Dated for 2 months, didn’t work out. Now…we’re expecting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

You should improve your knowledge of the risks of IUD, even the non-hormonal ones. Risk of infertitlity is way too high to risk using one. I have advised my 20-year-old DD not to use one. She can't take BC for a variety of reasons. Condoms it is. There really aren't great solutions out there.

IUDs are safe and effective. Your poor daughter is going to have a lot of wanted pregnancies.

Condoms work just fine! IUDs weren’t really a thing when I was younger and I had a bad reaction to the pill, so I used condoms for many, many years. I never got pregnant until I was ready to have a baby at 35. The condom broke a few times and I ended up having to get the morning after pill, but overall, it did the job. The key is you have to be consistent. They’re also much safer, if you’re not in a long term relationship. Now that I’m old and married, we use natural family planning and that works, too, or more likely, I’m too old to get pregnant…either way, I’m okay with a whoopsie. Also, I never had a single long term partner complain about using them or try to push me to go on the pill, etc.

I am on my 3rd pregnancy from not using birth control.

Did you figure out what keeps causing it?

ADHD, duh

Can’t remember if I got my pills, took my pills, lost my pills, retook my pills. Whatever!

Yes adhd and i also have a learning disability. When i was on the pill i wouldnt take them everyday but still had sex.

Why wouldn't you get an IUD? Or use condoms?

Idk no excuse i know we never thought of the consequences. I heard iud's hurt and condoms we would use once in a while.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never abort in that situation, but many people obviously would. Your child could also be extremely easily placed via adoption — this is literally most adoptive parents dream scenario (stable, non addict mother who genuinely voluntarily chooses not to parent despite having the means to), if you wanted to go that route. It’s really ultimately how you personally feel about it.

You know nothing about the agony of relinquishing a child for adoption. Of course you are thinking of the dream scenario for adopters. But what does a child feel when she finds out that her mother was healthy and capable but just didn't want her? What does a woman feel when she carries a pregnancy to term but can't be in contact with her child or be sure she is okay?

You also completely discount the fact that pregnancy and childbirth change a woman's body in major ways, sometimes debilitating ways. A friend of mine has severe vaginal prolapse. I had pre-eclampsia and now have cardiac issues.

Terminating a pregnancy is a much safer and less painful option if the pregnant woman does not want to be a mother.

Didn’t want is very different than could not raise at that time.

Often adoption is the must mature and selfless decision a person can make.

[Anonymous]

Glad we can discuss this scenario freely now. Won't be the case if Trump wins a second term.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never abort in that situation, but many people obviously would. Your child could also be extremely easily placed via adoption — this is literally most adoptive parents dream scenario (stable, non addict mother who genuinely voluntarily chooses not to parent despite having the means to), if you wanted to go that route. It’s really ultimately how you personally feel about it.

You know nothing about Ithe agony of relinquishing a child for adoption. Of course you are thinking of the dream scenario for adopters. But what does a child feel when she finds out that her mother was healthy and capable but just didn't want her? What does a woman feel when she carries a pregnancy to term but can't be in contact with her child or be sure she is okay?

You also completely discount the fact that pregnancy and childbirth change a woman's body in major ways, sometimes debilitating ways. A friend of mine has severe vaginal prolapse. I had pre-eclampsia and now have cardiac issues.

Terminating a pregnancy is a much safer and less painful option if the pregnant woman does not want to be a mother.

Didn’t want is very different than could not raise at that time.

Often adoption is the must mature and selfless decision a person can make.

OP says both of the parents are financially stable and could reasonably raise a child. So no, this isn't a case of "could not raise at the time;" if OP gives the kid up to satisfy some weird DCUM 'ooooohh a healthy college-educated birth mom, that's what I wanted' fantasy, then the kid would find out later that her parents just didn't want her, not that they couldn't raise her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

You should improve your knowledge of the risks of IUD, even the non-hormonal ones. Risk of infertitlity is way too high to risk using one. I have advised my 20-year-old DD not to use one. She can't take BC for a variety of reasons. Condoms it is. There really aren't great solutions out there.

IUDs are safe and effective. Your poor daughter is going to have a lot of wanted pregnancies.

Condoms work just fine! IUDs weren’t really a thing when I was younger and I had a bad reaction to the pill, so I used condoms for many, many years. I never got pregnant until I was ready to have a baby at 35. The condom broke a few times and I ended up having to get the morning after pill, but overall, it did the job. The key is you have to be consistent. They’re also much safer, if you’re not in a long term relationship. Now that I’m old and married, we use natural family planning and that works, too, or more likely, I’m too old to get pregnant…either way, I’m okay with a whoopsie. Also, I never had a single long term partner complain about using them or try to push me to go on the pill, etc.

I am on my 3rd pregnancy from not using birth control.

Did you figure out what keeps causing it?

ADHD, duh

Can’t remember if I got my pills, took my pills, lost my pills, retook my pills. Whatever!

Yes adhd and i also have a learning disability. When i was on the pill i wouldnt take them everyday but still had sex.

Why wouldn't you get an IUD? Or use condoms?

Idk no excuse i know we never thought of the consequences. I heard iud's hurt and condoms we would use once in a while.

You can't use protection just once in a while. You were both very irresponsible. How are you going to take on the responsibility of a child? It is completely life changing. You can't do parenting once in a while. I would terminate, take this as a life lesson to use birth control every time or remain celebate until you want a child and so does your partner.

[Anonymous]

Just consider that you are shackling yourself to this person, as well as their potentially objectionable family, for life. This person you don’t love, don’t trust, and don’t even really like either, will become an ever-present given in any relationship, any iteration of future *additional* family that you choose to build. (Because if you go ahead with this, what you’ll be doing here will be building a family, however untraditional, and you can try to ignore that but you’ll never be able to undo it.) You’ll be coparenting with someone who you know has incompatible values. You’re going to drag the rest of your family into this mess too.

Even if they “agree” to never be involved in the child’s life ever, whether it’s to get out of the financial responsibility in raising him/her or whatever, it’s unreasonable to expect that to be honored. The child is going to look for their other parent. Genetic testing kits and whatnot make it easier to track people down. They will come back into your life, like it or not.

If you are both really diplomatic, polite, even-keeled and stable, and think that of the other person despite your breakup, then maybe.

[Anonymous]

OP, we need more info on the 'ugly" break up. What exactly happened? How did it get ugly if it was mutual and you both wanted something different?

This answer will reveal what you should do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never abort in that situation, but many people obviously would. Your child could also be extremely easily placed via adoption — this is literally most adoptive parents dream scenario (stable, non addict mother who genuinely voluntarily chooses not to parent despite having the means to), if you wanted to go that route. It’s really ultimately how you personally feel about it.

You know nothing about Ithe agony of relinquishing a child for adoption. Of course you are thinking of the dream scenario for adopters. But what does a child feel when she finds out that her mother was healthy and capable but just didn't want her? What does a woman feel when she carries a pregnancy to term but can't be in contact with her child or be sure she is okay?

You also completely discount the fact that pregnancy and childbirth change a woman's body in major ways, sometimes debilitating ways. A friend of mine has severe vaginal prolapse. I had pre-eclampsia and now have cardiac issues.

Terminating a pregnancy is a much safer and less painful option if the pregnant woman does not want to be a mother.

Didn’t want is very different than could not raise at that time.

Often adoption is the must mature and selfless decision a person can make.

OP says both of the parents are financially stable and could reasonably raise a child. So no, this isn't a case of "could not raise at the time;" if OP gives the kid up to satisfy some weird DCUM 'ooooohh a healthy college-educated birth mom, that's what I wanted' fantasy, then the kid would find out later that her parents just didn't want her, not that they couldn't raise her.

Do you not see how this makes it even more clear that she should have the baby instead of abort it? Your logical reasoning makes no sense. It’s cruel to the child to be raised by someone else because OP could care for it but simply doesn’t want it. It’s ______ to the child to be aborted because OP could care for it but simply doesn’t want it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

You should improve your knowledge of the risks of IUD, even the non-hormonal ones. Risk of infertitlity is way too high to risk using one. I have advised my 20-year-old DD not to use one. She can't take BC for a variety of reasons. Condoms it is. There really aren't great solutions out there.

IUDs are safe and effective. Your poor daughter is going to have a lot of wanted pregnancies.

Condoms work just fine! IUDs weren’t really a thing when I was younger and I had a bad reaction to the pill, so I used condoms for many, many years. I never got pregnant until I was ready to have a baby at 35. The condom broke a few times and I ended up having to get the morning after pill, but overall, it did the job. The key is you have to be consistent. They’re also much safer, if you’re not in a long term relationship. Now that I’m old and married, we use natural family planning and that works, too, or more likely, I’m too old to get pregnant…either way, I’m okay with a whoopsie. Also, I never had a single long term partner complain about using them or try to push me to go on the pill, etc.

I am on my 3rd pregnancy from not using birth control.

Did you figure out what keeps causing it?

ADHD, duh

Can’t remember if I got my pills, took my pills, lost my pills, retook my pills. Whatever!

Yes adhd and i also have a learning disability. When i was on the pill i wouldnt take them everyday but still had sex.

Ditto. Didn’t take my adderol everyday either, too difficult to remember.

Guys be so dumb thinking their date is taking it same day, same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No birth control option is 100% effective and ~40% of pregnancies in the US are unintended. So PPs who are blaming the OP without knowing details should get off their high horses. I suspect there are more unintended pregnancies among your friends and families than you suspect- people just don’t tell to avoid judgement.

OP- good luck with whatever decision you make. As a parent of a kid with a slew of diagnoses, also given some thought to how you would handle a kid with special needs.

Well, the vasectomy is 100% effective. More guys should get those.

None of my educated friends have had unexpected pregnancies while dating. And this is a large group. Very educated, feminists that know how to prevent and not leave it up to a man to control the BC. In fact, many were using BC before they decided to have sex for the first time because they didn't want to derail their future plans.

A lot of the women I know that got pregnant unexpectedly ...it wasn't so unexpected. They are just surprised it happened. Some even subconsciously?? wanted to force a guy's hand.

There are IUDs that are non-hormonal that people that have stroke risk can have inserted. Its 2024, if you don't want a baby and want to have sex---things are pretty ironclad for prevention of conception. Then there is the morning after pill for the careless.

You should improve your knowledge of the risks of IUD, even the non-hormonal ones. Risk of infertitlity is way too high to risk using one. I have advised my 20-year-old DD not to use one. She can't take BC for a variety of reasons. Condoms it is. There really aren't great solutions out there.

IUDs are safe and effective. Your poor daughter is going to have a lot of wanted pregnancies.

Condoms work just fine! IUDs weren’t really a thing when I was younger and I had a bad reaction to the pill, so I used condoms for many, many years. I never got pregnant until I was ready to have a baby at 35. The condom broke a few times and I ended up having to get the morning after pill, but overall, it did the job. The key is you have to be consistent. They’re also much safer, if you’re not in a long term relationship. Now that I’m old and married, we use natural family planning and that works, too, or more likely, I’m too old to get pregnant…either way, I’m okay with a whoopsie. Also, I never had a single long term partner complain about using them or try to push me to go on the pill, etc.

I am on my 3rd pregnancy from not using birth control.

Did you figure out what keeps causing it?

ADHD, duh

Can’t remember if I got my pills, took my pills, lost my pills, retook my pills. Whatever!

Yes adhd and i also have a learning disability. When i was on the pill i wouldnt take them everyday but still had sex.

Why wouldn't you get an IUD? Or use condoms?

Idk no excuse i know we never thought of the consequences. I heard iud's hurt and condoms we would use once in a while.

You can't use protection just once in a while. You were both very irresponsible. How are you going to take on the responsibility of a child? It is completely life changing. You can't do parenting once in a while. I would terminate, take this as a life lesson to use birth control every time or remain celebate until you want a child and so does your partner.

I live with my mom she is not happy thats all i will say. She already told me going forward i am to abstain from having sex until i prove i can be mature.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Oh please. Spare this tiny collection of cells. You have no business being pregnant now or with this person.

This 1000% this

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, we need more info on the 'ugly" break up. What exactly happened? How did it get ugly if it was mutual and you both wanted something different?

This answer will reveal what you should do.

NO
OP is immature and not ready for this situation.

Absolutely an abortion.

Anyone who thinks otherwise is not "Pro life" they are utterly stupid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I could never abort in that situation, but many people obviously would. Your child could also be extremely easily placed via adoption — this is literally most adoptive parents dream scenario (stable, non addict mother who genuinely voluntarily chooses not to parent despite having the means to), if you wanted to go that route. It’s really ultimately how you personally feel about it.

You know nothing about Ithe agony of relinquishing a child for adoption. Of course you are thinking of the dream scenario for adopters. But what does a child feel when she finds out that her mother was healthy and capable but just didn't want her? What does a woman feel when she carries a pregnancy to term but can't be in contact with her child or be sure she is okay?

You also completely discount the fact that pregnancy and childbirth change a woman's body in major ways, sometimes debilitating ways. A friend of mine has severe vaginal prolapse. I had pre-eclampsia and now have cardiac issues.

Terminating a pregnancy is a much safer and less painful option if the pregnant woman does not want to be a mother.

Didn’t want is very different than could not raise at that time.

Often adoption is the must mature and selfless decision a person can make.

OP says both of the parents are financially stable and could reasonably raise a child. So no, this isn't a case of "could not raise at the time;" if OP gives the kid up to satisfy some weird DCUM 'ooooohh a healthy college-educated birth mom, that's what I wanted' fantasy, then the kid would find out later that her parents just didn't want her, not that they couldn't raise her.

Do you not see how this makes it even more clear that she should have the baby instead of abort it? Your logical reasoning makes no sense. It’s cruel to the child to be raised by someone else because OP could care for it but simply doesn’t want it. It’s ______ to the child to be aborted because OP could care for it but simply doesn’t want it?

No, because the only potential cruelty is to the existing kid who grows up to wonder "why was I put up for adoption". Now follow the logic, if you can.

Anyway, the OP is a troll who has never returned after asking for advice, and then additional trolls jumped on (this is my forty-third abortion, what is a condom??), and now this thread is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, we need more info on the 'ugly" break up. What exactly happened? How did it get ugly if it was mutual and you both wanted something different?

This answer will reveal what you should do.

NO
OP is immature and not ready for this situation.

Absolutely an abortion.

Anyone who thinks otherwise is not "Pro life" they are utterly stupid

I agree she is to immature to reproduce and obviously have sex

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just consider that you are shackling yourself to this person, as well as their potentially objectionable family, for life. This person you don’t love, don’t trust, and don’t even really like either, will become an ever-present given in any relationship, any iteration of future *additional* family that you choose to build. (Because if you go ahead with this, what you’ll be doing here will be building a family, however untraditional, and you can try to ignore that but you’ll never be able to undo it.) You’ll be coparenting with someone who you know has incompatible values. You’re going to drag the rest of your family into this mess too.

Even if they “agree” to never be involved in the child’s life ever, whether it’s to get out of the financial responsibility in raising him/her or whatever, it’s unreasonable to expect that to be honored. The child is going to look for their other parent. Genetic testing kits and whatnot make it easier to track people down. They will come back into your life, like it or not.

If you are both really diplomatic, polite, even-keeled and stable, and think that of the other person despite your breakup, then maybe.

This. I would’ve had the baby and not told the dad until the child was much older if I really wanted to be a mom. Maybe that’s selfish but now he gets a say in your uterus.