Insensitive Drs at Childrens (overweight child)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp is talking about vanity sizing. She May wear a 14/16 but in reality, she is probably a 20.

This.

But also the PP is right, the size 14/16 in a plus size store is larger than the standard 14 or 16 in a regular department store. I just went through those sizes and that's how I know. I could fit into a 14/16 at the plus size store with no problems but not be able to get into a 14 at Ann Taylor for example. The cut of clothing at the plus size stores was definitely fuller.

i am not going to continue to debate sizes with you but my DD wears a 14 (ish) at stores like DEB and F21 plus and at stores like Macy's etc. she is a 14/16 (closer to 16)

It's interesting to me that you continue to pull out random bits of posts that you think you can refute. You refuse to believe that the weight your daughter gained is environmental (which is clearly is) instead blaming a hormone imbalance that was corrected 4 years ago. You refuse to admit that she is overweight, saying "she is just a little big all over". She is morbidly obese. The doctor is trying to intervene for your daughter's life. You care more about your pride and sensitivity at being obese yourself than you do about your daughter's life.

Hi it's the op again. I am not trying to refute anything. What more do you want? Yes she had a hormonal condition which we corrected and it took many different approaches to find one that actually worked. How fast do you lose weight pp? I know that dd has a long road ahead but she is on that road. No maybe I didn't always help her make the best food choices. Yes I'm obese as well but not as a result of sitting on my ass eating crap. I'm fat because I can only walk for abt 20 mins a day as a result of a birth defect. It is one thing to tell my dd that she is fat
if she is not doing anything abt it, but she is
So yes I do care about the fact that drs are always saying "oh yeah so I know you lost weight. But you're still fat and you aren't doing anything abt it.... Oh bye the way you know you are fat right? And you have a lot of health risks"

This is very different then what you said in your OP. Did the doctor actually say "you are still fat and not doing anything about it"? Did the octor say "oh by the way do you know you are fat?" Those types of phrases are completely different then referring to a nutritionist and using clinical language in an assessment report (your initial complaints). If the doctor make those comments then you have grounds for a complaint for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp is talking about vanity sizing. She May wear a 14/16 but in reality, she is probably a 20.

This.

But also the PP is right, the size 14/16 in a plus size store is larger than the standard 14 or 16 in a regular department store. I just went through those sizes and that's how I know. I could fit into a 14/16 at the plus size store with no problems but not be able to get into a 14 at Ann Taylor for example. The cut of clothing at the plus size stores was definitely fuller.

i am not going to continue to debate sizes with you but my DD wears a 14 (ish) at stores like DEB and F21 plus and at stores like Macy's etc. she is a 14/16 (closer to 16)

It's interesting to me that you continue to pull out random bits of posts that you think you can refute. You refuse to believe that the weight your daughter gained is environmental (which is clearly is) instead blaming a hormone imbalance that was corrected 4 years ago. You refuse to admit that she is overweight, saying "she is just a little big all over". She is morbidly obese. The doctor is trying to intervene for your daughter's life. You care more about your pride and sensitivity at being obese yourself than you do about your daughter's life.

Hi it's the op again. I am not trying to refute anything. What more do you want? Yes she had a hormonal condition which we corrected and it took many different approaches to find one that actually worked. How fast do you lose weight pp? I know that dd has a long road ahead but she is on that road. No maybe I didn't always help her make the best food choices. Yes I'm obese as well but not as a result of sitting on my ass eating crap. I'm fat because I can only walk for abt 20 mins a day as a result of a birth defect. It is one thing to tell my dd that she is fat
if she is not doing anything abt it, but she is
So yes I do care about the fact that drs are always saying "oh yeah so I know you lost weight. But you're still fat and you aren't doing anything abt it.... Oh bye the way you know you are fat right? And you have a lot of health risks"

This is very different then what you said in your OP. Did the doctor actually say "you are still fat and not doing anything about it"? Did the octor say "oh by the way do you know you are fat?" Those types of phrases are completely different then referring to a nutritionist and using clinical language in an assessment report (your initial complaints). If the doctor make those comments then you have grounds for a complaint for sure.

so for the confusion (op here).. the Children's docs were the ones who said/did what i referenced in the OP. the drs i was quoting were the Kaiser docs. i think somewhere in this thread i said how the kaiser docs bring up her weight as a reason for anything that we go to them for. For example, we went in for a sore throat which turned out to be strep. The doctor there did not do a throat culture (even though she gets strep pretty much every year since she was 2) and the doc old us that "perhaps she should lose some more weight and see if the problems persist". she then went to the kaiser urgent care, and the dr there said that just by looking at the past charts, she was likely to havs strep. the did the quick test and said she had strep. then they did the 3 day (or maybe its 2 day i forgot) test that came out to also say pos for strep. That doc even told us that she should have been on antib much sooner. so while yes we know that she is overweight, obese even, she does still have other medical problems that could happen in anyone, and are not going to be cured by weight loss. which, how much weight was she supposed to lose until they would check for something that had some bearing from the symptoms she was presenting with.

I am not trying to say that its "okay" or healthy to be obese, but I think that she should still be treated as a human being at the doctors office, not just some fat person who i only sick because they are fat. I know I typed a lot and may not be making full sense. I think that when she went into the drs when she was 13 and she had bronchitis, they did mention that weight loss would help with breathing in general. that was okay, because it applied to the ailment. I wasn't just "oh hey... you're fat... so....until you lose the weight we are not going to see what the cause of your ailment is, just that you are fat and losing weight will be a cure all"

[Anonymous]

What is wrong with people on this forum?! The girl is 16 and you all are acting like viscous teenagers. How would you feel if people were saying this stuff online about your kid? Not good I would imagine. Cripes..no wonder kids have so many issues these days with parents like this.

[Anonymous]

19:07 here. I'm the RN who tried to be helpful at the beginning of this thread before it turned into this nastiness. If only you people could see some of the damage that you do to your children and other people because of your actions. I know this is online, but I have a hard time believing that some of you can act like this online and then be a completely nice person IRL.

OP, I'm sorry your thread turned into this. There is a very big anti-fat population on this forum, and they will attack anyone who does not fit into a certain clothing size or the scale doesn't read a certain number.

[Anonymous]

This thread, with a few exceptions, is absolutely appalling.

I suspect most of the awful pps don't have special needs children, because this is not how we treat each other. I know the rest of the forums tend to descend into this kind of nastiness, but this is supposed to be a safe haven for parents whose children are facing medical challenges. Obesity IS a medical challenge. A hormonal imbalance IS a medical challenge. Who are you to decide that OP doesn't deserve to post in here?

And last time I checked, losing 35lbs is a huge acheivement. Yet almost none of you noticed that. You all are too busy calling OP a bad mother, making fun of her daughter, who is still a teenager, calling OP a liar for saying that her DD can fit into a size 14 etc etc.

My point is: get out. If you can't offer supportive advice/criticism in a respectful manner, get out. Go start a thread in GP or Off Topic if you feel the need. But don't bring your nastiness into this forum. It is not needed or wanted.

[Anonymous]

JESUS CHRIST

NO ONE IS ACTUALLY MAKING FUN OF THIS GIRL

A "mean" pp here. I don't know why people keep claiming this. Not one person has criticized this teenage girl. Not once. No one has blamed her. No one has said anything bad about her. Stop projecting. Stop hearing the word "fat" and basically dismissing everything as bullying. Show a post where there has been ONE criticism of the OP's daughter.

That's why I strongly encourage the OP not to let her defensiveness cloud the actual content of what is being said. It's easy to hear the word "fat" and start down a shame spiral but truly accepting your daughter's weight means not getting into fetal position every time it's brought up by a medical professional.

I have said about six times that I think that I think that losing tons of weight is HARD. I have done it. I've lost almost 45 pounds. I have not said (and no one has said) that losing 35 pounds is not hard. IT IS. The point I am trying to make it that it is psychologically grueling to lose weight for ages and ages and still be overweight. That's why if you have a lot of weight to lose, it's best to speak to a professional. It's really tough. You need HELP. The OP keeps changing her story over and over about what the doctor said and why. She may think that now the weight is coming down, it's resolved. It's sorted. Why is everyone still talking about it. But this is such a long process when you have tons to lose. I have said (a ton of times) that I think losing that kind of weight needs help from a professional. Maybe a therapist, maybe a better nutritionist. Even if it's physical, it can have psychological effects.

This is not about dropping weight quickly. Dropping weight quickly may even be a bad thing (though actually usually teenagers and children can lose pretty quickly). It's that losing weight can trigger eating disorders, make kids vulnerable to things they weren't before - new sexual attention etc, change relationships, STUFF. Turning away from medical professionals now is A HUGE MISTAKE.

[Anonymous]

I'm a mother to SN kids and I'm addressing 17:51. Despite your repeated assertions, OP is clearly not in any kind of denial about her DD and is working with the professionals she thinks best for her DD. You are in no position to judge or second guess her. You've offered your opinion and now you need to move on.

If you feel the need to continue to pontificate, you need to start your own thread in a different forum. The OP is not interested in your point of view and just because you think it's important, doesn't mean that she does. She came to the SN thread looking for advice and support from people who know insensitivity, have been subjected to the insufferable opinions of those who think they know what's best, the judgments of those who haven't been in their shoes and have been hounded by those who don't really take the time to listen to what's said. You illustrate very well what we suffer. You just don't get it.

[Anonymous]

This doesn't belong in SN. Should everyone who is sensitive post here? Shoud everyone who has ever been unfairly mistreated post here? No. OP keeps switching up the story - it's not adding up and it's taking advantage of people who are dealing with issues of a different nature.

[Anonymous]

Im honestly curious how it is "taking advantage". The thread.title is pretty clear what it was going to be about. But then again, i like to try to be helpful and nice rather than tear someone's post apart.

[Anonymous]

OP came here looking for support. But Support does not mean everyone has to agree with OP either. I think OP is being overly sensitive and her description of the doctors does not sound insensitive. Yes, obesity and morbid obesity is a medical issue and doctors will bring it up even when you go in for head trauma.

I have a son with ASD and I am clear and tell any new doctor who treats him whether it's for a bronchitis or a broken foot. If she believes that her daughter was treated in an insensitive manner by all means complain to the ombondsman but stop trying to convince people on an anon board that a 230lb, 5'4" teen fits into a size 14.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't belong in SN. Should everyone who is sensitive post here? Shoud everyone who has ever been unfairly mistreated post here? No. OP keeps switching up the story - it's not adding up and it's taking advantage of people who are dealing with issues of a different nature.

Taking advantage? Issues of a different nature? Hardly! I'm one of the mothers of SN kids who have been posting and it seems pretty unanimous that the OP is welcome here and she posted appropriately. In fact, one PP spelled out exactly why the OP's post was appropriate for the SN Forum. I certainly feel a kinship with OP and it's not because she's 'sensitive' or been 'unfairly mistreated'. It's the 'invaders' that don't belong in the SN forum. Why are you so invested in this thread? Why can't you just move on? Are you perseverating? (Don't feel compelled to respond, just move on. Please.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't belong in SN. Should everyone who is sensitive post here? Shoud everyone who has ever been unfairly mistreated post here? No. OP keeps switching up the story - it's not adding up and it's taking advantage of people who are dealing with issues of a different nature.

No, what doesn't belong here is you. You've said your piece, multiple times. Please move on. If you feel the need to expound upon the subject, make a spin off in Off Topic/Gen. Parenting.

OP came here looking for support. But Support does not mean everyone has to agree with OP either. I think OP is being overly sensitive and her description of the doctors does not sound insensitive. Yes, obesity and morbid obesity is a medical issue and doctors will bring it up even when you go in for head trauma.

I have a son with ASD and I am clear and tell any new doctor who treats him whether it's for a bronchitis or a broken foot. If she believes that her daughter was treated in an insensitive manner by all means complain to the ombondsman but stop trying to convince people on an anon board that a 230lb, 5'4" teen fits into a size 14.

There's a difference between respectfully disagreeing with someone, trying to help them, and hounding. What's gone on in this thread has clearly been the latter of those.

And for your information, after I had my children, at my heaviest I weighed 230 lbs. I'm 5'3 and pear shaped. I fit into a size 14, a regular 14 at that. Plus size dresses were too big/ill fitting on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't belong in SN. Should everyone who is sensitive post here? Shoud everyone who has ever been unfairly mistreated post here? No. OP keeps switching up the story - it's not adding up and it's taking advantage of people who are dealing with issues of a different nature.

No, what doesn't belong here is you. You've said your piece, multiple times. Please move on. If you feel the need to expound upon the subject, make a spin off in Off Topic/Gen. Parenting.

OP came here looking for support. But Support does not mean everyone has to agree with OP either. I think OP is being overly sensitive and her description of the doctors does not sound insensitive. Yes, obesity and morbid obesity is a medical issue and doctors will bring it up even when you go in for head trauma.

I have a son with ASD and I am clear and tell any new doctor who treats him whether it's for a bronchitis or a broken foot. If she believes that her daughter was treated in an insensitive manner by all means complain to the ombondsman but stop trying to convince people on an anon board that a 230lb, 5'4" teen fits into a size 14.

There's a difference between respectfully disagreeing with someone, trying to help them, and hounding. What's gone on in this thread has clearly been the latter of those.

And for your information, after I had my children, at my heaviest I weighed 230 lbs. I'm 5'3 and pear shaped. I fit into a size 14, a regular 14 at that. Plus size dresses were too big/ill fitting on me.

Pp you're responding to - this was my first post here.

[Anonymous]

The constant harping by OP and whoever about how someone can be 200 lbs+ and can fit into a size 14 or whatever definitely does not belong here. i could care less a out anyone's weight or what clothes sizes and I'm definitely not on the SN board to hear about it. Sheesh, give it a rest and take it to fashion or OT.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This doesn't belong in SN. Should everyone who is sensitive post here? Shoud everyone who has ever been unfairly mistreated post here? No. OP keeps switching up the story - it's not adding up and it's taking advantage of people who are dealing with issues of a different nature.

No, what doesn't belong here is you. You've said your piece, multiple times. Please move on. If you feel the need to expound upon the subject, make a spin off in Off Topic/Gen. Parenting.

OP came here looking for support. But Support does not mean everyone has to agree with OP either. I think OP is being overly sensitive and her description of the doctors does not sound insensitive. Yes, obesity and morbid obesity is a medical issue and doctors will bring it up even when you go in for head trauma.

I have a son with ASD and I am clear and tell any new doctor who treats him whether it's for a bronchitis or a broken foot. If she believes that her daughter was treated in an insensitive manner by all means complain to the ombondsman but stop trying to convince people on an anon board that a 230lb, 5'4" teen fits into a size 14.

There's a difference between respectfully disagreeing with someone, trying to help them, and hounding. What's gone on in this thread has clearly been the latter of those.

And for your information, after I had my children, at my heaviest I weighed 230 lbs. I'm 5'3 and pear shaped. I fit into a size 14, a regular 14 at that. Plus size dresses [i]were too big/ill fitting on

Two separate posters you are responding to.

I'm the second poster. Please stop with the sizes and clothing posts. You and OP need to take your weight and clothes size issues to OT or fashion.