Men - how did you deal with it

[Anonymous]

It being, divorce. The wife mentioned that she has been unhappy for years and wants a divorce. I'm lost - caught me off guard. She's in the process of moving out of our house. Two kids in the mix, both under 10. I've been shocked for the last week and am having severe anxiety. I'm keeping a cool, brave front for the world but on the inside, I'm shattered. After the kids go to bed, I'm crying and drinking myself to sleep. Wife is sleeping in a separate bedroom until she moves out. She wants nothing to do with trying to save the marriage or discuss how I can make her happy like we used to be. I'm not begging her to stay but wanted to talk about it but she's already made up her mind. I am afraid that I'm going down a rabbit hole that I won't be able to pull myself out of. She had one emotional affair years ago and I have a feeling someone else is involved, but it's neither here nor there.

For those that went through separation/divorce, how did you get your life on track? Are you happier as a single dad? Help.

[Anonymous]

Ugh. I'm so sorry. Your wife has obviously been having an affair. With women, it's always an 'exit affair'. Don't be surprised if she quickly is 'dating'. That dude has been in the picture for some time.

[Anonymous]

Was there an event that brought this to a head? Affair?

[Anonymous]

I have seen this scenario amongst my in-laws. It shocked us all until we found out there was another guy in the picture. She married him within months of being free to do so and had another kid.

I am sorry. It sounds like she is running away with another man and not being honest with you.

[Anonymous]

This has affair written all over. I'd hire a PE and track her move.

[Anonymous]

Therapy.

[Anonymous]

Ask yourself if there were signs that you missed. Sometimes a woman tries and tries to work on her marriage but the man is in denial and won't engage, and she just gives up. It may be that what you are doing now is too little too late. If you're only willing to work on the marriage when it's at the brink of death, you're not much of a husband. Ask yourself what you've been ignoring.



https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/divorce-busting/200803/the-walkaway-wife-syndrome

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ask yourself if there were signs that you missed. Sometimes a woman tries and tries to work on her marriage but the man is in denial and won't engage, and she just gives up. It may be that what you are doing now is too little too late. If you're only willing to work on the marriage when it's at the brink of death, you're not much of a husband. Ask yourself what you've been ignoring.

Ignore this crap. Typical DCUM woman saying it's all the man's fault. That's the last thing you need right now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask yourself if there were signs that you missed. Sometimes a woman tries and tries to work on her marriage but the man is in denial and won't engage, and she just gives up. It may be that what you are doing now is too little too late. If you're only willing to work on the marriage when it's at the brink of death, you're not much of a husband. Ask yourself what you've been ignoring.

Ignore this crap. Typical DCUM woman saying it's all the man's fault. That's the last thing you need right now.

+1,000 pathetic

[Anonymous]

protect your assets. any reason to believe she has another man, OP?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This has affair written all over. I'd hire a PE and track her move.

Not necessarily.

op mentions she’s said she’s been unhappy for years. But doesn’t say why she’s been unhappy.

Op mentions they used to talk about their issues. But not what those issues were or if they were satisfactorily changed or fixed.

Op also mentions the emotional affair.

Op also mentions that he’s shocked she is seeking a divorce….

[Anonymous]

Sure play the “I’m shocked” card.

[Anonymous]

Full disclosure, I'm a woman so perhaps I have my biases. I'll try not to ask questions that seem too judgemental but how much of a surprise is this? Were you happy the last few years? Did your wife seem unhappy or at least changed? For what reasons? What happened when you found out about the earlier emotional affair? No real advice for you. Maybe take a long, hot bath and spend some time doing breathing exercises. People go through divorce and come out the other side. Be there for your kids and try to keep things from getting too acrimonious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ask yourself if there were signs that you missed. Sometimes a woman tries and tries to work on her marriage but the man is in denial and won't engage, and she just gives up. It may be that what you are doing now is too little too late. If you're only willing to work on the marriage when it's at the brink of death, you're not much of a husband. Ask yourself what you've been ignoring.

Ignore this crap. Typical DCUM woman saying it's all the man's fault. That's the last thing you need right now.

+1,000 pathetic

NP

You may not like it, but she's not wrong.

Nobody said anything about "it's all the man's fault." There is a lot of "sometimes" and "ask yourself" about whether something could be true.

[Anonymous]

I would meet with a lawyer ASAP and figure out what’s needs to be done to protect yourself. Cry yourself to sleep later.