How unprofessional was this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I would end this thread. It happened, your supervisor was fine with it. Some people agree it was fine, some people don't. You're torturing yourself by responding to everyone.

Agreed, this is simply a pile-on of Mean Girls at this point.

Seriously.

OP - why haven't you ended the pandemic and figured out Ukraine!?!? You are just a slacker.

Op here - hahah thanks this helped. Jeez this thread has gone off the rails. I guess I should either quit my job or endanger the life of my child by giving him Benadryl and putting him in his crib with toys he could choke on or strapping him to a high chair while he screams so I can take a work call. Great options. Glad everyone is so understanding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you give them a heads up that your toddler would be joining your call? The second you realized he wouldn't be in daycare you should have let them know. Then if they cared, they would have rescheduled. If they knew and didn't care....well they gambled with the kid being a disruption. If you didn't let them know ahead of time, that's poor form and highly unprofessional

This is my take. I'm completely sympathetic, but in these situations it's important to give a heads up... that way it can be determined if
1. Reschedule meeting
2. Do meeting without you
3. Do meeting with you, but with understanding you might have to leave

+1 It was pretty unprofessional. It sounds like you ended up wasting two people's time and the meeting needs to be rescheduled anyway. The issue isn't that your child is home sick. It's how you handled it (or didn't).

I have to agree OP. And I wonder, was it not a ploy on your part to show your supervisors just what a "supermom" and worker you are? I have raised 4 children. Sometimes you just plunk that 2-year-old in front of Sesame Street for 30 minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, I would end this thread. It happened, your supervisor was fine with it. Some people agree it was fine, some people don't. You're torturing yourself by responding to everyone.

Agreed, this is simply a pile-on of Mean Girls at this point.

Seriously.

OP - why haven't you ended the pandemic and figured out Ukraine!?!? You are just a slacker.

Op here - hahah thanks this helped. Jeez this thread has gone off the rails. I guess I should either quit my job or endanger the life of my child by giving him Benadryl and putting him in his crib with toys he could choke on or strapping him to a high chair while he screams so I can take a work call. Great options. Glad everyone is so understanding.

Wait, you came on here asking for opinions. Just didn't like your responses?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you give them a heads up that your toddler would be joining your call? The second you realized he wouldn't be in daycare you should have let them know. Then if they cared, they would have rescheduled. If they knew and didn't care....well they gambled with the kid being a disruption. If you didn't let them know ahead of time, that's poor form and highly unprofessional

This is my take. I'm completely sympathetic, but in these situations it's important to give a heads up... that way it can be determined if
1. Reschedule meeting
2. Do meeting without you
3. Do meeting with you, but with understanding you might have to leave

+1 It was pretty unprofessional. It sounds like you ended up wasting two people's time and the meeting needs to be rescheduled anyway. The issue isn't that your child is home sick. It's how you handled it (or didn't).

I have to agree OP. And I wonder, was it not a ploy on your part to show your supervisors just what a "supermom" and worker you are? I have raised 4 children. Sometimes you just plunk that 2-year-old in front of Sesame Street for 30 minutes.

Op here - jeez no it wasn’t a way to show I am super mom. We needed to have the meeting since I am a manager and we are in the midst of a reorg. I was trying to connect with my boss’ boss (who is super busy) to give him feedback from my team.

Also as I have said in my previous responses my kid won’t watch tv for 30 minutes. I have tried. It doesn’t work. I have 2 older kids. It works for them but not him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is your child no longer in a crib? Our 2 year old does an hour of quiet time in his crib every morning and even if he’s not always “quiet” we can just leave him in there with toys to play since he can’t hurt himself in there and is contained. While it’s not the best, when my husband was quarantined sometimes I had to just put our two year old in his crib, shut the door, and watch him on the monitor while I did my calls and meetings. Even if he yelled and screamed the whole time he’s safe in there and it’s what had to happen.

Not the OP but my kid could climb out of his crib before he was 2. He could also climb out of the pack n play. So this “not the best” option for you would not have been an option at all for me last year when my kid was that age. We did all kids of crazy “not the best” solutions, including taking calls with a screaming toddler on my lap. But fortunately/unfortunately, shutting him in a room while he screamed was not one of them.

Now he’s almost 3 so will happily watch TV when daycare is closed. So we’ve got that going for us.

My heart hurts for this pp and her kid. It shows how f*cked up the last 2 years have been that shutting the kid in his room is even a solution we’ve had to come up with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you give them a heads up that your toddler would be joining your call? The second you realized he wouldn't be in daycare you should have let them know. Then if they cared, they would have rescheduled. If they knew and didn't care....well they gambled with the kid being a disruption. If you didn't let them know ahead of time, that's poor form and highly unprofessional

This is my take. I'm completely sympathetic, but in these situations it's important to give a heads up... that way it can be determined if
1. Reschedule meeting
2. Do meeting without you
3. Do meeting with you, but with understanding you might have to leave

+1 It was pretty unprofessional. It sounds like you ended up wasting two people's time and the meeting needs to be rescheduled anyway. The issue isn't that your child is home sick. It's how you handled it (or didn't).

I have to agree OP. And I wonder, was it not a ploy on your part to show your supervisors just what a "supermom" and worker you are? I have raised 4 children. Sometimes you just plunk that 2-year-old in front of Sesame Street for 30 minutes.

Op here - jeez no it wasn’t a way to show I am super mom. We needed to have the meeting since I am a manager and we are in the midst of a reorg. I was trying to connect with my boss’ boss (who is super busy) to give him feedback from my team.

Also as I have said in my previous responses my kid won’t watch tv for 30 minutes. I have tried. It doesn’t work. I have 2 older kids. It works for them but not him.

So why didn't you tell them in advance that you had a child care issue and let them decide as to whether to reschedule? As the subordinate, that is what you should have done. But instead, you decided for everyone that they should be subjected to your difficult child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you give them a heads up that your toddler would be joining your call? The second you realized he wouldn't be in daycare you should have let them know. Then if they cared, they would have rescheduled. If they knew and didn't care....well they gambled with the kid being a disruption. If you didn't let them know ahead of time, that's poor form and highly unprofessional

This is my take. I'm completely sympathetic, but in these situations it's important to give a heads up... that way it can be determined if
1. Reschedule meeting
2. Do meeting without you
3. Do meeting with you, but with understanding you might have to leave

+1 It was pretty unprofessional. It sounds like you ended up wasting two people's time and the meeting needs to be rescheduled anyway. The issue isn't that your child is home sick. It's how you handled it (or didn't).

I have to agree OP. And I wonder, was it not a ploy on your part to show your supervisors just what a "supermom" and worker you are? I have raised 4 children. Sometimes you just plunk that 2-year-old in front of Sesame Street for 30 minutes.

Op here - jeez no it wasn’t a way to show I am super mom. We needed to have the meeting since I am a manager and we are in the midst of a reorg. I was trying to connect with my boss’ boss (who is super busy) to give him feedback from my team.

Also as I have said in my previous responses my kid won’t watch tv for 30 minutes. I have tried. It doesn’t work. I have 2 older kids. It works for them but not him.

So why didn't you tell them in advance that you had a child care issue and let them decide as to whether to reschedule? As the subordinate, that is what you should have done. But instead, you decided for everyone that they should be subjected to your difficult child.

Op here - yes I realize I should have done that now. To be honest it was a last minute decision not to send him to daycare once we found out we were potentially exposed. Since the rest of us are all vaccinated without symptoms the older kids could go to school. So I was scrambling this morning trying to get older kids to school and take care of 2 year old and didn’t have time to think about the 11am meeting and send a preemptive email out. I should have done that.

To my kid’s defense I don’t think he is overly difficult for a not even 2 year old. Just your typical almost 2 year old. Who you cannot leave unattended for a 30 minute meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There's an online tool you can install to drown out background noise during Zoom and other web meetings. Google it. I think it's called Krisp.

It works.

This! Then no one will hear your toddler screaming to be let out of the dungeon!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There's an online tool you can install to drown out background noise during Zoom and other web meetings. Google it. I think it's called Krisp.

It works.

This! Then no one will hear your toddler screaming to be let out of the dungeon!

How do you focus with a kid screaming in the background? I could focus better with them in the room/in my lap rather than them screaming for 30 minutes!

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry OP. We’ve been in this situation for the past 2 weeks with covid daycare quarantine and kids bouncing off the walls. Are all of these people fed workers? Do none of you work after hours? Why would I waste PTO if I can get what I need done? And sorry but it is insane to strap a child screaming somewhere by itself. Wtaf??

For the last 2 weeks we’ve basically broken up the day into shifts depending on what meetings happen and have either had to drop out or reschedule meetings. We catch up post bedtime. When I am “on” with the kids I have my work phone and can respond to emails and IMs. I put up an away message to let people know responses may be delayed and to text or call if urgent. My kids are 2 and 4 and will now watch iPads happily so it’s not quite as bad anymore

In your situation, I would have explained and offered to reschedule. When my youngest was 2 he would not want to be away from me. He needed to physically sit on me while watching tv. Some future distraction ideas w kid in lap and camera off (explain why since that is a norm - for me, i also had covid so I just refused to turn on my camera that week):
-getting one of those Vtech laptop toys and go camera off - hype up kid that he’s working like mommy
-disconnect your keyboard / get a second keyboard for him to bang on
-get a second monitor where you can play an endless (silent) cocomelon loop - i have a dual monitor set up for work and I have set up a music class on one screen while I work on the other

[Anonymous]

It depends - did you lay it all out there ahead of time? Everyone I work with has kids, so I would send an email first thing in the morning saying "I am so sorry, but my child is home with a Covid exposure and my husband is unavailable to watch him during our 11:00am meeting. Would it be possible to reschedule to 3:00pm? If that's not possible, I just wanted to make sure you aware that my child will be in the room with me and I will try my best to occupy him, but there's a possibility he may be a big distraction." AND THEN if he was having a tantrum during the meeting, I would stop, apologize, and turn the camera/sound off. It's distracting to the people you are Zooming with if you keep the camera on while your child is right there.

[Anonymous]

You deserve a break because these type of situations are not fair and come on with no notice. Next time I would describe it as a family emergency and pull out though. Many bosses will be gracious but some won’t, so I’d treat it like being sick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am so glad that I was a SAHM when my kids were little. This level of stress is ridiculous. OPs life is a circus. Now OP has another thing to worry about and stress about. It's nuts.

Being a parent is a job and when you have another job, that means you have TWO jobs. You are not supposed to enjoy working two jobs, it's hard. It sucks. Make a choice, quit one or the other.

Any word on the dad here? Or do you give him a pass because you hate women?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Some of you are completely ridiculous and give working moms a bad name. This feigned helplessness is gross.

Working mother here. Yeah I’m not going to drug my baby, put them in a dangerous situation, or abandon them in a toilet just so I can put a false front teeth to my supervisors. Those days are over. It is a pandemic, sometimes kids get sick, there isn’t readily available childcare anymore, and only a monster would find this situation remotely upsetting. Grow up.

[Anonymous]

I have been the consultant in these situations, and honestly right now this stuff just happens so often everyone should have been prepared especially if this wasn’t an initial meeting. I sincerely hope that your consultant had met with you ahead of time to understand your feedback and could support you in sharing with your more senior leader. It is pretty easy to step in gracefully and say something like OP will rejoin us in a moment, here are some of the key points… while you are handling the emergency in the moment. Good partners also say your name before they are about to ask you a question and then restate the question in a more concise way to buy you time to unmute.

Next time I would give everyone a heads up, turn camera on at the beginning, and then turn the camera off while staying on mute unless speaking. It is more distracting for others to watch the toddler minding on camera. And most parents are pros at handing out snacks, setting up iPads etc while still keeping their minds on the work discussion at hand.

This time I would just send a quick note thanking them for their patience and summarizing next steps or whatever is happening next in the project where you are involved.