Inviting the whole class except the bully?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 6, if your child is in tears, then we know why he is being picked on. Time for you to teach this kid some resilience. I'm willing to bet that if your son didn't scream victim, that the other kid would move on. Work on some snappy answers, a bit of ignoring the taunts, and please teach your kid that big kids don't cry.

Way to blame the victim. Your child is a bully, right?

No. Actually, my kids were sometimes picked on, but I do not believe in solving their problems for them. I've found that kids being what they are, you can't force them to like another kid. Long lectures about bullying will make the picking on less obvious to adult eyes, but it will continue. Teaching the kid to quit running crying for the teacher will help make it actually stop.

You are breathtakingly ignorant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 6, if your child is in tears, then we know why he is being picked on. Time for you to teach this kid some resilience. I'm willing to bet that if your son didn't scream victim, that the other kid would move on. Work on some snappy answers, a bit of ignoring the taunts, and please teach your kid that big kids don't cry.

Way to blame the victim. Your child is a bully, right?

No. Actually, my kids were sometimes picked on, but I do not believe in solving their problems for them. I've found that kids being what they are, you can't force them to like another kid. Long lectures about bullying will make the picking on less obvious to adult eyes, but it will continue. Teaching the kid to quit running crying for the teacher will help make it actually stop.

You are breathtakingly ignorant.

Yes!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way would I want my child's birthday party to become a statement on this Bully. That is not appropriate for a *class* party like this.

If you want to invite a few friends from school, a few friends from soccer, a few friends on your block - do it. But do not single out one kid in your son's class for exclusion because you know what that will make you and your son? Bullies.

Rise above Op. If you invite the class that includes this kid.

Nope, not inviting the bully is normal behavior that teaches consequences. Act like a jerk, no one wants you around.

Not for a class party. You don't make a statement like that about a student in your kid's class. Not a good idea.

Statement, schmatement. It's not about that. It's about the birthday child being able to enjoy his own party without feeling anxious or being bullied. End of story. If that other kid is a jerk, he's out. You people are way overthinking this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way would I want my child's birthday party to become a statement on this Bully. That is not appropriate for a *class* party like this.

If you want to invite a few friends from school, a few friends from soccer, a few friends on your block - do it. But do not single out one kid in your son's class for exclusion because you know what that will make you and your son? Bullies.

Rise above Op. If you invite the class that includes this kid.

17:42 here and I disagree. Now you're excluding kids from class who didn't have anything to do with this to spare the bully's feelings. Either invite the whole class or exclude the bully and explain why to his parents (or don't). Have they even been informed of what's going on? I'd invite because its important for OP's son to see that someone has his back. We have little cousins who are slightly older and very protective of DD who could handle it. But even still, I'm happy to stand there and correct a bully if his parents are unwilling. Last year, we had a kid like this push DD into the deep end of a pool. I said something to the kid immediately, because I knew his parents would brush it off. They were embarrassed and left the pool. No problems since. Because we addressed the two cases of bullying (she was an easy target being the new kid in a new country), DD now comes to me alot sooner for advice. FYI, 90% of her social problems I expect her to handle on her own.

[Anonymous]

I would invite the bully and socially isolate him (not really).

Leave him off the list.

[Anonymous]

Does the bully pick on other kids? What type of party are you hosting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have to agree with PP. It's your job, OP, to help your child deal with this without resorting to tears and exclusion.
I don't mean to sound harsh but I'm struck by how upset your child got when you mentioned you might invite the child. Sure there are mean kids but at a party with the whole class your DC couldn't just avoid or ignore this bully?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Don't invite the bully. To hell with him.

You are talking about a SIX YEAR OLD CHILD. If you can't help your children learn to manage conflict at the age of six….well, good luck to all.

You obviously have no idea what it feels like to be bullied. If the bullying is bad, of course the kid will cry at the thought of dealing with his bully at this own party. Asking the kid to ignoring the bully at the party because the whole class is there is the same as asking him to ignore the bully at school. I'm sure he does try to ignore him and not engage him, but bullies don't usually wait to be engaged and is hard to ignore them.

[Anonymous]

OP - your kid's feelings matter more than the bully. It's bad enough he has to deal with him at school, don't bring him to your house. There are many ways to teach your child to be inclusive but putting up with bullying is not the way. It will teach him to be a doormat and that you're not on his side.

[Anonymous]

Leaving out one child from a party to which the rest of the class in invited is bullying. This bully is a young child with problems. Invite him and stay close giving him lots of positive attention. Gently hold his hands and talk to him at his level if he starts to misbehave.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving out one child from a party to which the rest of the class in invited is bullying. This bully is a young child with problems. Invite him and stay close giving him lots of positive attention. Gently hold his hands and talk to him at his level if he starts to misbehave.

Are you one of those people that things any kind of negative consequence = bullying?

[Anonymous]

thinks, not things

[Anonymous]

OP we gave one party with the whole class + bully and attended one like this. Both were awful. With the large group it was impossible to supervise and it happened in secret. It was very bad both times. Much better to have a smaller group. The Bully does not need to have the experience of getting away with it either. Just bad for everyone. Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Bully had to have taken it to a high enough level for it to have escalated to administration. No way, would I invite bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question, OP:

What if the bully has a birthday party and invites everyone but your son?

Not OP, but this happened to us. Bully didn't invite my son and son said, "oh my god, I'm so glad.." Why would a kid who had been bullied want to go to bullies party.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Leaving out one child from a party to which the rest of the class in invited is bullying. This bully is a young child with problems. Invite him and stay close giving him lots of positive attention. Gently hold his hands and talk to him at his level if he starts to misbehave.

I agree. And if he misbehaves call his parents and ask them to come and pick him up. Point made.