Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Probably. Almost all large state universities have a mandate to take an overwhelming percentage of kids from their state. Thus, kids from every part of the state will already know other kids at the school, have easy access to parents/home, develop carpools, and just know the culture. OOS will bond best with other OOS kids, especially if there is a lot of them from a region of the country.

Not our experience at all. My kids attended an in-state school but made tons of OOS friends, who came home with them for long weekends, some holidays, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I was an OOS at Wisconsin back in the day and lived in the in-state dorms. At that time, most of the OOS kids lived in the private dorms because there wasn't public dorm space available. I think that has changed over the past 10 years as parts of campus have been rebuilt.

I'm the previous Wisconsin poster complaining about this Yes you are right, I forgot about this fact, much of the self-segregation I identified might also have been because of the dorm shortage. I wonder if this has changed dynamics now, if more of the East coast kids are integrated into the regular dorms? FWIW, where I lived, many of the Wisconsin kids actually WANTED to make friends with OOS kids (because, how exotic is it to have a new friend FROM NEW YORK CITY!?! but were really spurned. The rich East Coast kids wanted NOTHING to do with us. My guess is that dynamic is still there, but perhaps a little less now, if dorm life is more geographically integrated. And I loved my UW Madison experience, so I hate to be sounding so negative about it. I think it had to do with socioeconomic segregation more than anything, but it seemed geographic, given the income dynamics of the student populations.

[Anonymous]

One of my children is at Pitt with students from all over the country. None of her close friends are from Pittsburgh, although one or two are from other places in Pennsylvania. Most are from elsewhere: Buffalo, Virginia, Texas, Illinois, etc. (the ones I know)

[Anonymous]

Unlike most DCUM posters, we don’t have piles of money to waste. We told our kiddos they can go anywhere - as long as it was in-state. Our neighbor let their son attend uni on the west coast — in a stunningly beautiful state. He transferred back to an instate school after a year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:90% of my kid's friends went to UVA and VT.
It's like high school 2.0.

It's time to spread your wings, get out, and explore.

People saying diversity then go to a school where 80-90% of kids are from the same state.

Sorry about all the middle class folks who are stuck with not many options.

I was grateful that over 20 of my classmates attended my in-state school. I actually did not know them that well in high school but I became pretty close to many of them in college. It made a huge difference for me socially.

[Anonymous]

I went to a private school 8 hours from home and knew no one. That said, I was in marching band, which tends to be like family/built in friend group. My daughter also may wind up out of state, but will be dancing in some capacity - another built in group.

I think having an activity like that to bond over helps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain frats won’t take kids from OOS.

In this day and age, who on earth wants to get into a frat or sorority?!?!

The ones who need an easy way to get vodka, beer, and weed so they can make it easier for themselves to socialize. Oh, and most importantly drink heavily and get wasted every weekend all under the cover of philanthopy. At least that is what I saw in my sorority days, and it appears it hasn't changed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain frats won’t take kids from OOS.

At some schools, the OOSA kids are a hot commodity in Greek life.

Not at schools in the south

As someone who went to school in the south when there wree far less OOS students, this isn't true.

Everyone struggles to some extent to make their first friends in college. Some join Frats/Sororities for instant friends. Some have to work a little harder. But where you are from DOES NOT matter. It's how engaging you are with others and how much you put yourself out there. Friends take time and work to build. It may appear at times easier for students who are coming with a few classmates from high school just because they have people to hang with from day 1. But those high school circles break by the end of the first semester as people make friends for reasons other than geography.

[Anonymous]

Attending an OOS school is not necessarily a good thing, in my particular case.  DS is attending an OOS school and suddenly he has all the freedom in the world.  His social activity is taking priority over his academics, and he plays the guitar so he naturally attracts so many ladies.  He texted his younger HS senior brother, who also plays the guitar, that he slept with so many women (yes, STD is a concern even with protection).  He also encourages his younger brother to go to OOS school so that the younger brother can experience it too.  For some kids, it is not a good thing without self-control.  YMMV.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is OP. For those saying kids should want to get out of their own bubble, that’s exactly why my kid wants to go to a flagship in another state BUT we keep hearing that what ends up happening, unfortunately, is that people end up sorting by their home regions anyway.

We’ve heard Wisconsin is like this too where there are the NY and northeast dorms and mini social scenes. Some of the OOS kids probably want to mix it up with more students from Wisconsin but it’s more difficult than you’d think.

Wisconsin is definitely like this, but, as a Wisconsinite, it's not the locals making it difficult. The "coastie" kids come from NY/NJ/DC, live in their own private dorms because the public ones aren't good enough for them, and therefore self-segregate. There's also the issue that they have a lot more money than the Wisconsin kids -- so they wear better clothes, have nice cars, and just are in a completely different socioeconomic strata than your average in-state kid. They only hang out with themselves, join their own frats/sororities, go to separate bars than others, and generally look down at the "Sconnie" kids with disdain. So yes, there was, at least when I was in college there 12+ years ago, a big divide--- maybe it's changed since then.

That said, I did make friends with a few East and West Coast kids -- but they were the ones who lived in the university dorms like the rest of us. They still had loads more money than most Wisconsin kids, but personality-wise, they were very different from the other OOS kids.

NP here. My cousin's daughter graduated from UWM in 2021 (she's from NOVA), and she LOVED IT so much she still lives in Madison. She's not the most outgoing woman either. She had a very fun 4 years there. She knew NO ONE when she started. I was really impressed that she went.

UWM is in Milwaukee.

NP here. It is in Madison.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Attending an OOS school is not necessarily a good thing, in my particular case.  DS is attending an OOS school and suddenly he has all the freedom in the world.  His social activity is taking priority over his academics, and he plays the guitar so he naturally attracts so many ladies.  He texted his younger HS senior brother, who also plays the guitar, that he slept with so many women (yes, STD is a concern even with protection).  He also encourages his younger brother to go to OOS school so that the younger brother can experience it too.  For some kids, it is not a good thing without self-control.  YMMV.

This has nothing to do with an OOS school. Your son could be making the same choices 15 minutes from your house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain frats won’t take kids from OOS.

At some schools, the OOSA kids are a hot commodity in Greek life.

Not at schools in the south

As someone who went to school in the south when there wree far less OOS students, this isn't true.

Everyone struggles to some extent to make their first friends in college. Some join Frats/Sororities for instant friends. Some have to work a little harder. But where you are from DOES NOT matter. It's how engaging you are with others and how much you put yourself out there. Friends take time and work to build. It may appear at times easier for students who are coming with a few classmates from high school just because they have people to hang with from day 1. But those high school circles break by the end of the first semester as people make friends for reasons other than geography.

This was a response Greek life not in general, you didn’t copy what the response was too. Kids should go in eyes wide open that being from the North out of state is a big disadvantage. My DDs friends were all shut out of sororities. This was at UGA, U of SC and UT Austin. These are women who are pretty, blond and out going that would think are a shoe in for greek. Don’t fool yourself to think it doesn’t matter. It does.

[Anonymous]

I went to UVA from in state but didn’t hang out with anyone I knew from high school. Not once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Unlike most DCUM posters, we don’t have piles of money to waste. We told our kiddos they can go anywhere - as long as it was in-state. Our neighbor let their son attend uni on the west coast — in a stunningly beautiful state. He transferred back to an instate school after a year.

So what? He still had the experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain frats won’t take kids from OOS.

At some schools, the OOSA kids are a hot commodity in Greek life.

Not at schools in the south

As someone who went to school in the south when there wree far less OOS students, this isn't true.

Everyone struggles to some extent to make their first friends in college. Some join Frats/Sororities for instant friends. Some have to work a little harder. But where you are from DOES NOT matter. It's how engaging you are with others and how much you put yourself out there. Friends take time and work to build. It may appear at times easier for students who are coming with a few classmates from high school just because they have people to hang with from day 1. But those high school circles break by the end of the first semester as people make friends for reasons other than geography.

This was a response Greek life not in general, you didn’t copy what the response was too. Kids should go in eyes wide open that being from the North out of state is a big disadvantage. My DDs friends were all shut out of sororities. This was at UGA, U of SC and UT Austin. These are women who are pretty, blond and out going that would think are a shoe in for greek. Don’t fool yourself to think it doesn’t matter. It does.

I understand now. In the southern sororities -- the critera for admission includes GPA (this matters for the Panhallenic status + Parents Jobs/Money Status and last looks and personality). You really need all three, but numbers 1+ 2 matter most.