Salary requirement for a husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“How gauche, I don’t care about DH salary, we were just in love and now he makes 7 figures”. — 99% of response to these threads.

Yes, every single time. And they expect people to believe it was just a teehee, happy accident, so blessed, and not like they were evaluating these guys' future earning potential from the get-go. Which is fine, but don't pretend otherwise.

Women are such bad liars. But they really hate being called out on their lies or having their hypocrisy exposed.

THIS. I guess I have a chip over my shoulder because of the lying and the gaslighting that money doesn't matter. And that as a woman I should marry a guy based on his "heart" and if we are "soulmates." Any thought I may have had about practicalities of a life together meant I was a *gasp* a gold digger and a 50s housewife. So...I dated...fitness instructors and artists and entrepreneurs and save-the-world types.

My current husband made 60k when I married him and before getting married, I actually had panic attacks about how together, with low salaried jobs, we would make a living in the DC area but I was told, even by my therapist, that I was being materialistic and things will "Fall into place" etc etc.

It took us 10 years from when we married to finally make enough combined to live in a way that was NOT paycheck to paycheck. Meanwhile, I watched each of my girlfriends gleefully only select and marry "motivated and goal oriented" guys which, I found out too late, was code for "will make money" "has the right degrees." I'd watch as they would dissuade each other from dating perfectly good guys if they weren't from the right SES or did not have the right pedigree. BTW these were all feminist, graduate degree holder types.

I saw as they all married rich guys who promptly bought them million dollar homes and trips around the world on a whim. They started to have babies and quit their jobs.

Meanwhile we did not have any money leftover to even think of procreating.

It was painful and terrible. I wish someone shook me up and told it to me straight. MONEY MATTERS. Other women will ALL care about it and it is the primary criteria for evaluating a husband. I was so naive.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think this has changed for many educated women. Not the ones that want to be SAHMs and live in luxury. Those women will always exist. But for many educated women who want to work and use their degrees, they don’t need a man to support them. I always knew I would work and make a good salary. When I was dating, my emphasis was on personality, appearance, character, and maturity. I was most attracted to tall, fit, attractive, adventuresome, nice, sexual, fun, caring men that I could see myself exploring the world and raising a family with.

I was never attracted to the 5’7” guy who made more than me. I didn’t have to date for money, because I knew I could always make my own. When I see an attractive women with a rich. short/ugly man, I always assume she couldn’t/wouldn’t work and needed someone to support her.

Same. I always assume that's there's some sort of transaction at hand. Having both standards and independence isn't always fun, but it's better than being purchased.

[Anonymous]

I wish someone shook me up and told it to me straight. MONEY MATTERS.

Then grow up and make money.

Other women will ALL care about it

And?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“How gauche, I don’t care about DH salary, we were just in love and now he makes 7 figures”. — 99% of response to these threads.

Yes, every single time. And they expect people to believe it was just a teehee, happy accident, so blessed, and not like they were evaluating these guys' future earning potential from the get-go. Which is fine, but don't pretend otherwise.

Women are such bad liars. But they really hate being called out on their lies or having their hypocrisy exposed.

THIS. I guess I have a chip over my shoulder because of the lying and the gaslighting that money doesn't matter. And that as a woman I should marry a guy based on his "heart" and if we are "soulmates." Any thought I may have had about practicalities of a life together meant I was a *gasp* a gold digger and a 50s housewife. So...I dated...fitness instructors and artists and entrepreneurs and save-the-world types.

My current husband made 60k when I married him and before getting married, I actually had panic attacks about how together, with low salaried jobs, we would make a living in the DC area but I was told, even by my therapist, that I was being materialistic and things will "Fall into place" etc etc.

It took us 10 years from when we married to finally make enough combined to live in a way that was NOT paycheck to paycheck. Meanwhile, I watched each of my girlfriends gleefully only select and marry "motivated and goal oriented" guys which, I found out too late, was code for "will make money" "has the right degrees." I'd watch as they would dissuade each other from dating perfectly good guys if they weren't from the right SES or did not have the right pedigree. BTW these were all feminist, graduate degree holder types.

I saw as they all married rich guys who promptly bought them million dollar homes and trips around the world on a whim. They started to have babies and quit their jobs.

Meanwhile we did not have any money leftover to even think of procreating.

It was painful and terrible. I wish someone shook me up and told it to me straight. MONEY MATTERS. Other women will ALL care about it and it is the primary criteria for evaluating a husband. I was so naive.

Yeah this is about the chip on your shoulder. What if your husband had suddenly gotten lucky and done really well? It wouldn’t have changed your motivations for being married. That happens.

But yeah it does sound like you got some terrible and maybe even hypocritical advice. I think it’s like “yes everything will work out but only if you get comfortable with the idea of living X lifestyle and it’s okay to not be comfortable with that.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“How gauche, I don’t care about DH salary, we were just in love and now he makes 7 figures”. — 99% of response to these threads.

Yes, every single time. And they expect people to believe it was just a teehee, happy accident, so blessed, and not like they were evaluating these guys' future earning potential from the get-go. Which is fine, but don't pretend otherwise.

Women are such bad liars. But they really hate being called out on their lies or having their hypocrisy exposed.

THIS. I guess I have a chip over my shoulder because of the lying and the gaslighting that money doesn't matter. And that as a woman I should marry a guy based on his "heart" and if we are "soulmates." Any thought I may have had about practicalities of a life together meant I was a *gasp* a gold digger and a 50s housewife. So...I dated...fitness instructors and artists and entrepreneurs and save-the-world types.

My current husband made 60k when I married him and before getting married, I actually had panic attacks about how together, with low salaried jobs, we would make a living in the DC area but I was told, even by my therapist, that I was being materialistic and things will "Fall into place" etc etc.

It took us 10 years from when we married to finally make enough combined to live in a way that was NOT paycheck to paycheck. Meanwhile, I watched each of my girlfriends gleefully only select and marry "motivated and goal oriented" guys which, I found out too late, was code for "will make money" "has the right degrees." I'd watch as they would dissuade each other from dating perfectly good guys if they weren't from the right SES or did not have the right pedigree. BTW these were all feminist, graduate degree holder types.

I saw as they all married rich guys who promptly bought them million dollar homes and trips around the world on a whim. They started to have babies and quit their jobs.

Meanwhile we did not have any money leftover to even think of procreating.

It was painful and terrible. I wish someone shook me up and told it to me straight. MONEY MATTERS. Other women will ALL care about it and it is the primary criteria for evaluating a husband. I was so naive.

Yeah this is about the chip on your shoulder. What if your husband had suddenly gotten lucky and done really well? It wouldn’t have changed your motivations for being married. That happens.

But yeah it does sound like you got some terrible and maybe even hypocritical advice. I think it’s like “yes everything will work out but only if you get comfortable with the idea of living X lifestyle and it’s okay to not be comfortable with that.”

PP here. Women need to TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE TELL YOU??

Its like we're brainwashed from we were 4 years old about "true love" and marrying a "nice guy". But what if you marry a nice guy who never makes enough for you to have a family and feed and clothe them??

NO ONE openly discusses a man's income or income potential until you're the last one standing and realize its an unspoken understanding between men and women.

Maybe I am stupid but to was a huge wake up call for me when I turned 30 and watched all my friends be whisked away by bankers and doctors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“How gauche, I don’t care about DH salary, we were just in love and now he makes 7 figures”. — 99% of response to these threads.

Yes, every single time. And they expect people to believe it was just a teehee, happy accident, so blessed, and not like they were evaluating these guys' future earning potential from the get-go. Which is fine, but don't pretend otherwise.

Women are such bad liars. But they really hate being called out on their lies or having their hypocrisy exposed.

THIS. I guess I have a chip over my shoulder because of the lying and the gaslighting that money doesn't matter. And that as a woman I should marry a guy based on his "heart" and if we are "soulmates." Any thought I may have had about practicalities of a life together meant I was a *gasp* a gold digger and a 50s housewife. So...I dated...fitness instructors and artists and entrepreneurs and save-the-world types.

My current husband made 60k when I married him and before getting married, I actually had panic attacks about how together, with low salaried jobs, we would make a living in the DC area but I was told, even by my therapist, that I was being materialistic and things will "Fall into place" etc etc.

It took us 10 years from when we married to finally make enough combined to live in a way that was NOT paycheck to paycheck. Meanwhile, I watched each of my girlfriends gleefully only select and marry "motivated and goal oriented" guys which, I found out too late, was code for "will make money" "has the right degrees." I'd watch as they would dissuade each other from dating perfectly good guys if they weren't from the right SES or did not have the right pedigree. BTW these were all feminist, graduate degree holder types.

I saw as they all married rich guys who promptly bought them million dollar homes and trips around the world on a whim. They started to have babies and quit their jobs.

Meanwhile we did not have any money leftover to even think of procreating.

It was painful and terrible. I wish someone shook me up and told it to me straight. MONEY MATTERS. Other women will ALL care about it and it is the primary criteria for evaluating a husband. I was so naive.

Why not get your own degrees, be “motivated and goal oriented” yourself, make your own money and buy your own million dollar home and trips around the world? Waiting around for a man to provide these things is the opposite of feminist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“How gauche, I don’t care about DH salary, we were just in love and now he makes 7 figures”. — 99% of response to these threads.

Yes, every single time. And they expect people to believe it was just a teehee, happy accident, so blessed, and not like they were evaluating these guys' future earning potential from the get-go. Which is fine, but don't pretend otherwise.

Women are such bad liars. But they really hate being called out on their lies or having their hypocrisy exposed.

THIS. I guess I have a chip over my shoulder because of the lying and the gaslighting that money doesn't matter. And that as a woman I should marry a guy based on his "heart" and if we are "soulmates." Any thought I may have had about practicalities of a life together meant I was a *gasp* a gold digger and a 50s housewife. So...I dated...fitness instructors and artists and entrepreneurs and save-the-world types.

My current husband made 60k when I married him and before getting married, I actually had panic attacks about how together, with low salaried jobs, we would make a living in the DC area but I was told, even by my therapist, that I was being materialistic and things will "Fall into place" etc etc.

It took us 10 years from when we married to finally make enough combined to live in a way that was NOT paycheck to paycheck. Meanwhile, I watched each of my girlfriends gleefully only select and marry "motivated and goal oriented" guys which, I found out too late, was code for "will make money" "has the right degrees." I'd watch as they would dissuade each other from dating perfectly good guys if they weren't from the right SES or did not have the right pedigree. BTW these were all feminist, graduate degree holder types.

I saw as they all married rich guys who promptly bought them million dollar homes and trips around the world on a whim. They started to have babies and quit their jobs.

Meanwhile we did not have any money leftover to even think of procreating.

It was painful and terrible. I wish someone shook me up and told it to me straight. MONEY MATTERS. Other women will ALL care about it and it is the primary criteria for evaluating a husband. I was so naive.

Yeah this is about the chip on your shoulder. What if your husband had suddenly gotten lucky and done really well? It wouldn’t have changed your motivations for being married. That happens.

But yeah it does sound like you got some terrible and maybe even hypocritical advice. I think it’s like “yes everything will work out but only if you get comfortable with the idea of living X lifestyle and it’s okay to not be comfortable with that.”

PP here. Women need to TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS. WHY DOESN'T ANYONE TELL YOU??

Its like we're brainwashed from we were 4 years old about "true love" and marrying a "nice guy". But what if you marry a nice guy who never makes enough for you to have a family and feed and clothe them??

NO ONE openly discusses a man's income or income potential until you're the last one standing and realize its an unspoken understanding between men and women.

Maybe I am stupid but to was a huge wake up call for me when I turned 30 and watched all my friends be whisked away by bankers and doctors.

PP here and you’re right. I do think that we have social mores around talking about money that serve the rich to the detriment of the lower classes. I absolutely believe that money doesn’t buy happiness…unless you don’t have enough to afford things that make people happy, like having some free time, and even having kids.