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Suicide at UMD college park today
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Anonymous
Oh, okay. You had written “there were no pictures,” and there were pictures. They just weren’t posted. I see now what you meant. |
Anonymous
I don’t think we can blame umd or colleges in general for suicides. Its the freaking pressure the students feel, its the intense competition, its the unrealistic expectations. College and even high school kids are expected to excel at everything. Its not okay or acceptable to be average or get grades less than an A. Even on dcum, as soon as a parent complains their DC is struggling or getting B’s or C’s the immediate response is ADHD or learning difficulties etc. no one can accept that their DC is just average. Then we expect our kids to take unreasonable amount of AP classes in high school, maintain a rigorous sports schedule etc. just go read the sports forum. Kids have practices at 5/6am. We, parents, deprive them of sleep that is so essential for mental health. We are teaching them to strive no matter what at the expense of their health. We drive them insane with an unhealthy schedule, expectations and pressure to excel and succeed. If they fall short they feel less than and worthless. We have created this environment for them. Not the universities. |
Anonymous
I think many of those parents mean well, but their values are a mess. They think money and status are what matter most. They don't look at the child they have and try to make that child feel loved and good enough AS IS. No, instead people post asking how AWFUL an A- is! Telling people that they would not waste their tuition dollars on a school that is not in the top 50 of USNWR. That the kid might as well go to a community college or take up a trade. Wondering where they went wrong if their kid wants to be a teacher or psychologist. Worrying that the girls won't marry rich enough if they go to a second tier school. It is very sick and I hope such parents see themselves in this thread and seek therapy if they cannot start treating their kid gently, with respect. |
Anonymous
+1 Exactly this. |
Anonymous
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Just a caution to listen to what your children are saying and to be proactive in getting them help.
Our DS witnessed a suicide off the parking garage at JMU in 2022 and then a few weeks later a friend of his, a star softball player, also killed herself. We drove out to see him and he was as sad and depressed as I'd ever seen him. But he said he needed to stay on campus because exams were coming up and that he was in a counseling group. He ended up failing almost all his classes, and there was no counseling group because the university didn't have enough resources. We paid for him to go to a well-regarded psychiatrist off-campus and DS ended up being able to retake classes in summer school so he graduated on time this spring. And he's doing well now, although he still has nightmares about the death he witnessed. In retrospect, maybe he could've taken incompletes in his classes, but the semester was almost over, and, to be honest, a few of his professors were less than understanding. |
Anonymous
I hope this person with the struggling son sees this response and is able to get her son connected with some kids at the dorm. |
Anonymous
I’m not a UMD parent, and don’t mean to intrude. The parents above are so empathetic and kind. Maybe you all can connect privately using a temporary account here? One needs help. Two can help. Likely, all three will benefit. A simple gesture can lead to something good from this tragedy. |
Anonymous
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Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:
Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors: A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home. Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder. Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt. Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors. Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment. A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect. Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems. Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior. Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem. |
Anonymous
Well Said!! Parents need to step back and release the pressure they have been putting on these kids. This starts back in ES and continues to grow. Back in K/1st, over 50% kids were doing Kumon or the like "to help them get ahead and on the best math track". And it continues from there. |
Anonymous
So instead you would rather your kid be miserable and force them into a major that they hate and will not easily succeed at? And their mental health will be trashed after 13 years of being pushed in K-12 and now onto college? A more balanced approach would be to let your kid choose what they want to do, and do it at a college they can afford. If your kid can get into UMD, there are plenty of state schools and privates that will give them excellent merit, where they might not be as stressed and can pursue what they want |
Anonymous
But it was not always like this - this has been in the last 30 years or so. Yes, there have always been high schools and regions with great college applicant stats, and I know, I come from one of them. But the pressures of the last two generations are truly staggering. Parents are overcompensating for their shortcomings, and students are paying the price. |
Anonymous
+1 We as parents and a society have definately created this environment. Actually was happy when my kid did NOT get into any of their reaches. Their top target was a better fit and much less of a Pressure Cooker than the 3 reaches are. They have a much better school/life balance and the engineering classes are still extremely challenging. |
Anonymous
plus other possibilities. But idiots on this forum are obsessed with spinning this into parent induced academic pressure and unattainable career expectation. |
Anonymous
The fact that profs were "less than understanding" is ridiculous. But not shocking. Given those circumstances, he should have been allowed to take Incompletes and complete the work later when he was in a better place. You should not have to fight to get these accommodations! |
Anonymous
Much of the parenting on display on this forum is toxic. |