Earning Well but Drowning in Debt...how to dig out?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op,
You are running yourself ragged and spending money you don't have. Let me condense what you just wrote:

You drop off 2 kids at daycare, husband does one at school.
You work 9-10 hour days, barely making it home for the 6 on mark, then most days have to turn right around and take 3 small children, 2 of whom aren't even in elementary school yet, to "extra" activities that you can't afford, making it necessary to order out/take out twice a week on weeks your husband can help you with the running and racing around, up to 3x when you have to do this all by yourself, adding to the frantic pace and spending money you don't have.
You are so exhausted on the weekend you don't cook again and take 5 people out to eat, due in part to more activities you can't afford.

You are basically spending a TON of money on food you can't afford to get to the activities you can afford with time you don't have.

Won't you be so much happier to just come home after worn at 6 pm and enjoy family time and a decent meal?
And shop on the weekends instead of more activities.
I bet you spend 1k monthly on takeout, order in and restaurants.
Plus the activities on top of a young child in daycare 8-10 hours a day?
I bet it's closer to $1500 you are spending to do all that.

Can you see the circle you have created that you can stop?

OP I'm totally with you that a lot of these posts are ridiculous (you have three kids, that isn't going to change). But the above PP is correct. I'm exhausted just reading about your day. We have twins in two activities/ week, and that's only possible bc my spouse leaves at 3:30 to get them there by 4, home no later than 5:30, when I get home. The fact is that you can't afford these activities- not with that sort of debt. Take a break, six months, a year, anything until you get a budget and spending under control. And I'd love to send my kids to summer camp at the fancy museum too, but we can't afford it (we have no debt other than mortgage, but lower hhi than you). So they'll make do at a cheaper one.

I know it's hard to let go of things you want for your kids, but if you're drowning in debt, you're not doing them any favors. Good luck! I hope you can dig yourself out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why are you alternating drop-off and pick up? Is it really impossible for one spouse to do both? Could you maybe get one parking spot near daycare, and alternate that way? A couple at my daycare does this. In the morning, she takes the bus in, he takes the car, parks it near daycare, and metros to work. At night, she metros to daycare and takes the kids home in the car, and he rides the bus.

If you could do this, you could eliminate one car payment is parking, gas, and insurance.

As a family that alternates drop-off and pick up I will tell you that it is REALLY hard for 1 spouse to do both. And for this family the children are in different locations. So to drop off children 1 & 2 at daycare, child 3 at school and getting to work at a decent time and then leaving to do 2 pick ups is and get a full day of work in is close to impossible.

But - this family is also not willing to make any sacrifices (other than 2 children sharing a room) and only taking 1 vacation a year.

I'm the PP who suggested this. I actually do both the drop-off and pick-up at two different schools. It is hard, and it may be "mommy-tracking" me (because I simply can't work late), but it's one of the sacrifices my family makes to save money, which is why I suggested it.

But is it short sighted - that you are saving a few $ now vs the years of higher income?

Agreed. Had I mommy tracked myself I wouldn't be getting a 300k w2 this year. We also, and always have alternated drop off and pickups. Mainly to accommodate work schedules and minimize time in daycare.

So shortsighted to mommy track yourself. The higher I rise up the corporate ladder, the more flexible my job becomes.

This is not possible on my career track. My DH has the career with the potential for high earning, so it makes sense for him to have the workplace flexibility.

[Anonymous]

Why'd you even post, OP? For everyone to tell you it's ok? It's not. It's not ok to have that high of a mortgage with those crushing student loans. It's not ok to run up 50K in credit card debt, I don't care if it was for 3 mat leaves. Really, what do you want? At this rate, you'll be digging forever. Forget your kids going to college--you make way too much for financial aid, but won't have the money to send them. Well, sign up for even more loans, I guess.

It's no way to live. But you are ridiculous. There's plenty of options between a 3500 mortgage and a box by the river.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why'd you even post, OP? For everyone to tell you it's ok? It's not. It's not ok to have that high of a mortgage with those crushing student loans. It's not ok to run up 50K in credit card debt, I don't care if it was for 3 mat leaves. Really, what do you want? At this rate, you'll be digging forever. Forget your kids going to college--you make way too much for financial aid, but won't have the money to send them. Well, sign up for even more loans, I guess.

It's no way to live. But you are ridiculous. There's plenty of options between a 3500 mortgage and a box by the river.

Amen

[Anonymous]

You have to drop the activities. Do it now while your kids are young. Right now they are more for you than them. As your kids get older, it will get more expensive and more tough.

We did this too when our kids were young. The activities cost us way more than just the fee. There was all the little extras like cleats, dance recital fees, and eating out on busy days. There was also just not having time to focus on things like creating and sticking to and balancing a budget because actually those things do take time and you need to be able to focus on them especially the first year when you are really getting started.

Little things like getting coffee out each day (times x2 each time), grabbing snacks on the run, eating out, hosting other families and friends,etc.

[Anonymous]

I hope neither you nor your DH need a clearance / need to retain a clearance. Given your debt to income ratio you would be at risk for not being granted a clearance due to risk

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. First of all, we are NOT in DC. We are not far from DC but do not have easy access to metro. Second, we have three kids in two different locations. Even with two cars, drop off and pickup from daycare / aftercare is stressful as can be and we often run right up to the 6pm deadline even when we leave at 5pm. Figuring out how to take public transport back and forth from two locations with Jobs just isn't realistic. So selling cars is not an option. It would be great if we could get by on one car. But we cannot.

We do run around a lot to activities in evenings and on weekends. We do not shop at Whole Foods as a PP suggested. Try giant, shoppers, and occasionally trader joes if we need RTH foods for an especially busy work week. We do tend to get carryout and some delivery 1-2x per week. We have a restaurant night one night per week. DH travels a lot for work so when he is away and I am flying solo with the kids doing two drop offs and pickups and working a 9-10 hr day, I do give myself the luxury of not having to cook an extra night.

We do have two elderly dogs in addition to the three kids. Dogs predate kids. So we have dog walking we pay for each month and extra expenses there for food.

Honestly, I am grateful to those who post helpful and positive comments instead of the "oh you shouldn't have had three kids and bought a house." Well thanks a frickin lot for those genius comments. What do we do? Give two kids up for adoption and live in a box down by the river?

We certainly are not going to sell our home, which is already too small, and move our kids into an even smaller apartment in a crappy school district in DC with even higher taxes!

Then get used to life in major debt. You don't cook at least 3 nights a week, that's CRAZY. You don't even walk your own dogs but pay someone else to do it. CRAZY.

[Anonymous]

OK - get a nanny who will also walk the dogs. The nanny will also watch the kids during the summer so you do not need to pay for camp. You can also get a nanny who helps get meals ready. So when you come home - the kids are already fed. (saving you another $100 a week).

[Anonymous]

Well if all apartments are small and in crappy school districts and your kids MUST do activities and you cannot possibly eat at home more and I assume you'd never ever consider getting rid of the dogs -- well, then keep on trucking. How is anyone supposed to help you?

BTW - there are apartments for rent in Arlington, nice 3 bedrooms costing about $1000/month less than your mortgage. I'm sure you wouldn't consider it, but don't assume anything that's walkable to the metro is going to be expensive and crappy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am just stuck on the fact that 2 children in daycare barely getting home by 6pm are in activities after that.

Even if they were not in 50k of debt I don't get this.

And a family that eats out (restaurant, take out, order in, whatever) 3-4 times per week is bleeding a serious amount of cash.

It's fascinating to me how obvious this is to everyone but the OP.

Op here. Yes, one child has music lesson after school pickup. The other activities are on weekends. And we don't eat out 3-4x week. We eat out or get carry out or pizza 1-2x week. Twice if DH is traveling and I am doing all the pickups. But that is something that can go. The music lessons cannot go bc of DCs commitment and dedication to it. This isn't a kid who grudgingly goes to piano lessons, but a kid whose music teacher at school flagged him as gifted, which has proven true thus far. Also the issue with camps.... Music camps aren't cheap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OK - get a nanny who will also walk the dogs. The nanny will also watch the kids during the summer so you do not need to pay for camp. You can also get a nanny who helps get meals ready. So when you come home - the kids are already fed. (saving you another $100 a week).

Op here. This actually is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just stuck on the fact that 2 children in daycare barely getting home by 6pm are in activities after that.

Even if they were not in 50k of debt I don't get this.

And a family that eats out (restaurant, take out, order in, whatever) 3-4 times per week is bleeding a serious amount of cash.

It's fascinating to me how obvious this is to everyone but the OP.

Op here. Yes, one child has music lesson after school pickup. The other activities are on weekends. And we don't eat out 3-4x week. We eat out or get carry out or pizza 1-2x week. Twice if DH is traveling and I am doing all the pickups. But that is something that can go. The music lessons cannot go bc of DCs commitment and dedication to it. This isn't a kid who grudgingly goes to piano lessons, but a kid whose music teacher at school flagged him as gifted, which has proven true thus far. Also the issue with camps.... Music camps aren't cheap.

I'm calling a troll. There's no way this is for real.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Well if all apartments are small and in crappy school districts and your kids MUST do activities and you cannot possibly eat at home more and I assume you'd never ever consider getting rid of the dogs -- well, then keep on trucking. How is anyone supposed to help you?

BTW - there are apartments for rent in Arlington, nice 3 bedrooms costing about $1000/month less than your mortgage. I'm sure you wouldn't consider it, but don't assume anything that's walkable to the metro is going to be expensive and crappy.

Because paying rent instead of having a mortgage/write off and equity makes so much financial sense, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Well if all apartments are small and in crappy school districts and your kids MUST do activities and you cannot possibly eat at home more and I assume you'd never ever consider getting rid of the dogs -- well, then keep on trucking. How is anyone supposed to help you?

BTW - there are apartments for rent in Arlington, nice 3 bedrooms costing about $1000/month less than your mortgage. I'm sure you wouldn't consider it, but don't assume anything that's walkable to the metro is going to be expensive and crappy.

Because paying rent instead of having a mortgage/write off and equity makes so much financial sense, right?

It does if it helps you get out of major debt and live within your means. Oh and get rid of cars that are costing you thousands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OK - get a nanny who will also walk the dogs. The nanny will also watch the kids during the summer so you do not need to pay for camp. You can also get a nanny who helps get meals ready. So when you come home - the kids are already fed. (saving you another $100 a week).

Op here. This actually is a good idea.

This is the only idea you've agreed to. Which is funny because it's the only one that's about spending money.

You can't move
Can't sell cars
Can't quit the music lessons.

But you can hire a nanny. Hahahahahahaha