How to turn off romantic feelings for colleague

[Anonymous]

I've worked with someone for over a decade and we always got along but there was never anything romantic between us. Suddenly I feel a very irritating distracting attraction. We are both married and I am good friends with his wife. I love my husband. I wouldn't ever cross any lines, I'm just wondering how to go back to not having any hormonal reaction to this person. i've tried focusing on real or perceived shortcomings and that seems to help some but not completely. Maybe this is just a result of not seeing people for two years and now that we're back in offices getting used to it? Sigh.

[Anonymous]

It will pass.

[Anonymous]

I had this. The attraction is still there but has mutated into caring. Neither of us would hurt our families for this and the fallout would be catastrophic which is enough to keep it in line.

[Anonymous]

It will pass. It really will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had this. The attraction is still there but has mutated into caring. Neither of us would hurt our families for this and the fallout would be catastrophic which is enough to keep it in line.

I'm not really worried about doing anything, I wouldn't and he probably couldn't care less. I just don't like the distraction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this. The attraction is still there but has mutated into caring. Neither of us would hurt our families for this and the fallout would be catastrophic which is enough to keep it in line.

I'm not really worried about doing anything, I wouldn't and he probably couldn't care less. I just don't like the distraction.

I shouldn't say couldn't care less, we work well together and get along, he's a nice person. I just don't have any reason to believe he's attracted to me, not that it's even relevant.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t worry about it — just enjoy and put it on a low simmer. You can take that energy back home and have fun.

[Anonymous]

What are you missing at home that makes you think of this guy instead? Fix that and the feelings toward the guy will pass.

[Anonymous]

Focus on not being a home wrecker.

[Anonymous]

I would say spend less time with him if possible. If you can forgo an in-person meeting in place of a phone call, do that. If you follow him or his wife on social media, change your settings so you don't see their posts.

Distract yourself. Find something else exciting you can think about. Plan a trip, read the news, read a novel, whatever.

Write down lots of things you like about your spouse ever day. Even if you would never cheat on your spouse, it will help if you can actually get excited about your spouse, look forward to spending time with him, etc.

But you are doing well so far! Keep thinking about your coworkers shortcomings too. This does take time.

[Anonymous]

When you see him do not beam a huge smile. Think of something revolting, really revolting that will reflect on your face.

You won't have any trouble getting past it, if you can do this.

[Anonymous]

Picture him farting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Picture him farting.

Lol

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Picture him farting.

Farting, shitting, pissing, burping, not taking out the trash, scratching, breathing loudly, snoring, eating cereal with a bit of a slurp. Remember his bad morning breath, the zits he has on his back, his somewhat saggy and smelly balls.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've worked with someone for over a decade and we always got along but there was never anything romantic between us. Suddenly I feel a very irritating distracting attraction. We are both married and I am good friends with his wife. I love my husband. I wouldn't ever cross any lines, I'm just wondering how to go back to not having any hormonal reaction to this person. i've tried focusing on real or perceived shortcomings and that seems to help some but not completely. Maybe this is just a result of not seeing people for two years and now that we're back in offices getting used to it? Sigh.

Read the bolded over and over and over again. You have no idea the depth of trauma that infidelity/affairs cause a spouse, and for it to be with a good friend...that betrayal is even more magnified.

Keep that in mind with every single interaction going forward. Don't cause irreparable trauma to someone else.