Confused about relationship between being transgender and gay

[Anonymous]

My cousin was born male. Cousin now informed the family that he identifies as a female. Also announced that he and his wife of 20 years are planning to stay together. So my question is this: is my cousin now gay, since he is now a she in a relationship with a woman? Does it matter that he hasn’t had surgery? What about his wife - if she stays with him ans he is now a she, is she now gay? Thanks for helping me understand.

[Anonymous]

I don't know the answer, but it seems your cousin and their spouse love each other and are committed to staying together.

[Anonymous]

This is why labels only go so far, OP.

There is a spectrum for most things in life. I strongly feel that sexuality and gender identity are also on a spectrum. Who knows what your cousin feels inside, but I'm glad their marriage is strong. It's all good.

[Anonymous]

Why the need to label things? Let your cousin and her wife decide for themselves.

Also, start practicing not referring to your cousin as a he.

[Anonymous]

But can anyone answer the question?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But can anyone answer the question?

How can anyone answer the question about whether a total stranger they’ve never met identifies as gay, bi, etc?

[Anonymous]

I have always wondered this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But can anyone answer the question?

Only your cousin and her wife can answer. It’s not clear whether they are staying together because they love each other in a way that transcends normal sexual preference (or some other reason) or whether they are staying together in part because each fits the other’s sexual preference. In other words, it’s not clear whether, if they weren’t together, each would be drawn to the same sex or not. But the bigger point is that it doesn’t matter and you don’t need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But can anyone answer the question?

We just did. The answer is that there is no one-word answer, it's fluid and if your cousin doesn't explain it to you, that's all you'll ever know. Sheesh.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But can anyone answer the question?

We just did. The answer is that there is no one-word answer, it's fluid and if your cousin doesn't explain it to you, that's all you'll ever know. Sheesh.

+1 no one can answer in a way which would satisfy op. I think op is trying to understand their cousin through op's point of view.

[Anonymous]

If my husband were to suddenly decide today that he was a woman, I would stay with him and It would have nothing to do with sexual preference. I love him and we've been married forever and very little could change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If my husband were to suddenly decide today that he was a woman, I would stay with him and It would have nothing to do with sexual preference. I love him and we've been married forever and very little could change that.

+1

[Anonymous]

Sometimes you just love a person

[Anonymous]

I cannot tell you how your cousin and her wife identify, but I knew a couple who married when both identified as female and lesbian and one later transitioned to male. They are still married and both refer to themselves as queer. But every couple and indeed individual in these situations may have a different answer.

[Anonymous]

Let’s not ignore the reality that, in most relationships, the man is in financial control. Your cousin‘s wife may not be in a position to leave the marriage without dramatically affecting her quality of life and standard of living. If they have children, she might end up having to share custody and seeing less of her own children all because her husband pulled the rug out from under her with this announcement. None of that makes her “lesbian.” It does make her a deeply sympathetic victim of an extremely unfair dynamic.