I got called a f***ing chink yesterday

[Anonymous]

Sticks & stones…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:That’s terrible and I’m really sorry that happened to you. He sounds mentally ill so I wouldn’t take it personally.

But also, being homeless in itself doesn’t make him less than you either.

Being racist does, though.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

It's not clear to me why people take the opinions of the mentally ill so seriously. There's no "hidden truth" in these people. That's not how mental illness works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure why you think you’re better than someone just because they’re homeless. If anything after feeling the sting of an insult like you did I would think you might be more sensitive to being labeled for something beyond your control. Obviously this person is mentally ill. Also not something they can help.

I think your judgy message could have been saved for another time.

Ditto! He doesn't get a pass because he is homeless. And, some of his life choices led him there...he is not a total victim.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a little uncomfortable with some folks minimizing OPs post. Smacks of anti Asian trying to downplay it. She said it bothered her.

Agree! People are "butting" her experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:For the last five or so years, I have thought a lot about how to be an ally as a white person, and one thing I do is when I see something like that happen I go up to the person and ask if they're okay and say that was horrible and wrong. It's all I can really think of but I want them to know it was witnessed and thought to be unacceptable.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

Do you also do that when the racist person is black, Hispanic or Asian?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This actually happened to DH a few years ago. A homeless man who was visibly impaired (drugs/alcohol and/or severe mental health issues) yelled across the street “you f**king n*****”. It was really rattling for him, too. I think he was surprised at how shaken he was by the encounter given that this man was clearly not of sound mind. I think he also felt uncomfortable or somehow embarrassed talking about the experience afterward.

Anyway, just sharing this to say I’m sorry this man spewed hate at you and I’m sorry people write it off because it’s “just a crazy guy” and I’m sorry victims of this end up the ones feeling ashamed.

All the people who say to shrug it off - that's how we got to this point. The normalization of uncivil public behavior.
On the one hand, yes, ignore the nutcase.
On the other hand, nutcase behavior is enabled.
Isn't there some other thread on here today about how people in this day and age are just plain mean? I feel like these two threads are connected.

I live in NYC and have been practicing the art of ignoring vagrants for several decades. The need to create invisible public boundaries (absolutely NO eye contact, pretend you don't see them, the quick summation of how loony or dangerous a particular walking zombie is) contributes to the dissolution of community. When people celebrate the new addition to the Museum of Natural History, I see the privatization of public space because public space has become so unpredictably unpleasant. There is a corollation (ugh, I can't spell) between the rise of homelessness and secured semi-public spaces sponsored by corporations.

The nutcase is “enabled” because there is no plan to deal with the mentally ill. In the alleged nicer (so not true) olden days, the mentally ill would be kept away from us, not taught not to use mean words.

In this instance, OP can choose to feel like a victim or not. Being upset for a bit, totally normal. Ruminating and victimhood? That’s not helpful. I have personal experience and you have to choose your own adventure.

Are we really treating the mentally ill better now? Allowing them to live on the streets and rant and rave. Have things improved for them? They’ve certainly worsened for the rest of us. I think we need to bring back facilities that enforceably hold people albeit with strong checks and balances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For the last five or so years, I have thought a lot about how to be an ally as a white person, and one thing I do is when I see something like that happen I go up to the person and ask if they're okay and say that was horrible and wrong. It's all I can really think of but I want them to know it was witnessed and thought to be unacceptable.

I'm sorry that happened to you.

It's the OP. Thank you. That's very kind. When people just pretend nothing happened, it can feel shameful and embarassing. It reminds me of another time when I was waiting for the bus and a Black woman was shouting at loudly and repeatedly to "get out of here and go back to your f** country*. When I got on the bus, another Black woman looked at me and just quietly said "I'm sorry". It was small but kind gesture and I still remember it.

Thank you everyone else for your kind words.

The fact that the woman was black wasn't relevant to the telling of the story nor the fact that a black person said sorry.

You don't know that. You can't speak for either of the black women.

I think it's pretty clear that race is relevant during a racist incident.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A man who was either homeless and/or has substance abuse issues/mental illness was walking towards me last night on a semi isolated street, in that unsteady halting way. I was trying to walk around him with my head bent down to stay out of his way when he snarled "stop staring at me, you f****ing chink".

I kept walking ahead. For a split second I thought he would turn around and start following me. There were other people ahead of me so I just started walking faster to catch up to them and then I was in an area where there were many more people.

I've been called "chink" by all sorts of people since I was a kid in elementary school. "Go back to your country". [My country? I was born here.]

So it surprises me how much it still stings when someone calls me a chink. It's even hard to write that. That a man who was probably homeless thinks I'm less than him because of my skin color. It shouldn't bother me, after all this time! Right?!

So I'm just trying to get this out of my system. Weirdly I feel ashamed and couldn't even tell anyone IRL that this happened.

Thanks for listening, strangers on an anonymous messaging board.

It is upsetting, but bring so so so surprised that these things happen is not going to serve you--Asian people are people just like everyone else and will be subject to human bias at times just like any other group of humans. And no, Asians are not going to be treated like white people in the United States, meaning bring seen as the default Americans. This is not good, but if you are unaware of this you are going to be shocked daily.

DP, and a little off-topic, but the weird thing for me was that in my high school / college / grad school / NYC bubbles, it was really rare to be automatically “othered” or feel like I was being treated differently from anyone else on the daily things. It was kind of a surprise to have to relearn that once I moved to Va.

Anyway OP I’m sorry that happened to you. It must have been especially jarring coming from (1) a man (2) walking towards you (vs seated) and (3) visibly “off,” because those things together alerted your self-protection instincts. And then he came up to you and yelled something that was clearly targeted at you specifically, of course you felt attacked in the moment. It’s also the realization that only he knew in the moment whether he was going to raise a hand to you—to be willing to yell a slur like that means he is already partially unbound by the rules of civility that we all abide by—and the feeling that your appearance, which you cannot change, somehow catalyzed this.

Ignore all the hopeless PPs who are too busy fixating on how your post could be edited for political correctness to offer you a word of compassion. They are using this post to pile on with their own anger, and most of us are seeing how that is very sad and not okay.

Feel better and cocoon yourself with good people if you can. Also talk to someone about it. Next time you’re out with your friends, just share that it happened. You can use a light tone while still mentioning that it hurt and was scary at the time.

Meaning not being seen as white and the default? Because we all are going to be seen as "something". We can't pick and and choose, only to be seen as "something" when it benefits us. Or we all can just decide to not talk about skin color, country of origin, culture at all. No talk about "well in my culture we are family oriented...ect". We are all the same from now on, right?

I’m sorry - our country was 90% white VERY recently, so “the default”. I’m sorry if that is hurtful. But that is not a moral failing, it was just true. And unless you are a descendant of African American slaves, native Americans or a small number of Tejanos, your family chose to come to a majority white country.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man who was either homeless and/or has substance abuse issues/mental illness was walking towards me last night on a semi isolated street, in that unsteady halting way. I was trying to walk around him with my head bent down to stay out of his way when he snarled "stop staring at me, you f****ing chink".

I kept walking ahead. For a split second I thought he would turn around and start following me. There were other people ahead of me so I just started walking faster to catch up to them and then I was in an area where there were many more people.

I've been called "chink" by all sorts of people since I was a kid in elementary school. "Go back to your country". [My country? I was born here.]

So it surprises me how much it still stings when someone calls me a chink. It's even hard to write that. That a man who was probably homeless thinks I'm less than him because of my skin color. It shouldn't bother me, after all this time! Right?!

So I'm just trying to get this out of my system. Weirdly I feel ashamed and couldn't even tell anyone IRL that this happened.

Thanks for listening, strangers on an anonymous messaging board.

Take a self-defense class.

Walk with confidence.

Make eye contact so you can identify the person if he becomes a perp in a line up.

You don't need to keep your head down or look away.

However, I don't care if I hurt some man's feelings as a woman walking in a parking garage, a street, an elevator, any public place where I might be attacked or assaulted by someone bigger than I am. And I'm not Asian.

I'm Italian American. I've had men catcalling me my entire life. The last time it happened to me, the man was a construction worker, and I was shocked he was doing it to me, cause I'm 55.

I had a man shout at me once when I was feeling especially great about myself. I was wearing a new pair of shades, and I had my hair fixed. I was in a grocery story parking lot. The man shouted, "Hollywood's a long way from here, baby!"

Decades later, that stuck with me. In one instance, just because I had a spring in my step and was feeling good about myself that day, some homeless looking drunken bum, thought it was okay to "humble" me and take me down a notch or two.

It's not really about what they call you. They can call me "dago" or "wop" (used to mean without papers) or "baby" or "sweetie" and it still makes me angry.

I especially hated it when men, strange men, would tell me to "smile!" or say, "you're prettier when you smile!" I'm not put on God's green earth for your gaze, jerk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not clear to me why people take the opinions of the mentally ill so seriously. There's no "hidden truth" in these people. That's not how mental illness works.

Agree.

[Anonymous]

I'm the PP.

When I worked in D.C., I used to follow an app on street harassment.

Have you seen it or used it?

When street harassment occurs, you mark it in the app, so other women are aware of it. Wait until you get home to do that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He doesn't think you're less than him. He's using a racially appropriate insult. Another person would be a honkey, spic, Jap, n*gg**, or btch.

Would you want to trade places with him? No. So what he says doesn't matter.

I'd be more concerned about the risk of violent.

He doesn't get a pass for hateful language just because he's in a rough place.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry about that OP. A lot of mentally ill homeless are vets. If that’s the case here, there’s a good chance that this type of thinking was ingrained in him while fighting in the war.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A man who was either homeless and/or has substance abuse issues/mental illness was walking towards me last night on a semi isolated street, in that unsteady halting way. I was trying to walk around him with my head bent down to stay out of his way when he snarled "stop staring at me, you f****ing chink".

I kept walking ahead. For a split second I thought he would turn around and start following me. There were other people ahead of me so I just started walking faster to catch up to them and then I was in an area where there were many more people.

I've been called "chink" by all sorts of people since I was a kid in elementary school. "Go back to your country". [My country? I was born here.]

So it surprises me how much it still stings when someone calls me a chink. It's even hard to write that. That a man who was probably homeless thinks I'm less than him because of my skin color. It shouldn't bother me, after all this time! Right?!

So I'm just trying to get this out of my system. Weirdly I feel ashamed and couldn't even tell anyone IRL that this happened.

Thanks for listening, strangers on an anonymous messaging board.

The man might well think you are an alien. Why are you letting a mentally ill person live rent free in your head? You are inventing this narrative in your own head.