Reply to NYT The Daily: The Parents Aren't All Right

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]This article is such BS, it’s not about intensive parenting. It’s about having two working parents required to just get by, and then really expensive housing which makes everything else harder to manage and afford. [b]There was a lot easier lifestyle where without intensive parenting, when you had a parent, who was home to take care of everything related to the kids as well as clean and cook[/b].[/quote]

But what parent really wants to give up everything to stay home cooking and cleaning? I know some people are happy to do it, but it shouldn’t be an expectation for good parenting.[/quote]

Why are you devaluing SAH parents? [/quote]

I don't think that PP was devaluing SAH parents at all. Just saying that good parents can WOH as well as SAH.[/quote]

Let me quote the person who is admitting to devaluing SAH:

“Because everything a SAH parent has all day to do still needs to be done by working parents, just without a lot less tome to actually do it”[/quote]

It’s not devaluing what a SAH parent can do. As a working parent, I still cook, but I do it at 8-10 pm and cook for 2-3 days so I don’t have to do it daily. I still help kids with homework and that’s also after I get home from work, so sometime between 7-8 pm, or after 8 (if I don’t have to  cook / prep for next day). If I didn’t have to work, I’d be doing these things between 9am - 2 pm while kids are at school, I would be able to dedicate a bit more time and maybe get nicer food on the table, and I’d help kids with homework around 4-6 and be less stressed when I am helping them.

It’s not devaluing what someone else does, just highlighting the reality of working parents. We still need to squeeze significant house / child care into pre/ and after work hours.[/quote]

Seriously! Do SAHMs actually think we don’t cook dinner, help our kids with their homework and clean our homes just because we work? [/quote]

Of course not. But surely you understand that SAHMs are not just stretching out what you do between 6-10pm every night and making it last all day?

A lot of two-income families also outsource some of the stuff SAHMs do. Everything from the big stuff (childcare) to more minor things you might not even think about because when everyone you know is dual income it just seems normal. Stuff like teaching kids to swim and ride a bike (I was so surprised to discover that most families in our neighborhood just sent kids to a bike camp to learn to ride). House cleaning to some extent. Gardening and landscaping.

It's fine to note that working moms (btw I am one) also parent their kids and cook meals and keep their houses clean. But it's often said with this attitude of "I do everything you do just more efficiently." This is a nice thing to tell yourself if you want to feel superior to another person. But a good SAHM is doing a lot of stuff you do NOT do and they may be doing certain things you do in a better or more thorough way (I know this is true for me -- I halfa$$ dinner all the time in a way my SAHM sister never does). It's okay! I am productive at work and happy with my work life balance. I don't need to put down a SAHM in order to feel good about my life.[/quote]

Two career family here, we taught kids how to swim, how to ride bikes, etc. We do all of the house cleaning, cooking, laundry, lawn mowing, leaf raking, fertilizing and planting the grass, etc. We do some of the weeding but I hired someone since it was out of control and I couldn’t get the thorny plants out myself. I am tired but so is everyone, with or without working outside of the home.

I do know some SAHMs that hire cleaners. I don’t blame them, if you can afford it, why not. Just never found one we liked. [/quote]

Congrats. But you outsource daytime childcare yes? That is what SAHMs do that you don't do.[/quote]

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