Does it kind of suck to be an out of state student?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unlike most DCUM posters, we don’t have piles of money to waste. We told our kiddos they can go anywhere - as long as it was in-state. Our neighbor let their son attend uni on the west coast — in a stunningly beautiful state. He transferred back to an instate school after a year.

I've seen this dozens of times as well. And why do they transfer back? Because they want to hang out with their high school friends again. Everyone in this thread pretending in-state universities aren't high school 2.0 -- and even more so in the last 10 years -- is lying.

I'm not lying. UVA has 16,000 undergrads, 27,000 counting grads. UCLA and Berkeley are monsters as are the other UC schools. There is no reason why any of these schools should be "high school 2.0" unless your own child wants to make it that way. My UVA DD never saw her public high school friends - especially those in different majors. Occasionally she might see one in the dining hall but that's it. I recently asked her what became of Larla, Larlo, Larlita and she didn't have a clue. Remember the college experience is what YOUR CHILD makes of it. They will either go out and join clubs and make friends or they will hovel in their room. They will go Greek if they want (mine did not) or they won't. They will pick a major and probably switch at least once. They will drink and get sick or they won't. This is a time of exploration for them. Most well-adjusted 18 year olds are not going to University for a "high school 2.0" experience. The only people who repeat that are those who didn't get into their choice flagships, William & Mary or Virginia Tech.

[Anonymous]

+1 to above, UVA for most Va high schools is not hs 2.0 because they don’t usually send that many kids and it is a big enough school that they are not likely to come across those people often. My kid is there with about 11 others from his class and only occasionally sees one of them because they were pretty good friends in Hs but he never sees the other people, who are mostly girls btw. He did have a guy on his hall from somewhere else in NOVA, May have been TJ not sure and he did spend alot of time with his HS friends but that was unusual. My kid went Greek and has friends now from VA but all over the country and none really from his HS other than the one.

[Anonymous]

At my kid’s small, private school (which attracted a lot of in-state kids), the OOS kids hung around together I think because their experiences were more similar (e.g., they had traveled more internationally, did not run home easily on weekends).

There was no animosity between the groups, they just nationally seemed to shake out into those subsets.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DC goes to a popular Virginia state school and I have been surprised by how Virginia-centric it is. My DC’s roommate is from several states away and feels like an outsider. I see many parents on the parent Facebook page complaining that their OOS child is having a hard time making friends.

Separately, I have heard that at big public’s like Michigan the NY/NJ kids basically stick together and there is, in general, a big social division between Michigan kids and the rest.

I ask because my other kid would like to go to a new state for college and likes some flagships but now wonders if that might be a bad idea.

My DS is here. He doesn't know anyone from NJ/NY, maybe they do, maybe it's coincedence. His friends are from MI, PA, and CA, predominantly from MI.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Certain frats won’t take kids from OOS.

In this day and age, who on earth wants to get into a frat or sorority?!?!

The ones who need an easy way to get vodka, beer, and weed so they can make it easier for themselves to socialize. Oh, and most importantly drink heavily and get wasted every weekend all under the cover of philanthopy. At least that is what I saw in my sorority days, and it appears it hasn't changed.

But your child can choose not to participate. My UVA DS never once set food on frat row/Rugby. If your student is going to drink and act irresponsibly, they are going to do it wherever you send them

Different schools have different cultures, and we all (especially young people) are influenced by our environments.

(Read survey results, like in UNIGO, about how much pressure there is to drink, and how many outlets/options there are on weekends besides drinking!)

[Anonymous]

At U Mich, yes, certain suburban NYC kids hung out together, but even they made outside friends. Kids from NYC itself seemed to integrate more as did kids from Chicago, LA --- basically the rest of the USA. And there are international kids too, don't forget. Didn't seem to be an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unlike most DCUM posters, we don’t have piles of money to waste. We told our kiddos they can go anywhere - as long as it was in-state. Our neighbor let their son attend uni on the west coast — in a stunningly beautiful state. He transferred back to an instate school after a year.

I've seen this dozens of times as well. And why do they transfer back? Because they want to hang out with their high school friends again. Everyone in this thread pretending in-state universities aren't high school 2.0 -- and even more so in the last 10 years -- is lying.

You sound very odd. Of course a lot of students attend their in-state school(s). Most of these schools are large enough that they don’t run into people from high school unless they make a point to see them. I have kids at three in-state schools - none of them see people from HS, much less hang out with anyone from their high school. Perhaps it is you who is lying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At my kid’s small, private school (which attracted a lot of in-state kids), the OOS kids hung around together I think because their experiences were more similar (e.g., they had traveled more internationally, did not run home easily on weekends).

There was no animosity between the groups, they just nationally seemed to shake out into those subsets.

* naturally, not nationally 🤭

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:90% of my kid's friends went to UVA and VT.
It's like high school 2.0.

It's time to spread your wings, get out, and explore.

People saying diversity then go to a school where 80-90% of kids are from the same state.

Sorry about all the middle class folks who are stuck with not many options.

My kid is at one of those schools, and it's most definitely not "high school 2.0" unless you're deliberately seeking out kids you went to high school with. My DC has said she never sees anyone from high school - and she likes it that way.

If you are from middle of nowhere in VA, it might work out ok, but still it's time to get the F out and explore.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:90% of my kid's friends went to UVA and VT.
It's like high school 2.0.

It's time to spread your wings, get out, and explore.

People saying diversity then go to a school where 80-90% of kids are from the same state.

Sorry about all the middle class folks who are stuck with not many options.

My kid is at one of those schools, and it's most definitely not "high school 2.0" unless you're deliberately seeking out kids you went to high school with. My DC has said she never sees anyone from high school - and she likes it that way.

If you are from middle of nowhere in VA, it might work out ok, but still it's time to get the F out and explore.

Look, you do you. Plenty of kids are finding their place and their people at in-state schools. There are always study-abroad opportunities, not to mention jobs all over the country. Why are you so invested in what others choose to do? Time to get a life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unlike most DCUM posters, we don’t have piles of money to waste. We told our kiddos they can go anywhere - as long as it was in-state. Our neighbor let their son attend uni on the west coast — in a stunningly beautiful state. He transferred back to an instate school after a year.

I've seen this dozens of times as well. And why do they transfer back? Because they want to hang out with their high school friends again. Everyone in this thread pretending in-state universities aren't high school 2.0 -- and even more so in the last 10 years -- is lying.

You sound very odd. Of course a lot of students attend their in-state school(s). Most of these schools are large enough that they don’t run into people from high school unless they make a point to see them. I have kids at three in-state schools - none of them see people from HS, much less hang out with anyone from their high school. Perhaps it is you who is lying.

I have seen this first-hand dozens of times: transfer to the state school after one year and the state school social circle is everyone from their high school. They transfer to be with all their high school friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unlike most DCUM posters, we don’t have piles of money to waste. We told our kiddos they can go anywhere - as long as it was in-state. Our neighbor let their son attend uni on the west coast — in a stunningly beautiful state. He transferred back to an instate school after a year.

I've seen this dozens of times as well. And why do they transfer back? Because they want to hang out with their high school friends again. Everyone in this thread pretending in-state universities aren't high school 2.0 -- and even more so in the last 10 years -- is lying.

You sound very odd. Of course a lot of students attend their in-state school(s). Most of these schools are large enough that they don’t run into people from high school unless they make a point to see them. I have kids at three in-state schools - none of them see people from HS, much less hang out with anyone from their high school. Perhaps it is you who is lying.

I have seen this first-hand dozens of times: transfer to the state school after one year and the state school social circle is everyone from their high school. They transfer to be with all their high school friends.

why must you repeat yourself?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unlike most DCUM posters, we don’t have piles of money to waste. We told our kiddos they can go anywhere - as long as it was in-state. Our neighbor let their son attend uni on the west coast — in a stunningly beautiful state. He transferred back to an instate school after a year.

I've seen this dozens of times as well. And why do they transfer back? Because they want to hang out with their high school friends again. Everyone in this thread pretending in-state universities aren't high school 2.0 -- and even more so in the last 10 years -- is lying.

You sound very odd. Of course a lot of students attend their in-state school(s). Most of these schools are large enough that they don’t run into people from high school unless they make a point to see them. I have kids at three in-state schools - none of them see people from HS, much less hang out with anyone from their high school. Perhaps it is you who is lying.

I have seen this first-hand dozens of times: transfer to the state school after one year and the state school social circle is everyone from their high school. They transfer to be with all their high school friends.

why must you repeat yourself?

You’ve seen this dozens of times?! So you know 20-30 kids who transferred back in-state?! I call b-s

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Unlike most DCUM posters, we don’t have piles of money to waste. We told our kiddos they can go anywhere - as long as it was in-state. Our neighbor let their son attend uni on the west coast — in a stunningly beautiful state. He transferred back to an instate school after a year.

I've seen this dozens of times as well. And why do they transfer back? Because they want to hang out with their high school friends again. Everyone in this thread pretending in-state universities aren't high school 2.0 -- and even more so in the last 10 years -- is lying.

I'm not lying. UVA has 16,000 undergrads, 27,000 counting grads. UCLA and Berkeley are monsters as are the other UC schools. There is no reason why any of these schools should be "high school 2.0" unless your own child wants to make it that way. My UVA DD never saw her public high school friends - especially those in different majors. Occasionally she might see one in the dining hall but that's it. I recently asked her what became of Larla, Larlo, Larlita and she didn't have a clue. Remember the college experience is what YOUR CHILD makes of it. They will either go out and join clubs and make friends or they will hovel in their room. They will go Greek if they want (mine did not) or they won't. They will pick a major and probably switch at least once. They will drink and get sick or they won't. This is a time of exploration for them. Most well-adjusted 18 year olds are not going to University for a "high school 2.0" experience. The only people who repeat that are those who didn't get into their choice flagships, William & Mary or Virginia Tech.

Seriously!
My kids lived in Northern VA Fairfax County suburban city for their whole life. Most of their friends went to UVA VT W&M.
If not for in-state tuition, would you still send your kids to those VA schools unless they have some physical or mental problem so they need to stay relatively close to home??

Time to get the F out already.

[Anonymous]

We get it. Now shut up. You are worse than my kids who refuse to just let things lie until they drive me insane