Inheritance debacle. WWYD?

[Anonymous]

Why does Larla need to give some of the proceeds from the house to Roy and Mary...they are not entitled to a damn thing

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's weird because it is so unusual. The typical will leaves the decedent's assets to the spouse and/or children. When there is no will, the assets are distributed by the state to the closest relatives. So this is an unusual situation.

No this isn't unusual. Thelma's son seems to be in control of his life where as Thelma's daughter seems to be completely useless and I don't buy for second that she has some type of mental illness. from what has been described she just sounds lazy and refuses to work like a normal person and chose to mooch off of her mom this whole time. She doesn't deserve to stay in the house she doesn't deserve to get any more money what was left to her in the will

[Anonymous]

I would bet that Thelma made it very clear to Mary over the past 5 years that she was using up all her "inheritance" just by continuing to live at home and mooch off her. I have to believe it came up somewhere along the way and she knew she wasn't getting the house. For all we know, the $100k may have been a figure that Mary told Thelma she wanted. If Thelma had a will that clearly stated who got what, then there's no argument.

[Anonymous]

We are only hearing Larla's side of the story. And there have been a lot of questions asked here about the situation that she hasn't answered, so it is difficult to say what should be done.

Just glancing back through the last page or so for questions:

Does Thelma have any other siblings? Any other nieces or nephews or godchildren?
Who is the executor of the will?
What caused Thelma to write her will the way she did?

It would be great if Larla would show this thread to Mary and ask her to post and answer some of the questions people have been asking about what was going on between her and her mother.

Mary and Roy should at least consult with a lawyer to find out if there are any grounds to contest the will. If everyone in the family cooperates and works toward doing the right thing, it will hopefully all work out.

[Anonymous]

OP, you didn't work for this money and you don't deserve it. That said, you have it, since Thelma was too weak to be a mother to glued daughter while alive and has left you holding the bag.

You have no compassion for Mary and frankly you don't seem to know her very well. She is a caricature to you. You don't know how she ended up the way she has, but what you do know is that she has had the rug pulled out from under her Ina cruel way...not by you, but by Thelma.

I hate inherited wealth. It is corrosive. You already sound entitled to this money and defensive about your cousin's supposed Lexi of worthiness to inherit. I think you're posting here because rep down you know it is immoral to put your cousin out. And unless Thema prepared Mary long ago for this scenario, what has been done to her is cruel.

You haven't won the lottery or earned this money. If it were me, I'd work very hard to help my cousin.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We are only hearing Larla's side of the story. And there have been a lot of questions asked here about the situation that she hasn't answered, so it is difficult to say what should be done.

Just glancing back through the last page or so for questions:

Does Thelma have any other siblings? Any other nieces or nephews or godchildren?
Who is the executor of the will?
What caused Thelma to write her will the way she did?

It would be great if Larla would show this thread to Mary and ask her to post and answer some of the questions people have been asking about what was going on between her and her mother.

Mary and Roy should at least consult with a lawyer to find out if there are any grounds to contest the will. If everyone in the family cooperates and works toward doing the right thing, it will hopefully all work out.

Why does any of this matter? Thelma clearly stipulated in her will that she wanted Larla to inherit the house. Honoring Thelma's wishes, as indicated in her will, is the right thing to do.

[Anonymous]

I think this inheritance has the potential of being more of a burden than a gift. I would sell the house, unless you plan to let Mary live there. I would definitely ask her to pay rent. If you sell, you may not get market value if there is a lot of deferred maintenance to catch up on. There is a reason homes sold as estates usually go lower than comparables in their neighborhoods. I also agree with the suggestion to hold a family meeting with an objective outsider. Its too bad Thelma did not have more foresight to see the awkward position this puts the OP and Mary in.

[Anonymous]

I just want to add that if Mary was not told the contents of the will beforehand, it almost seems vindictive on Thelmas part.

[Anonymous]

Let Mary know when you're moving in and give advance notice of the changes that will be made. Which room are you going to live in; where should Mary put her stuff that's now in the main areas of the home? You are going to be clearing stuff out for a good long while. During that time, you can offer Mary things that may be of sentimental value that you'd be donating anyway. Are any of the utilities in her name? What was her contribution to the household?

I was waaaaay too generous when I inherited everything. And that's something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. The Will is the Will. Follow it. Depending on how you and Mary get along, there are any number of ways you can work out a functional relationship. If she took care of the house before, let her do that now. If she contributed financially, by all means let that continue. If she did none of these things and is toxic with grief and a sense of betrayal, well, then that doesn't sound like the basis of a positive relationship and she will have to be given notice to vacate.

She may believe she did what she did to receive $$$ in the end, but in fact was only earning her keep while the homeowner was alive. You are not responsible for her expectations. If I basically inherited a 50 year old woman and a house, I'd certainly try to make it work. But, since we don't actually inherit people, we're not responsible for their lives as they change with the death of your loved one.

Operate with kindness, but don't you dare cut a check for anything more than a deposit for a new apartment, or a plane ticket so she may live with another family member. You'll feel like a goddam fool late (BTDT).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everyone, Larla isn't just the niece, she's the GODDAUGHTER.

It makes sense that Thelma would leave a house to her young(ish) unmarried but on the right track student goddaughter and leave money and not the house to her children. Especially with one child being established with his own house and family and the other child a spinster squatter who never had to do much for herself. Roy and Mary are also in their 50s. Larla is basically a generation under them.

If you believe Larla/OP's premise (doesn't write like her story). Mary has 2 degrees - Larla is 25 and in her 3rd year of college, living at home - not exactly a career superstar even in comparison.

Larla works full time, so maybe she goes to school part time? Or maybe she worked a couple years before starting college? Regardless, her godmother believed that Larla was on the right track and wanted to give her a head start in life.

I suspect your an idiot without 1 day of legal training.

Op again here.

After high school, I took a gap year (which became a gap 18 months) to work and earn money to pay for college. My parents are not able to help with college payments so that's why I work my way to my degree.

And this is how much of the middle class gets a college degree today, if they want to avoid or minimize crippling loans.

OP, you need legal advice fast. If you let Mary stay there rent free, she may gain rights to the house, depending on the state. You could give her a six month or year long lease, to ease her transition, but get some legal agreement in place asap. Or ask her to move out immediately. If she's got $100,000, she won't be out on the street.

I suspect Mary already has some rights to the use of the house, having lived there most of her life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait. So a house can be given to someone else and just because you have lived their your whole life, you can just stay?? If that is the case, what's to stop Mary from staying even after the house is sold???

I'm wondering this too!! Why do squatters have such rights?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We are only hearing Larla's side of the story. And there have been a lot of questions asked here about the situation that she hasn't answered, so it is difficult to say what should be done.

Just glancing back through the last page or so for questions:

Does Thelma have any other siblings? Any other nieces or nephews or godchildren?
Who is the executor of the will?
What caused Thelma to write her will the way she did?

It would be great if Larla would show this thread to Mary and ask her to post and answer some of the questions people have been asking about what was going on between her and her mother.

Mary and Roy should at least consult with a lawyer to find out if there are any grounds to contest the will. If everyone in the family cooperates and works toward doing the right thing, it will hopefully all work out.

Why does any of this matter? Thelma clearly stipulated in her will that she wanted Larla to inherit the house. Honoring Thelma's wishes, as indicated in her will, is the right thing to do.

All those things matter because they go to giving more information about Thelma's state of mind at the time she wrote this will. The OP is not a psychologist. She has essentially stated that she does not know much about her own cousin's mental health and motivations for her actions, so I don't expect that she really knows what was going on in Thelma's mind five years ago.

I am not a lawyer, but I spent a lot of time recently talking to an elderly relative at a family reunion. He told me about a meeting he had with his lawyer because he was thinking about leaving a smaller proportion of his estate to one of his three children. Not totally disinherit him, just leave less to that child because he was unhappy about some bad life choices that child had made. (The son had cheated on his wife, an act that the dad found reprehensible.)

The lawyer advised him that he needed to be very clear in his will as to why he was leaving so much less to the one child because otherwise, the will would be wide open to being challenged. He was told that because the majority of wills indicate that assets should be divided fairly equally among children, that he would have to put in writing his reasons for what he was doing if he wanted the will to stand up in court. He ended up going with a more standard division of his assets so that there would not be discord left among his children.

What does the lawyer who wrote the will have to say about Thelma's statements at the time the will was written? It was only five years ago, so he or she is likely to have notes on file from the discussions with Thelma about how she wished her will to be written.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I was waaaaay too generous when I inherited everything. And that's something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. The Will is the Will. Follow it. Depending on how you and Mary get along, there are any number of ways you can work out a functional relationship. If she took care of the house before, let her do that now. If she contributed financially, by all means let that continue. If she did none of these things and is toxic with grief and a sense of betrayal, well, then that doesn't sound like the basis of a positive relationship and she will have to be given notice to vacate.

Operate with kindness, but don't you dare cut a check for anything more than a deposit for a new apartment, or a plane ticket so she may live with another family member. You'll feel like a goddam fool late (BTDT).

What happened in your case, and why do you think you mishandled it? What should you have done instead?

[Anonymous]

Larla/OP

I think you should move into the house and establish your residence there. Right now you are responsible owner of the property and as such you should start treating as such. and you have a person living scot free in your house. you are a defacto landlord, whether you like it or not.... if you live there, you can start dictating to mary. she needs to begin paying for utilities that are in your name, food, ect (split of course) and get it in writing the breakdown of these costs for mary.

I';m not saying that you start charging her rent. but insurance needs to be paid, property taxes, ect. she can't continue to live free...you are not her mother...

Maybe mary is pissed and since you are not there to keep eyes on things, she decides to start screwing around with the house. breaking things, ect, IE running up your cost of home ownership.

You and mary don't get along. no problem. if you live in your house, mary might decide that she wants to live elsewere. Maybe she doesn't like it when you stay up late studying or having your friends over for a party, ect. Kind of be passive aggressive.

Don't sell the house right away. if you sell the house, then mary and Roy could force the cash from the sale to be put in escrow if the will is contested. Then you essentially have nothing until a judge decides. By living in the house you are showing a desire to be there.

If the house isn't to your liking, Location, style, memories, ect. then sell it eventually. and use the proceeds to buy another property. having a house that is paid for is a huge benefit...don't sell and rent.

I rented for about a year out of college before I bought my first house. Rent is such a waste of money... Just don't....

[Anonymous]

I would give Mary a deadline to be out of the house and I would allow her to take anything in the house she wants (furniture, mementos from her mother, etc.). Just might soften the blow a bit, I don't know.

We don't know Mary and I worry that she will not properly care for the house and/or will intentionally damage it.

I would want to just sell the house, quite frankly, but that is up to you.