Teenage Drinking - A hard no? Or can this be done responsibly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a father who only has sons. I would let them drink but if they ever got drunk drunk they would be in trouble. I would not let my daughter drink, if I had one. IMO there is no such thing as a safe space for a drunk girl

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Decide what's important to you, knowing that parties with drinks available are pretty much the norm in high school. I appreciate the "hard no" family's position, but you need to make peace with yourself that you are asking your kid to break rules/sneak around/do unsafe things so they don't get in trouble. We decided safety was most important to us. My 16yo ds is the sporty crowd and there are parties, I don't know if parents know drinks circulating or not. He has gotten the messaging (over and over again) that any mix of drinking/driving is a violation of trust so profound that his freedoms will be curtailed immediately, but that he will not get in trouble for calling us at any time for a ride home. I think a lot of parents say that, but you've gotta mean it. So if he's going out we ask where, we talk about whether he's driving and what alterative plan is if not, if there is a designated driver (in his peer group there often is).

This part really isn't just true. It's the norm with the kids who are doing it! That's for sure. Most kids are not doing this. I just think this kind of thinking really normalizes something that is not at all normal and statistics bear this out. I also think parents get very caught up thinking it will somehow ruin their child's social life if they message hard no on drinking. It really won't.

https://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/data/sites/data/files/assets/images/fcys%20fact%20sheet%20-%20alcohol%2021.pdf

76 percent of students report never using alcohol in their lifetime.

Yeah and my kid is in that 24%. We have let her as a 17 year old have a glass of wine at dinner in Europe. She does not drink at home with friends. Honestly she just doesn’t go to parties and her social life is much more vanilla. I think people over estimate how many kids are drinking.

[Anonymous]

Many good points here, but one thing I don't see addressed is the "why." What would you and your husband say about why you drank to excess in college? Because everyone else was doing it? Because it was an activity or goal? Because that was the only way things seemed fun?

Same with your daughter: why does she like it? There are different reasons, and if it seems like there's something she's medicating with alcohol, maybe she can address that. For example, if everything seems boring unless she's drunk, maybe she can think about why she wants to go to parties that would otherwise seem boring. Or if it makes her cool to be the drunk girl, maybe there's some self-esteem stuff going on. It's great that she's ben open with you, and you should consider opening the door about this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your daughter is an alcoholic. You need to be honest with yourself and her.

Agree.

OP: Stay with the hard no on drinking.

I probably wouldn’t allow her to go to parties anymore - because she will most likely drink there.