Is 250k a bad salary now for a man?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:LOl! if women are making that much then it is ok to expect more otherwise no need to find a loser that can't make her own money and expect you to earn for her.

I dunno if he could keep the house clean and have dinner ready, that would be pretty awesome. If he actually lived up to his end of the bargain and took care of all the household stuff, that would be pretty great.

Exactly. Men who make $120k would never be able to meet the expectations of high standard household maintenance and parenting. Women who make $250k are a very different breed with high standards in everything .
So the low paying meh would rather complain at these women being “gold diggers” or just marry women who make under $120k.

Huh. I’ve never equated high standards with money. I have extremely high standards… for behavior and respect, in particular.

I know wealthier people who can’t meet my standards.

That’s not my experience. People who make that much money also have higher standards for everything else in life. Eg to and self care routine, vacations types (quality site seeing vs cheap cruises or gastro tours), cleaner houses, kids upbringing. In most cases higher earning capacity is related to higher organizational skills. I dated a bunch of men who made much less than me and I was also bored around them. Very limited interests, life experience etc

I’m sorry you have such a limited worldview.

I decided to go into a service profession because I believe the true value in a person’s work is what they can give back to community. I could have waltzed into a higher paying job, but that wouldn’t have aligned with my values. I’m not motivated by money. I fail to see how a “quality” vacation is any better than a roadtrip down 95. The destination doesn’t make the trip one of “quality,” rather, the people around me do that.

And kid upbringing? Money doesn’t make you a better parent than others. Perhaps you can outsource more? And if so, how is that better parenting when it’s often something you can do yourself?

But perhaps you’d be bored around me. We don’t sound like we’d have similar interests.

Sorry not sorry that I prefer to see world cultural treasures and the nature and geological wonders. I doubt you spend your time studying Rafael painting technique vs Leonardo. I kinda enjoy being able just to hop on a plane to see exhibits that I always wanted to see, or to see a show. Of course when you invest the money in your kids they grow more social, less plugged into their screens, want to invent and achieve something, speak multiple languages. My 19 yo speaks 3 languages at native level, won in their college tech challenge (installing a portable communications system to address college wifi system gaps), and just got an internship at a tech company. That is all thanks to tutors they had, and excellent school they went to. That started from me buying a house in that neighborhood and earning good money to begin with.

And none of that… none of that… makes you a better parent than others. You may be a good parent who has the financial resources to make a path easier for your child. Okay. What about the parent (like me) who got their child on an equally successful path, but without the resources?

And none of that makes you superior. So you know the difference between two painting techniques. Do you know the needs at your local food pantry?

But I suppose the real issue is that you come across as NEEDING to feel better than others. That must be exhausting, and I wonder if you’d have a more complete world view if you let that go.

What are you taking about ? Money absolutely allow to be a better and more involved parent to your kids. Money buy you time to read to your kids in the evening, take them to sports, cook healthy meals, talk to their teachers, travel with kids and teach them languages.
If you go to the most impoverished neighborhoods parents don’t have time for their kids because they work low wages 24/7.

You are so, so woefully out of touch with the real world. Shockingly so. Please tell me you’re joking.

Money doesn’t buy me time to read to my children. That costs me nothing at all. And what makes you think you need to be wealthy to talk to teachers? To teach your children languages?

I’ll say it: I am a teacher. I’ve taught the children of the wealthy and the children of the less fortunate. I’ve met wealthy parents who ignore their children, letting others and social media do the work of parenting for them. I’ve met less fortunate parents who are some of the strongest, most balanced role models one can have.

So let’s stop with your farce here. Money doesn’t make you a better parent. All it does is make you a parent with money. That’s not as impressive as you want it to be.

If you’re busy struggling to pay the rent you generally don’t have the bandwidth to read about child development, feel calm when your kid misbehaves, eat and sleep in a way that supports your and your family’s wellbeing, etc. Money gives you more choices. Everyone is dealing with myriad aspects of their current environment, environment they were brought up in, and physiological/psychological environments. Money makes everything easier. To say it doesn’t is dishonest.

DP. Wait, are we still talking about people who make $250k?

I’m the PP. No, absolutely not. 250k is a good salary. People on this board are stupid and out of touch.

I’m not saying it gives you a lush lifestyle in NW DC, but you’re doing great.

We are not talking about 250k being a bad salary. It’s a good salary for a man. But that wouldn’t make me feel comfortable to fully focus on my kids. I would say 500k joint income is a minimum to raise 2-3 kids, travel, have a home in a good school district and to have more time flexibility to parent

[Anonymous]

It's not a great salary for a young couple. We can live off of $250k in total HHI, but we got into the housing market in 2009 and refinanced when rates were 2.8%, so we don't need to save for a down payment. Our kids are also old enough that they no longer need full-time childcare. I don't think $250k goes far for a young family right now if they want to buy a house, have kids, or save for their kids' college or their own retirement.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LOl! if women are making that much then it is ok to expect more otherwise no need to find a loser that can't make her own money and expect you to earn for her.

I dunno if he could keep the house clean and have dinner ready, that would be pretty awesome. If he actually lived up to his end of the bargain and took care of all the household stuff, that would be pretty great.

Exactly. Men who make $120k would never be able to meet the expectations of high standard household maintenance and parenting. Women who make $250k are a very different breed with high standards in everything .
So the low paying meh would rather complain at these women being “gold diggers” or just marry women who make under $120k.

Huh. I’ve never equated high standards with money. I have extremely high standards… for behavior and respect, in particular.

I know wealthier people who can’t meet my standards.

That’s not my experience. People who make that much money also have higher standards for everything else in life. Eg to and self care routine, vacations types (quality site seeing vs cheap cruises or gastro tours), cleaner houses, kids upbringing. In most cases higher earning capacity is related to higher organizational skills. I dated a bunch of men who made much less than me and I was also bored around them. Very limited interests, life experience etc

I’m sorry you have such a limited worldview.

I decided to go into a service profession because I believe the true value in a person’s work is what they can give back to community. I could have waltzed into a higher paying job, but that wouldn’t have aligned with my values. I’m not motivated by money. I fail to see how a “quality” vacation is any better than a roadtrip down 95. The destination doesn’t make the trip one of “quality,” rather, the people around me do that.

And kid upbringing? Money doesn’t make you a better parent than others. Perhaps you can outsource more? And if so, how is that better parenting when it’s often something you can do yourself?

But perhaps you’d be bored around me. We don’t sound like we’d have similar interests.

Sorry not sorry that I prefer to see world cultural treasures and the nature and geological wonders. I doubt you spend your time studying Rafael painting technique vs Leonardo. I kinda enjoy being able just to hop on a plane to see exhibits that I always wanted to see, or to see a show. Of course when you invest the money in your kids they grow more social, less plugged into their screens, want to invent and achieve something, speak multiple languages. My 19 yo speaks 3 languages at native level, won in their college tech challenge (installing a portable communications system to address college wifi system gaps), and just got an internship at a tech company. That is all thanks to tutors they had, and excellent school they went to. That started from me buying a house in that neighborhood and earning good money to begin with.

And none of that… none of that… makes you a better parent than others. You may be a good parent who has the financial resources to make a path easier for your child. Okay. What about the parent (like me) who got their child on an equally successful path, but without the resources?

And none of that makes you superior. So you know the difference between two painting techniques. Do you know the needs at your local food pantry?

But I suppose the real issue is that you come across as NEEDING to feel better than others. That must be exhausting, and I wonder if you’d have a more complete world view if you let that go.

What are you taking about ? Money absolutely allow to be a better and more involved parent to your kids. Money buy you time to read to your kids in the evening, take them to sports, cook healthy meals, talk to their teachers, travel with kids and teach them languages.
If you go to the most impoverished neighborhoods parents don’t have time for their kids because they work low wages 24/7.

You are so, so woefully out of touch with the real world. Shockingly so. Please tell me you’re joking.

Money doesn’t buy me time to read to my children. That costs me nothing at all. And what makes you think you need to be wealthy to talk to teachers? To teach your children languages?

I’ll say it: I am a teacher. I’ve taught the children of the wealthy and the children of the less fortunate. I’ve met wealthy parents who ignore their children, letting others and social media do the work of parenting for them. I’ve met less fortunate parents who are some of the strongest, most balanced role models one can have.

So let’s stop with your farce here. Money doesn’t make you a better parent. All it does is make you a parent with money. That’s not as impressive as you want it to be.

If you’re busy struggling to pay the rent you generally don’t have the bandwidth to read about child development, feel calm when your kid misbehaves, eat and sleep in a way that supports your and your family’s wellbeing, etc. Money gives you more choices. Everyone is dealing with myriad aspects of their current environment, environment they were brought up in, and physiological/psychological environments. Money makes everything easier. To say it doesn’t is dishonest.

DP. Wait, are we still talking about people who make $250k?

I’m the PP. No, absolutely not. 250k is a good salary. People on this board are stupid and out of touch.

I’m not saying it gives you a lush lifestyle in NW DC, but you’re doing great.

We are not talking about 250k being a bad salary. It’s a good salary for a man. But that wouldn’t make me feel comfortable to fully focus on my kids. I would say 500k joint income is a minimum to raise 2-3 kids, travel, have a home in a good school district and to have more time flexibility to parent

Why do you need 2-3 kids and all the trappings of the world? Have one kid, stay in a modest home in a modest school district. Kids don't need competitive schools, activities and designer goods to be happy, they can be happier with content, caring and fun parents who love and support each other. A higher income level can make life more comfortable but not necessarily happier or stress free.

[Anonymous]

Also if you two are under 30, you'll both increase earnings with time.

[Anonymous]

If you are above 40 and haven't reached to collective $500k, probably too late to dream of an affluent life with dream home in fancy suburb, exotic vacations etc with 3 kids.

[Anonymous]

It is a wonderful salary. I could make this HHI work and meet all the goals for our family - SFH, foreign vacations, socializing, cars, tutors, ECs, cleaning lady, 2 kids college.

- SAHM

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a wonderful salary. I could make this HHI work and meet all the goals for our family - SFH, foreign vacations, socializing, cars, tutors, ECs, cleaning lady, 2 kids college.

- SAHM

Where do you live and how much is your mortgage payment? Here's a rough estimate of cost breakdowns for a family of two:

$250,000 Gross Income
401(k) Deferral– $24,500
All Taxes (~23.7%)– $59,170
Net Take-Home Pay~$166,330
Annual Mortgage Payment (Assume a $600k mortgage @ 6.25%) - $44,328
Annual College Savings (2 kids)– $30,000

Remaining Cash Flow~$92,002/yr (this would have to cover cars, food, ECs, cleaning lady, vacations, utilities, cell phones, insurance, cable, entertainment, eating out). I couldn't do it, but admittedly, my kids are in expensive sports, and I like some creature comforts, like getting my hair professionally colored and cut, and going to pilates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a wonderful salary. I could make this HHI work and meet all the goals for our family - SFH, foreign vacations, socializing, cars, tutors, ECs, cleaning lady, 2 kids college.

- SAHM

Where, exactly would this SFH be located?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is a wonderful salary. I could make this HHI work and meet all the goals for our family - SFH, foreign vacations, socializing, cars, tutors, ECs, cleaning lady, 2 kids college.

- SAHM

+1, a lot of PPs sound bad with money. Or obsessed with status signifiers that don't actually improve your quality of life (having 3 kids, expensive private school) but will churn through your money.

We now have a bigger HHI but we lived for years in the DC are on about 200k. We took three vacations a year (one to visit family, one domestic, one foreign), upgraded our kitchen, kids took music lessons and ballet and had tutoring. We saved for retirement and college. Kids went to good public schools, we had a nice (but not huge) house in a great neighborhood. We went out to eat regularly and had money for things like Nats games or concert tickets. We only had one care (lived near metro) but it was nice.

Now we have more money than we frankly know what to do with. We give a lot to charity. We stay in nicer hotels now. We set up trusts for kids to help fund their first house purchases. We moved into a bigger, nicer house. I have a personal assistant now. But all of that is extra and we were totally happy and fulfilled on 200k with one salary. I would venture to suggest that if you can't be happy on 250k, you won't be happy on 500k either. You don't understand what is important or how to budget properly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a wonderful salary. I could make this HHI work and meet all the goals for our family - SFH, foreign vacations, socializing, cars, tutors, ECs, cleaning lady, 2 kids college.

- SAHM

Where, exactly would this SFH be located?

DP but if you had 250k per year when you got married, then you can climb the real estate ladder. You live in an apartment for a few years while you save up your down payment, then you buy a starter home for 600-700k, live there until kids are school age, then you sell that and put the equity towards a house in great school district. If you save and invest intelligently, you should have over 500k in equity by the time you buy that second house. If you marry young and can wait a bit to have kids, you could have more. If your parents can contribute a bit to your first down payment, that will bump you up too. If you stick to 2 kids, this will limit your expenses and leave plenty leftover. This is a great life.

The mistake is people thinking they should be able to get married at 27 or 28, immediately buy a 1.5m house in a suburb with great schools, and then want to have 3 kids, and then decide they want those kids to attend expensive private schools anyway. People just constantly come up with creative and stupid ways to "need" more money.

Learn how to live a good life on 250k and you can be happy your whole life. Your life will feel abundant. If you can't make that work, you will never, ever be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a wonderful salary. I could make this HHI work and meet all the goals for our family - SFH, foreign vacations, socializing, cars, tutors, ECs, cleaning lady, 2 kids college.

- SAHM

Where, exactly would this SFH be located?

DP but if you had 250k per year when you got married, then you can climb the real estate ladder. You live in an apartment for a few years while you save up your down payment, then you buy a starter home for 600-700k, live there until kids are school age, then you sell that and put the equity towards a house in great school district. If you save and invest intelligently, you should have over 500k in equity by the time you buy that second house. If you marry young and can wait a bit to have kids, you could have more. If your parents can contribute a bit to your first down payment, that will bump you up too. If you stick to 2 kids, this will limit your expenses and leave plenty leftover. This is a great life.

The mistake is people thinking they should be able to get married at 27 or 28, immediately buy a 1.5m house in a suburb with great schools, and then want to have 3 kids, and then decide they want those kids to attend expensive private schools anyway. People just constantly come up with creative and stupid ways to "need" more money.

Learn how to live a good life on 250k and you can be happy your whole life. Your life will feel abundant. If you can't make that work, you will never, ever be happy.

This is not how most people start out. But yeah, sure, in an ideal world — which is, a world we don't live in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a wonderful salary. I could make this HHI work and meet all the goals for our family - SFH, foreign vacations, socializing, cars, tutors, ECs, cleaning lady, 2 kids college.

- SAHM

Where do you live and how much is your mortgage payment? Here's a rough estimate of cost breakdowns for a family of two:

$250,000 Gross Income
401(k) Deferral– $24,500
All Taxes (~23.7%)– $59,170
Net Take-Home Pay~$166,330
Annual Mortgage Payment (Assume a $600k mortgage @ 6.25%) - $44,328
Annual College Savings (2 kids)– $30,000

Remaining Cash Flow~$92,002/yr (this would have to cover cars, food, ECs, cleaning lady, vacations, utilities, cell phones, insurance, cable, entertainment, eating out). I couldn't do it, but admittedly, my kids are in expensive sports, and I like some creature comforts, like getting my hair professionally colored and cut, and going to pilates.

92k for cars, food, ECs, cleaning lady, vacations, and all your other bills doesn't actually sound that hard to me, but I don't go to pilates so maybe that's it.

$15k/yr college savings sounds excessive to me. We do 8-10k per kid and are in great shape right now with kids in late elementary. But also we aren't over-investing in 529s. We will stop contributing once they each hit 150k. We have other savings sprinkled over a variety of vehicles, including treasury bonds, plus we expect to be able to cash flow some college expenses because our house will be paid off long before our kids hit college.

We bought a townhome prior to having kids and paid the mortgage down aggressively so when we sold it after 10 years (at 35 and 32, with two young kids) we had no mortgage. We took the proceeds and put them toward our house. Currently worth 1.2 million, we only have 300k left on the mortgage, currently pay 35k/yr.

So on your budget, assuming other numbers were accurate, we have more like 120k after taxes, retirement, college savings, and mortgage. Maybe I can go to pilates after all!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a wonderful salary. I could make this HHI work and meet all the goals for our family - SFH, foreign vacations, socializing, cars, tutors, ECs, cleaning lady, 2 kids college.

- SAHM

Where, exactly would this SFH be located?

DP but if you had 250k per year when you got married, then you can climb the real estate ladder. You live in an apartment for a few years while you save up your down payment, then you buy a starter home for 600-700k, live there until kids are school age, then you sell that and put the equity towards a house in great school district. If you save and invest intelligently, you should have over 500k in equity by the time you buy that second house. If you marry young and can wait a bit to have kids, you could have more. If your parents can contribute a bit to your first down payment, that will bump you up too. If you stick to 2 kids, this will limit your expenses and leave plenty leftover. This is a great life.

The mistake is people thinking they should be able to get married at 27 or 28, immediately buy a 1.5m house in a suburb with great schools, and then want to have 3 kids, and then decide they want those kids to attend expensive private schools anyway. People just constantly come up with creative and stupid ways to "need" more money.

Learn how to live a good life on 250k and you can be happy your whole life. Your life will feel abundant. If you can't make that work, you will never, ever be happy.

This is not how most people start out. But yeah, sure, in an ideal world — which is, a world we don't live in.

OP's question was what kind of salary a woman is looking for in a man, presumably to marry. 250k for a couple starting out is fantastic. Psychos on this board claim it is simply not enough and that no one can buy a house on that salary or have a family on just that income. That's false.

Most of us started out with far less than that and are doing very well, so yes, I feel confident that if I were just getting married now and my partner made 250k, we would be better than fine.

[Anonymous]

This has a lot of put of touch with real world outside DCUM posts. I see how MAGA started, fueled by contempt from economic elites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a wonderful salary. I could make this HHI work and meet all the goals for our family - SFH, foreign vacations, socializing, cars, tutors, ECs, cleaning lady, 2 kids college.

- SAHM

Where do you live and how much is your mortgage payment? Here's a rough estimate of cost breakdowns for a family of two:

$250,000 Gross Income
401(k) Deferral– $24,500
All Taxes (~23.7%)– $59,170
Net Take-Home Pay~$166,330
Annual Mortgage Payment (Assume a $600k mortgage @ 6.25%) - $44,328
Annual College Savings (2 kids)– $30,000

Remaining Cash Flow~$92,002/yr (this would have to cover cars, food, ECs, cleaning lady, vacations, utilities, cell phones, insurance, cable, entertainment, eating out). I couldn't do it, but admittedly, my kids are in expensive sports, and I like some creature comforts, like getting my hair professionally colored and cut, and going to pilates.

92k for cars, food, ECs, cleaning lady, vacations, and all your other bills doesn't actually sound that hard to me, but I don't go to pilates so maybe that's it.

$15k/yr college savings sounds excessive to me. We do 8-10k per kid and are in great shape right now with kids in late elementary. But also we aren't over-investing in 529s. We will stop contributing once they each hit 150k. We have other savings sprinkled over a variety of vehicles, including treasury bonds, plus we expect to be able to cash flow some college expenses because our house will be paid off long before our kids hit college.

We bought a townhome prior to having kids and paid the mortgage down aggressively so when we sold it after 10 years (at 35 and 32, with two young kids) we had no mortgage. We took the proceeds and put them toward our house. Currently worth 1.2 million, we only have 300k left on the mortgage, currently pay 35k/yr.

So on your budget, assuming other numbers were accurate, we have more like 120k after taxes, retirement, college savings, and mortgage. Maybe I can go to pilates after all!!

I made a point above about how $250k is actually a fine salary for those of us who have been in the housing market for a while. But if you're a young couple saving for a down payment and getting a mortgage at current rates, it's tough.

Also, I don't think $150k per kid is going to cut it for college costs, even for in-state tuition, but I hope I am wrong. We are tarketing $350k per kid before we stop contributions. We both went to expensive schools, so we feel like we should pay it forward.