My sister tells relatives my business

[Anonymous]

I had COVID recently. My sister has told aunts/ uncles. Now I am getting phone calls and texts about it. Asking how I am feeling etc. If I wanted them to know, I would have told them. Its very mild symptoms anyway. Would this annoy you?

She also previously told an aunt I had hernia surgery. So I was pretty surprised when my aunt brought it up.

I usually don't talk about my sister to relatives.

[Anonymous]

Stop telling your sister stuff you don’t want shared.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop telling your sister stuff you don’t want shared.

I agree. That's on me. Kind of sad though that she can't learn boundaries. Because now I won’t really tell her much.

[Anonymous]

This is my Mom. She mines our conversations for news and then shares it with her friends, our family, random strangers, etc. Beyond annoying and I have to police what I say to her! Sucks. I feel you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Don't tell your sister anything anymore beyond the weather and anything you don't care is shared. Assume she tells everyone else everything you tell her, because she probably does.

Zip your lips.

[Anonymous]

Yup, my mom too.

Always pay attention to what other share with you. I have learned this the hard way. If a family member or friend is always telling you lots of details about other people's lives, then she is also sharing any details about your life with others. When I was younger I was naive and it honestly never occurred to me that someone I was close to would do this. I thought it was implicit that if I shared something with my mom or a close friend, especially on a sensitive subject, she'd keep it to herself. I was wrong.

People like this can't be corralled, so you just have to learn to share less with them.

[Anonymous]

Did you tell your sister not to tell anyone? Surgery/Covid aren't like she's gossiping about how much you spent on your new car or your salary or that you got reprimanded at work. Your health is important to her, and probably to the relatives that she told as well.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be annoying to have relatives asking you about your illness/surgery without telling them. That would annoy me, too. But now you know to be explicit about telling your sister "this is just between us."

[Anonymous]

She may not have much to say and be grasping at straws. So just stop telling her stuff, and if she finds out tell her "Please don't share this with others; I'm a private person."

[Anonymous]

Lesson learned OP. My sister acts like your best confidant/ friend when eliciting info and then uses it against you ad infinitum. First time shame on her second time shame on me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Stop telling your sister stuff you don’t want shared.

I agree. That's on me. Kind of sad though that she can't learn boundaries. Because now I won’t really tell her much.

Are you both...tweens? Because it sounds like you might be.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is my Mom. She mines our conversations for news and then shares it with her friends, our family, random strangers, etc. Beyond annoying and I have to police what I say to her! Sucks. I feel you, OP.

This is my mom and sister too. We speak pretty often so things I don’t normally need to tell people I end up telling them, not thinking it’s a big deal. I learned the hard way when my BIL had Covid in April 2020 and he got very sick, in the hospital and all. They told everyone they know. He’s a private person and was very private about this sickness since it was so bad. Now I watch what I say around them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you tell your sister not to tell anyone? Surgery/Covid aren't like she's gossiping about how much you spent on your new car or your salary or that you got reprimanded at work. Your health is important to her, and probably to the relatives that she told as well.

I'm not saying it wouldn't be annoying to have relatives asking you about your illness/surgery without telling them. That would annoy me, too. But now you know to be explicit about telling your sister "this is just between us."

+1, especially about Covid. Hernia surgery might be personal, and I wouldn't share it, but these two examples are not exactly gossip fodder. And I say this as someone who is very private and never gossips.

[Anonymous]

My dad is like this. I had covid in December and my dad told his sister abroad who then told her son who I never talk to who then messaged me about it. Now I know not to tell him anything.

[Anonymous]

Have you asked your sister about it? Or just said "I'd appreciate you not telling the extended family about this, I will tell them if I want to"

But I can't imagine caring if my aunt/uncle knew I had covid or a hernia surgery. It's not a state secret, it's just something that happened.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Lesson learned OP. My sister acts like your best confidant/ friend when eliciting info and then uses it against you ad infinitum. First time shame on her second time shame on me.

+1. This is why I had to cut all contact with mine. At some point you can't talk about anything anymore because of the lack of trust, so why even have a relationship.