UCSD Shooting Suspect had autism -just what we need

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of someone who is on the spectrum, all I will say is that if time and time again these kids are on the spectrum, maybe it really is time to think a bit more on it.

Not saying that asperger's makes you violent. Not at all, but it often does make you misread social clues, and personally, I don't want people who are prone to misread clues having access to deadly weapons.

And what about people who don't fit the criteria for AS but misread social cues? What about people with bad tempers? What about people with PTSD because of their service in the military? What about bigots?

I hate that we have so many guns in our country but lets not focus on a group (in which this shooter didn't belong, by the way. He didn't have AS) that is far, far more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators.

I swore I wouldn't respond to this thread. Its about the ugliest thing I've seen on DCUM, some kind of open invitation to attack parents of kids with SN. None of you would survive a day in our shoes, by the way. Somehow this idea that we want to take care of our kids, who need a lot more care than yours, has been translated into a sense of entitlement. You think we're entitled? Would you like to trade places?

I am one of the previous posters who you don't like. I DO have a "special needs" entitled kid. Thank you. And I'm old enough AND honest enough (and maybe even smart enough) to know how I unintentionally contributed to the situation.

There. I SAID it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the only people in the IEP meeting who can correctly interpret the tests that would show that your child with ASD is a genius are you and DC's other parent?

Interesting.

You can invite the person who administered the test to the meeting as an educational advocate. Have you tried that?

I did! Brought the IEP team to their knees. It was awesome!!!

Walked out with everything we wanted. They shut their fucking mouths and got with the program after that.

How awful it must be to entrust the care and education of your child to people you battle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of someone who is on the spectrum, all I will say is that if time and time again these kids are on the spectrum, maybe it really is time to think a bit more on it.

Not saying that asperger's makes you violent. Not at all, but it often does make you misread social clues, and personally, I don't want people who are prone to misread clues having access to deadly weapons.

And what about people who don't fit the criteria for AS but misread social cues? What about people with bad tempers? What about people with PTSD because of their service in the military? What about bigots?

I hate that we have so many guns in our country but lets not focus on a group (in which this shooter didn't belong, by the way. He didn't have AS) that is far, far more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators.

I swore I wouldn't respond to this thread. Its about the ugliest thing I've seen on DCUM, some kind of open invitation to attack parents of kids with SN. None of you would survive a day in our shoes, by the way. Somehow this idea that we want to take care of our kids, who need a lot more care than yours, has been translated into a sense of entitlement. You think we're entitled? Would you like to trade places?

I am one of the previous posters who you don't like. I DO have a "special needs" entitled kid. Thank you. And I'm old enough AND honest enough (and maybe even smart enough) to know how I unintentionally contributed to the situation.

There. I SAID it.

I'm sorry for that. It a tough road and we have to figure it out as we go along. I suspect you are being too tough on yourself and I know you are projecting from your own experience to judge others. Your child may act entitled, mine does not. And while I certainly made mistakes along the way -- as ALL parents do - I believe that on the whole I've served my DC's needs. I don't know how anyone can generalize about all parents of SN beyond the obvious point that its a much more challenging form of parenting.

[Anonymous]

I'm a professional that works a lot with SN kids (haven't posted in this thread before).

I would say that ~90% of SN parents are wonderful, hard-working advocates for their kids who are genuinely doing their best and always have their kids' best interest in mind. That percentage is about the same with NT kids.

The ~10% of parents who are difficult, unrealistic, unnecessarily confrontational, and constantly "holier-than-thou" are the ones who can really make this job a grind sometimes.

To most of you, keep up the good work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a professional that works a lot with SN kids (haven't posted in this thread before).

I would say that ~90% of SN parents are wonderful, hard-working advocates for their kids who are genuinely doing their best and always have their kids' best interest in mind. That percentage is about the same with NT kids.

The ~10% of parents who are difficult, unrealistic, unnecessarily confrontational, and constantly "holier-than-thou" are the ones who can really make this job a grind sometimes.

To most of you, keep up the good work.

As a parent of a DC with SN who has posted on this thread, bravo. This is a balanced and to me very accurate assessment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a professional that works a lot with SN kids (haven't posted in this thread before).

I would say that ~90% of SN parents are wonderful, hard-working advocates for their kids who are genuinely doing their best and always have their kids' best interest in mind. That percentage is about the same with NT kids.

The ~10% of parents who are difficult, unrealistic, unnecessarily confrontational, and constantly "holier-than-thou" are the ones who can really make this job a grind sometimes.

To most of you, keep up the good work.

In what capacity do you work with parents?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the only people in the IEP meeting who can correctly interpret the tests that would show that your child with ASD is a genius are you and DC's other parent?

Interesting.

You can invite the person who administered the test to the meeting as an educational advocate. Have you tried that?

I did! Brought the IEP team to their knees. It was awesome!!!

Walked out with everything we wanted. They shut their fucking mouths and got with the program after that.

Awesome!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a parent of someone who is on the spectrum, all I will say is that if time and time again these kids are on the spectrum, maybe it really is time to think a bit more on it.

Not saying that asperger's makes you violent. Not at all, but it often does make you misread social clues, and personally, I don't want people who are prone to misread clues having access to deadly weapons.

And what about people who don't fit the criteria for AS but misread social cues? What about people with bad tempers? What about people with PTSD because of their service in the military? What about bigots?

I hate that we have so many guns in our country but lets not focus on a group (in which this shooter didn't belong, by the way. He didn't have AS) that is far, far more likely to be victims of crime than perpetrators.

I swore I wouldn't respond to this thread. Its about the ugliest thing I've seen on DCUM, some kind of open invitation to attack parents of kids with SN. None of you would survive a day in our shoes, by the way. Somehow this idea that we want to take care of our kids, who need a lot more care than yours, has been translated into a sense of entitlement. You think we're entitled? Would you like to trade places?

I am one of the previous posters who you don't like. I DO have a "special needs" entitled kid. Thank you. And I'm old enough AND honest enough (and maybe even smart enough) to know how I unintentionally contributed to the situation.

There. I SAID it.

I'm sorry for that. It a tough road and we have to figure it out as we go along. I suspect you are being too tough on yourself and I know you are projecting from your own experience to judge others. Your child may act entitled, mine does not. And while I certainly made mistakes along the way -- as ALL parents do - I believe that on the whole I've served my DC's needs. I don't know how anyone can generalize about all parents of SN beyond the obvious point that its a much more challenging form of parenting.

I didn't write the bolded part, but I can relate. But we are trying our best to teach, reward, model to our adhd/asd 5 yr old how to be kind, caring, and flexible. Its tougher than for most parents.

To the poster who responded, thank you and I agree.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So the only people in the IEP meeting who can correctly interpret the tests that would show that your child with ASD is a genius are you and DC's other parent?

Interesting.

You can invite the person who administered the test to the meeting as an educational advocate. Have you tried that?

I did! Brought the IEP team to their knees. It was awesome!!!

Walked out with everything we wanted. They shut their fucking mouths and got with the program after that.

How awful it must be to entrust the care and education of your child to people you battle.

It was awful. But the alternative was letting them ruin my child's life with their poor and lazy assumptions. They basically thought he couldn't learn anything. I had to get them to wake up, take the test results seriously, and do their jobs.

[Anonymous]

There's a huge difference between the school staff that says your child can learn nothing and the staff that thinks your child is of average intelligence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a huge difference between the school staff that says your child can learn nothing and the staff that thinks your child is of average intelligence.

Actually, it's similar. In a case where a child actually does have a genius IQ (again, not my kid) but the staff fails to recognize it and nurture it because of their preconceived notions about disabilities, what choice to the parents have but to step in and step up?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a huge difference between the school staff that says your child can learn nothing and the staff that thinks your child is of average intelligence.

Actually, it's similar. In a case where a child actually does have a genius IQ (again, not my kid) but the staff fails to recognize it and nurture it because of their preconceived notions about disabilities, what choice to the parents have but to step in and step up?

Parents should step up. Bring the proper documentation, bring the advocate, have your ducks in order. Don't send the team documentation that contradicts your claim.

Is simple solution, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a huge difference between the school staff that says your child can learn nothing and the staff that thinks your child is of average intelligence.

True. But the problem either way is threefold, in my experience:

1. School staff are often wrong.
2. The conclusion that a child is of average intelligence is often accompanied by staff ignoring or downplaying a child's academic gifts or potential.
3. School staff hyperfocuses on the behavioral, social or emotional needs or problems to the exclusion of the academic needs.

Balance is important. Listening to parents is important. An adversarial relationship between school and parents doesn't start with the parent coming in demanding things. It starts with a school that acts in its own best interests and not those of the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a huge difference between the school staff that says your child can learn nothing and the staff that thinks your child is of average intelligence.

Actually, it's similar. In a case where a child actually does have a genius IQ (again, not my kid) but the staff fails to recognize it and nurture it because of their preconceived notions about disabilities, what choice to the parents have but to step in and step up?

I'm a pp whose child with ASD has a genius IQ (from a full neuropsych exam including WISC). My child's IEP addresses his deficits which isn't academics and for the purposes of his IEP, his IQ is irrelevant. DS is only in first grade but we haven't found expectations to be diminished in any way due to his diagnosis.

What you are talking about are schools not having adequate G&T programs for kids with high IQs, ALL kids not just SNs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's a huge difference between the school staff that says your child can learn nothing and the staff that thinks your child is of average intelligence.

True. But the problem either way is threefold, in my experience:

1. School staff are often wrong.
2. The conclusion that a child is of average intelligence is often accompanied by staff ignoring or downplaying a child's academic gifts or potential.
3. School staff hyperfocuses on the behavioral, social or emotional needs or problems to the exclusion of the academic needs.

Balance is important. Listening to parents is important. An adversarial relationship between school and parents doesn't start with the parent coming in demanding things. It starts with a school that acts in its own best interests and not those of the child.

This. We were told DS could not be in a GT LD class b/c "they don't have kids with those [impulsive] behaviors in THAT class."