private school admissions--what sets kids apart?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Test scores, first choice letters, legacy, URM, sports, being potentially very large donors in addition to full pay.

You seem very confident that you know what went into the other kids' applications, and sometimes there are things that their parents haven't mentioned to you.

I agree with this. We have been through admissions multiple times with our kids. The times we have been successful, it felt like an all-out siege, but none of the strategizing and effort would have been visible to other parents.

What did you do that wouldn’t have been obvious to others?

We have been accepted to 2nd tier schools only and WL at first tier. I still don’t understand why. ISEE scores 7,8,9,9; national placement in science; city recognition for art portfolio (submitted to school); plays 4 sports; UMC family that is active at K-8; parent recognized for school donations; well written parent statements and student essay. Applied to top tier in K, 6, and 9 - all WL. I know legacy kids with lower stats who get in. The non-legacy kids (very view) who do get in have similar stats. What did you do differently?

Did you ask the HoS at your K-8 why your child was not admitted to top tier for 9th? HoS at St Pats, Lowell, Sheridan, Norwood would know.

Yes, I asked, but I feel like I got a 'non-answer' - "competition was steep and there were just so many great kids and not enough spots". It just seems like other "great kids" similar to mine get the spots and never my kid. Oh well, my focus is on my younger ones now and I'm not sure top tier is for them - I'm tempted to send them there the older ones went for simplicity.

Your emphasis on "first tier" and "2nd tier" could be your answer.

Are you saying there isn't a pecking order in high schools or just that it is supposed to remain unsaid?

You’re saying too much of the quiet part out loud. Also focused too much on rankings instead of showing fit. You’re supposed to say things like “Jr wants to go to the library every day to learn after school and is looking for a school where there are more kids like her,” not “we’re looking for Jr to be in a top tier school.”

This is also internally in your K-8 discussions with teachers and administrators. If you don’t show you know why your daughter would be a better fit at NCS than Holton beyond that NCS is ranked first, especially if administrators think Holton would also be a fit or might be a better fit, they may not bat for you with NCS.

So gross and eye-rolly. How do you do that crap and not vomit all over yourselves? You know in 20 years NONE of this will matter!

I don’t. But I know people who do, and do so successfully.

I also think this practice is completely unfair. For all these schools’ talk about systemic bias no one seems to realize that parents of most kids coming from underprivileged backgrounds don’t know don’t have time to learn the difference between Sidwell and GDS. They just want their kids to go to the best schools and “get ahead,” sometimes without much of an idea of what that means. It’s unfair to ask them to have a reason to want to a school beyond “I want the best for my child.”

Why exactly is it unfair? Because you assume they don't have the fortitude to make a distinction? Equating privilege, or lack there of, with an (in)ability to appropriately analyze options is at best, short-sighted, at worst, insulting. Underprivileged is not synonymous with incapable or stupid.

What distinction is there between SFS and GDS? Is one more ethical and less racist? I was able to follow the thread until these posts.

Curious about this also.

There are some pretty significant differences between SFS and GDS and if parents looked closely, it would be obvious. First, SFS is a Quaker School and while some people chose to ignore that - Quakerism is very much a part of the school. Someone mentioned that SFS takes diversity seriously by the numbers - I would agree with this, but it also keeps classes gender balanced and makes it so that none of the classes are over dominated with one race (despite what some people might believe...all kids at the school benefit from this). GDS and Sidwell have very different founding stories and to me, this was interesting. I actually loved GDS' founding story (though we ultimately decided on Sidwell) and thought the school was lovely. But the schools, to me, had a very different vibe. I would say that Sidwell is "liberal" but I think GDS might have Sidwell beat a bit in that area.

I agree with this point. We applied to both schools, however Sidwell does hold Quaker values at the center of their curriculum. I grew up in Pennsylvania where Quaker schools are very common and it speaks to me as a Jewish American family — holding peace, simplicity, and equality as ways to educate our DD.

Simplicity and equality at $60k/yr?

[Anonymous]

I think ot ia kindness. Applicants are mostly all smart and what puts them apart is kindness. Quaker schools for example prefer kids who outwardly convey kindness..

[Anonymous]

Private school AD's use a software program that allows them to see your professional background, University & Grad schools attended and , importantly same for your parents, boards you serve on and same for your parents, assets, and donor profile.

That should make you barf, but this is Washington.

You might be right that your kid and theirs' are same/same in terms of ability and talents, but that is the myth about these schools and it is a cruel one. Yes, they are looking for bright and talented kids, but they are also always looking towards their endowment, their prestige and how much influence their alumni network can exert.

Best rec in DC for a private: is from one of the main partners in the old, long time DC law firms especially if said law partner is a founding member and say the GP of the kid applicant. In the last 10-15 years Cyber, Defense and Tech Company Counsel is also throwing its weight around town and these schools want these parents in their schools and on their boards.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think ot ia kindness. Applicants are mostly all smart and what puts them apart is kindness. Quaker schools for example prefer kids who outwardly convey kindness..

I think it's a great school and have a DD who attends and it is happy but it is not a kind school nor are many of the other students kind. Not the first word that would come to mind when I think of Sidwell.

[Anonymous]

The idea of any young kids being judged as worthy or not of a certain school is exactly why I moved to the suburbs where private school admissions are way more relaxed. I’m from NYC and the cutthroat nature existed as early as preschool admissions. What sets a two year old apart? A eleven year old? A fourteen year old? They’re all just kids and that’s all they should be expected to be. Completely insane. Sorry it stings OP - it’s just an insane bubble.

For what it’s worth, and again it’s not DC, my friends who were at Horace Mann etc growing up. were not exceptional- they just had exceptionally rich and well connected parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ot ia kindness. Applicants are mostly all smart and what puts them apart is kindness. Quaker schools for example prefer kids who outwardly convey kindness..

I think it's a great school and have a DD who attends and it is happy but it is not a kind school nor are many of the other students kind. Not the first word that would come to mind when I think of Sidwell.

If the kids aren’t kind, how would you describe them?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Private school AD's use a software program that allows them to see your professional background, University & Grad schools attended and , importantly same for your parents, boards you serve on and same for your parents, assets, and donor profile.

That should make you barf, but this is Washington.

You might be right that your kid and theirs' are same/same in terms of ability and talents, but that is the myth about these schools and it is a cruel one. Yes, they are looking for bright and talented kids, but they are also always looking towards their endowment, their prestige and how much influence their alumni network can exert.

Best rec in DC for a private: is from one of the main partners in the old, long time DC law firms especially if said law partner is a founding member and say the GP of the kid applicant. In the last 10-15 years Cyber, Defense and Tech Company Counsel is also throwing its weight around town and these schools want these parents in their schools and on their boards.

Is that true that there is software to find all of that out about an applicants family?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private school AD's use a software program that allows them to see your professional background, University & Grad schools attended and , importantly same for your parents, boards you serve on and same for your parents, assets, and donor profile.

That should make you barf, but this is Washington.

You might be right that your kid and theirs' are same/same in terms of ability and talents, but that is the myth about these schools and it is a cruel one. Yes, they are looking for bright and talented kids, but they are also always looking towards their endowment, their prestige and how much influence their alumni network can exert.

Best rec in DC for a private: is from one of the main partners in the old, long time DC law firms especially if said law partner is a founding member and say the GP of the kid applicant. In the last 10-15 years Cyber, Defense and Tech Company Counsel is also throwing its weight around town and these schools want these parents in their schools and on their boards.

Is that true that there is software to find all of that out about an applicants family?

People have claimed schools check out linked-ins...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The idea of any young kids being judged as worthy or not of a certain school is exactly why I moved to the suburbs where private school admissions are way more relaxed. I’m from NYC and the cutthroat nature existed as early as preschool admissions. What sets a two year old apart? A eleven year old? A fourteen year old? They’re all just kids and that’s all they should be expected to be. Completely insane. Sorry it stings OP - it’s just an insane bubble.

For what it’s worth, and again it’s not DC, my friends who were at Horace Mann etc growing up. were not exceptional- they just had exceptionally rich and well connected parents.

Did your friends grow up to lead similar lives to their parents? If so, was it the school or the parents or both?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Private school AD's use a software program that allows them to see your professional background, University & Grad schools attended and , importantly same for your parents, boards you serve on and same for your parents, assets, and donor profile.

That should make you barf, but this is Washington.

You might be right that your kid and theirs' are same/same in terms of ability and talents, but that is the myth about these schools and it is a cruel one. Yes, they are looking for bright and talented kids, but they are also always looking towards their endowment, their prestige and how much influence their alumni network can exert.

Best rec in DC for a private: is from one of the main partners in the old, long time DC law firms especially if said law partner is a founding member and say the GP of the kid applicant. In the last 10-15 years Cyber, Defense and Tech Company Counsel is also throwing its weight around town and these schools want these parents in their schools and on their boards.

Is that true that there is software to find all of that out about an applicants family?

I can find it sleuthing. Of course a software can do it! Try chat GPT - it probably comes close.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ot ia kindness. Applicants are mostly all smart and what puts them apart is kindness. Quaker schools for example prefer kids who outwardly convey kindness..

I think it's a great school and have a DD who attends and it is happy but it is not a kind school nor are many of the other students kind. Not the first word that would come to mind when I think of Sidwell.

This hasn't been our experience. I have two kids at Sidwell and while kids at any school can be horrible...I do really think the majority of them are kind - especially in comparison to the previous school my children attended.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The idea of any young kids being judged as worthy or not of a certain school is exactly why I moved to the suburbs where private school admissions are way more relaxed. I’m from NYC and the cutthroat nature existed as early as preschool admissions. What sets a two year old apart? A eleven year old? A fourteen year old? They’re all just kids and that’s all they should be expected to be. Completely insane. Sorry it stings OP - it’s just an insane bubble.

For what it’s worth, and again it’s not DC, my friends who were at Horace Mann etc growing up. were not exceptional- they just had exceptionally rich and well connected parents.

Did your friends grow up to lead similar lives to their parents? If so, was it the school or the parents or both?

My particular friend at Horace Mann (siblings went to other top privates) did not grow up to be like their parents. Their father is a billionaire. They went to good colleges (not ivies, but top schools) and just manage family money now and have their own families. That’s all they need to do, financially. They’re perfectly nice people which is more important.

My friends and family who grew up “working wealthy” i.e parents of successful doctors, big law, finance types are mostly in similar fields and income brackets as adults.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ot ia kindness. Applicants are mostly all smart and what puts them apart is kindness. Quaker schools for example prefer kids who outwardly convey kindness..

I think it's a great school and have a DD who attends and it is happy but it is not a kind school nor are many of the other students kind. Not the first word that would come to mind when I think of Sidwell.

This hasn't been our experience. I have two kids at Sidwell and while kids at any school can be horrible...I do really think the majority of them are kind - especially in comparison to the previous school my children attended.

I’m glad to hear this — our DD is starting K in the fall and kindness and empathy are two areas she needs to keep working on (at home and school). I really was drawn to the Quaker values, great reputation of the school, high standards, and diversity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think ot ia kindness. Applicants are mostly all smart and what puts them apart is kindness. Quaker schools for example prefer kids who outwardly convey kindness..

I think it's a great school and have a DD who attends and it is happy but it is not a kind school nor are many of the other students kind. Not the first word that would come to mind when I think of Sidwell.

If the kids aren’t kind, how would you describe them?

Bright, competitive, talented - so many adjectives. There are some kind kids, but I wouldn't say it's part of the school culture. Maybe in lower school but by the time they reach MS and HS it is not like this.

[Anonymous]

I saw that a school had checked my LinkedIn profile.