NYT The Daily: The Parents Aren't All Right

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

Try to understand that you are creating a false image of what SAH parents do all day and then judging real people who have many diverse situations against that vague image that you have manufactured for yourself. Classic straw man. It’s insulting really. Like a white person explaining the life of a black person.

Please. Name one task that a SAH mom does that a middle class working mom doesn't have to do as well

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

Try to understand that you are creating a false image of what SAH parents do all day and then judging real people who have many diverse situations against that vague image that you have manufactured for yourself. Classic straw man. It’s insulting really. Like a white person explaining the life of a black person.

Please. Name one task that a SAH mom does that a middle class working mom doesn't have to do as well

Spends two hours at target on a Tuesday morning browsing and drinking a latte?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

Seriously! Do SAHMs actually think we don’t cook dinner, help our kids with their homework and clean our homes just because we work?

[Anonymous]

I’m a SAHM and I’m new to the thread but the thing I have to do that working moms don’t have to is just a lot more childcare? Am I missing something? That’s the job, basically. Plus (way) more than my half of general domestic duties and “after work” hours of parenting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m a SAHM and I’m new to the thread but the thing I have to do that working moms don’t have to is just a lot more childcare? Am I missing something? That’s the job, basically. Plus (way) more than my half of general domestic duties and “after work” hours of parenting.

LOL are you new to this board? No, WOHMs spend the *exact same amount of time* taking care of their kids as SAHMs! If you suggest differently you’ll get all sorts of new math explanations of nap schedules, core hours, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m an elementary school principal (public) here in the DMV in an upper middle class community. I love my work.

There are homes with SAHMs and moms who work outside the home. No, the parents are not okay. The level of anxiety is through the roof, and it’s passed along to their children. The emails I receive around class placement with a particular teacher or around making sure specific friends are placed with their child is ridiculous. Everything is managed to the nth degree.

I went to school in the 70s & 80s and graduated from a top 20 school. I cannot imagine my own parents engaging in this behavior for a second.

It is easy to say that you would not, but since virtually all parents operate this way, it’s almost impossible to go against the grain. Last summer I had a sabbatical and took a month off and kept my kids out of camp so they could enjoy more of a relaxed summer like I did in the 80s. Problem was, there were no kids their age around in the neighborhood to play with during the week. Everyone was in camp except for the nannies with little kids and they were so bummed. We’d go to the library and park and it was nannies with infants and toddlers. We would go to the pool and virtually all the kids were in camp. We would go on walks and there was no one out. They would see friends in camp at the pool and couldn’t play and were mad about it - it was the complete opposite experience of what I expected. They felt bored and isolated.The days of kids riding bikes and hanging out at home together and roving in packs in the summer that we experienced are just dead and gone.

We also did not do all the crazy sports teams and activities when the kids were little, but that means my kids are the only ones who are free on weekends. They miss out on opportunities to see and bond with their friends who aren’t available for play dates because they have swim meets and soccer games and practices, their friends see each other more regularly and that reinforces those friendships so they feel less close to those friends, and those kids get better at sports so my kids now feel like they can’t pick up a sport at 8 or 9 since the kids have all been playing since 5 and are very good, and are in more competitive leagues so my kids can’t even be with their friends. It’s insanity. I hate the hyper competitive rat race but am not sure us just hanging out and hiking and riding bikes as a family and not engaging in the insanity is actually better for them. I often worry they are missing out, but I don’t have the bandwidth or
Budget to be a soccer mom.

Agree. This is why we transitioned to month long, screen free sleep away summer camp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

It is because it discounts the primary job of the stay at home parent: childcare. That very thing working parents outsource.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

Try to understand that you are creating a false image of what SAH parents do all day and then judging real people who have many diverse situations against that vague image that you have manufactured for yourself. Classic straw man. It’s insulting really. Like a white person explaining the life of a black person.

Please. Name one task that a SAH mom does that a middle class working mom doesn't have to do as well

Watch the kids during workday hours. This is such an obvious thing it begs the question how you don’t see it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"A couple of Cs" dooms kids to community college now? jeeeeez.

It’s as untrue as the idea that community college doesn’t prepare students enough for transfers to four year universities as alleged earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

Seriously! Do SAHMs actually think we don’t cook dinner, help our kids with their homework and clean our homes just because we work?

Quite the opposite! We are well aware that you need to do all of those things after also working all day long, and we decided we didn't want that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

Seriously! Do SAHMs actually think we don’t cook dinner, help our kids with their homework and clean our homes just because we work?

No, we don’t think that. We know how hard it is. The other PP was stirring up trouble. Working parents have a double whammy. But you get a pay check and security if, god forbid, anything happened to your spouse. There are trade offs to everything. We all do the best we can.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

Seriously! Do SAHMs actually think we don’t cook dinner, help our kids with their homework and clean our homes just because we work?

Of course not. But surely you understand that SAHMs are not just stretching out what you do between 6-10pm every night and making it last all day?

A lot of two-income families also outsource some of the stuff SAHMs do. Everything from the big stuff (childcare) to more minor things you might not even think about because when everyone you know is dual income it just seems normal. Stuff like teaching kids to swim and ride a bike (I was so surprised to discover that most families in our neighborhood just sent kids to a bike camp to learn to ride). House cleaning to some extent. Gardening and landscaping.

It's fine to note that working moms (btw I am one) also parent their kids and cook meals and keep their houses clean. But it's often said with this attitude of "I do everything you do just more efficiently." This is a nice thing to tell yourself if you want to feel superior to another person. But a good SAHM is doing a lot of stuff you do NOT do and they may be doing certain things you do in a better or more thorough way (I know this is true for me -- I halfa$$ dinner all the time in a way my SAHM sister never does). It's okay! I am productive at work and happy with my work life balance. I don't need to put down a SAHM in order to feel good about my life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

Seriously! Do SAHMs actually think we don’t cook dinner, help our kids with their homework and clean our homes just because we work?

Of course not. But surely you understand that SAHMs are not just stretching out what you do between 6-10pm every night and making it last all day?

A lot of two-income families also outsource some of the stuff SAHMs do. Everything from the big stuff (childcare) to more minor things you might not even think about because when everyone you know is dual income it just seems normal. Stuff like teaching kids to swim and ride a bike (I was so surprised to discover that most families in our neighborhood just sent kids to a bike camp to learn to ride). House cleaning to some extent. Gardening and landscaping.

It's fine to note that working moms (btw I am one) also parent their kids and cook meals and keep their houses clean. But it's often said with this attitude of "I do everything you do just more efficiently." This is a nice thing to tell yourself if you want to feel superior to another person. But a good SAHM is doing a lot of stuff you do NOT do and they may be doing certain things you do in a better or more thorough way (I know this is true for me -- I halfa$$ dinner all the time in a way my SAHM sister never does). It's okay! I am productive at work and happy with my work life balance. I don't need to put down a SAHM in order to feel good about my life.

Two career family here, we taught kids how to swim, how to ride bikes, etc. We do all of the house cleaning, cooking, laundry, lawn mowing, leaf raking, fertilizing and planting the grass, etc. We do some of the weeding but I hired someone since it was out of control and I couldn’t get the thorny plants out myself. I am tired but so is everyone, with or without working outside of the home.

I do know some SAHMs that hire cleaners. I don’t blame them, if you can afford it, why not. Just never found one we liked.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

Seriously! Do SAHMs actually think we don’t cook dinner, help our kids with their homework and clean our homes just because we work?

Of course not. But surely you understand that SAHMs are not just stretching out what you do between 6-10pm every night and making it last all day?

A lot of two-income families also outsource some of the stuff SAHMs do. Everything from the big stuff (childcare) to more minor things you might not even think about because when everyone you know is dual income it just seems normal. Stuff like teaching kids to swim and ride a bike (I was so surprised to discover that most families in our neighborhood just sent kids to a bike camp to learn to ride). House cleaning to some extent. Gardening and landscaping.

It's fine to note that working moms (btw I am one) also parent their kids and cook meals and keep their houses clean. But it's often said with this attitude of "I do everything you do just more efficiently." This is a nice thing to tell yourself if you want to feel superior to another person. But a good SAHM is doing a lot of stuff you do NOT do and they may be doing certain things you do in a better or more thorough way (I know this is true for me -- I halfa$$ dinner all the time in a way my SAHM sister never does). It's okay! I am productive at work and happy with my work life balance. I don't need to put down a SAHM in order to feel good about my life.

Two career family here, we taught kids how to swim, how to ride bikes, etc. We do all of the house cleaning, cooking, laundry, lawn mowing, leaf raking, fertilizing and planting the grass, etc. We do some of the weeding but I hired someone since it was out of control and I couldn’t get the thorny plants out myself. I am tired but so is everyone, with or without working outside of the home.

I do know some SAHMs that hire cleaners. I don’t blame them, if you can afford it, why not. Just never found one we liked.

Congrats. But you outsource daytime childcare yes? That is what SAHMs do that you don't do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook.

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.

Why are you devaluing SAH parents?

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.

Seriously! Do SAHMs actually think we don’t cook dinner, help our kids with their homework and clean our homes just because we work?

Of course not. But surely you understand that SAHMs are not just stretching out what you do between 6-10pm every night and making it last all day?

A lot of two-income families also outsource some of the stuff SAHMs do. Everything from the big stuff (childcare) to more minor things you might not even think about because when everyone you know is dual income it just seems normal. Stuff like teaching kids to swim and ride a bike (I was so surprised to discover that most families in our neighborhood just sent kids to a bike camp to learn to ride). House cleaning to some extent. Gardening and landscaping.

It's fine to note that working moms (btw I am one) also parent their kids and cook meals and keep their houses clean. But it's often said with this attitude of "I do everything you do just more efficiently." This is a nice thing to tell yourself if you want to feel superior to another person. But a good SAHM is doing a lot of stuff you do NOT do and they may be doing certain things you do in a better or more thorough way (I know this is true for me -- I halfa$$ dinner all the time in a way my SAHM sister never does). It's okay! I am productive at work and happy with my work life balance. I don't need to put down a SAHM in order to feel good about my life.

Two career family here, we taught kids how to swim, how to ride bikes, etc. We do all of the house cleaning, cooking, laundry, lawn mowing, leaf raking, fertilizing and planting the grass, etc. We do some of the weeding but I hired someone since it was out of control and I couldn’t get the thorny plants out myself. I am tired but so is everyone, with or without working outside of the home.

I do know some SAHMs that hire cleaners. I don’t blame them, if you can afford it, why not. Just never found one we liked.

Good for you, but I'll fully admit that we half ass dinner and cleaning on weeknights aaaall the time, and do zero landscaping and yard work during the work week. If I stayed at home I'm sure my lawn and garden would look much nicer, and we wouldn't eat boxed or frozen food a couple times a week. We just don't have the money to outsource any of it, apart from the minimum of required childcare (after school sitter the one day a week we can't juggle schedules to pick up, and summer camps).

So why not quit? Some people NEED two incomes. We don't have much to pare back besides retirement savings, which would be stress of a very different kind. I don't really believe parents can just avoid stress by choosing to "live simply" or whatever. That's a DCUM thing for people who make a lot of money and can "live simply" in a way that's still comfortable and secure.

That said, it's kind of exhausting and predictable that an article about parental stress as a major *national* issue has just turned into SAHP vs WOHP sniping again. Was that really the point?