Teachers - do you mind being called by your first name (by parents)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't like that our society in general seems to be moving more and more towards informality all the time. I don't like seeing people in pajamas at the grocery store. I don't like that so many people are clueless about basic etiquette, especially table manners, and I don't like the over-familiar tone of first-names in a school setting. I expect my kids to address all adults properly. Ms. Mrs. or Mr. I address their teachers the same. When I was teaching, parents called me Mrs. Smith. I never had a parent even ask. But I taught in the south where manners are still important. The kids also say "yes ma'am", "no sir", etc.

To me it's not about status. It's about necessary formality and professionalism.

+1000

[Anonymous]

I always call teachers and admin by Mr/Ms Lastname. They often refer back by my first name, which is actually my preference. But, out of respect for them and the role they serve, it will always be Mr/Ms for us.

[Anonymous]

Why are teachers called by Mrs? I would be upset to be called mrs in my job, Ms. is the preferred address.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a teacher. I really don't care what the kids call me. I'd rather you (parent) called me by my first name, although I understand if that makes you feel uncomfortable. I always sign my emails using only my first name, to let you know what I prefer. However, there are much bigger fish to fry than this name business. Please read with your child every night; that's much more important to me.

I'm a high school teacher and I completely agree. And, parents, please feel free to engage your children in conversation about their school work. Sound them out about why they hate Pride and Prejudice or [/u]The Scarlet Letter[u]; just don't edit or re-write their papers. That's much more important than whether you use my first name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are teachers called by Mrs? I would be upset to be called mrs in my job, Ms. is the preferred address.

Some of us prefer Mrs if we're married. My marital status does not make me feel threatened in the least, so I go by Mrs.

[Anonymous]

I always call teachers and principals Mr/Miss/Mrs but they often first-name me uninvited. Incredibly rude.

[Anonymous]

No, I don't mind EXCEPT when you refer to me in the third person, by my first name, in the presence of your child.

At my (secondary) school, students refer to teachers by title and last name. At parent-teacher conferences, I recently had a parent who brought his student to the conference, conferred with me, and then, in front of me, began a conversation with his child in which the parent said things such as, "If you don't understand the assignment, ask Larla (me) before you leave class. Don't tell Larla you understand if you don't."

I've had a few parents who insisted on doing this, and they KNOW their students don't address us by first name.

[Anonymous]

I always call teachers and principals Mr/Miss/Mrs but they often first-name me uninvited. Incredibly rude.

Do you call your attorney, accountant, architect, or banker Mr/Miss/Mrs.? In the professional world I inhabited before going into teaching, most adults in business situations called each other by their first names.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I always call teachers and principals Mr/Miss/Mrs but they often first-name me uninvited. Incredibly rude.

Do you call your attorney, accountant, architect, or banker Mr/Miss/Mrs.? In the professional world I inhabited before going into teaching, most adults in business situations called each other by their first names.

Different poster but when I meet someone for the first time I always call them Dr/Mr/Mrs/Ms. I do that here in the US and I use the same honorifics outside of the US (in the appropriate language, of course). I would never presume to call someone by their first name until I was invited to do so.

For the most part, my observation has been that this is a perceived class issue where the people in the US who are the most strident about using first names all the time have an inferiority complex and are attempting to leverage themselves by 'bringing down' to their level the people they are addressing. I don't see this same over-familiarity and attempts at control when I go outside of the US. Which is interesting from a sociological perspective since the US is mostly 'class-less' compared to most of the non-US world.

[Anonymous]

I never first-name someone uninvited. Basic manners.

[Anonymous]

Using first names should really be the norm particularly if both parties plan to make the relationship a collaborative one in terms of the student's/child's education. I agree also that it puts everyone at ease. I do feel that many teachers, particularly younger professionals, feel that respect is found in a title or name. It is not--respect is found in how we treat each other as humans in a professional or even in a casual setting. That includes the teacher to parent relationship which in best practice is a collaborative and familiar one. In professional settings, bosses and employees in the US call each other by their first names as the standard in the white collar world. School board members are typically also addressed by parents in the community by their first names, so teachers and administrators should see this as a best practice and follow suit. Insisting that parents address teachers formally (when in the teachers lounge, during staff meetings etc. they all call each other by their first names) is rather fraternal and can easily be taken as a wall being put up to keep parents out of the institutional side of education. It is sometimes referred to as keeping a "healthy professional distance", as though that is not an oxymoron. First names foster mutual respect and a collaborative partnership. Formally addressing people can come off as extremely elitist, and fraternal. I believe that parents should refer to teachers formally in front of their children or other students--but when parents and teachers are having conferences, phone calls, meetings and emails first names should always be used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are teachers called by Mrs? I would be upset to be called mrs in my job, Ms. is the preferred address.

No, Ms. is your preferred address, whereas my child’s more traditional unmarried teacher got upset when parents referred to her as Ms rather than Miss. Hence why people are moving to just first names (but per this discussion that too can cause offense)…,we just can’t win.

[Anonymous]

I find it disrespectful for parents to use teachers' first names unless the teacher has explicitly stated that it is preferred.

I've been teaching approximately 25 years, so my view is not due to me being young or umexperienced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I always call teachers and principals Mr/Miss/Mrs but they often first-name me uninvited. Incredibly rude.

Do you call your attorney, accountant, architect, or banker Mr/Miss/Mrs.? In the professional world I inhabited before going into teaching, most adults in business situations called each other by their first names.

Most people in the business world don’t spend the majority of their days around children. My 124 students call me “Mrs.” That’s my norm and what I hear all day long. I put no time into worrying what parents call me, but after hearing “Mrs.” all day, I find it jarring to hear my first name. That’s it. I don’t care, but I find the switch distracting to me.

Teachers simply have a different work environment than other professionals.

[Anonymous]

I went to a high school where we called all staff by their first names. My principal was Kevin. I’m a very casual speaker, and have always called my kids teachers by their first names. I have no more respect for them than I do for my lawyer or plumber or accountant.