Anonymous]

The reason is that it is different from when we were growing up - it really is. Of course, if you don't have the money, you don't spend it. But, if you have it, you can.


My kids are middle school and high school and have two working parents. Kids have sports, music, a nanny to drive them around, adult size clothing and food, plus all the incidentals mentioned in a PP. (pictures, donations, gifts to teachers and coaches) plus big chunks to save for college. This summer we have sleep away camps, day camps, plane tickets for them to visit relatives, driver's ed. Some have special needs - one needs a tutor, one is in therapy and both will need to study for college prep tests.

If you live in a different area, it might not be as expensive but both of my kids' schools need money, kids have computers and phones (with data plans) and there are just tons of expenses that you can't think of.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

speak for yourself. i was extremely competitive as a child, went to harvard and have a phd. there are many ways to compete and even more to be happy, successful and productive.

my 5 yo is extremely ambitious and competitive and i am looking for ways to diffuse that rather than add pressure.

btw, my children have travelled overseas multiple times. and i don't count that as "child cost". i do it because i enjoy it, not because it's a way for my children to "fit in" or be competitive and successful.

Please mention your Ivy League degree again. Also I'd like to hear of your 5 year old's accomplishments since she is "extremely ambitious and competitive". Is she MVP for soccer? Straight A's? Made a killer STEM fair project?
I would like some more tips from you on how to be so successful. It's really nice of you to come in and set all of us moms with older kids straight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look if you're one of those parents who don't care about enriching their children's lives with activities, lessons, summer camps, vacations, orthodontia, nice clothes and age appropriate toys (including the iphone and data plan they'll eventually need starting in upper elementary or ms), and oh yeah COLLEGE, then yes I guess you're right, they're not that expensive.

If you're the typical UMC parent who DOES care about all that stuff? They're expensive as f***.

and yet somehow I went to an Ivy League school and became a typical UMC parent, even though I never did any activities other than free school teams and bands, never took vacations, never had an iphone. This consumerist lifestyle is not necessary. Free yourself!

Were iPhones readily available when you were a teenager? You must be a very, very young parent. I did not grow up with the same standards, either, however times are a changing! You may be in for a rude awakening.

yeah, there was no expensive stuff when we grew up. expensive stuff appeared for the first time in the history of mankind the moment you became a parent. what a coincidence!

It's not just expensive things. Way more competitive than when we grew up. You seem determined that because you didn't have it, neither should your children. Maybe you will stick with that, but most parents I know want to help their children succeed.

speak for yourself. i was extremely competitive as a child, went to harvard and have a phd. there are many ways to compete and even more to be happy, successful and productive.

my 5 yo is extremely ambitious and competitive and i am looking for ways to diffuse that rather than add pressure.

btw, my children have travelled overseas multiple times. and i don't count that as "child cost". i do it because i enjoy it, not because it's a way for my children to "fit in" or be competitive and successful.

Please mention your Ivy League degree again. Also I'd like to hear of your 5 year old's accomplishments since she is "extremely ambitious and competitive". Is she MVP for soccer? Straight A's? Made a killer STEM fair project?
I would like some more tips from you on how to be so successful. It's really nice of you to come in and set all of us moms with older kids straight.

people pay me to learn from me so you are lucky that i am even responding to you. oh, and i have two ivy league degrees. you are basically spending money merely to hope that one day your kids will be as successful as me.

that my very young child is extremely ambitious and competitive is a personality trait. you know, something that we are born with and it's pretty obvious. school-level accomplishments such as soccer and straight As, which loom so huge in your mind, are a different animal entirely. success and happiness in life is yet another completely different thing, as you should sometimes remind yourself, know-it-all mom of middle-school kids.