Let's be the stress of caring for your elderly Boomer parents!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the hoarded mess in the unfinished basement of my IL’s house of 45 years. MIL with dementia is allowed full unfettered access to the basement and picks her way up and down these stairs several times a day to “look around.” I’m the scolding, controlling DIL who recommended door locks, alarms and suggesting professional care be brought in … over a year ago.

And it will still be your fault when she inevitably falls down the stairs or trips over the junk.

I’m the controlling wife who is not allowing visits to the MIL who is perfectly capable or traveling or her son is perfectly capable and has no restrictions on making travel plans. I’m working 40 hours a week, doing the bulk of the housework while he scrolls his phone 10 hours a day as and is in bed another 10. He can make the travel plans to see his parents.

I’d buy him a ticket just to get him out of the house, he sounds useless

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My boomer parents refuse to admit they can’t do everything they used to, but then get mad when they’re included in plans that require stamina and can’t keep up. One day, it’s “yeah, we’ll be there! We’re retired! We have all the time in the world!” And then the thing’s happening and they sour and are like “we’re 79 years old! We’re too tired for this!” So I increasingly keep our plans secret.

Yes, denial is the worst.
We don’t need help! Then bam, a huge mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parent buys 1000s of dollars worth of fake supplements to “improve memory”.
When they arrive, he doesn’t remember buying them. When I ask why he bought them, he can’t remember.
Sigh.

Time to take away access to credit cards

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the "can't live alone, hates homes, wants to live alone, doesn't want to BE alone, oh... what she really wants is to live at her home and have all of her kids live there with her and take care of her!

Like we don't have jobs, kids, pets, obligations or live far away.

It took some digging but that would make her happiest. Not going to happen. Anyone else?

Most are like that, some just hide it a little better than others

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unable to work full time because of difficult parent who drives away caregivers and needs nearly constant care. Plunged into poverty while they fetter away millions on every gadget they see advertised on tv. Trapped and hoping I outlive them.

I suggest you extract yourself from the situation. Have her live alone and don’t visit. It’ll work itself out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I will pitch in. I am a 63 year old boomer currently working full time, dealing with my silent gen parents with rapidly advancing dementia, paying for one DC's divorce lawyer, and will likely have said DC and child moving in soon. Being a sandwich boomer is fun!

Have them move in with your parents! Win win

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PP also:

We didn’t waste our money like your generation-we worked hard and saved.

Yes! Saved every damn thing they’ve ever owned, inherited and purchased. My ILs have 3 cars (!), one driver and use their 2 car garage for storage! Need canceled checks from 1989? All are stuffed in file cabinets in a spare bedroom. How about cans of paint from the renovation in 2002? Baby equipment purchased for grandchildren now in college?

DH in complete denial about what a mess he will have to deal with and how long it will take to ready this house for sale.

Your DC can deal with it too! In exchange for support after divorce

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i am the 29,000 dollars that the estate sale folks sold the contents of my parents house for, including the nearly new car. I am the badly written will that gave all the decision making authority to a really old attorney who went to college with my father that stipulated that all the house contents including the car be sold, even though there are eight teenaged grandchildren who would have liked the car.

They couldn’t buy the car?

[Anonymous]

No parent complaints here. My 86 year old father wants to take care of me!!! He is the sweetest most wonderful human and it’s my honor to be able to help him where he allows. He is mentally sharp and physically healthy. He is also extremely stubborn and unwilling to travel more than a few miles from home but I can deal with that because he is just awesome and i am difficult on my own ways. My mom was also the BEST! Helping her when she was sick with cancer was something I’m grateful I was able to do. When she was healthy, she was a force! Always helping everybody else. I hope my kids will feel the same about me because I never want to be a burden.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m the grateful my parents and in-laws were always there for me and family and I look forward to helping them as needed.

It’s sweet that you think it will be something to look forward to. Come back in a few years to commiserate and we won’t judge.

I don’t think so. My dad passed away 10 years ago. We moved my mom to a smaller home. My MIL passed a few months ago and my FIL just moved into a senior apartment. My FIL is 88 and my mom 85.

[Anonymous]

You know how some kids grieve they’ll never have a loving parent? I can’t complain of that, they love/loved me in their own ways. I am profoundly sad though that I’ll never have a parent I genuinely loved and respected. I have some respect for my mom but no love. I have some love for my dad but no respect. It’s sad, really.

I am glad there are people who genuinely love their aging parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m the old house packed full of their own parents’ “stuff” that they could never bear to get rid of and the house has sit mostly vacant since the late 90s. And now the area is failing and totally downhill so it’s worth about $100k on a good day.

My parents inherited a condo in the 1990s when I was in my 20s. They wouldn’t let me live there.
Instead, they hoarded it, the plumbing was all shot, plus overall dilapidation.
Maybe I should be grateful because it made me move to a better area and eventually to a better country (US), but it certainly deprived them of time with their child and grandkids and help in their older age. One is getting help now but no love is left in me so I’m just going thru the motions

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Despite my father working for 35 years as a biglaw partner, my parents refuse to spend any money on lifestyle, other than going out to eat and ordering takeout. They have minimal expenses and I really want to see them enjoy their money before they can't anymore. I keep encouraging them to take a big vacation (I'll watch the dog! We can drop you off and pick you up at the airport! Let me figure out an itinerary!).

That s a good problem to have. Unless they find a way to squander away your inheritance of course. Oh the endless ways an aging parent can through us a curveball!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm the garage, wherein your DD will find all sorts of interesting items you ordered online that weren't what you'd thought they'd be, including:

• the 64-oz size of powdered coffee creamer you ordered for when your lactose-intolerant friend, George, stops by (you weren't expecting it to be so BIG!)

• what you thought was going to be a 12-pack of Pellegrino that was, in fact, 12 12-packs of Pellegrino ("that's a gross, dad, you ordered a gross of sparkling water")

• a restaurant supply size jug of chili flakes that "looked smaller in the photo"

• the extra four pairs of pajama pants that arrived because the "add to cart" button was indeed functioning properly and, it turns out, you didn't need to hit it several times to get it to work

• boxes and boxes of Swiffer cloths that you swear you have not been ordering but keep coming anyway, and your DD cannot solve the mystery of where you apparently subscribed to have them delivered regularly because your way of managing the hundreds of spam emails you get is by deleting all of your messages every few days or so

This is so frustrating yet so funny!
Can you take over her email in some way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the garage, wherein your DD will find all sorts of interesting items you ordered online that weren't what you'd thought they'd be, including:

• the 64-oz size of powdered coffee creamer you ordered for when your lactose-intolerant friend, George, stops by (you weren't expecting it to be so BIG!)

• what you thought was going to be a 12-pack of Pellegrino that was, in fact, 12 12-packs of Pellegrino ("that's a gross, dad, you ordered a gross of sparkling water")

• a restaurant supply size jug of chili flakes that "looked smaller in the photo"

• the extra four pairs of pajama pants that arrived because the "add to cart" button was indeed functioning properly and, it turns out, you didn't need to hit it several times to get it to work

• boxes and boxes of Swiffer cloths that you swear you have not been ordering but keep coming anyway, and your DD cannot solve the mystery of where you apparently subscribed to have them delivered regularly because your way of managing the hundreds of spam emails you get is by deleting all of your messages every few days or so

This is so frustrating yet so funny!
Can you take over her email in some way?

Him—it’s my dad. He is 93 and no longer drives, so he’s pretty reliant on delivery services. I always offer to help with shopping, but he wants to hold on to any independence he can. He usually gets it right, but when he doesn’t it can be quite funny.

I’m visiting him right now, and I will be going home today with a box of 250 collar stays (minus the two he needed) in case my DH can use them, two 12-packs of bag clips (“they wouldn’t let you buy just one!”), and a big box of Swiss Miss k-pods (he wanted hot cocoa on hand for my DS . . . thought he was ordering pouches and he does not own a Keurig).