Please help me understand what 'settling' is.

[Anonymous]

Recently , someone I follow on Instagram went on tangent about how so many of our friends are 'settling for less'. The clear implication here is that, the people she's referring to, could do better but choose not to. However, this person's current boyfriend is not attractive at all- He's in his thirties, chubby with a beer belly, albeit not a pronounced one. And appears to not be making a high income either. He works as a digital content/marketing director for some small business. For those who aren't familiar, digital marketing manager or social media manager are typically jobs that millennial women waiting for rich husbands perform or, as some of you like to say women with [i] Mrs. Degrees.

So, how does someone who's dating a demonstrably unambitious man get to tell others that they're settling? Even if you take into account the fact that, he may be faithful to her and treats her well, does this kind of person get to tell anyone that they're settling? This has been a head-scratcher for me and I'm wondering if I'm missing something .

[Anonymous]

The woman I know who posts little lectures like that is 100% performing for the other women her long-term BF sleeps with.

[Anonymous]

She isn’t marrying him so she thinks she isn’t settling. In five to ten years she will be posting about her cats and tango classes.

[Anonymous]

I think the better question is, why has this triggered you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the better question is, why has this triggered you?

+1.

And also, she's projecting.

[Anonymous]

When a DCUM woman decides she is unsatisfied with her husband (only a matter of time, really) then she retroactively decides she "settled" and could have done better, even though he was actually her best available option when she married him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When a DCUM woman decides she is unsatisfied with her husband (only a matter of time, really) then she retroactively decides she "settled" and could have done better, even though he was actually her best available option when she married him.

Nobody settles. Everyone gets exactly what they deserve.

[Anonymous]

It is a sour grapes response to seeing people settling down while she herself remains single. She's pretending she's got the better deal. Maybe she has, maybe she hasn't.

[Anonymous]

Can we stop hating on MiC (Men in Communications)?

[Anonymous]

Perhaps she was referring to settling for less than loving, respectful treatment from a partner. Maybe a friend of hers has decided to stay with a cheater and this is this person's way of supporting her friend, albeit in a passive-aggressive backhanded kind of way.

[Anonymous]

Settling is choosing a person who only hits three things on your checklist of 15.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Recently , someone I follow on Instagram went on tangent about how so many of our friends are 'settling for less'. The clear implication here is that, the people she's referring to, could do better but choose not to. However, this person's current boyfriend is not attractive at all- He's in his thirties, chubby with a beer belly, albeit not a pronounced one. And appears to not be making a high income either. He works as a digital content/marketing director for some small business. For those who aren't familiar, digital marketing manager or social media manager are typically jobs that millennial women waiting for rich husbands perform or, as some of you like to say women with [i] Mrs. Degrees.

So, how does someone who's dating a demonstrably unambitious man get to tell others that they're settling? Even if you take into account the fact that, he may be faithful to her and treats her well, does this kind of person get to tell anyone that they're settling? This has been a head-scratcher for me and I'm wondering if I'm missing something .

Are you serious right now?

Did you consider maybe she is less concerned with his job and instead is happy because he is kind, generous, fun, smart, she enjoys his company, or whatever it might be? Maybe he has BDE? Like WTF do you even know about this guy?

I don’t even know if he is a great guy but neither do you. All you’re worried about is his job? Gross.

Go touch grass.

[Anonymous]

Stop going on instagram.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Stop going on instagram.

This^. Instagram can lead to such micro aggressions. It’s every person’s right to pick someone for themselves, if you want arrange marriage, your mom would make way better recommendations than your frenemies.

[Anonymous]

Settling means marrying someone who you are not enthusiastic about marrying because you want to be married or start a family.

Frequently it is confused with realizing you are unhappy 10-15 years in because you didn't work on your relationship and it has eroded, although there is surely a venn diagram there somewhere.

I don't think settling has anything to do with looks or finances necessarily, it has to do with what is important to the person. So if that chubby loser you so clearly dislike is actually a wonderful human who she loves passionately, then she is not settling. But I do think that someone who posts long rants about not settling on social media likely has some projection issues they are covering up.