Anyone transition from big pay/big house/big expense to a low cost, simple, yet fulfilling retirement life?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have kept a rental property in our city in case our kids want to move back home someday. Right now, it provides us with significant cash flow, but we don't really need it, and I'd let the kids live there while they save money to buy their own home. They can't move back home. We are both a little older, a little OCD and love quiet evenings, so having 20-somethings in and out would be hard. One of them, in particular, clashes too much with DH to live with us after 22.

just curious, did you have kids late in life? I know older people struggle with adaptability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish the people in their 60s and 70s in my neighborhood would downsize so that we could buy one of their big houses. We bought a small house 10 years ago in a lovely neighborhood. Now with a preschooler, an elementary schooler, and both parents WFH we would love more room, but no one is selling. I don't know why the elderly want their 4000 sq. foot houses now that their kids are long gone, but that it seems they don't want to leave them.

probably because moving in a PITA, they have a low mortgage rate, and the new townhomes are almost as expensive as the 4000sf houses.
Unless you are planning on moving south to retire, it's easier just to keep your current home

And then when they die, get dementia or are otherwise incapacitated, they can leave the cleaning out the big house and moving for their kids to deal with. Very considerate.

Seriously, after they raised you and did and paid everything for you for 18 years, and then probably also college, you can't take a couple weeks out of your life and use some of your inheritance to pay to clean out the house? Selfish

DP, but we are going through this with my mom who is a widow with Parkinson’s. It’s not that I mind taking time to clean the house and handle her belongings. It’s the stress of knowing she shouldn’t be living alone, has already had some falls, and I’m terrified of her using the stairs. We’ve tried to get her to downsize and even offered to help pay for a downsizing service. But she is just in denial about her condition and you really cannot force a grown adult to do something they do want to.

So the house is going into disrepair and I just know there is going to be some emergency forcing us to help clear out the house at some totally inconvenient time (DH and I both work FT and have 3 kids including 1 with SNs). It would be nice to be able to help my mom during a time we have a break to do things, not when our SN kid is going through a hard time or we are crazy busy at work or we are out of the country on vacation, etc.)

So yes, I am upset that this task is being left to us and is a ticking time bomb over us on top of all the other middle age life stressors. I’m an only child so it will all fall to me. I hate it.

i guess this is how a spoils rotten child turns out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a lot easier to do it gradually over time than to do it cold turkey all at once. We are in the camp who did not upgrade the house and cars as the income rose. The kids activities are expensive (but will end eventually) and we do like nice vacations. But we are pretty frugal on the day to day.

If you’ve been living high on the hog for 30+ years, I can’t imagine stopping will be easy.

Same. We moved to a “LCOL area” 8 years ago and we spend as much as we did when we were working. Travel is a big line item, but eating out, cars, vet bills/boarding, house repairs, dental bills, etc all add up. I would assume that you’re not going to be happy changing your lifestyle drastically when you retire, and to the extent you get rid of some expenses, others take their place. Our life is “simpler” in many ways — I could never eat again at an expensive downtown steak house and be perfectly happy - but my work expense account paid for that and now the more casual restaurant I eat at is out of my own pocket. You might be willing to sit around all day doing nothing, but you need think about how you are going to spend your days. Even gardening is not cheap if you’re buying plants and fertilizer, etc. We spend $$ because we can, but we considered retiring earlier and I did a lot of budgeting before we retired, and I’m really glad we waited a bit longer.

Another thing - when we moved here, real estate was considerably cheaper than DC, but our area saw an influx with covid and WFH, so real estate has doubled in price. I don’t know of anywhere that is attractive and walkable that is cheap these days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My mom is in her 80's. Her house has been paid off for many years. Why would she sell and if she does someone will just tear it down (not really fixable)? Its her home. She bought i 50+ years ago. Selling would cost a lot of money.

If it’s appreciated considerably in value, she may owe capital gains. If she holds it and leaves it to you, you’ll get a stepped up basis and owe no tax if you sell.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kept a rental property in our city in case our kids want to move back home someday. Right now, it provides us with significant cash flow, but we don't really need it, and I'd let the kids live there while they save money to buy their own home. They can't move back home. We are both a little older, a little OCD and love quiet evenings, so having 20-somethings in and out would be hard. One of them, in particular, clashes too much with DH to live with us after 22.

just curious, did you have kids late in life? I know older people struggle with adaptability.

I had my kids in my mid to late thirties, and I think I might be a bit on the spectrum because I'm not at all adaptable, though I have parented through my personal challenges. I like routines and quiet evenings with a good book. I love my kids and have set them up to succeed (including they can live in the rental if needed), but I can’t imagine living with them after they finish college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of the rat race at the moment: high stress / high paying job, expensive house, expensive kids, etc.

One day the kids will hopefully successfully fly from the nest and around that time, I'll be thinking about retirement.

The kid-related expenses would go away, as would, maybe the need for the big house?

I'm looking for tales of downsizing and simplifying the lifestyle in retirement. What has it looked like for you?

What will you do for insurance?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have kept a rental property in our city in case our kids want to move back home someday. Right now, it provides us with significant cash flow, but we don't really need it, and I'd let the kids live there while they save money to buy their own home. They can't move back home. We are both a little older, a little OCD and love quiet evenings, so having 20-somethings in and out would be hard. One of them, in particular, clashes too much with DH to live with us after 22.

just curious, did you have kids late in life? I know older people struggle with adaptability.

I had my kids in my mid to late thirties, and I think I might be a bit on the spectrum because I'm not at all adaptable, though I have parented through my personal challenges. I like routines and quiet evenings with a good book. I love my kids and have set them up to succeed (including they can live in the rental if needed), but I can’t imagine living with them after they finish college.

I had my kids young and would not want my kids at home either. Why? I am a worrier and too nurturing, plus I like calm and quiet as well, so it would feel like I am catering to everyone all the time. I am looking forward to spoiling my kids and grandkids with good food and fun times when they come over, but that has to not be a live-in situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I kept my same lifestyle (ie, home, car). Like most of my friends, however, have found that I spend less in retirement. Of course, you are no longer contributing to your retirement savings, you pay less tax, you aren’t supporting children, your home may be paid off. No need for professional clothes, less gas.

I do spend more on travel…but I am not home buying groceries or using utilities when I am away. Just keep this in mind. (Have good health insurance…since those costs are likely to go up over time).

About two years ago I realized once you factored out the mortgage, I was saving more money for retirement than I spend to live. Maxing the 401k and other automatic monthly investments were adding up to more than my monthly cost of living sans mortgage. Which means when I retire and have no mortgage, maintaining my current lifestyle will be a breeze and I'll have additional surplus income that I won't know what to do with. At least let's hope it ends up that way.

Regarding travel, I've noticed in the last few years that daily COL in the US has increased so much, making daily travel expenses overseas affordable by comparison. Travel has become much cheaper relative to incomes and other COL necessities compared to 20 or 30 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wish the people in their 60s and 70s in my neighborhood would downsize so that we could buy one of their big houses. We bought a small house 10 years ago in a lovely neighborhood. Now with a preschooler, an elementary schooler, and both parents WFH we would love more room, but no one is selling. I don't know why the elderly want their 4000 sq. foot houses now that their kids are long gone, but that it seems they don't want to leave them.

probably because moving in a PITA, they have a low mortgage rate, and the new townhomes are almost as expensive as the 4000sf houses.
Unless you are planning on moving south to retire, it's easier just to keep your current home

And then when they die, get dementia or are otherwise incapacitated, they can leave the cleaning out the big house and moving for their kids to deal with. Very considerate.

Seriously, after they raised you and did and paid everything for you for 18 years, and then probably also college, you can't take a couple weeks out of your life and use some of your inheritance to pay to clean out the house? Selfish

DP, but we are going through this with my mom who is a widow with Parkinson’s. It’s not that I mind taking time to clean the house and handle her belongings. It’s the stress of knowing she shouldn’t be living alone, has already had some falls, and I’m terrified of her using the stairs. We’ve tried to get her to downsize and even offered to help pay for a downsizing service. But she is just in denial about her condition and you really cannot force a grown adult to do something they do want to.

So the house is going into disrepair and I just know there is going to be some emergency forcing us to help clear out the house at some totally inconvenient time (DH and I both work FT and have 3 kids including 1 with SNs). It would be nice to be able to help my mom during a time we have a break to do things, not when our SN kid is going through a hard time or we are crazy busy at work or we are out of the country on vacation, etc.)

So yes, I am upset that this task is being left to us and is a ticking time bomb over us on top of all the other middle age life stressors. I’m an only child so it will all fall to me. I hate it.

Downsizing isn't going to fix the problem. She has Parkinson's. She physically and mentally cannot take care of herself and instead of moving her, hire her some help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of the rat race at the moment: high stress / high paying job, expensive house, expensive kids, etc.

One day the kids will hopefully successfully fly from the nest and around that time, I'll be thinking about retirement.

The kid-related expenses would go away, as would, maybe the need for the big house?

I'm looking for tales of downsizing and simplifying the lifestyle in retirement. What has it looked like for you?

What are you taking about?

Once Trump takes office you are not retiring hell you will be lucky if you don’t die of a disease or have a job period or keep your money.

What do you think a dictator is?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of the rat race at the moment: high stress / high paying job, expensive house, expensive kids, etc.

One day the kids will hopefully successfully fly from the nest and around that time, I'll be thinking about retirement.

The kid-related expenses would go away, as would, maybe the need for the big house?

I'm looking for tales of downsizing and simplifying the lifestyle in retirement. What has it looked like for you?

What are you taking about?

Once Trump takes office you are not retiring hell you will be lucky if you don’t die of a disease or have a job period or keep your money.

What do you think a dictator is?

only disease going on is your TDS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm in the thick of the rat race at the moment: high stress / high paying job, expensive house, expensive kids, etc.

One day the kids will hopefully successfully fly from the nest and around that time, I'll be thinking about retirement.

The kid-related expenses would go away, as would, maybe the need for the big house?

I'm looking for tales of downsizing and simplifying the lifestyle in retirement. What has it looked like for you?

What are you taking about?

Once Trump takes office you are not retiring hell you will be lucky if you don’t die of a disease or have a job period or keep your money.

What do you think a dictator is?

only disease going on is your TDS.

Agreed. These posts just make me roll my eyes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

NP but I’d let my gainfully employed kids live with me as long as they wanted, as long as they were saving money.

Don't you think letting them live with you indefinitely is an obstacle to them dating and getting married? If someone is gainfully employed and still living with their parents in their 30s, there's no way I would want to (or would have wanted to when I was younger) date them.

The kid in question has a girlfriend. I don’t think it’s a problem. Just saying that if one of my young adult kids (they’re teens now) felt they’d be better off living at home while saving money for the future, I’d happily provide that. Also, they’re great companions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

NP but I’d let my gainfully employed kids live with me as long as they wanted, as long as they were saving money.

Don't you think letting them live with you indefinitely is an obstacle to them dating and getting married? If someone is gainfully employed and still living with their parents in their 30s, there's no way I would want to (or would have wanted to when I was younger) date them.

I mean my son had a girlfriend As I stated and doesn’t seem to struggle in that department. I’m pretty sure his decent income coupled with the fact he is saving to buy a house instead of rent is pretty dampen attractive. Better than a guy with a nice apartment and no investments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I live in close in NoVA and have a kid who graduated college in May and has a job in DC making 120k/yr. He’s back home living with us rent free so he can save money and max out his 401k at such an early age. Plus his commute to work is very easy. He does not want to piss away 2k/mo in rent or have roommates. I’m very happy we can offer him this leg up. I don’t see us moving until all of our kids have graduated college and are living on their own. My son is dating his college GF still and she did the same thing, she moved back home while gainfully employed. She also lives in NoVA, as they both went to a VA public university. Lots of his friends from HS have done this.

Just curious how long you will allow your son to live with you? Will you make him leave by the time he's 25, 28, 30?

NP but I’d let my gainfully employed kids live with me as long as they wanted, as long as they were saving money.

Don't you think letting them live with you indefinitely is an obstacle to them dating and getting married? If someone is gainfully employed and still living with their parents in their 30s, there's no way I would want to (or would have wanted to when I was younger) date them.

new poster, but times are very different. Due to affordability issues and COL, kids are relating home much longer than in the past.

And stable men with good jobs have no problems dating.

This^^^

As long as they have a good job/goals for a career in life and are living at home to save money, I would have no issues with dating someone like that and neither would my kids. Very different than age 30, living at home, still working at McDonalds 30 hours a week as a cashier (no goals/no direction to advance themselves if still a cashier) and still dependent upon mommy and daddy for much of their financial needs.