Summer wedding conundrum

[Anonymous]

So, my nephew is getting married later in the summer 2022 in another state. My sister (mother of nephew) discussed me assisting my traveling with our mother by plane. Mom is in her 80s and has mobility issues, so I readily accepted the responsibility and am committed to doing that.

The wedding will be outdoors, as well as the reception, but there may be times where I am indoors with close relatives. Another sibling is not vaccinated. I have no idea what this pandemic will look like later this summer, or what protocols my nephew and his fiance will implement (if any). We had planned on going to visit DH's parents after the wedding, but now DH is saying he doesn't want to go to the wedding if my sibling is not vaccinated, and he doesn't want me or our kids going to his parents afterwards due to possible exposure, as they are in their 80s as well. We've discussed rescheduling the visit with them for another week, but everything else this summer is booked with camp obligations or work. DH also can't believe I would put my own mother in possible jeopardy by having her near the unvaccinated sibling for long periods of time over that weekend.

I haven't discussed this with my sister yet, but am not sure what to do. At the very least, I plan to go with my mom and children, but DH feels I would be depriving them time with their other grandparents for their annual visit. I understand his concerns, and am furious with the sibling who won't get vaccinated, but feel like he is putting more pressure on me by possibly juggling my mom and children simultaneously. My kids are excited about the wedding (their first!) and would be devastated to miss it.

WWYD?

[Anonymous]

For one, I think it's hard to decide now. I really do think there's a good chance we'll be in a much different (better) place by this summer which may make this conversation much less heated.

But generally speaking, I would err towards going to the wedding anyway in this case, even if it were happening this winter/spring. A wedding is a big family event and should take precedence over a regular family visit IMO. I can see the argument for the importance of visiting grandparents in their 80s because who knows how much time they have left, but if it's really important to do so this summer why not just then go ahead and cancel/travel over one of the scheduled camps your kids have? Is that a possibility? Even if you'll lose some money, it would probably be worth it for family harmony.

[Anonymous]

I am squarely with your husband. I would not have RSVP'ed yes without asking if all guests were required to be vaccinated. Seems like the first question anyone would ask!

You need to let your mother and hosts know ASAP that you are reconsidering coming to the wedding if they don't have a vaccination policy in place. Insist. Perhaps you'll make them do it. If they don't, and cases are still high, or there is a new variant, don't go. If cases are really low, perhaps you can take that risk.

But really, you shot yourself in the foot by not asking this before agreeing to come. Lesson learned for future events, I hope.

[Anonymous]

I would plan on going. Summer is a lightyear away in pandemic time.

[Anonymous]

Op your husband is right

Your sibling is a POS

Your mother deserves better from you what are you thinking?

[Anonymous]

I'm vaxxed and boosted, and I think your H is blowing things out of proportion. He sounds anxious. I'd go to the wedding. Everyone should be tested before arrival, and wear a mask while inside (since food and reception is outside, this should not be hard to do).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op your husband is right

Your sibling is a POS

Your mother deserves better from you what are you thinking?

OP - what am I thinking? I'm not driving the train here. Even if I were to hypothetically drop out, my sister would find a way for my mother to get there (likely with the unvaxxed sibling). I am trying to be a good sibling in helping out, as she will be occupied with wedding planning stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op your husband is right

Your sibling is a POS

Your mother deserves better from you what are you thinking?

OP - what am I thinking? I'm not driving the train here. Even if I were to hypothetically drop out, my sister would find a way for my mother to get there (likely with the unvaxxed sibling). I am trying to be a good sibling in helping out, as she will be occupied with wedding planning stuff.

But you can use any leverage you have to push for responsible safety precautions, for goodness's sakes. Unless this is crazy Trumpland, surely people will be fine with a vaccine requirement.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op your husband is right

Your sibling is a POS

Your mother deserves better from you what are you thinking?

OP - what am I thinking? I'm not driving the train here. Even if I were to hypothetically drop out, my sister would find a way for my mother to get there (likely with the unvaxxed sibling). I am trying to be a good sibling in helping out, as she will be occupied with wedding planning stuff.

But you can use any leverage you have to push for responsible safety precautions, for goodness's sakes. Unless this is crazy Trumpland, surely people will be fine with a vaccine requirement.

I talked to my sister about that. She said both the wedding and reception are outside, and that she anticipates the pandemic will be much improved by then but that they would consider implementing any safeguards closer to the date if they need to. However, she's looking to book hotels and airfare now, which is what brought up the discussion with DH. Focus on his part seems to be with my other sibling in particular, and not the wedding guests at large due to possibility of smaller indoor gathering amongst family.

[Anonymous]

If your mother is mentally competent, it is up to her whether to go. I am vaccinated and boosters and, at this point, would feel comfortable attending a summer wedding that is mostly outside.

I think your husband should understand prioritizing a wedding over a regular visit, if it comes to that. I don’t understand why he was fine with visiting his parents until he found out about the unvaccinated sibling, since we know that vaccinations do not stop transmission. The risk to the parents was already there. Perhaps it would be lessened if everyone were vaccinated, but the difference in risk is very hard to quantify. Wear a mask around the sibling? I don’t know.

I would consider canceling a summer obligation to find another week to visit his parents if it’s that important to him. I would honor the commitment to go to the wedding and I don’t think it’s a huge risk.

[Anonymous]

I’m surprised your unvaccinated sibling hasn’t had COVID yet

[Anonymous]

However, how is this even going to work ... kids running around, your Mom wanting to meet people. I think generally you not thinking deeply enough about this when your sister asked means you don't take all of this very seriously, certainly not as seriously as your husband. But having said that, this is January. How about you give this all a rest. Until 2 months before.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op your husband is right

Your sibling is a POS

Your mother deserves better from you what are you thinking?

OP - what am I thinking? I'm not driving the train here. Even if I were to hypothetically drop out, my sister would find a way for my mother to get there (likely with the unvaxxed sibling). I am trying to be a good sibling in helping out, as she will be occupied with wedding planning stuff.

But you can use any leverage you have to push for responsible safety precautions, for goodness's sakes. Unless this is crazy Trumpland, surely people will be fine with a vaccine requirement.

I talked to my sister about that. She said both the wedding and reception are outside, and that she anticipates the pandemic will be much improved by then but that they would consider implementing any safeguards closer to the date if they need to. However, she's looking to book hotels and airfare now, which is what brought up the discussion with DH. Focus on his part seems to be with my other sibling in particular, and not the wedding guests at large due to possibility of smaller indoor gathering amongst family.

She's wrong. it takes a long time for people to get all doses of vaccines. She has to require them now. It's the height of irresponsibility to not have a vaccine requirement, regardless of case numbers. All it takes is one infected person at the wedding to kill of a number of unvaccinated folks, or at the very least, send them to hospital. If people are vaccinated and case numbers are low at the time of the wedding, then masks may not be required at all! Dangle that for her. She may be scared of asking guests to get vaccinated, but she HAS to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:However, how is this even going to work ... kids running around, your Mom wanting to meet people. I think generally you not thinking deeply enough about this when your sister asked means you don't take all of this very seriously, certainly not as seriously as your husband. But having said that, this is January. How about you give this all a rest. Until 2 months before.

I'm not sure what you're getting at here. My concern is specific to COVID exposure. The dynamics of the reception itself outside of this factor are not on me. My kids are young but not toddlers and I am not concerned about them enjoying themselves. My mother is going to the wedding regardless; she's been waiting for this day for years. Her attending and ability to enjoy herself at the wedding will not lie solely on me. My issue is in coordinating transport with her and possibly kids simultaneously if DH doesn't go. I know its only January, but my sister needs to make certain plans now. I may be worrying for nothing but it's nagging at me.

[Anonymous]

I mean, whoever is sending the invites has to. Perhaps your nephew.