Teachers - do you mind being called by your first name (by parents)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In the real world, people go by first names so that's my default. If a teacher asks to be called Mr, Ms, Miss, Mrs, Dr, her highness, whatever, I'll comply. But if you're going to be an outlier, you need to tell me. I tolerate people that are wound too tight. It really doesn't matter to me.

I'm an MD, it's all first name except at the hospital where Dr is a function more so than a specific person. But if somebody knows me, Becca works well there too....

Different poster with a question for 'a' MD: So if your child's teacher e-mails you and the salutation is 'Dear Becca' that works for you? Or if you walk into your child's classroom and the teacher looks up and says 'Hi, Becca', is your response the same? This is okay with you? Just wondering because when my dad was hospitalized recently and the doctor walked in and called dad by his first name (this was the first time they had met) the doctor sure was surprised when dad called him Frank.

Stet. I hope this wasn’t “an” English teacher….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Using first names should really be the norm particularly if both parties plan to make the relationship a collaborative one in terms of the student's/child's education. I agree also that it puts everyone at ease. I do feel that many teachers, particularly younger professionals, feel that respect is found in a title or name. It is not--respect is found in how we treat each other as humans in a professional or even in a casual setting. That includes the teacher to parent relationship which in best practice is a collaborative and familiar one. In professional settings, bosses and employees in the US call each other by their first names as the standard in the white collar world. School board members are typically also addressed by parents in the community by their first names, so teachers and administrators should see this as a best practice and follow suit. Insisting that parents address teachers formally (when in the teachers lounge, during staff meetings etc. they all call each other by their first names) is rather fraternal and can easily be taken as a wall being put up to keep parents out of the institutional side of education. It is sometimes referred to as keeping a "healthy professional distance", as though that is not an oxymoron. First names foster mutual respect and a collaborative partnership. Formally addressing people can come off as extremely elitist, and fraternal. I believe that parents should refer to teachers formally in front of their children or other students--but when parents and teachers are having conferences, phone calls, meetings and emails first names should always be used.

I don’t quibble with the general point of this post but am confused by your use of the term “fraternal.” My understanding of it is that it means “brotherly.” Surely it is more brotherly to call someone by their first name, rather than their last name, as you seem to be suggesting? I don’t mean to be a dick, I just don’t understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if I can address you by your first name. What I do mind is when a parent wants to address me by my first name and have me refer to them as Mr./Ms. I am not the help. I do this with doctors as well. If the doctor uses my first name I use his/hers in return.

+1,000

l

I have a neighbor who knows that I am a teacher, so she requests that I call her Mrs. X. I do not teach her children, nor will I ever teach her children as long as we live in the neighborhood we do.

Her rationale, which she very openly voiced, is that it is a term of respect since she is a parent of schoolchildren. When I responded that I too am the mother of school-aged children, she replied, "Of course, but you are also just a teacher," while addressing me by my first name.

Your neighbor is terrible. I wouldn’t call her anything because I wouldn’t be speaking to her anymore.

[Anonymous]

I decided last year to insist that parents who want to use my first name pronounce it correctly. I just smile and gently, but firmly correct them each time. Funny how quickly they decide they prefer my easy-to-say last name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if I can address you by your first name. What I do mind is when a parent wants to address me by my first name and have me refer to them as Mr./Ms. I am not the help. I do this with doctors as well. If the doctor uses my first name I use his/hers in return.

+1,000

l

I have a neighbor who knows that I am a teacher, so she requests that I call her Mrs. X. I do not teach her children, nor will I ever teach her children as long as we live in the neighborhood we do.

Her rationale, which she very openly voiced, is that it is a term of respect since she is a parent of schoolchildren. When I responded that I too am the mother of school-aged children, she replied, "Of course, but you are also just a teacher," while addressing me by my first name.

Your neighbor is terrible. I wouldn’t call her anything because I wouldn’t be speaking to her anymore.

I agree 100%!

[Anonymous]

I totally get calling teachers Mr/Ms Lastname in front of kids, but in adult-to-adult interactions it should be first names on both sides. All my kids’ ES teachers call me by my first name, which is 100% fine by me; if I see them w/o kid present I would either not call them anything or use their first name.

[Anonymous]

I always call the teacher Mrs/Mr. because it just stuck with me since school. If the teacher said, please, call me Larla, I would happily accept, however it kind of feels rude to just start using her first name without her permission

[Anonymous]

I prefer to be called by my first name but don't care if people call me Ms. X. I don't even care if students call my by my first name but I teach very young children so they usually don't even know it. Outside of work I introduce myself to children by my first name.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You address friends by their first names. Teachers are not your friends and should not be treated as such. Keep the relationship professional by addressing him/her as'mr., mrs., miss' etc

This is what I do.

We had to see a specialist (also a neighbor) for my kid.

I made it clear that although neighbor may be “Miss Debbie” when passed on the street walking the dog, the proper address is “Doctor Butler” when we are in the office and that goes for both of us. (Name
changed for this post obviously).

I refer to my kids teachers as Mr, Mrs., and Dr. Lastname in person and when talking to my children.

[Anonymous]

I was a Wall Street lawyer who switched to teaching elementary kids. I always asked parents to call me by my first name. I can only assume that teachers who are insecure insist that they be called by Mr. or Mrs. X.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I totally get calling teachers Mr/Ms Lastname in front of kids, but in adult-to-adult interactions it should be first names on both sides. All my kids’ ES teachers call me by my first name, which is 100% fine by me; if I see them w/o kid present I would either not call them anything or use their first name.

This is pretty much what I go with. The students call me "Mr. _____". In the school setting and in emails, they use "Mr.". At a party or some other social setting outside of school the parents use "Mr", but I ask them to please use my first name.

[Anonymous]

Late to respond, but former elementary teacher here. It would be weird for me to be called by my first name. First, because most parents didn't know it. They were so used to hearing their kids call me Ms so and so. Second, because in elementary school we usually called each other Ms or Mr so and so whenever there were kids around, and it kind of got to be a habit. So we didn't use first names that much even among ourselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't mind if I can address you by your first name. What I do mind is when a parent wants to address me by my first name and have me refer to them as Mr./Ms. I am not the help. I do this with doctors as well. If the doctor uses my first name I use his/hers in return.

+1,000

l

I have a neighbor who knows that I am a teacher, so she requests that I call her Mrs. X. I do not teach her children, nor will I ever teach her children as long as we live in the neighborhood we do.

Her rationale, which she very openly voiced, is that it is a term of respect since she is a parent of schoolchildren. When I responded that I too am the mother of school-aged children, she replied, "Of course, but you are also just a teacher," while addressing me by my first name.

Your neighbor is terrible. I wouldn’t call her anything because I wouldn’t be speaking to her anymore.

That was clearly a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Late to respond, but former elementary teacher here. It would be weird for me to be called by my first name. First, because most parents didn't know it. They were so used to hearing their kids call me Ms so and so. Second, because in elementary school we usually called each other Ms or Mr so and so whenever there were kids around, and it kind of got to be a habit. So we didn't use first names that much even among ourselves.

That may have been the case 20 years ago, but is no longer the case. Teachers don't do that anymore, especially not the younger ones.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Late to respond, but former elementary teacher here. It would be weird for me to be called by my first name. First, because most parents didn't know it. They were so used to hearing their kids call me Ms so and so. Second, because in elementary school we usually called each other Ms or Mr so and so whenever there were kids around, and it kind of got to be a habit. So we didn't use first names that much even among ourselves.

That may have been the case 20 years ago, but is no longer the case. Teachers don't do that anymore, especially not the younger ones.

It wasn't 20 years ago. Perhaps it depends on the school. Our principal was fond of three piece suits, implemented a pretty formal dress code, and always referred to everyone as Mr. or Ms. so and so. Perhaps it was just the culture of our school, although I am sure there were others where it was the same.