Wwyd - fil just giving cash to 4yo

[Anonymous]

In-laws visit several times a year and each time bring 2-3 gifts for each of our 3 kids (plus do gifts for all kids on every kids bday, several for each at xmas etc). It drives me nuts…mainly bc I hate dealing with all the junk and my 4yo (oldest) is aware enough that I can’t just make things disappear.

4yo wasn’t impressed enough with gifts this time to delight FIL so he started giving DS easy math questions and giving him $10 for every correct answer. I think in total he gave him like $60 in case and said from now on every day he’s here 4yo would get Qs for money.

Our household economy runs on quarters for rewards and things….giving $60 to a 4yo in one day for dumb questions and planning to do that every day of visits from now on is just crazy right? I want to shut it down but is that too controlling (my fil is the type who would just try to hide it then bc he has mindset of “I worked hard and can spoil MY grandkids if I want to and mom won’t get in the way”). If you wouldn’t shut it down, what would you do with a 4yo suddenly having $100s of cash after visits????

Fwiw we don’t need the money for anything - we have plenty so this isn’t a weird way to try to give us money to buy stuff for the kids. They have way too much stuff as is

[Anonymous]

Does your FIL need someone else to do flash cards with? I’m free this weekend and could use the extra cash

[Anonymous]

I would take all the money away from DS except like $10. Put it in his piggy bank or whatever your household does with kid money. Some to spend, save, and donate - but keep the "some to spend" in line with what you're comfortable with and what the 3 year old has access to.

[Anonymous]

It's fine. Kid will compartmentalize the $10 vs. quarters. Buy kid a cute piggy bank to put his tens in. Take him to open a bank account and deposit the money from his bank.

Great teaching opportunity, OP. Personal finance, math skills, delayed gratification. Never too early. My mom started taking me to the library as an infant.

[Anonymous]

I’m sorry but I’m really laughing at this because I can see my parents doing this and being defensive about it. No, shut it down. Your 4 yo doesn’t need all of that cash. If they insist and say they must spoil the grandchildren with cash, try to come to an agreement like they will save some and spend some. Try to work with them. Stubborn grandparents won’t stop.

I told my mother at one point when the kids were young that they were losing the money. It was true. She was sneaking them $20 and a little kid has nowhere to go to spend this so it would end crumpled or torn in one of their dresser drawers.

Wait to the the teen years when they grandparents sneak them visa prepaid gift cards. All sorts of trouble with that and the internet! That’s what we are dealing with now so it doesn’t get better. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would take all the money away from DS except like $10. Put it in his piggy bank or whatever your household does with kid money. Some to spend, save, and donate - but keep the "some to spend" in line with what you're comfortable with and what the 3 year old has access to.

At age 4 you could put 100% into the piggy bank/savings/etc. Or take your kid out for ice cream with his $ from grandpa, and put the rest in their bank account.

[Anonymous]

If you’re saving for college, just put all of it directly into that account. Not a big deal. I would much rather have cash than the crap our families send that I then have to store or donate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's fine. Kid will compartmentalize the $10 vs. quarters. Buy kid a cute piggy bank to put his tens in. Take him to open a bank account and deposit the money from his bank.

Great teaching opportunity, OP. Personal finance, math skills, delayed gratification. Never too early. My mom started taking me to the library as an infant.

+1

[Anonymous]

Open up a bank account and put all but five dollars or whatever of each gift into the bank account

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does your FIL need someone else to do flash cards with? I’m free this weekend and could use the extra cash

I wish I could send them your way! The excess of their spoiling is crazy. My mil doesn’t take my 2yo out for a cake pop as a treat , she takes him out for hot chocolate, a cake pop, and a chocolate chip cookie as a treat all at once for a morning snack. Every day she’s with him. Whyyy does it have to be SO much

[Anonymous]

I have this issue but with older kids (MIL started doing it after FIL died). I don’t think I’ll be able to put a stop to it, but I wish I could go back to age 4 and put rules on it. Maybe a special gifts from grandpa savings account or a piggy bank divided into spend, share, save? Grandma tells my tweens the money is for AirPods or gaming equipment or Robux.

[Anonymous]

Does he have any concept of how much that is? My 4.5 year old doesn't. (My older kid did at 4, but he was very into math; younger one not so much.) I'd give him $5 to spend, donate $20, and put the rest into college savings.

[Anonymous]

buy crypto with it!

[Anonymous]

At least you recognize you’re controlling.

[Anonymous]

My MIL does this—we tried to get them to put it in a college fund so now she gives it behind our back and tell them not to tell us or hides it inside other gifts (we almost have away $200 donating a gift that was unusable for us.).
The problem is that it incentivized them not to do their chores, and/or they lose it and accuse their siblings of stealing it.