Ten-year-old boys -- mind blown

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My 10yo is rising 6th too. He is not like this.

And while I do believe he's a mature kid, a lot of this is parenting. We have pretty high expectations when it comes to basic manners and responsibilities.

would guess your kid(s) are neurotypical. It would be easy, if we'd only had Kid 1, to think that Kid 1's excellent manners and executive function stemmed from our excellent instructions and modeling as parents. Kid 2, with ADHD, allows me to understand that, as someone said above, a lot of repetition is needed to bring about even 50% of follow-through. It's almost like spelling: all kids need some instruction. Some kids need a week on it and they've got the words down. Some kids don't get enough instruction and can't spell well. Some will get a ton of instruction and will still grow into adults who can't differentiate reliably between there, their, and they're. Our operating systems make a difference. Even as you keep high expectations for yourself, your kid(s), and their peers, I hope you can extend compassion to kids and families with different operating systems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I always invite the parents too and provide lunch for every one.

Kids are well behaved if their parents are there.

I make it clear that if a kid is too tired, cranky and overstimulated at the party, then it is a great idea that the parents can take them home, so the kid does not have a meltdown. Do it once, and no kid misbehaves at your house. You should not be in-charge of disciplining the kid.

However, you don't have to make the kids wait while you are doing the dishes. They will get antsy.

Actually, I was sticking the dishes in the dishwasher so the KITCHEN didn't get antsy. It's an ant-prone kitchen.

And sure, the kids can get antsy waiting to go to an activity; I get it. But even when I clarified that it would just be a moment, he asked for the iPad. It made me sad that he felt like he needed it so badly while sitting at the kitchen table.

[Anonymous]

Hmmm not understanding why they can't watch a Funny or Die video while you wash dishes? Isn't this a party?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always invite the parents too and provide lunch for every one.

Kids are well behaved if their parents are there.

I make it clear that if a kid is too tired, cranky and overstimulated at the party, then it is a great idea that the parents can take them home, so the kid does not have a meltdown. Do it once, and no kid misbehaves at your house. You should not be in-charge of disciplining the kid.

However, you don't have to make the kids wait while you are doing the dishes. They will get antsy.

Actually, I was sticking the dishes in the dishwasher so the KITCHEN didn't get antsy. It's an ant-prone kitchen.

And sure, the kids can get antsy waiting to go to an activity; I get it. But even when I clarified that it would just be a moment, he asked for the iPad. It made me sad that he felt like he needed it so badly while sitting at the kitchen table.

There’s no problematic behavior there. You’re just being judgmental and fishing for compliments on your allegedly superior parenting skills (the implication being that your precious angel would never ask for an ipad).

Also consider that maybe you have raised a child so boring that even during a playdate his friends would rather be on screens than engage with him? I know that’s harsh, but since you’re judging these other perfectly normal sounding boys so harshly I think it’s worth considering that maybe your kid is part of the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always invite the parents too and provide lunch for every one.

Kids are well behaved if their parents are there.

I make it clear that if a kid is too tired, cranky and overstimulated at the party, then it is a great idea that the parents can take them home, so the kid does not have a meltdown. Do it once, and no kid misbehaves at your house. You should not be in-charge of disciplining the kid.

However, you don't have to make the kids wait while you are doing the dishes. They will get antsy.

Actually, I was sticking the dishes in the dishwasher so the KITCHEN didn't get antsy. It's an ant-prone kitchen.

And sure, the kids can get antsy waiting to go to an activity; I get it. But even when I clarified that it would just be a moment, he asked for the iPad. It made me sad that he felt like he needed it so badly while sitting at the kitchen table.

There’s no problematic behavior there. You’re just being judgmental and fishing for compliments on your allegedly superior parenting skills (the implication being that your precious angel would never ask for an ipad).

Also consider that maybe you have raised a child so boring that even during a playdate his friends would rather be on screens than engage with him? I know that’s harsh, but since you’re judging these other perfectly normal sounding boys so harshly I think it’s worth considering that maybe your kid is part of the problem.

Weird response. If the kid is boring, wouldn’t the other kids just tell their parents that and decline the play date? Less work for everyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always invite the parents too and provide lunch for every one.

Kids are well behaved if their parents are there.

I make it clear that if a kid is too tired, cranky and overstimulated at the party, then it is a great idea that the parents can take them home, so the kid does not have a meltdown. Do it once, and no kid misbehaves at your house. You should not be in-charge of disciplining the kid.

However, you don't have to make the kids wait while you are doing the dishes. They will get antsy.

Actually, I was sticking the dishes in the dishwasher so the KITCHEN didn't get antsy. It's an ant-prone kitchen.

And sure, the kids can get antsy waiting to go to an activity; I get it. But even when I clarified that it would just be a moment, he asked for the iPad. It made me sad that he felt like he needed it so badly while sitting at the kitchen table.

There’s no problematic behavior there. You’re just being judgmental and fishing for compliments on your allegedly superior parenting skills (the implication being that your precious angel would never ask for an ipad).

Also consider that maybe you have raised a child so boring that even during a playdate his friends would rather be on screens than engage with him? I know that’s harsh, but since you’re judging these other perfectly normal sounding boys so harshly I think it’s worth considering that maybe your kid is part of the problem.

Weird response. If the kid is boring, wouldn’t the other kids just tell their parents that and decline the play date? Less work for everyone.

Obviously they didn’t realize how boring he is until they got there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:School was closed for 3 months in the 2019-2020 school year, kids were phased in for hybrid learning fall 2020, then paused for a surge, then back in spring 2021 and full time ever since. The kids this age have spent the majority of their elementary years IN SCHOOL, it does not make sense to attribute behaviors, etc to a time period of under one calendar year of online learning that was 4 years ago. It really does not. This is a parenting, lack of community, screens and societal norms issue.

I don’t know about effects, but I will say my kid missed preschool March 2020 - August 2020, was then fully virtual September 2020 - March 2021, finally hybrid (2 days/week in person) April 2021 - June 2021.

Then even once back in person for the 2021-22 school year he was masked, which apparently mine was defunct for hating because so many others claim their kids “thrived” in a mask, and absent for extended chunks of time due to quarantining and awaiting PCR testing for every minor illness. Not to mention many extracurriculars were not fully back up and running, and many families were not yet doing play dates again. So let’s not pretend like all the kids were back to hybrid as of fall 2020 with a few small bumps along the way. Of the 4 years mine has spent in elementary school only 2 years of those were fully normal.

My family is lucky because we bubbled with other families and hired a pod tutor. My kid is doing great, testing way ahead of grade, and is overall still pretty respectful and helpful. But I’m not going to gloss over the fact that this was not the reality for many kids during some critical years. And all along the way parents of this age group got guilt and blame for wanting any supports while trying to educate kids and keep their jobs, and now are continuing to be told they are on their own to blame.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:School was closed for 3 months in the 2019-2020 school year, kids were phased in for hybrid learning fall 2020, then paused for a surge, then back in spring 2021 and full time ever since. The kids this age have spent the majority of their elementary years IN SCHOOL, it does not make sense to attribute behaviors, etc to a time period of under one calendar year of online learning that was 4 years ago. It really does not. This is a parenting, lack of community, screens and societal norms issue.

I don’t know about effects, but I will say my kid missed preschool March 2020 - August 2020, was then fully virtual September 2020 - March 2021, finally hybrid (2 days/week in person) April 2021 - June 2021.

Then even once back in person for the 2021-22 school year he was masked, which apparently mine was defunct for hating because so many others claim their kids “thrived” in a mask, and absent for extended chunks of time due to quarantining and awaiting PCR testing for every minor illness. Not to mention many extracurriculars were not fully back up and running, and many families were not yet doing play dates again. So let’s not pretend like all the kids were back to hybrid as of fall 2020 with a few small bumps along the way. Of the 4 years mine has spent in elementary school only 2 years of those were fully normal.

My family is lucky because we bubbled with other families and hired a pod tutor. My kid is doing great, testing way ahead of grade, and is overall still pretty respectful and helpful. But I’m not going to gloss over the fact that this was not the reality for many kids during some critical years. And all along the way parents of this age group got guilt and blame for wanting any supports while trying to educate kids and keep their jobs, and now are continuing to be told they are on their own to blame.

Yeah, everyone’s experience of the pandemic was a little different. My kid was fully home from school (we chose to homeschool rather than engage in virtual school so it wasn’t screens/virtual as I was his teacher but still he wasn’t in a regular school setting) from March 2020 when he was in 4k preschool-September 2021 when he started 1st grade in person. The last few months of preschool and all of kindergarten was homeschool. In our district, hybrid in person school was not even an option in our public elementary until February 2021. So not ALL kids went hybrid in fall of 2020. That wasn’t an option for us unless we had moved or done private school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's a mix here.

- Not bringing dishes to the sink is a different expectation in every household. I wouldn't expect kids outside of my household to automatically do what we do. If they didn't do it after I asked them, then that's rude.

- Bad behavior during a birthday party. I wouldn't use this as an example of anything. Birthday parties are just too much stimulation. Expecting young guests to sit while you do the dishes? Really, OP. C'mon. Expecting all the guests to bring their plates in or put back toys is also not party behavior. Manage your expectations. If this happened during a play date, you can have clean up time for 15 minutes at the end. But kids do not clean up as they go.

- Grabbing gum and leaving wrappers. Okay, very rude. But if this happened during a party, again, let it go.

+1

Also, I have to remind my 11 year old son to take his plate to the sink literally every single meal. Don't know why this is so hard to remember, but it somehow is. He'll do it, but he never remembers on his own.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A 10 yo shouldn't be a rising 4th grader. My 10 yo is a rising 6th grader, but most are going into 5th.

If he's treated younger than his age all the time and with a younger cohort, then you will have to expect him to act younger than his age.

I have a rising fourth grader who will turn 10 a month after school starts. Completely normal and most of his classmates are in the same age range within a few months.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 10 yo shouldn't be a rising 4th grader. My 10 yo is a rising 6th grader, but most are going into 5th.

If he's treated younger than his age all the time and with a younger cohort, then you will have to expect him to act younger than his age.

I have a rising fourth grader who will turn 10 a month after school starts. Completely normal and most of his classmates are in the same age range within a few months.

I stand by my statement that a kid who is 10 yo now shouldn't be going into 4th grade. If they were following local DMV cutoffs, they'd be going into 6th. If they were redshirted, they'd be going into 5th. Under no circumstance should they be going into 4th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 10 yo shouldn't be a rising 4th grader. My 10 yo is a rising 6th grader, but most are going into 5th.

If he's treated younger than his age all the time and with a younger cohort, then you will have to expect him to act younger than his age.

I have a rising fourth grader who will turn 10 a month after school starts. Completely normal and most of his classmates are in the same age range within a few months.

I stand by my statement that a kid who is 10 yo now shouldn't be going into 4th grade. If they were following local DMV cutoffs, they'd be going into 6th. If they were redshirted, they'd be going into 5th. Under no circumstance should they be going into 4th.

Not sure why you’d stand by being wrong. The birthday cutoff is September 30. So a kid with an October 1 birthday is nearly 10 when starting 4th grade. Plus many posters on this forum are from elsewhere in the country, and the most common cutoff date is September 1, so kids with September birthdays will basically be 10 when 4th grade begins.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 10 yo shouldn't be a rising 4th grader. My 10 yo is a rising 6th grader, but most are going into 5th.

If he's treated younger than his age all the time and with a younger cohort, then you will have to expect him to act younger than his age.

I have a rising fourth grader who will turn 10 a month after school starts. Completely normal and most of his classmates are in the same age range within a few months.

I stand by my statement that a kid who is 10 yo now shouldn't be going into 4th grade. If they were following local DMV cutoffs, they'd be going into 6th. If they were redshirted, they'd be going into 5th. Under no circumstance should they be going into 4th.

You are off by a year. Kids who are 10 right now and within the school cutoff dates are going into 5th grade, not 6th. Agree that a kid who is 10 *right now* and going in to 4th grade was redshirted. Obviously there are some kids turning 10 in Sept who were not redshirted if their district’s cutoff is September 1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 10 yo shouldn't be a rising 4th grader. My 10 yo is a rising 6th grader, but most are going into 5th.

If he's treated younger than his age all the time and with a younger cohort, then you will have to expect him to act younger than his age.

I have a rising fourth grader who will turn 10 a month after school starts. Completely normal and most of his classmates are in the same age range within a few months.

I stand by my statement that a kid who is 10 yo now shouldn't be going into 4th grade. If they were following local DMV cutoffs, they'd be going into 6th. If they were redshirted, they'd be going into 5th. Under no circumstance should they be going into 4th.

You are off by a year. Kids who are 10 right now and within the school cutoff dates are going into 5th grade, not 6th. Agree that a kid who is 10 *right now* and going in to 4th grade was redshirted. Obviously there are some kids turning 10 in Sept who were not redshirted if their district’s cutoff is September 1.

I'm not off. I have a 10 yo who is going into 6th grade. She turns 11 after school starts in September. We have an end of September cutoff in Virginia.

Some places have a September 1 cutoff. Kids who are 10 now still make the 6th grade cutoff if they turn 11 before Sept 1. If they don't, then they are going into 5th.

A kid who is 10 yo now is double redshirted if they're going into 4th. That shouldn't happen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A 10 yo shouldn't be a rising 4th grader. My 10 yo is a rising 6th grader, but most are going into 5th.

If he's treated younger than his age all the time and with a younger cohort, then you will have to expect him to act younger than his age.

I have a rising fourth grader who will turn 10 a month after school starts. Completely normal and most of his classmates are in the same age range within a few months.

I stand by my statement that a kid who is 10 yo now shouldn't be going into 4th grade. If they were following local DMV cutoffs, they'd be going into 6th. If they were redshirted, they'd be going into 5th. Under no circumstance should they be going into 4th.

You are off by a year. Kids who are 10 right now and within the school cutoff dates are going into 5th grade, not 6th. Agree that a kid who is 10 *right now* and going in to 4th grade was redshirted. Obviously there are some kids turning 10 in Sept who were not redshirted if their district’s cutoff is September 1.

I'm not off. I have a 10 yo who is going into 6th grade. She turns 11 after school starts in September. We have an end of September cutoff in Virginia.

Some places have a September 1 cutoff. Kids who are 10 now still make the 6th grade cutoff if they turn 11 before Sept 1. If they don't, then they are going into 5th.

A kid who is 10 yo now is double redshirted if they're going into 4th. That shouldn't happen.

You are deeply confused.


Starting age-Ending age Grade
5-6 K
6-7 1
7-8 2
8-9 3
9-10 4
10-11 5
11-12 6

Your kid is going to be a VERY young 6th grader. The vast majority of kids who are 10 right now will go into 5th grade. They’re not “redshirted”.