Inviting the whole class except the bully?

[Anonymous]

Question, OP:

What if the bully has a birthday party and invites everyone but your son?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here with a follow up. I talked to my son after school and told him we couldn't just exclude the other child, but that I was going to ask him parents to stay so that the other kid couldn't make trouble at the party. My son got really upset and started sobbing that he'd rather not have a party than have this child there, so we agreed we're going to cut it down to a smaller group. We're having a tough time figuring out who's going to be in that smaller group without it being too exclusionary to that other kid, but we'll figure it out. I'm glad I gave him the choice, though, rather than simply moving ahead with the plan to invite everyone.

I think you're being unfair to your son. It's his birthday and he should be able to invite who he choses.

I agree with PP. I think it's fine to leave the bully out and invite everyone else. You are clearly on your son's side, and there is no reason he should have to change up his birthday party to accommodate a child who is terrorizing him. I don't understand all these posters who think it's mean to exclude one child in this circumstance.

FWIW, I also have a 6-year-old, and my children have never been bullied.

I'm sorry you are going through this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Question, OP:

What if the bully has a birthday party and invites everyone but your son?

Not OP, but I/we would be fine with that. They are not friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here with a follow up. I talked to my son after school and told him we couldn't just exclude the other child, but that I was going to ask him parents to stay so that the other kid couldn't make trouble at the party. My son got really upset and started sobbing that he'd rather not have a party than have this child there, so we agreed we're going to cut it down to a smaller group. We're having a tough time figuring out who's going to be in that smaller group without it being too exclusionary to that other kid, but we'll figure it out. I'm glad I gave him the choice, though, rather than simply moving ahead with the plan to invite everyone.

I really feel for your son. Does he understand that you would not tolerate bullying by this kid in your presence? I'm the previous PP who mentioned inviting the whole first grade class to DD's bday. One of her best friends in class for K was initially a kid she hid from (bullying). The school addressed it pronto (it took awhile for her to tell me), his parents disciplined him immediately, and he apologized. They were inseparable a week later and the remainder of the year. Have you ever reached out to his parents? I bet if you invited and then spoke with them beforehand about the issues you all have been having, they wouldn't bother to come. Personally, I'd LOOOOVE for a bully to show up at one of DD's parties so that one of her older cousins could handle it pronto. That said, I can also understand why you wouldn't want to invite this kid either...but it seems like other kids will be excluded too, because of the bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:6 is young enough for behaviour to change, but one way it isn't going to change is by being ostracized. Invite the bully, but ask his parents to stay.

+1. I had the same situation and did invite him--his parents declined the invite.

[Anonymous]

I think you're being unfair to your son. It's his birthday and he should be able to invite who he choses.


I agree with PP. I think it's fine to leave the bully out and invite everyone else. You are clearly on your son's side, and there is no reason he should have to change up his birthday party to accommodate a child who is terrorizing him. I don't understand all these posters who think it's mean to exclude one child in this circumstance.

I don't think it's necessarily mean, but I do think it is an action that is going to significantly increase the likelihood of this kid tormenting OP's kid further or more aggressively if he finds out that everyone else was invited but him.

[Anonymous]

No way would I want my child's birthday party to become a statement on this Bully. That is not appropriate for a *class* party like this.

If you want to invite a few friends from school, a few friends from soccer, a few friends on your block - do it. But do not single out one kid in your son's class for exclusion because you know what that will make you and your son? Bullies.

Rise above Op. If you invite the class that includes this kid.

[Anonymous]

At 6, if your child is in tears, then we know why he is being picked on. Time for you to teach this kid some resilience. I'm willing to bet that if your son didn't scream victim, that the other kid would move on. Work on some snappy answers, a bit of ignoring the taunts, and please teach your kid that big kids don't cry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I think it is nice of you to worry about this at all. It is a tough situation.

In first grade, my DD was bullied and treated very badly by another child - active exclusion, teasing, name-calling and rock-throwing. She was the only target of this particular girl. So yes, PPs, first graders can be bullies.

In those circumstances, does the bullied kid really have to invite the mean kid to her party and be a good host? Does she have to include someone who is unkind and disrespectful to her on a regular basis? Does she really have to not invite the other kids because it would hurt the bully's feelings? What about the bullied kid's feelings?

We did not invite the other girl to DD's bday party because the other child was mean to DD all. the. time.

I agree with this poster. Based on what you wrote, the child is a bully and doesn't deserve an invite. This is your child's birthday and there is no reason your child should have to experience anxiety at his/her own party because of this other child. This PC crap some posters are giving you is nonsense. Kids, even six-year-olds, can learn that there are consequences for bad behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Question, OP:

What if the bully has a birthday party and invites everyone but your son?

Not OP, but I/we would be fine with that. They are not friends.

Not OP and I say Ditto. Would be a relief not to have to worry about buying a gift for someone that made my child miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At 6, if your child is in tears, then we know why he is being picked on. Time for you to teach this kid some resilience. I'm willing to bet that if your son didn't scream victim, that the other kid would move on. Work on some snappy answers, a bit of ignoring the taunts, and please teach your kid that big kids don't cry.

Way to blame the victim. Your child is a bully, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No way would I want my child's birthday party to become a statement on this Bully. That is not appropriate for a *class* party like this.

If you want to invite a few friends from school, a few friends from soccer, a few friends on your block - do it. But do not single out one kid in your son's class for exclusion because you know what that will make you and your son? Bullies.

Rise above Op. If you invite the class that includes this kid.

Nope, not inviting the bully is normal behavior that teaches consequences. Act like a jerk, no one wants you around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No way would I want my child's birthday party to become a statement on this Bully. That is not appropriate for a *class* party like this.

If you want to invite a few friends from school, a few friends from soccer, a few friends on your block - do it. But do not single out one kid in your son's class for exclusion because you know what that will make you and your son? Bullies.

Rise above Op. If you invite the class that includes this kid.

Nope, not inviting the bully is normal behavior that teaches consequences. Act like a jerk, no one wants you around.

Not for a class party. You don't make a statement like that about a student in your kid's class. Not a good idea.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:At 6, if your child is in tears, then we know why he is being picked on. Time for you to teach this kid some resilience. I'm willing to bet that if your son didn't scream victim, that the other kid would move on. Work on some snappy answers, a bit of ignoring the taunts, and please teach your kid that big kids don't cry.

Way to blame the victim. Your child is a bully, right?

No. Actually, my kids were sometimes picked on, but I do not believe in solving their problems for them. I've found that kids being what they are, you can't force them to like another kid. Long lectures about bullying will make the picking on less obvious to adult eyes, but it will continue. Teaching the kid to quit running crying for the teacher will help make it actually stop.

[Anonymous]

Kids bully. We saw and heard about the bullying directed at our k child. Happened whenever teachers left an opening. Bully followed our child when our child tried to move away. Bully said child lies when child tried to have teachers stop the hitting and intimidation. Bully told all other children not to play with our child. We foolishly thought we could attend group parties so long as B's parents present. A disaster. They viewed it as opportunity to ignore their dc 's behavior and to explain how it really wasn't so bad. Turned out B was finding opportunities to choke our child in the midst of group parties. And worse. We learned that we had to be in our child's corner on this. No we do not host a known bully of our child. Yes we have done smaller than whole class parties. We set the number, dc picks the attendees. Good luck.