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Infants, Toddlers, & Preschoolers
When am i too old for more kids?
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Anonymous
True. Successful, happy people grow up with one parent all the time. I think there is nothing wrong with using a known sperm/egg donor. You are not denying your child a chance to know one of his/her biological parents. |
Anonymous
You are just being MEAN with those kinds of comments. Regardless of WHAT you think about older women trying to conceive, younger women also have fertility problems sometimes. I am not even 30 y. old and have been TTC for 4 years, and I can see myself at the doctor "begging to try just one more time" if it comes down to that. I wouldn't wish infertility problems to my worse enemy and certainly would never make joke of someone else’s suffering. |
Anonymous
Where did you get the idea that I look at 25 year old pregnant women and feel jealous of them? And where did you get the idea I partied away my 20's? I never touched alcohol or attended a party in my life. I got my doctorate, I worked, and I did volunteer work. Did you just decide to throw these insults in in order to convince yourself you're in a better position than we are? We 40+ women want to have a child now, we didn't say we wish we'd had a child at 25. And you see, we aren't trying to convince YOU or other 20 something women we are in a better place than you are to have a child, we are trying to convince you that it is an intensely personal choice and for us 40 can still be the right time and be a favorable age to have a child. Are you not able to respect that? Also, I already had one child at 37 and he's my gift and blessing. If I can't have another it was meant to be. Trust me, I remember what I was like when I was 25 and I have some young friends...and I would never for a million dollars want to go back and get pregnant at that age. As for that poster who was very mean, using expletives and boasting that she "finished college at 21" and challenging another poster to compare salaries...what kind of an example do you set for your children with such mean-spiritedness anyhow even though you had them young? |
Anonymous
Sorry, but you give yourself away. This statement is not the mark of a person who is "very well educated." I hope you're enjoying your "high paying job...." what, a managerial position at McDonald's? |
Anonymous
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To deny a child an existence because you think they might want to know both of their biological parents is ridiculous.
That is one thought, or emotion, out of millions and millions of thoughts, emotions, actions, relationships that this person would have in a lifetime. Even agreeing with your iffy premise that they are sad to not know one of their parents, balance that out against an entire lifetime of of happiness and other experiences. Its a drop in the bucket and doesn't define who a child is. You can't ask kids that were never born if they are happy that they "don't have to suffer," can you? Aren't we all glad that our parents decided to have us after all, despite any hardships or pain we might feel? Don't judge the value of a life on one minor aspect of it (parentlessness, disability) without taking into balance the millions of amazing, wonderful and beautiful and happy events that also take place. And if we waited around for perfect parents and perfect circumstances for pregnancies, then there would be 50 babies left on earth! |
Anonymous
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Alright, I'm not going to invest the time to read the whole exchange, but I've read this page. It's just unreasonable to say that a 25 year-old mother is "clueless" and uneducated. I was 26 when my child was born. I had earned a Masters, paid it off, been married 2 years, and had carefully lined up all relevant ducks. It just doesn't seem reasonable to me to describe mothers in their mid-20s using language traditionally reserved for teenage mothers.
In the 9 years I've been a parent, I've grown (a little) more tolerant of the very different personal decisions people make in their lives, but I don't otherwise see how I would be better equipped with parenting skills today. I would certainly have been better equipped financially had I waited, but that's all. |
Anonymous
| And don't kid yourself: being better equipped financially to have kids is a Big Deal. |
Anonymous
The discussion is not about you. IF EVERYONE would go back and read the whole thread, you would see the questions...IS 46 TOO OLD TO HAVE A BABY?? |
Anonymous
07:04 procrastinating again-- It's all relative. I had my grad. school loans paid off, my husband (27 at the time) had a modest but secure professional income and was about to complete his graduate work on the side. His career moved us to one of Europe's major capitals and gave us enough income to live generally well and travel frequently. I SAHMed happily and was able to show my child many wonderful things. Of course, we'd be in a better position now if I hadn't, but we're hardly destitute and have the means to continue exposing the child to stimulating experiences as she grows older. I have known plenty of others who became mothers in their mid-late 20s and can report happily that all completed college pre-parenthood, most completed a graduate degree, all took the responsibility of raising their children seriously, all were in modest but reasonably good financial health then and continue to be today. |
Anonymous
I'll correct you, PP. The original posting is as follows: We are contemplating having our second child, we are blessed with a healthy 1st child at 38....do we push the envelope at 40 and go for a second? i am scared !! The PP who stated that she was having fertility issues in her 20s should not be knocked down, as she makes a valid point: ALL women, regardless of age, run the risk of having fertility issues. If I may read between the lines for you, the original poster is quite possibly concerned with her fertility as she nears 40. She may also have questions regarding the health of her child if she has another in her 40s. So, instead of knocking down women who have fertility issues and who desperately want a child - DESPITE age, perhaps you should visit another thread to pass your time away. I believe there was a mean girls thread under the private/independent school topic. |
Anonymous
You DO have to read the whole thread to understand where the PP is coming from re: this particular clueless 25-year old. |
Anonymous
And what I was knocking was the 46 year old who wanted to have a baby....46 is too damn old. That's my opinion and I am entitled to it...free country. |
Anonymous
| What is wrong with you people? Why do you care when other people choose to start their families? I don't get it. Live and let live. Sheesh! |
Anonymous
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As someone who went through several years of infertility - starting when I was 31 - I can tell you that each woman is different. My friend was 30 when she was told she had the eggs of a 45-year-old. She did several IVF treatments and got pregnant twice. She has two perfect kids.
And quite a few women in their early forties have the eggs of a much younger woman. You can have simple blood work done to determine all of this. So age is NOT necessarily relevant. Plus, if you've had successful pregnancies before, you're statistically much more likely to have more successful pregnancies - well into your forties. In addition, if you don't have a family history of many genetic disorders, your odds of having a child with any sort of problems is way diminished. And I don't even have to get into the issue of how most women in their forties in the DC metropolitan area are way more healthy, fit and thin than most twenty-something women in the rest of the nation. They will stay young for decades - and live longer than the rest of our obese nation. The mean poster who says things like "your old ass" and "too damn old" doesn't really know what she's talking about. She's monopolizing this board and getting everyone into a tizzy. She should be ignored. I'm not sure what's going on in her life that makes her so angry towards women who are older than her - and I don't care. Good luck to all the advanced maternal age moms out there!!! |
Anonymous
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I don't think 20 something year old moms are clueless. I' sure that comment was made in anger and judgment just as the "dumb old ass" comment was made in anger.
It highly depends on the person. I know some 20 something moms that are great moms. But many women in their 20's want to finish their education, travel, or do volunteer work, or spend time with their husbands, before having children that's all. There is nothing wrong with that and there is nothing wrong with the 20 something woman who chooses to have a child instead. I can speak only for myself - in my 20's I was not partying at all. I was immersed in my studies and work and volunteering. I know I would have been an impatient mom. Now at 40 I don't even give my son timeout. I use positive discipline only. At 20 if I made salmon for dinner and he didn't like it, too bad so sad he would have to go to bed hungry. At 40, if I serve salmon for dinner, I also make sure to put things on the table I know he'll eat or will try. At 20 I would have wanted to socialize alot with friends regardless of whether they had children so long as I got along with them well. Now at 40, many of my friends are the parents of my child's playdates. At 20, I would have resented that I had to revolve my schedule around my child's nap schedule. At 40, it doesn't bother me in the least bit to put his needs before mine. At 20, I would have felt hungry to learn more, take more graduate coursework, etc..but now at 40, I feel I've been there already and completed everything I ever wanted to accomplish in terms of my education and career. At 20 my husband and I would not have been able to travel very much or take my son to quality museums, aquariums, or anything educational that was associated with a cost. So I am just a whole different person now and I know my son has benefitted. This is not to say some 20 something moms won't do all this too. It's just not as commonly seen. |