Suicide at UMD college park today

[Anonymous]

Mom to two UMD students. Both my children contacted me yesterday about this death of a fellow student. It was important for them to talk through it with me. My two, a young man and a young woman, have dealt with anxiety and depression. They need to talk about it and deal with the anxiety young adulthood can bring. These students are high achievers and often perfectionists. College is the first time in their life they are not the best at whatever they pursue. Romantic relationships can heighten the stress at this age.
I offer support to the family experiencing this unimaginable tragedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

I'm going to push back against this idea. Do some parents push their kids too much academically? Sure. However, the system is set up to instill in kids from the first day of kindergarten that they need to acquire skills to promote "college and career readiness." School is not about learning or exploring interests, but instead, it's solely focused on meeting pre-determined standards that they are taught to view as critically important for their ability to earn a living as adults. That's the message pounded into their heads by everyone, not just parents, but also by the adults in schools whose professional worth is assessed based on whether those kids meet those standards. The flip side of this is the message that if you don't meet those standards, you are destined for a life of failure and will be unable to earn a living as an adult. When kids don't meet those standards, the first answer from educators is that parents are to blame. Parents need to do more to make their kids successfully satisfy standards that parents have no say in, that many don't understand, and that are often difficult to access. Is it any wonder that so many kids are unhappy and feel that academic setbacks cannot be overcome?

It all comes down to parents teaching their children that moderation is the baseline expectation. Allowing a child to become a lazy bum can lead to them feeling undervalued and worthless, while pushing too hard can result in unnecessary stress and unhappiness. The key is to help them find the right balance, defined by the standard required for a fulfilling life, which a responsible citizen should aim to meet. They have to learn how to count money, at the same time they dont need to stress over not getting multivariable calculus. Moderate effort is minimum expected standard. Beyond that, it's the child's passions and interests that should motivate them to extend their boundaries.

Agree. But that is not good enough for the parents who allow their kids to be only 1.) doctor (MCAT and Boards required) or 2.) lawyer (LSAT and Bar required) or 3.) computer science for those who can't accomplish the first two.

Across the nation, there's a critical shortage of doctors, resulting in insufficient access to crucial medical care and soaring healthcare costs that many cannot afford. Similarly, the scarcity of computer science engineers is forcing us to look abroad for expertise due to the shortfall here. In this context, one may wonder why parents aren't guiding their children toward careers that can contribute to their great nation of America. While it's essential to have lawyers, the urgent need for professionals in fields like healthcare and technology should not be overlooked.

Across our great nation, there is a critical shortage of doctors. People are dying due to insufficient access to scarce medical specialists and unaffordable healthcare costs resulting from their shortage. Same with scarcity of computer science engineers, due to which we are having to seek help from other half of the globe because of shortage of engineers on this land. And parents should not help guide their kids into careers that can contribute to their great nation of America? I dont know why parents are pushing their kids to be lawyers to be honest, we have plenty of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why is everyone here obsessed with blaming it on parent induced academic pressure? There are many other possibilities:

Here are possible Teen suicide risk factors:

A recent or serious loss. This might include the death of a family member, a friend, or a pet. The separation or divorce of parents, or a breakup with a boyfriend or a girlfriend, can also be felt as a profound loss, along with a parent losing a job or the family losing their home.

Apsychiatric disorder, particularly a mood disorder like depression, or a trauma– and stress-related disorder.

Prior suicide attempts increase the risk of another suicide attempt.

Alcohol and other substance use disorders, as well as getting into a lot of trouble, having disciplinary problems, and engaging in a lot of high-risk behaviors.

Struggling with sexual orientation in an environment that is not respectful or accepting of that orientation. The issue is not whether a child is gay or lesbian but whether they are struggling to come out in an unsupportive environment.

A family history of suicide is something that can be really significant and concerning, as is a history of domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.

Lack of social support. A child who doesn’t feel support from significant adults in their life, as well as their friends, can become so isolated that suicide seems to present the only way out of their problems.

Bullying. We know that being a victim of bullying is a risk factor, but there’s also some evidence that kids who are bullies may be at increased risk for suicidal behavior.

Stigma associated with asking for help. One of the things we know is that the more hopeless and helpless people feel, the more likely they are to choose to hurt themselves or end their life. Similarly, if they feel a lot of guilt or shame, or if they feel worthless or have low self-esteem.

Because the extreme parent induced academic stress many of this kids have had since they were in ES and beyond has added to all of these. Parents that push like that often do not recognize any of the signs and the kids often do not feel comfortable telling their parents they are struggling, because "that's a weakness and we don't do anything but extreme success in this family" is the attitude they support.

I'm going to push back against this idea. Do some parents push their kids too much academically? Sure. However, the system is set up to instill in kids from the first day of kindergarten that they need to acquire skills to promote "college and career readiness." School is not about learning or exploring interests, but instead, it's solely focused on meeting pre-determined standards that they are taught to view as critically important for their ability to earn a living as adults. That's the message pounded into their heads by everyone, not just parents, but also by the adults in schools whose professional worth is assessed based on whether those kids meet those standards. The flip side of this is the message that if you don't meet those standards, you are destined for a life of failure and will be unable to earn a living as an adult. When kids don't meet those standards, the first answer from educators is that parents are to blame. Parents need to do more to make their kids successfully satisfy standards that parents have no say in, that many don't understand, and that are often difficult to access. Is it any wonder that so many kids are unhappy and feel that academic setbacks cannot be overcome?

It all comes down to parents teaching their children that moderation is the baseline expectation. Allowing a child to become a lazy bum can lead to them feeling undervalued and worthless, while pushing too hard can result in unnecessary stress and unhappiness. The key is to help them find the right balance, defined by the standard required for a fulfilling life, which a responsible citizen should aim to meet. They have to learn how to count money, at the same time they dont need to stress over not getting multivariable calculus. Moderate effort is minimum expected standard. Beyond that, it's the child's passions and interests that should motivate them to extend their boundaries.

Agree. But that is not good enough for the parents who allow their kids to be only 1.) doctor (MCAT and Boards required) or 2.) lawyer (LSAT and Bar required) or 3.) computer science for those who can't accomplish the first two.

Across our great nation, there is a critical shortage of doctors. People are dying due to insufficient access to scarce medical specialists and unaffordable healthcare costs resulting from their shortage. Same with scarcity of computer science engineers, due to which we are having to seek help from other half of the globe because of shortage of engineers on this land. And parents should not help guide their kids into careers that can contribute to their great nation of America? I dont know why parents are pushing their kids to be lawyers to be honest, we have plenty of them.

It's highly competitive to get into med school and residency, which is why there is a shortage of doctors. And it's also highly competitive to get into the good CS programs. There is no lack of people who want to do these careers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is currently taking a semester off from school to get his mental health in order. He spent 10 days inpatient for suicidal ideation.

He said it's not so much the pressure, it's the realization that this is life. You pay a ton of money to take demanding classes, and even if you don't end up in debt, you realize that everything is expensive, jobs are tedious, and that's the path of life. Compile that with the thinking that college is the best time of your life, where you should be young, and go to tailgates, parties, date around, etc, but you aren't having fun. There's a never ending to do list, and even the light at the end of the tunnel looks bleak. Picking a major, finding a job in that major, or starting completely in a new field later, it's all overwhelming.

Obviously he's been diagnosed now, however, carrying a mental illness diagnosis, and knowing that you may feel like this (even if on and off) for the rest of your life, it's a lot. Accepting that you will need a daily medication for the rest of your life just to feel somewhat numb, is difficult.

This "college is the best years of your life" idea is really something to explicitly address with kids. I'd hope it's fun and a time of growth but if 18-21 are the BEST years of your life, that's really a depressing idea. It's all downhill from here? Ugh. I told both my kids when they started that I hoped it was not the best years of their life but that it gave them a good start to whatever lives they want.

[Anonymous]

I was wondering when this would turn into a UMD hate thread and disappointed to see that happened a few pages back.

BTW there was also a suicide at RIT the other day.

We don't know the circumstances here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My son is currently taking a semester off from school to get his mental health in order. He spent 10 days inpatient for suicidal ideation.

He said it's not so much the pressure, it's the realization that this is life. You pay a ton of money to take demanding classes, and even if you don't end up in debt, you realize that everything is expensive, jobs are tedious, and that's the path of life. Compile that with the thinking that college is the best time of your life, where you should be young, and go to tailgates, parties, date around, etc, but you aren't having fun. There's a never ending to do list, and even the light at the end of the tunnel looks bleak. Picking a major, finding a job in that major, or starting completely in a new field later, it's all overwhelming.

Obviously he's been diagnosed now, however, carrying a mental illness diagnosis, and knowing that you may feel like this (even if on and off) for the rest of your life, it's a lot. Accepting that you will need a daily medication for the rest of your life just to feel somewhat numb, is difficult.

I'm very sorry about your son's struggles and I hope he's improving.

I quibble a bit with the "this is life" part. This isn't unique to current times or to college kids. Jobs more often than not *are* tedious, there's a never ending to do list, finding a job, etc. has always been how it is. My grandfather the farmer, or my grandfather the steel worker I'm sure felt the same way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

Well Said!!

Parents need to step back and release the pressure they have been putting on these kids. This starts back in ES and continues to grow. Back in K/1st, over 50% kids were doing Kumon or the like "to help them get ahead and on the best math track". And it continues from there.

But it was not always like this - this has been in the last 30 years or so. Yes, there have always been high schools and regions with great college applicant stats, and I know, I come from one of them. But the pressures of the last two generations are truly staggering.

Parents are overcompensating for their shortcomings, and students are paying the price.

Agreed! And parents who put this pressure on their kids often are not receptive to their kids pushing back, so they internalize everything and just chug on ahead and internalize all their problems.
Stopping this won't help 100% but it certainly would help reduce issues.

You guys are totally wrong. Most kids (barring those with learning disorders) THRIVE under high expectations.

Look at the way the economy is going. A house in a decent school pyramid is tons of money. Teachers and nurses can’t afford to live in the DMV.

I’ll definitely be pushing my kids. It was the way I was raised, and IT WORKS. Full stop.

I was pushed very hard academically by my poor immigrant parents, and most of my childhood friends (all from SF’s Chinatown) can say the same. We were forced to pursue medicine, law, finance, or engineering when we got to college. The pressure was high, and the expectations were even higher. I knew that I had to support not just my own kids, but also my parents as I became an adult.

And you know what? I thrives under those expectations, and so did nearly everyone else from my childhood. A pressure cooker atmosphere and high expectations of a lucrative career aren’t what cause mental illness or suicide. It’s a lack of individual responsibility that causes such things.

I’m willing to bet that the UMD student who committed suicide did not have chores as a kid, and I’m almost certain that they didn’t work a crappy minimum wage job in high school. Experiences like that build resilience and character, which are what gets young adults through college and their twenties.

The age of coddling kids has only destroyed their mental health. Look at MCPS policies — unlimited retakes, extensions on every deadline, 50% minimum on assignments. These rules just destroy student resilience.

We need to stop coddling kids and hold them to high expectations. THAT’S what will get us through the epidemic of youth depression and suicide — not letting your kids major in underwater basket weaving and dooming them to a lifetime of downward mobility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

I think this is very true. But I will also lay some blame at the feet of higher education. The cost of college now, compared to when I went to UMD in the 80s and tuition was about $2500 a year, raises the stakes. Parents don't want to pay $120K for a kid to end up back in their basement after graduation because they got a "useless" degree.

So instead you would rather your kid be miserable and force them into a major that they hate and will not easily succeed at? And their mental health will be trashed after 13 years of being pushed in K-12 and now onto college?

A more balanced approach would be to let your kid choose what they want to do, and do it at a college they can afford. If your kid can get into UMD, there are plenty of state schools and privates that will give them excellent merit, where they might not be as stressed and can pursue what they want

Letting your kids “pursue whatever they want” is a recipe for disaster.

Look at the way the economy is going. A house in a decent school pyramid is tons of money. Teachers and nurses can’t afford to live in the DMV.

I’ll definitely be pushing my kids towards STEM. It was the way I was raised, and IT WORKS. Full stop.

I was pushed very hard academically by my poor immigrant parents, and most of my childhood friends (all from SF’s Chinatown) can say the same. We were forced to pursue medicine, law, finance, or engineering when we got to college. The pressure was high, and the expectations were even higher. I knew that I had to support not just my own kids, but also my parents as I became an adult.

And you know what? I thrives under those expectations, and so did nearly everyone else from my childhood. A pressure cooker atmosphere and high expectations of a lucrative career aren’t what cause mental illness or suicide. It’s a lack of individual responsibility that causes such things.

I’m willing to bet that the UMD student who committed suicide did not have chores as a kid, and I’m almost certain that they didn’t work a crappy minimum wage job in high school. Experiences like that build resilience and character, which are what gets young adults through college and their twenties.

The age of coddling kids has only destroyed their mental health. Look at MCPS policies — unlimited retakes, extensions on every deadline, 50% minimum on assignments. These rules just destroy student resilience.

We need to stop coddling kids and hold them to high expectations. THAT’S what will get us through the epidemic of youth depression and suicide — not letting your kids major in underwater basket weaving and dooming them to a lifetime of downward mobility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

+1000

So many DCUM parents are ruining their kids. Truly.

I think many of those parents mean well, but their values are a mess. They think money and status are what matter most.

They don't look at the child they have and try to make that child feel loved and good enough AS IS.

No, instead people post asking how AWFUL an A- is! Telling people that they would not waste their tuition dollars on a school that is not in the top 50 of USNWR. That the kid might as well go to a community college or take up a trade. Wondering where they went wrong if their kid wants to be a teacher or psychologist. Worrying that the girls won't marry rich enough if they go to a second tier school.

It is very sick and I hope such parents see themselves in this thread and seek therapy if they cannot start treating their kid gently, with respect.

Nope, totally wrong. A psychologist or a teacher can’t afford to buy a house in a decent school pyramid (true in many major metro areas, not just expensive coastal ones like the DMV).

I’ll be pushing my kids to go to a decent college (not necessarily an Ivy but at the very least a UMD or a VA Tech), and I won’t be paying their tuition unless they major in STEM or finance.

It was the way I was raised, and it works. Kids need boundaries, limitations, and challenges to build resilience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

Well Said!!

Parents need to step back and release the pressure they have been putting on these kids. This starts back in ES and continues to grow. Back in K/1st, over 50% kids were doing Kumon or the like "to help them get ahead and on the best math track". And it continues from there.

But it was not always like this - this has been in the last 30 years or so. Yes, there have always been high schools and regions with great college applicant stats, and I know, I come from one of them. But the pressures of the last two generations are truly staggering.

Parents are overcompensating for their shortcomings, and students are paying the price.

Agreed! And parents who put this pressure on their kids often are not receptive to their kids pushing back, so they internalize everything and just chug on ahead and internalize all their problems.
Stopping this won't help 100% but it certainly would help reduce issues.

You guys are totally wrong. Most kids (barring those with learning disorders) THRIVE under high expectations.

Look at the way the economy is going. A house in a decent school pyramid is tons of money. Teachers and nurses can’t afford to live in the DMV.

I’ll definitely be pushing my kids. It was the way I was raised, and IT WORKS. Full stop.

I was pushed very hard academically by my poor immigrant parents, and most of my childhood friends (all from SF’s Chinatown) can say the same. We were forced to pursue medicine, law, finance, or engineering when we got to college. The pressure was high, and the expectations were even higher. I knew that I had to support not just my own kids, but also my parents as I became an adult.

And you know what? I thrives under those expectations, and so did nearly everyone else from my childhood. A pressure cooker atmosphere and high expectations of a lucrative career aren’t what cause mental illness or suicide. It’s a lack of individual responsibility that causes such things.

I’m willing to bet that the UMD student who committed suicide did not have chores as a kid, and I’m almost certain that they didn’t work a crappy minimum wage job in high school. Experiences like that build resilience and character, which are what gets young adults through college and their twenties.

The age of coddling kids has only destroyed their mental health. Look at MCPS policies — unlimited retakes, extensions on every deadline, 50% minimum on assignments. These rules just destroy student resilience.

We need to stop coddling kids and hold them to high expectations. THAT’S what will get us through the epidemic of youth depression and suicide — not letting your kids major in underwater basket weaving and dooming them to a lifetime of downward mobility.

Wow, Tiger mom. This is a real blend of ignorance and arrogance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

Well Said!!

Parents need to step back and release the pressure they have been putting on these kids. This starts back in ES and continues to grow. Back in K/1st, over 50% kids were doing Kumon or the like "to help them get ahead and on the best math track". And it continues from there.

But it was not always like this - this has been in the last 30 years or so. Yes, there have always been high schools and regions with great college applicant stats, and I know, I come from one of them. But the pressures of the last two generations are truly staggering.

Parents are overcompensating for their shortcomings, and students are paying the price.

Agreed! And parents who put this pressure on their kids often are not receptive to their kids pushing back, so they internalize everything and just chug on ahead and internalize all their problems.
Stopping this won't help 100% but it certainly would help reduce issues.

You guys are totally wrong. Most kids (barring those with learning disorders) THRIVE under high expectations.

Look at the way the economy is going. A house in a decent school pyramid is tons of money. Teachers and nurses can’t afford to live in the DMV.

I’ll definitely be pushing my kids. It was the way I was raised, and IT WORKS. Full stop.

I was pushed very hard academically by my poor immigrant parents, and most of my childhood friends (all from SF’s Chinatown) can say the same. We were forced to pursue medicine, law, finance, or engineering when we got to college. The pressure was high, and the expectations were even higher. I knew that I had to support not just my own kids, but also my parents as I became an adult.

And you know what? I thrives under those expectations, and so did nearly everyone else from my childhood. A pressure cooker atmosphere and high expectations of a lucrative career aren’t what cause mental illness or suicide. It’s a lack of individual responsibility that causes such things.

I’m willing to bet that the UMD student who committed suicide did not have chores as a kid, and I’m almost certain that they didn’t work a crappy minimum wage job in high school. Experiences like that build resilience and character, which are what gets young adults through college and their twenties.

The age of coddling kids has only destroyed their mental health. Look at MCPS policies — unlimited retakes, extensions on every deadline, 50% minimum on assignments. These rules just destroy student resilience.

We need to stop coddling kids and hold them to high expectations. THAT’S what will get us through the epidemic of youth depression and suicide — not letting your kids major in underwater basket weaving and dooming them to a lifetime of downward mobility.

Wow, Tiger mom. This is a real blend of ignorance and arrogance.

This is Tiger/Full Stop Mom. I remember her from other threads. She’s a nut job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

Well Said!!

Parents need to step back and release the pressure they have been putting on these kids. This starts back in ES and continues to grow. Back in K/1st, over 50% kids were doing Kumon or the like "to help them get ahead and on the best math track". And it continues from there.

But it was not always like this - this has been in the last 30 years or so. Yes, there have always been high schools and regions with great college applicant stats, and I know, I come from one of them. But the pressures of the last two generations are truly staggering.

Parents are overcompensating for their shortcomings, and students are paying the price.

Agreed! And parents who put this pressure on their kids often are not receptive to their kids pushing back, so they internalize everything and just chug on ahead and internalize all their problems.
Stopping this won't help 100% but it certainly would help reduce issues.

You guys are totally wrong. Most kids (barring those with learning disorders) THRIVE under high expectations.

Look at the way the economy is going. A house in a decent school pyramid is tons of money. Teachers and nurses can’t afford to live in the DMV.

I’ll definitely be pushing my kids. It was the way I was raised, and IT WORKS. Full stop.

I was pushed very hard academically by my poor immigrant parents, and most of my childhood friends (all from SF’s Chinatown) can say the same. We were forced to pursue medicine, law, finance, or engineering when we got to college. The pressure was high, and the expectations were even higher. I knew that I had to support not just my own kids, but also my parents as I became an adult.

And you know what? I thrives under those expectations, and so did nearly everyone else from my childhood. A pressure cooker atmosphere and high expectations of a lucrative career aren’t what cause mental illness or suicide. It’s a lack of individual responsibility that causes such things.

I’m willing to bet that the UMD student who committed suicide did not have chores as a kid, and I’m almost certain that they didn’t work a crappy minimum wage job in high school. Experiences like that build resilience and character, which are what gets young adults through college and their twenties.

The age of coddling kids has only destroyed their mental health. Look at MCPS policies — unlimited retakes, extensions on every deadline, 50% minimum on assignments. These rules just destroy student resilience.

We need to stop coddling kids and hold them to high expectations. THAT’S what will get us through the epidemic of youth depression and suicide — not letting your kids major in underwater basket weaving and dooming them to a lifetime of downward mobility.

Data from 2021:

"According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. When broken down by race, suicide is the first leading cause of death among Asian American young adults age 15-24. This is true of no other racial group in this age range in America."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

Well Said!!

Parents need to step back and release the pressure they have been putting on these kids. This starts back in ES and continues to grow. Back in K/1st, over 50% kids were doing Kumon or the like "to help them get ahead and on the best math track". And it continues from there.

But it was not always like this - this has been in the last 30 years or so. Yes, there have always been high schools and regions with great college applicant stats, and I know, I come from one of them. But the pressures of the last two generations are truly staggering.

Parents are overcompensating for their shortcomings, and students are paying the price.

Agreed! And parents who put this pressure on their kids often are not receptive to their kids pushing back, so they internalize everything and just chug on ahead and internalize all their problems.
Stopping this won't help 100% but it certainly would help reduce issues.

You guys are totally wrong. Most kids (barring those with learning disorders) THRIVE under high expectations.

Look at the way the economy is going. A house in a decent school pyramid is tons of money. Teachers and nurses can’t afford to live in the DMV.

I’ll definitely be pushing my kids. It was the way I was raised, and IT WORKS. Full stop.

I was pushed very hard academically by my poor immigrant parents, and most of my childhood friends (all from SF’s Chinatown) can say the same. We were forced to pursue medicine, law, finance, or engineering when we got to college. The pressure was high, and the expectations were even higher. I knew that I had to support not just my own kids, but also my parents as I became an adult.

And you know what? I thrives under those expectations, and so did nearly everyone else from my childhood. A pressure cooker atmosphere and high expectations of a lucrative career aren’t what cause mental illness or suicide. It’s a lack of individual responsibility that causes such things.

I’m willing to bet that the UMD student who committed suicide did not have chores as a kid, and I’m almost certain that they didn’t work a crappy minimum wage job in high school. Experiences like that build resilience and character, which are what gets young adults through college and their twenties.

The age of coddling kids has only destroyed their mental health. Look at MCPS policies — unlimited retakes, extensions on every deadline, 50% minimum on assignments. These rules just destroy student resilience.

We need to stop coddling kids and hold them to high expectations. THAT’S what will get us through the epidemic of youth depression and suicide — not letting your kids major in underwater basket weaving and dooming them to a lifetime of downward mobility.

I hold mine to high expectations, but they are capable of it. Not all kids are capable of it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

Well Said!!

Parents need to step back and release the pressure they have been putting on these kids. This starts back in ES and continues to grow. Back in K/1st, over 50% kids were doing Kumon or the like "to help them get ahead and on the best math track". And it continues from there.

But it was not always like this - this has been in the last 30 years or so. Yes, there have always been high schools and regions with great college applicant stats, and I know, I come from one of them. But the pressures of the last two generations are truly staggering.

Parents are overcompensating for their shortcomings, and students are paying the price.

Agreed! And parents who put this pressure on their kids often are not receptive to their kids pushing back, so they internalize everything and just chug on ahead and internalize all their problems.
Stopping this won't help 100% but it certainly would help reduce issues.

You guys are totally wrong. Most kids (barring those with learning disorders) THRIVE under high expectations.

Look at the way the economy is going. A house in a decent school pyramid is tons of money. Teachers and nurses can’t afford to live in the DMV.

I’ll definitely be pushing my kids. It was the way I was raised, and IT WORKS. Full stop.

I was pushed very hard academically by my poor immigrant parents, and most of my childhood friends (all from SF’s Chinatown) can say the same. We were forced to pursue medicine, law, finance, or engineering when we got to college. The pressure was high, and the expectations were even higher. I knew that I had to support not just my own kids, but also my parents as I became an adult.

And you know what? I thrives under those expectations, and so did nearly everyone else from my childhood. A pressure cooker atmosphere and high expectations of a lucrative career aren’t what cause mental illness or suicide. It’s a lack of individual responsibility that causes such things.

I’m willing to bet that the UMD student who committed suicide did not have chores as a kid, and I’m almost certain that they didn’t work a crappy minimum wage job in high school. Experiences like that build resilience and character, which are what gets young adults through college and their twenties.

The age of coddling kids has only destroyed their mental health. Look at MCPS policies — unlimited retakes, extensions on every deadline, 50% minimum on assignments. These rules just destroy student resilience.

We need to stop coddling kids and hold them to high expectations. THAT’S what will get us through the epidemic of youth depression and suicide — not letting your kids major in underwater basket weaving and dooming them to a lifetime of downward mobility.

I hold mine to high expectations, but they are capable of it. Not all kids are capable of it.

PP here. All kids are indeed capable of it, barring a learning disorder. American schools are so easy that being a high achiever is not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Parents are far more to blame for the stress our kids are experiencing than UMD is. On DCUM there is literally an endless stream of posts about what are viewed as the only acceptable majors for a college applicant (I.e. computer science and associated fields, engineering and finance), the return in value of a school or degree, the average starting salary of a degree, etc. This stuff is discussed daily on here if you haven't noticed. there are many, many kids who grow up in households where this path is worshipped and they are pushed into hard majors and careers with no regard to their actual interests or skills. And they know from the day they start that they better succeed and achieve the pay day in the end. Theres no way posters on here post endlessly on here about this (and yes, it's endless) without transferring this anxiety on to their children. I feel incredibly sorry for this generation of kids who is growing up with the pressure. gone are the days when college is a time for exploring one's natural interest(s) or finding oneself. No, you have to fit yourself into one of several difficult majors, then do well, graduate and make a lot of money by age 21. It's a miracle that more kids are not losing it.

Well Said!!

Parents need to step back and release the pressure they have been putting on these kids. This starts back in ES and continues to grow. Back in K/1st, over 50% kids were doing Kumon or the like "to help them get ahead and on the best math track". And it continues from there.

But it was not always like this - this has been in the last 30 years or so. Yes, there have always been high schools and regions with great college applicant stats, and I know, I come from one of them. But the pressures of the last two generations are truly staggering.

Parents are overcompensating for their shortcomings, and students are paying the price.

Agreed! And parents who put this pressure on their kids often are not receptive to their kids pushing back, so they internalize everything and just chug on ahead and internalize all their problems.
Stopping this won't help 100% but it certainly would help reduce issues.

You guys are totally wrong. Most kids (barring those with learning disorders) THRIVE under high expectations.

Look at the way the economy is going. A house in a decent school pyramid is tons of money. Teachers and nurses can’t afford to live in the DMV.

I’ll definitely be pushing my kids. It was the way I was raised, and IT WORKS. Full stop.

I was pushed very hard academically by my poor immigrant parents, and most of my childhood friends (all from SF’s Chinatown) can say the same. We were forced to pursue medicine, law, finance, or engineering when we got to college. The pressure was high, and the expectations were even higher. I knew that I had to support not just my own kids, but also my parents as I became an adult.

And you know what? I thrives under those expectations, and so did nearly everyone else from my childhood. A pressure cooker atmosphere and high expectations of a lucrative career aren’t what cause mental illness or suicide. It’s a lack of individual responsibility that causes such things.

I’m willing to bet that the UMD student who committed suicide did not have chores as a kid, and I’m almost certain that they didn’t work a crappy minimum wage job in high school. Experiences like that build resilience and character, which are what gets young adults through college and their twenties.

The age of coddling kids has only destroyed their mental health. Look at MCPS policies — unlimited retakes, extensions on every deadline, 50% minimum on assignments. These rules just destroy student resilience.

We need to stop coddling kids and hold them to high expectations. THAT’S what will get us through the epidemic of youth depression and suicide — not letting your kids major in underwater basket weaving and dooming them to a lifetime of downward mobility.

Data from 2021:

"According to data from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. When broken down by race, suicide is the first leading cause of death among Asian American young adults age 15-24. This is true of no other racial group in this age range in America."

PP here. You sound ignorant. Asian Americans, per capita, have a lower suicide rate than whites or Native Americans. It’s just that Asian Americans have suicide as the leading cause of death because the other causes of death in that age range (disease, drug overdose, accidents) are statistically less likely to happen to Asian Americans — perhaps because our parents imparted good sense onto us.

Your ignorance is astounding. The anti-Asian racism on you is NOT looking good.