Why do men remarry younger women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Right. And as numerous, numerous posters have tried to point out to you (though you seem to have reading comprehension issues, so it hasnt worked) is that that has a lot to do with the ages of second marriage in general. By the time many men have their second marriage, theyre going to inevitably be significantly older.

But the same is true for women, right?

Given the average age for a man's first marriage is 27, marrying someone ten years older would be illegal, so tht's not an option. Say that marriage runs it's course, and he marries someone else 20 years later, that ten year age gap, now that he is nearly 50, is not going to be a huge deal. He's 47 and she's 37- thats a smaller gap, relative to age, than a 29 year old and a 19 year old.

Needless to say, your statistics prove what I have said: 60% of men are marrying women their age or older.

So even though they have much more opportunity to marry a younger woman than they did the first time, the majority of men arent doing it.

The bolded part simply isn't true. Nearly 40 percent of men are marrying someone at leastsix years younger. That doesn't imply the other 60 percent are marrying same-age women or older women. Many of them are marrying women 3, 4, & 5 years younger. Still significant difference. But the main point is these May-December romances EXPLODE for the 2nd marriage ONLY. AND ONLY for MEN. What explains that? Other than many younger women will give an older man a chance on Round 2 marriage. Same can't be said for older women.

AS SO MANY PEOPLE HAVE STATED, A LARGE PART OF THAT HAS TO DO WITH SIMPLE AGE! THE OLDER YOU GET, THE LESS A TEN YEAR AGE DIFFERENCE REALLY MATTERS.

IS THAT REALLY SO DIFFICULT TO UNDERSTAND?

[Anonymous]

And again, 60% of men are marrying women who are not significantly younger than them. In fact, I would still say 80% of men are not but we can throw in the 6-9 year group just to be nice.

The fact is, MOST men who are remarrying are not marrying someone significantly younger. The majority of men are not remarrying to someone significantly younger.

Capiche?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:And again, 60% of men are marrying women who are not significantly younger than them. In fact, I would still say 80% of men are not but we can throw in the 6-9 year group just to be nice.

The fact is, MOST men who are remarrying are not marrying someone significantly younger. The majority of men are not remarrying to someone significantly younger.

Capiche?

I never claimed the majority of men were remarrying sig younger women. I only had 2 claims, both of which the Pew Data support:

Claim #1: Men have the luxury in 2nd marriages to have a decent supply of younger women who will partner up with them. Women do not.
Claim #2: It is not a rare event that men marry sig younger women in 2nd marriages to the extent dismissive PP's acted like this never happened.

BOOM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And again, 60% of men are marrying women who are not significantly younger than them. In fact, I would still say 80% of men are not but we can throw in the 6-9 year group just to be nice.

The fact is, MOST men who are remarrying are not marrying someone significantly younger. The majority of men are not remarrying to someone significantly younger.

Capiche?

I never claimed the majority of men were remarrying sig younger women. I only had 2 claims, both of which the Pew Data support:

Claim #1: Men have the luxury in 2nd marriages to have a decent supply of younger women who will partner up with them. Women do not.
Claim #2: It is not a rare event that men marry sig younger women in 2nd marriages to the extent dismissive PP's acted like this never happened.

BOOM!

But the data contradicts what you said. Only 1 in 5 men are remarrying to significantly younger women. 1 in 5, aka 20%, is uncommon.

Again, it never happening may be quite true for women from a high socio-economic background. You cannot get pissy because this PP said she didn't know any girls who were dating older men.

Also, I would contest your definition of "decent supply". Study after study have backed up the idea that women are more selective than men. Therefore, "decent" being a relative term, they may find women who are willing to marry them, that does not mean that the average person would consider that person to be a good choice for a partner. It may mean an older man is desperate enough to settle for someone who most would classify as not being "decent" at all.

BOOM!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:And again, 60% of men are marrying women who are not significantly younger than them. In fact, I would still say 80% of men are not but we can throw in the 6-9 year group just to be nice.

The fact is, MOST men who are remarrying are not marrying someone significantly younger. The majority of men are not remarrying to someone significantly younger.

Capiche?

I never claimed the majority of men were remarrying sig younger women. I only had 2 claims, both of which the Pew Data support:

Claim #1: Men have the luxury in 2nd marriages to have a decent supply of younger women who will partner up with them. Women do not.
Claim #2: It is not a rare event that men marry sig younger women in 2nd marriages to the extent dismissive PP's acted like this never happened.

BOOM!

But the data contradicts what you said. Only 1 in 5 men are remarrying to significantly younger women. 1 in 5, aka 20%, is uncommon.

Again, it never happening may be quite true for women from a high socio-economic background. You cannot get pissy because this PP said she didn't know any girls who were dating older men.

Also, I would contest your definition of "decent supply". Study after study have backed up the idea that women are more selective than men. Therefore, "decent" being a relative term, they may find women who are willing to marry them, that does not mean that the average person would consider that person to be a good choice for a partner. It may mean an older man is desperate enough to settle for someone who most would classify as not being "decent" at all.

BOOM!

So, let me get this straight. Are you arguing or claiming that the data would show women and men have an equal supply of potential partners for a 2nd marriage? If you'd argue "yes" then why don't we see an equal percentage (nearly 40 percent) of women remarrying mates who are at least 6 years younger? We don't. Only men have this extra pool from which do draw on in 2nd marriages. So say a man divorces at 35 years old. The data suggest that nearly 40% of men who divorce at 35 will marry a woman in her 20s. PP's were acting like this didn't happen much. Scoffing at the idea. "You watch too much porn" blah blah. What percentage of 35 year old women who divorce at 35 will marry a man 30-34?

[Anonymous]

also for people who would like to see some non-Pew data. here's research from an NYU professor (female):

Paula England, PhD.
Professor of Sociology, New York University
[e-mail]; 212.992.9567

Today, a male manager who selected only young, beautiful women employees would be seen as a Neanderthal. But in the personal sphere, when a 50 year-old single man dates only much younger women, and chooses one to marry, few of his friends question his sense of entitlement to a younger woman.

Unlike “the feminine mystique,” which Friedan described as a set of internalized stereotypes that led women to make “mistaken” choices in their personal lives, the youth mystique comes largely from the choices of men, and few Americans fault them for exercising their preferences. Sociologist Elizabeth McClintock and I examined marriage licenses taken out between 1970 and 1988. We found that the older a man is when he marries, the more likely he is to choose a woman much younger than himself.

Men under 30 typically marry women less than 2 years their junior. But men who marry in their 30s tend to marry women 4 years younger. Men in men their 40s typically choose a bride who is 6 years younger, and men over 60 marry women who are on average 8 years younger. It appears that the older men are when choosing a partner, the less attractive women their own age look compared to a youthful ideal, and the more they want a wife younger than themselves.

This makes it difficult for older women to find mates. Largely as a result of this pattern, we calculated that the number of single men available for every 100 single women goes down by age: 85 for 36 to 45, 70 for those 46 to 55, and less than 60 for those 56 to 65 years of age. No wonder women feel a need to spend so much energy trying to make themselves look younger!

Despite the media hype about “cougars” – older women stalking younger men — we found no parallel pattern for women. They marry partners within a few years of their age no matter how old they are when they marry.

Just as today we question ageism in employment decisions, maybe we should question youth-biased standards in our private lives—especially when only men are seen as entitled to a younger partner. In the long run, moreover, men as well as women may be ill-served by the youth mystique.

This is because the youth mystique also affects divorce, only it does so in a more gender neutral way. In research I am currently doing with sociologists Paul Allison and Liana Sayer, we use a national survey that asked ex-spouses which one wanted the breakup more. Men were most likely to initiate a divorce when their wives were at least three years their senior. But the same held for women—they too were most likely to leave a partner more than three years older than themselves. In fact, for both men and women, the more their spouse’s age exceeded theirs, the likelier they were to initiate a divorce.

The younger partner tends to leave the older, regardless of gender. So just as Friedan argued for women about the feminine mystique, the youth mystique may be leading men to make mistaken choices that will leave them less happy in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Probably because women arent necessarily interested in marrying younger. In fact, women are much more likely to file for divorce AND less likely to remarry, which suggests that women are not enjoying marriage as much as men are. Often this is because men do not contribute their share to the household, and younger men are probably, due to immaturity, more likely to be guilty of that.

So, again, it's not that men have an extra POOL to choose from. Women could (and do) date younger men, when they want to. But, again, women on the whole are MUCH, MUCH pickier when it comes to dating, and thus much more selective.

So, a hot little 21 year old dude probably doesnt hold much long term interest to a 40 year old lady, no matter how good in bed he is.

But the same cannot be said for men, who will generally 1) put up with much more in relationships, and 2) have been conditioned socially to think it's fine to pay for all of the costs of the relationship, so they dont really care if a 21 year old is a complete financial burden rather than a contributor.

Again, these are outliers. The vast majority of men do not remarry younger. but as for the difference in data between men and women, these are hypothetical explanations

[Anonymous]

^^ So this data is from the fucking 70s? What in the fuck?

Are you serious dude?

[Anonymous]

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that when men remarry, it is with much younger women?

Because we can, honey.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is it that when men remarry, it is with much younger women?

Because we can, honey.

But the majority of you don't, so it seems that you can't...

[Anonymous]

My husband is 12 years older. I'm the 2nd wife. Met 2 years after his divorce.

I think one (notice I said one, not all) of the reasons was he wanted more children but didn't want them right away. Considering he was 36 when we married and we didn't have a child until he was 41, if he had married a woman his age their fertility may have been limited.

Also, men are visual. I was 24 and hot. That is life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marrying an older man is a bad deal for the younger woman later in life. It's all fun and games when he's 40 or 45 and she's 30 or late twenties. Fast forward twenty or thirty years. No one, no matter how rich, can stop time. Older men will sicken faster and die faster. That same woman - who may no longer hot and young at 40+ but is not yearning for retirement - will play nurse to her older husband, and will age faster because he'll make her live a lifestyle much older than her actual age. And when they do die, the market isn't exactly yearning for the 50+ something widows. If it was up to me, I'd say date them, enjoy the ride but marry your peer so that you won't have to age faster or live like an older man.

This is a very important point. Older guys are not a whole lot of fun when they get to 50 plus. Younger brides will have a grumpy old man to look forward to, who falls asleep on the couch. The hot younger wife will also need to socialise with his older friends. I dare say she won't find any BFFs among the wives, more likely there will be some social chill in the air. Likewise, he will have to sit and listen to her friends witter on. Enjoy

Older ladies seem to gain a whole new lease on life as they get older and their husbands tend to be a total drag around about the same age...

I have a friend who married a guy who is 20 plus years older. This is his second family and his older kids are grown. He leaves the child rearing to her and she struggles with that. Her step-grandchildren will be around the same age as her own kids. She knows she will be a young widow. I don't envy her a few years from now when the serious business of ageing kicks in and she is the 40 something wife of a 70 year old man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
The bolded part simply isn't true. Nearly 40 percent of men are marrying someone at leastsix years younger. That doesn't imply the other 60 percent are marrying same-age women or older women. Many of them are marrying women 3, 4, & 5 years younger. Still significant difference. But the main point is these May-December romances EXPLODE for the 2nd marriage ONLY. AND ONLY for MEN. What explains that? Other than many younger women will give an older man a chance on Round 2 marriage. Same can't be said for older women.

Don't want to go into your statistical debate but you are being completely ridiculous if you think that six years is a major age difference, and that 3, 4 & 5 years is a "significant difference." It's not significant at all. It's a complete non-issue. Neither is 6 years. My DH is 7 years older than me. I don't see him as an "older man", we are peers in every possible sense. "May-December" romances does not describe couples where the age difference is six years and under. It kicks in only when it's 10, 15 years or more (half a generation). Couples that are six years apart (let alone 3 years) are peers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:LOL, My ex is now with a woman who is 10 years younger than him.

It's not lost on me that they got together when she was 29 - the same age I got married. He managed to find a person with his same egotistical, not mature personality. Bonus - she's willing to be a babysitter/ mom to our daughter so again, he can do whatever he wants to do, except be around for our daughter.

History repeating itself. Interesting to watch from the outside this time.

+10000

Thank you for sharing your experience. It is also because they want someone who is too naive about the guy's BS behavior. The guy wants a woman to take care of him. Be glad it's not you!