Suicide at UMD college park today

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

I don't think schools that are charging $40,000-$80,000 per year are blameless here. It is one thing to spend time "exploring interests" when the cost is $10K per year and lost wages. It is another to spend ~$200K on college just to explore your interests or find yourself. The system is not sustainable and the young adults are suffering. I am having my 10th grader explore alternative paths like trade school for this very reason.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

Well Said!!

Parents need to step back and release the pressure they have been putting on these kids. This starts back in ES and continues to grow. Back in K/1st, over 50% kids were doing Kumon or the like "to help them get ahead and on the best math track". And it continues from there.

But it was not always like this - this has been in the last 30 years or so. Yes, there have always been high schools and regions with great college applicant stats, and I know, I come from one of them. But the pressures of the last two generations are truly staggering.

Parents are overcompensating for their shortcomings, and students are paying the price.

Agreed! And parents who put this pressure on their kids often are not receptive to their kids pushing back, so they internalize everything and just chug on ahead and internalize all their problems.
Stopping this won't help 100% but it certainly would help reduce issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

I'm going to push back against this idea. Do some parents push their kids too much academically? Sure. However, the system is set up to instill in kids from the first day of kindergarten that they need to acquire skills to promote "college and career readiness." School is not about learning or exploring interests, but instead, it's solely focused on meeting pre-determined standards that they are taught to view as critically important for their ability to earn a living as adults. That's the message pounded into their heads by everyone, not just parents, but also by the adults in schools whose professional worth is assessed based on whether those kids meet those standards. The flip side of this is the message that if you don't meet those standards, you are destined for a life of failure and will be unable to earn a living as an adult. When kids don't meet those standards, the first answer from educators is that parents are to blame. Parents need to do more to make their kids successfully satisfy standards that parents have no say in, that many don't understand, and that are often difficult to access. Is it any wonder that so many kids are unhappy and feel that academic setbacks cannot be overcome?

[Anonymous]

My son is currently taking a semester off from school to get his mental health in order. He spent 10 days inpatient for suicidal ideation.

He said it's not so much the pressure, it's the realization that this is life. You pay a ton of money to take demanding classes, and even if you don't end up in debt, you realize that everything is expensive, jobs are tedious, and that's the path of life. Compile that with the thinking that college is the best time of your life, where you should be young, and go to tailgates, parties, date around, etc, but you aren't having fun. There's a never ending to do list, and even the light at the end of the tunnel looks bleak. Picking a major, finding a job in that major, or starting completely in a new field later, it's all overwhelming.

Obviously he's been diagnosed now, however, carrying a mental illness diagnosis, and knowing that you may feel like this (even if on and off) for the rest of your life, it's a lot. Accepting that you will need a daily medication for the rest of your life just to feel somewhat numb, is difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

How do you know it is academic stress and not the many high probable reasons listed above that caused this unfortunate event? Are you forcing your obsession with parental pressure onto this situation?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

I'm going to push back against this idea. Do some parents push their kids too much academically? Sure. However, the system is set up to instill in kids from the first day of kindergarten that they need to acquire skills to promote "college and career readiness." School is not about learning or exploring interests, but instead, it's solely focused on meeting pre-determined standards that they are taught to view as critically important for their ability to earn a living as adults. That's the message pounded into their heads by everyone, not just parents, but also by the adults in schools whose professional worth is assessed based on whether those kids meet those standards. The flip side of this is the message that if you don't meet those standards, you are destined for a life of failure and will be unable to earn a living as an adult. When kids don't meet those standards, the first answer from educators is that parents are to blame. Parents need to do more to make their kids successfully satisfy standards that parents have no say in, that many don't understand, and that are often difficult to access. Is it any wonder that so many kids are unhappy and feel that academic setbacks cannot be overcome?

This is the (insert that college name here) or bust mentality. Your kid is not supposed to believe that it is black or white, you are supposed to give your kid options, not just tutoring. It is on parents to teach DC that there are options other than (insert that college name here). It is not your life, it is their life. Why is mental health not a priority? What is the unspoken shame?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

How do you know it is academic stress and not the many high probable reasons listed above that caused this unfortunate event? Are you forcing your obsession with parental pressure onto this situation?

How do you know it is not DNA? Of course it is. It is up to the parent to raise the child, it is not up to the school to raise the child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

I don't think schools that are charging $40,000-$80,000 per year are blameless here. It is one thing to spend time "exploring interests" when the cost is $10K per year and lost wages. It is another to spend ~$200K on college just to explore your interests or find yourself. The system is not sustainable and the young adults are suffering. I am having my 10th grader explore alternative paths like trade school for this very reason.

What do you want from schools? They are not your child's keeper.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

I'm going to push back against this idea. Do some parents push their kids too much academically? Sure. However, the system is set up to instill in kids from the first day of kindergarten that they need to acquire skills to promote "college and career readiness." School is not about learning or exploring interests, but instead, it's solely focused on meeting pre-determined standards that they are taught to view as critically important for their ability to earn a living as adults. That's the message pounded into their heads by everyone, not just parents, but also by the adults in schools whose professional worth is assessed based on whether those kids meet those standards. The flip side of this is the message that if you don't meet those standards, you are destined for a life of failure and will be unable to earn a living as an adult. When kids don't meet those standards, the first answer from educators is that parents are to blame. Parents need to do more to make their kids successfully satisfy standards that parents have no say in, that many don't understand, and that are often difficult to access. Is it any wonder that so many kids are unhappy and feel that academic setbacks cannot be overcome?

This is the (insert that college name here) or bust mentality. Your kid is not supposed to believe that it is black or white, you are supposed to give your kid options, not just tutoring. It is on parents to teach DC that there are options other than (insert that college name here). It is not your life, it is their life. Why is mental health not a priority? What is the unspoken shame?

I'm not sure who you're speaking to. I'm the PP, and my kids go to colleges that DCUM looks down on (and are actually happy there). Still, I am still capable of making observations about toxic education culture, the messaging of "no parent held accountable" mindset I have observed from teachers in my social circle (if you kids are struggling in school, it's a parental failing), and more than 10 years of experience with kids in public schools. I believe that the current education climate is unhealthy and plays a huge role in creating stressed-out and hopeless students.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

I'm going to push back against this idea. Do some parents push their kids too much academically? Sure. However, the system is set up to instill in kids from the first day of kindergarten that they need to acquire skills to promote "college and career readiness." School is not about learning or exploring interests, but instead, it's solely focused on meeting pre-determined standards that they are taught to view as critically important for their ability to earn a living as adults. That's the message pounded into their heads by everyone, not just parents, but also by the adults in schools whose professional worth is assessed based on whether those kids meet those standards. The flip side of this is the message that if you don't meet those standards, you are destined for a life of failure and will be unable to earn a living as an adult. When kids don't meet those standards, the first answer from educators is that parents are to blame. Parents need to do more to make their kids successfully satisfy standards that parents have no say in, that many don't understand, and that are often difficult to access. Is it any wonder that so many kids are unhappy and feel that academic setbacks cannot be overcome?

You are so so wrong. The ‘academic standards’ if you want to say so are not that high. You and your child would be fine being an average student. But the problem is that its not acceptable. They need to be the top student, top athlete etc. and it starts young. It starts in elementary school. 100% parents are at fault. DCUM parents are toxic.
Average students can also go on to college and have successful careers and lives. But the mentality is Ivy or bust , top 20 or bust etc.. which causes stress and pressure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

I'm going to push back against this idea. Do some parents push their kids too much academically? Sure. However, the system is set up to instill in kids from the first day of kindergarten that they need to acquire skills to promote "college and career readiness." School is not about learning or exploring interests, but instead, it's solely focused on meeting pre-determined standards that they are taught to view as critically important for their ability to earn a living as adults. That's the message pounded into their heads by everyone, not just parents, but also by the adults in schools whose professional worth is assessed based on whether those kids meet those standards. The flip side of this is the message that if you don't meet those standards, you are destined for a life of failure and will be unable to earn a living as an adult. When kids don't meet those standards, the first answer from educators is that parents are to blame. Parents need to do more to make their kids successfully satisfy standards that parents have no say in, that many don't understand, and that are often difficult to access. Is it any wonder that so many kids are unhappy and feel that academic setbacks cannot be overcome?

It all comes down to parents teaching their children that moderation is the baseline expectation. Allowing a child to become a lazy bum can lead to them feeling undervalued and worthless, while pushing too hard can result in unnecessary stress and unhappiness. The key is to help them find the right balance, defined by the standard required for a fulfilling life, which a responsible citizen should aim to meet. They have to learn how to count money, at the same time they dont need to stress over not getting multivariable calculus. Moderate effort is minimum expected standard. Beyond that, it's the child's passions and interests that should motivate them to extend their boundaries.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

I'm going to push back against this idea. Do some parents push their kids too much academically? Sure. However, the system is set up to instill in kids from the first day of kindergarten that they need to acquire skills to promote "college and career readiness." School is not about learning or exploring interests, but instead, it's solely focused on meeting pre-determined standards that they are taught to view as critically important for their ability to earn a living as adults. That's the message pounded into their heads by everyone, not just parents, but also by the adults in schools whose professional worth is assessed based on whether those kids meet those standards. The flip side of this is the message that if you don't meet those standards, you are destined for a life of failure and will be unable to earn a living as an adult. When kids don't meet those standards, the first answer from educators is that parents are to blame. Parents need to do more to make their kids successfully satisfy standards that parents have no say in, that many don't understand, and that are often difficult to access. Is it any wonder that so many kids are unhappy and feel that academic setbacks cannot be overcome?

This is the (insert that college name here) or bust mentality. Your kid is not supposed to believe that it is black or white, you are supposed to give your kid options, not just tutoring. It is on parents to teach DC that there are options other than (insert that college name here). It is not your life, it is their life. Why is mental health not a priority? What is the unspoken shame?

I'm not sure who you're speaking to. I'm the PP, and my kids go to colleges that DCUM looks down on (and are actually happy there). Still, I am still capable of making observations about toxic education culture, the messaging of "no parent held accountable" mindset I have observed from teachers in my social circle (if you kids are struggling in school, it's a parental failing), and more than 10 years of experience with kids in public schools. I believe that the current education climate is unhealthy and plays a huge role in creating stressed-out and hopeless students.

PP here. I agree. And it begins with creating smaller classes, ideally - but that is not going to happen anytime soon, because fewer professionals want to teach. Why? You guessed it, parents are putting too much on the teachers. You just have to read DCUM or any news source to know that. Parents created this problem, but do not want to accept responsibility for their kid, whether their kid is a model student or (in most cases) not.

There is one PP who actually thinks colleges should be keeping tabs on their kid. No, it does not work that way. Parents need to stop setting the bar too high for their kid, and also need to back off to let their child grow, make mistakes and be able to make the big decisions for themselves. Before you know it, they will be in the real world, and the smothering parents will not (or at least under no condition should be) be calling their DC's job with the latest helicoptering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

I'm going to push back against this idea. Do some parents push their kids too much academically? Sure. However, the system is set up to instill in kids from the first day of kindergarten that they need to acquire skills to promote "college and career readiness." School is not about learning or exploring interests, but instead, it's solely focused on meeting pre-determined standards that they are taught to view as critically important for their ability to earn a living as adults. That's the message pounded into their heads by everyone, not just parents, but also by the adults in schools whose professional worth is assessed based on whether those kids meet those standards. The flip side of this is the message that if you don't meet those standards, you are destined for a life of failure and will be unable to earn a living as an adult. When kids don't meet those standards, the first answer from educators is that parents are to blame. Parents need to do more to make their kids successfully satisfy standards that parents have no say in, that many don't understand, and that are often difficult to access. Is it any wonder that so many kids are unhappy and feel that academic setbacks cannot be overcome?

It all comes down to parents teaching their children that moderation is the baseline expectation. Allowing a child to become a lazy bum can lead to them feeling undervalued and worthless, while pushing too hard can result in unnecessary stress and unhappiness. The key is to help them find the right balance, defined by the standard required for a fulfilling life, which a responsible citizen should aim to meet. They have to learn how to count money, at the same time they dont need to stress over not getting multivariable calculus. Moderate effort is minimum expected standard. Beyond that, it's the child's passions and interests that should motivate them to extend their boundaries.

Agree. But that is not good enough for the parents who allow their kids to be only 1.) doctor (MCAT and Boards required) or 2.) lawyer (LSAT and Bar required) or 3.) computer science for those who can't accomplish the first two.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

How do you know it is academic stress and not the many high probable reasons listed above that caused this unfortunate event? Are you forcing your obsession with parental pressure onto this situation?

I stated it can contribute to it. We don't know the exact cause in this situation.

I am not obsessed with pressuring my kids. I work hard not to do that. If parents being told to back off can help save even one kid, then that is worth it.