Anyone transition from big pay/big house/big expense to a low cost, simple, yet fulfilling retirement life?

[Anonymous]

I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

[Anonymous]

It's sort of depressing for me to think about tbh. Soon to be empty nester and I have this unsettled "what's next?" feeling. Around us, the people who did best economically and emotionally stayed put in their homes. The ones who sold and downsized ending up renting crappy places for too much money. I have no idea what to do!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

NP but I’d let my gainfully employed kids live with me as long as they wanted, as long as they were saving money.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

You know, in other countries people live with their parents until they get married, and it's not seen as weird or weak. I'm totally open to it. Yet, my son's main goal in life is to live on his own, so I don't think I'm fated to have kids move back in with me.

[Anonymous]

I kept my same lifestyle (ie, home, car). Like most of my friends, however, have found that I spend less in retirement. Of course, you are no longer contributing to your retirement savings, you pay less tax, you aren’t supporting children, your home may be paid off. No need for professional clothes, less gas.

I do spend more on travel…but I am not home buying groceries or using utilities when I am away. Just keep this in mind. (Have good health insurance…since those costs are likely to go up over time).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

NP but I’d let my gainfully employed kids live with me as long as they wanted, as long as they were saving money.

Don't you think letting them live with you indefinitely is an obstacle to them dating and getting married? If someone is gainfully employed and still living with their parents in their 30s, there's no way I would want to (or would have wanted to when I was younger) date them.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I wish the people in their 60s and 70s in my neighborhood would downsize so that we could buy one of their big houses. We bought a small house 10 years ago in a lovely neighborhood. Now with a preschooler, an elementary schooler, and both parents WFH we would love more room, but no one is selling. I don't know why the elderly want their 4000 sq. foot houses now that their kids are long gone, but that it seems they don't want to leave them.

probably because moving in a PITA, they have a low mortgage rate, and the new townhomes are almost as expensive as the 4000sf houses.
Unless you are planning on moving south to retire, it's easier just to keep your current home

And then when they die, get dementia or are otherwise incapacitated, they can leave the cleaning out the big house and moving for their kids to deal with. Very considerate.

DP.. I pushed our ILs to downsize a long time ago, and they refused. Then my FIL got dementia, and moving would've been difficult for them. Then he died, and my MIL got decision paralysis, even though she knew she had to move. Then she fell for the third time, blacked out, and finally made the move to a smaller place.

My parents moved when we all moved out. But, moving out and downsizing is no small feat for people who have lived in their homes for 40 years.

Personally, I cannot wait to downsize, but my problem right now is where do I move to? And a PP is correct. Prices have gone up so much that a nice but smaller condo in a nice area is almost the same price as my large sfh in a good school district. It's hard to move in that case.

There is no such thing as a good school district. It’s code for wealthy and white. Why leave your home? It should be paid off.

You forgot Asian and South Asian. Anyway, of course there are good school districts. You may disagree based on your own internal metrics but it's pointless to claim that most people do not believe and accept the concept of good school districts. After all, it is a major role in real estate buying decisions for many people and those districts are backed up by excellent scores, low behavioral problems, etc. Things that add up to "good school district." Wishing it wasn't so isn't going to make it go away.

Not shocking---"good school districts" are in areas of wealth. It's much easier to educate kids who have a good start and have involved parents at home.

So? They are still good school districts. That's why they're called *good* school districts because they do an excellent job educating kids in sane and safe environments with high standards. Buyers know exactly what they are getting and why they're paying a premium for housing to get away from disorder and low standards.

The so called "good" schools have their own issues and violence now. And, often the parents aren't involved, they jus thave higher expectations. We don't have school districts, we have schools in counties.

Around the DMV you definitely have sought after pyramids. And you admitted parents have higher expectations. When you go to a school dominated by kids from families with higher expectations, it creates a very different environment than a school where expectations are nonexistent. Been there, done that, you aren't convincing anyone.

I have a few years until my DC graduates from one of the most desired FCPS pyramids. I can't wait to sell my shi&t box to one of the wanna be strivers just dying to get into the neighborhood. I'll take my pretty profit and move to a neighborhood I actually want to live in. It's insane what folks who want to get away from the undesirables are willing to pay to live here. Their views are very odd to me, but hey it doesn't mean I'm not willing to take advantage of their irrational fears and myopic beliefs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

I hope my son does the same thing. He can live with me the rest of his life if he wants to. We have a very small house so we’d all have to move or put on another floor if he had a wife and kids but that to me would be worth it. Why make your kids leave?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

NP but I’d let my gainfully employed kids live with me as long as they wanted, as long as they were saving money.

Don't you think letting them live with you indefinitely is an obstacle to them dating and getting married? If someone is gainfully employed and still living with their parents in their 30s, there's no way I would want to (or would have wanted to when I was younger) date them.

I lived with my parents on and off after grad school. I met my husband, got married and moved in with him. I saved money which allowed us to buy a house and other things. I still have savings from those days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're starting the process- DS is headed to college next year, and DH has a new job across the country. We'll be fully relocating by the end of the school year. Plan is to rent in the new, higher cost living area while DH finishes out his career, but also buy a smaller home in a different state that has the things we will value in retirement-- I'm currently scoping smallish 3 bedroom homes with at least one bedroom on the main level, manageable yard, HOA to cover things like snow removal, etc. We're going to pay less for the house and carry only a very small mortgage for the tax advantage. I want to travel, renovate a smaller home to my choosing, and age in place. With one DC, 3 bedrooms is enough if the worst happens and he needs to live with us for awhile.

I think it's silly to plan for a scenario where your kid will come home to live with you for "awhile" when the worst happens if you're in a small city in a low cost of living state. They'll need to be where jobs actually exist in order to get back on their feet when that happens, not Sioux City. Unless your version of "worst" is them never working again?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

as long as they want. If they have jobs and are investing/saving their money it doesn’t matter to me. They will always have a home here. I’m not big into kicking people out just because that’s culturally what we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

NP but I’d let my gainfully employed kids live with me as long as they wanted, as long as they were saving money.

Don't you think letting them live with you indefinitely is an obstacle to them dating and getting married? If someone is gainfully employed and still living with their parents in their 30s, there's no way I would want to (or would have wanted to when I was younger) date them.

new poster, but times are very different. Due to affordability issues and COL, kids are relating home much longer than in the past.

And stable men with good jobs have no problems dating.

[Anonymous]

I have kept a rental property in our city in case our kids want to move back home someday. Right now, it provides us with significant cash flow, but we don't really need it, and I'd let the kids live there while they save money to buy their own home. They can't move back home. We are both a little older, a little OCD and love quiet evenings, so having 20-somethings in and out would be hard. One of them, in particular, clashes too much with DH to live with us after 22.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish the people in their 60s and 70s in my neighborhood would downsize so that we could buy one of their big houses. We bought a small house 10 years ago in a lovely neighborhood. Now with a preschooler, an elementary schooler, and both parents WFH we would love more room, but no one is selling. I don't know why the elderly want their 4000 sq. foot houses now that their kids are long gone, but that it seems they don't want to leave them.

probably because moving in a PITA, they have a low mortgage rate, and the new townhomes are almost as expensive as the 4000sf houses.
Unless you are planning on moving south to retire, it's easier just to keep your current home

And then when they die, get dementia or are otherwise incapacitated, they can leave the cleaning out the big house and moving for their kids to deal with. Very considerate.

Seriously, after they raised you and did and paid everything for you for 18 years, and then probably also college, you can't take a couple weeks out of your life and use some of your inheritance to pay to clean out the house? Selfish

DP, but we are going through this with my mom who is a widow with Parkinson’s. It’s not that I mind taking time to clean the house and handle her belongings. It’s the stress of knowing she shouldn’t be living alone, has already had some falls, and I’m terrified of her using the stairs. We’ve tried to get her to downsize and even offered to help pay for a downsizing service. But she is just in denial about her condition and you really cannot force a grown adult to do something they do want to.

So the house is going into disrepair and I just know there is going to be some emergency forcing us to help clear out the house at some totally inconvenient time (DH and I both work FT and have 3 kids including 1 with SNs). It would be nice to be able to help my mom during a time we have a break to do things, not when our SN kid is going through a hard time or we are crazy busy at work or we are out of the country on vacation, etc.)

So yes, I am upset that this task is being left to us and is a ticking time bomb over us on top of all the other middle age life stressors. I’m an only child so it will all fall to me. I hate it.