Jen Hatmaker
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Anonymous
| Omg that would be hilarious! What a perfect plot twist/reveal! |
Anonymous
Hi Jen! |
Anonymous
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I used to work in publishing. Many moons ago. It delights me to know that even though Jen has sold hundreds of thousands of books over the years that all of her words, all of her jotted thoughts and formulations, will never even approach the talent and power and elegance of whoever is writing the Jane Capstitcher Tales. Even if this person never got a deal, or sold one book, she, plot twist, or he!, will always be the far more talented writer, even in obscurity.
No shade, Jen is a passably funny writer. She can entertain when she's not preaching or being nauseatingly smarmy and humble braggy, which is so often these days. Light and funny is her wheelhouse. When she goes into "teacher/leader" mode she really gets out over her skis. And as funny as Jen can be she's not in the same class as anything the writer of Jane C. is doing. She's not smart or educated enough. |
Anonymous
| Big Sis is shilling life insurance now. |
Anonymous
Yes, and Big Sass is putting us all in our place with his long-winded preachy political post. They’re both exhausting. |
Anonymous
This election is breaking Trevor’s brain. That post was unhinged. And, life insurance??? What in the world??? |
Anonymous
If she really is surviving hand to mouth, it makes sense that she would sell anything they'll pay her to sell. I guess the insurance company views her audience (middle aged 50ish women) as a demographic who's starting to think about such things. |
Anonymous
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To: The Trevor Barrett Project
From: Heather, Choice Communications Subject: Your Turn! Hey Trevor! What a FAB week for you, amiright? Super big congratulations on This Changes Everything moving up on the Amazon bestseller list. Woo hoo! Side note: Love, love, love the cover shot! Super happy you went with the humble, "Aw shucks, I'm just one of the guys" gazing down at your hands pose" versus "Naughty baby biting his fingey shot". They're both so...dopey...as you would say, Trev, but I'm always a fan of switching things up. But, if you'd have opted for the fingey biting standby, I'd still give you affirmations and head pats because, after all, that's what you pay me - albeit not very much - for. Also want to ever-so-gently remind you that you haven't X-posted Jane's book announcement on your socials. I know you're incredibly busy with your word shirt biz - ADORE the Childless Cat Lady line - and your...um...long-form...political posts but according to the agreed-upon timeline in the amended contract for reciprocal services between you and Jane (see page 36, para. seven) you've only got another day-and-a-half to post Jane's book announcement. That tell-all is going to be a DOOZIE! Also reminding you that under your current budget plan with Choice Communications, we don't provide caption writing services but the linked Google Doc provides you with some suggested adjectives to use that should make getting this posted super duper simple for you. After all, you're a writer. Or, if you're short on time, just go with your usual standbys of dopey and real, and then just throw in something about how Jane sees people and we'll call it good. One quick thing, she does ask that you not refer to her as Jane Leonora Kringleschmitz. I know that's kind of your thing on the so-very-rare occasions you mention Jane on the 'gram but we've asked that you please avoid confusion by listing her by her professional name. I've attached your current contract for reference as well as an updated pie chart, updated bar graph, and updated Venn diagram on your social media growth and engagement boost that we've attributed to your situationship with Jane. Happy to set up a call if you have questions! I SO appreciate it, Trev! xoxoxox Heather P.S. Next time you want to post about the upcoming presidential election, go ahead and send us a draft beforehand. We can maybe give it a little dust-off before you send an unedited word parfait out there for public consumption. No charge, that one's on me. To: Heather, Choice Communications From: The Trevor Barrett Project RE: Your Turn! Yo, Heather what up? Can I be real witchyou for a minute? It's DOPE, not dopey. As my publicist and a member of my team, it's important that I feel safe when we're communicating and if you're going to misappropriate my speech patterns and word choices, I don't feel safe as a theater-loving straight-presenting vegetarian Black Man in America. As far as the X-posting goes, I really need you to give me some space. I did Iceland. Iceland, for crying out loud! They don't even have black people in Iceland, can you imagine how traumatic it was for me, a six-foot-two black man to walk around with a gaggle of white folk for almost five days? I am still recovering. I am, after all, a cancer survivor and in this stressful election season, I need to protect my peace, yo. It's nuanced. Complicated. I also did the U.S. Open thing with her and despite my better judgment, made that comment about eating Jane's meat, which was traumatic for me on several levels. Can a brotha get a break with the X-posting? I saw 11 Make America Great Again yard signs yesterday and when I was at in line at Publix to buy my cheese curls and M&Ms for midnight snacking, someone in line behind me kept saying CAM-AH-LA instead of COMMA-LAH and only one person recognized me, so I'm kind of going through it, you know what I'm sayin'? Nuanced. Complicated. Jane Leonora Kringleschmitz can just hold her horses for a hot minute, aight? I happen to know she's got a healthy supply of Black Box Pinot Grigio on hand and she's fine in her porch swing until I can get in the right headspace to make this happen. Thanks, Heather. You're my people. Love, Trevor Best Selling Author, Activist, Black Thunder |
Anonymous
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My. Favorite. Capstitcher. Post. Ever.
Never leave me. |
Anonymous
| She really resents her kids. There is a way to get adult kids out of the house without posting passive aggressively on social media. I don’t know, maybe give them a date to be gone? They are adults, after all. How long is she going to milk this for content, at their expense. If they don’t have the skills to work a job or stay in college maybe that’s on her and Brandon. I’ve noticed two of them are trying to latch onto Brandon as influencers. I guess that’s all they think they can do. Wonder where they got that message? |
Anonymous
| Just got back from browsing at Barnes & Noble and nothing I saw in that store was as good as this Jane Capstitcher series 😂 |
Anonymous
| Those shoes do not look filthy to me, why does she talk about her kids with such contempt? |
Anonymous
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I don't feel safe as a theater-loving straight-presenting vegetarian Black Man in America.
I am dying. Please please please never ever ever stop. |
Anonymous
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I have two teenagers and one young adult. The things she is "staging" - because yeah like with all things Jen Hatmaker, I'm sure these atrocities are fake AF - are literally no big deal. I mean, sure kids, do better, but calling her kids out on social media like that is just gross. Calling them roomates is gross.
My kids are reasonably neat-ish because when they were little, I told them to pick their stuff up and some of that nagging has stuck. Threatening to throw someone's basket of clean laundry that is in the laundry room away via a platform of half a million people is just cringey. And the grubby shoes by the door means zero grubby shoes in the house on your nice floors and rugs. What the heck does this woman want? |
Anonymous
LOL not too shabby for a...what was it..."failed self published book author with an axe to grind." |